ITT DJP plays Dungeons and Dragons for the first time EVER

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As a kid, I really wanted to play Dungeons and Dragons. I even got a copy of the Player's Manual and the DM guide as a Christmas present one year but I didn't actually have anyone to play with. I did make a sad little dungeon crawl and DMed my dad through it but it wasn't a satisfying experience. By the time my teen years came around, I was into other things and left D&D on the side as the thing I could never rally interest around.

Later, a bunch of games were released based on the D&D ruleset and I played and loved most of them; Eye of the Beholder, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, and the almighty Planescape: Torment. This still didn't scratch my full itch to play an actual D&D game but I did get to roam around multiple campaigns with all sorts of characters, so I was happy.

My current workplace has a large number of D&D aficionados, including a couple of DMs. They decided it would be fun to run a weekly campaign in the office and put out a call for people who wanted to join. I immediately jumped at the chance and now, as a middle-aged man, I'm finally going to play my first D&D game. We created our characters last week and are kicking off the first play session this Wednesday; I will use this thread to talk about our game, my experiences, and whether it was actually as awesome as I always imagined it would be.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:18 (three weeks ago) link

I did make a sad little dungeon crawl and DMed my dad through it but it wasn't a satisfying experience.

In all seriousness, your dad sounds like a mensch.

Guayaquil (eephus!), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:20 (three weeks ago) link

bookmarked

The Chronicles of Ermagerd (WmC), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:20 (three weeks ago) link

this thread could be about me except i’ve never found anyone to play with irl ;_;

have a great time, looking forward to hearing how it goes

Andy Jones, Earth-Born Angel of Love (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:22 (three weeks ago) link

bookmarked!

sleeve, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:23 (three weeks ago) link

Here's the character I created:

https://www.dndbeyond.com/characters/15228358/ML2hR8

The first time I play any game like this, the first character I create is a human male who looks as much like me as possible. Thanks to my WoW days, I now also default to a healer named or nicknamed "Grinz". My dude is a morose bastard who worships the moon goddess Selune; he is haunted by grisly visions and spends his life attempting to atone for an unspecified tragedy that he refuses to discuss. I look forward to making him as emo as possible.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:24 (three weeks ago) link

In all seriousness, your dad sounds like a mensch.

Oh he is! My dad rules

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:25 (three weeks ago) link

I really want to try a game but the only friends who would be interested are similarly inexperienced, and being a rules-reading control freak I'd probably end up being made to be the DM, and I'd prefer to be a player (I have been GM for a couple of different story-building RPGs and it's fun, but D&D is much more involved).

Hope you have fun with it!

emil.y, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:26 (three weeks ago) link

The current party is:

Human wizard (newbie player)
Human cleric (ayo)
Dragonborn bard (experienced player)
Gnome rogue (experienced player)
Human barbarian (experienced player)
Human monk (experienced player)
Dragonborn paladin (experienced player)
one as-yet-uncreated character who will NOT be human (experienced player who missed the creation session)

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:32 (three weeks ago) link

emil.y I am so looking forward to this, it's ridiculous

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:32 (three weeks ago) link

I want to play a Tiefling Rogue but I don't know if that would be too tough for a total n00b? I'm definitely most attracted to RPing a roguish character.

emil.y, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:38 (three weeks ago) link

Also if I was DM and someone played a bard I would 100% force them to do everything in song. Another reason for me not to be the DM.

emil.y, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:39 (three weeks ago) link

Hm, or maybe I should pioneer Noize Bard as a thing? All my spells are power electronics.

emil.y, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:40 (three weeks ago) link

I strongly considered a tiefling but bailed at the last minute; if I'd know how many other humans would be in the party, I'd have made the switch.

Noize Bard sounds awesome

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 19 August 2019 20:41 (three weeks ago) link

i just had to look up 'tiefling'; guess some things have changed since 1984

mookieproof, Monday, 19 August 2019 20:47 (three weeks ago) link

Thanks to my WoW days, I now also default to a healer named or nicknamed "Grinz". My dude is a morose bastard who worships the moon goddess Selune; he is haunted by grisly visions and spends his life attempting to atone for an unspecified tragedy that he refuses to discuss. I look forward to making him as emo as possible.

― brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, August 19, 2019

<3

I have questions:
• does Grinz drink?
• does Grinz enjoy healing or is he kind of grumpy about it like jeez dude yeah the herbs are fkn bitter maybe if you didn't antagonize the owlbear...
• is Grinz secretly a werewolf?

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Monday, 19 August 2019 23:03 (three weeks ago) link

jealous af, i would love to get into the d&d

brimstead, Monday, 19 August 2019 23:11 (three weeks ago) link

is Grinz secretly a werewolf?

― Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Monday, 19 August 2019 23:03 (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

or is he ooOOOOOWWwwwtttt

awesome thread obv

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Monday, 19 August 2019 23:13 (three weeks ago) link

• does Grinz drink?

Grinz does not drink to excess, at least not in the company of others. It is common to see him at the end of the table, deep within his own thoughts as he stares morosely into a half-filled cup of wine.

• does Grinz enjoy healing or is he kind of grumpy about it like jeez dude yeah the herbs are fkn bitter maybe if you didn't antagonize the owlbear...

Grinz believes healing is the only path to redemption for himself; as such, he does it quickly and without complaint but it is difficult to say he loves anything, so burdened he is by the darkness of his secrets. And yeah, sometimes the people who leap willy-nilly into traps should lose an arm or two before he intervenes and patches them back up; he can't heal stupid.

• is Grinz secretly a werewolf?

Grinz narrows his eyes. "A werewolf?" he asks. "Do you think my will is so weak that mere lycanthropy could reduce me to... to THIS? Your prying insults me." He turns away, not quickly enough to mask the tear rolling down his face. "I think you should leave me alone now," he mutters before stalking away from the fire.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 12:23 (three weeks ago) link

oh dammit

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 12:24 (three weeks ago) link

(no one saw that)

BO (HI DERE), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 12:34 (three weeks ago) link

crocodile tears in wolfs clothing

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 12:37 (three weeks ago) link

DJP you were born ready for this! I am excite.

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 14:13 (three weeks ago) link

maybe I should pioneer Noize Bard as a thing? All my spells are power electronics.

This is a great idea

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 14:27 (three weeks ago) link

Dan, do you know what the deep dark secret burden is yet, or is this something you think you'll find out about Grinz as play goes on? Or indeed, do you think it will remain hidden forever?

emil.y, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 14:46 (three weeks ago) link

I only played D&D for the first time several years back, and not for very long. My character was a Dragonborn something something who was basically Whoopi Goldberg with scales.

Amply Drizzled with Pure Luxury (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 14:51 (three weeks ago) link

So... Whoopi Goldberg

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:14 (three weeks ago) link

Dan, do you know what the deep dark secret burden is yet, or is this something you think you'll find out about Grinz as play goes on? Or indeed, do you think it will remain hidden forever?

tbh I am looking for something in the campaign I can tie it to. Right now I have no idea what is other than "something horrible that haunts him endlessly". I'm expecting it's going to have to do with a gruesome murder and it's up in the air whether he was the murderer or his actions allowed the murders to happen but that's about all I've got; I'm hoping the events of the campaign allow me to slot that into its framework because it will surprise the hell out of the DM and she will likely give me Inspiration for it.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:17 (three weeks ago) link

i've only played one campaign, but my most important piece of advice is to keep a crystal in your irl freezer. you can take this crystal out of the freezer at important moments in the campaign, and steam will be flowing off of it. what you choose to do with this moment is up to you, but people will definitely expect you to do something

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:31 (three weeks ago) link

omg

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:33 (three weeks ago) link

I've had a huge blast the past couple of years playing my William Burroughs-based warlock. (The Great Old One who pulls his strings is Mark Zuckerberg.)

The Chronicles of Ermagerd (WmC), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:37 (three weeks ago) link

Nice! This year I started playing again for the first time in 30 years. Glad I came back to it.

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 15:48 (three weeks ago) link

This is a great thread DJP!!!!

And: I am actually exactly in the same boat as you, I have played exactly two games of D&D in my life. (My first one I was 6, and I was killed within five minutes by a kobold. My second I was 13, trying to DM for my older brother; we lasted an hour before his girlfriend said "I'm really fucking bored" and we quit). I have the Monster Manual etc. and I read it, like, for fun.

flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 16:09 (three weeks ago) link

I have such a fondness for gelatinous cubes from reading the Monster Manual

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 16:19 (three weeks ago) link

The only D&D game I have ever played involved a gelatinous cube.

☮ (peace, man), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 16:30 (three weeks ago) link

i already covered the freezer/steam angle itt

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 16:32 (three weeks ago) link

spends his life attempting to atone for an unspecified tragedy that he refuses to discuss.

he stole Zristmas?

triple-washed (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 21:26 (three weeks ago) link

Nice. I've always wanted to play this but the opportunity hasn't come up.

reggae mike love (polyphonic), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 21:33 (three weeks ago) link

late to this thread but HELLLLL YESSSSS

join me in playing MTG also it fuckin shreds

she carries a torch. two torches, actually (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 22:30 (three weeks ago) link

I’m currently at an urgent care with a 102.1 fever and PISSED because I refuse to miss tomorrow even if (as I suspect) I have strep

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 20 August 2019 22:53 (three weeks ago) link

feel better, grinz

mookieproof, Tuesday, 20 August 2019 23:00 (three weeks ago) link

You'll just have to Grinz and bear it.

emil.y, Wednesday, 21 August 2019 00:20 (three weeks ago) link

now is the time to fervently supplicate Selune

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 01:31 (three weeks ago) link

I did not anticipate this strep turn in Grinz's story. Grinz, heal thyself.

triple-washed (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 02:48 (three weeks ago) link

Update: I felt well enough to come into work AND I don't have strep, so IT IS ON TONIGHT

brigadier pudding (DJP), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 12:36 (three weeks ago) link

A mysterious crystal begins to glow in the freezer...

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 21 August 2019 13:17 (three weeks ago) link

As much as I try I never got into D&D... I have immense fun making the characters, but then I just want to tell stories about them doing some Carlos Castaneda voyage of self-discovery shit (usually for some inexplicable reason involving gender dysphoria) instead of spending three hours rolling dice to simulate a 30 second fight with an orc and solving Mensa logic puzzles, which is what the actual gameplay of D&D seems to boil down to.

That would probably make a good comedy sketch.

Abigail, Wife of Preserved Fish (rushomancy), Wednesday, 21 August 2019 13:45 (three weeks ago) link

We are gathered for the first session! The people who made it to this go-round are:

Cleric
Rogue
Barbarian
Paladin
Bard

We are walking along a road, hired by a woman Siobhan "Chevy" Dopplebock, who runs the Dopplebock Trading and Mail. It's usually just deliveries but this one is more personal. Her family's house is haunted/cursed or something and one of her fathers disappeared, so rest of the family left; her father wants to move back and we need to go check out the house to make sure it's safe. It's about 4-5 days away from our starting point; we're a couple of days out. We get 50 gold each if we clear the house out before she arrives with her father.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 01:35 (three weeks ago) link

what could possibly go worng? 🤔

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Thursday, 22 August 2019 01:36 (three weeks ago) link

We investigated a guard tower outside the estate and were swarmed by bats and rats. I saved the paladin's life! We then met a gatekeeper who gave us a key into the manor (after the rogue raided his garden, oops). We kept missing skill rolls around perception and sleight of hand so every other interaction with him ended with a party member slapping him.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 01:40 (three weeks ago) link

We got into the house and I was immediately possessed by a ghost who made me totally apathetic and want to leave, which hilariously matched my character's personality so no one actually noticed for a while

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 01:43 (three weeks ago) link

lol

mookieproof, Thursday, 22 August 2019 01:44 (three weeks ago) link

love it

sleeve, Thursday, 22 August 2019 03:28 (three weeks ago) link

Did the DM slip you a note informing you of the possession and you were required to play-act?

flamboyant goon tie included, Thursday, 22 August 2019 03:36 (three weeks ago) link

(Also.. can one exorcise oneself?)

flamboyant goon tie included, Thursday, 22 August 2019 03:38 (three weeks ago) link

(Asking for a friend)

flamboyant goon tie included, Thursday, 22 August 2019 03:38 (three weeks ago) link

This is all work people so we were in a conference room on our laptops and she started a Slack conversation with me to feed me info

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 11:36 (three weeks ago) link

let investors know slack has a moat. it surrounds a castle with a dragon inside.

triple-washed (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 22 August 2019 12:45 (three weeks ago) link

Other things that happened:

The bard saved everyone's asses from the bat/rat swarm by stunning most of them with his bagpipes
Our barbarian looks and sounds like a buff Ray Romano
We discovered that the ghosts in the house we've seen so far are mostly harmless and really dig the bard's bagpipe playing
The rogue spent the entire time stealing food and stuffing it into her face
The human father (who went missing) was a magician and inventor who created, among other things, analogues for the television and the telephone.
Even though the house has a habit of making people disappear, we found out that the cook still exists! We got him on the house's phone system and he turned on a bunch of lights for us.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 14:53 (three weeks ago) link

hmm how do you know it's really the cook?

sleeve, Thursday, 22 August 2019 14:55 (three weeks ago) link

We don't!

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 15:13 (three weeks ago) link

Although he did say "sometimes I'm here and sometimes I'm not, and whenever I come back into existence it's in a different part of the house" so even if it's not the cook, it's someone that the house is playing games with and probably needs our help.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 15:15 (three weeks ago) link

You need someone with high CHA to ask the “cook” a really complicated question about soufflés. The truth shall emerge!

Karl Malone, Thursday, 22 August 2019 15:16 (three weeks ago) link

The other thing is Rudy the Gatekeeper (in between slaps) told us to look for other servants in the house, so we were predisposed to believe the person is who he said he was

brigadier pudding (DJP), Thursday, 22 August 2019 15:19 (three weeks ago) link

were they adobe slaps?

☮ (peace, man), Thursday, 22 August 2019 15:29 (three weeks ago) link

I love this thread! I wanted to play D&D so much aged 12 but didn't know the kids (boys) who played it well enough to join, and never have played

hope you don't mind but here is someone else's twitter thread about a D&D late-starter

My grandmother passed away. Her funerals were today, but here I'd like to talk about the most important thing I couldn't spend too much time on in her eulogy: her love for Dungeons & Dragons. #DnD

— Antoine H. (@AntnHz) August 23, 2019

anyway sorry for the intrusion, excited for more updates

a passing spacecadet, Saturday, 24 August 2019 12:38 (three weeks ago) link

That is a lovely story

brigadier pudding (DJP), Saturday, 24 August 2019 16:46 (three weeks ago) link

Jeez that's a great story

flamboyant goon tie included, Saturday, 24 August 2019 20:31 (three weeks ago) link

I had to miss last week's session due to vacation logistics so I am excited to see what happened while I was away.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Monday, 2 September 2019 03:19 (one week ago) link

lol the invite for this week's session (which will be on Thursday) is "The Return of the Grinz"

brigadier pudding (DJP), Tuesday, 3 September 2019 20:20 (one week ago) link

RECAP:

When I was last with the group, we were about to climb some stairs to the second floor. The next thing I knew, everything went greyish and indistinct for an unspecified period of time and, when they came back into focus, the party was in a kitchen, the dragonborn bard had vanished, and there was an aasimar with the group who I'd never met before. Apparently I blipped out of existence when we went up the stairs; this is something the house does to people and what we are trying to stop (also it's a genius move on the DM's part to deal with weirdo scheduling issues for a group of 8-9 people with incompatible schedules that will cause them to drop in and out of game sessions). There was a lot of faffing around in the kitchen; we discovered a magic door that would only open for "those who serve" which led to a cupboard full of servants' livery (hmm I wonder how this door works) and also discovered the butler, a woman named M'Lair, out on a patio. The rest of the group seemed to want to lumber around breaking into things and bashing stuff (there was a hilariously failed attempt to kick in a glass door that was unlocked) so, despite my weary disdain, I ended taking point on talking to her to get information. She dropped the name of the wizard's assistant, Kalem, and said if anyone could help us figure out what was going wrong in the house and why it was popping people in and out of existence and attracting weird dancing ghosts, it would be him. She then blinked out of existence.

The party had been regaling me with stories about Branson, the awesome dragonborn cook we had spoken to on the "phone" before I vanished. I got the chance to meet him and he was super energetic, friendly, engaged, and incredibly talkative. Grinz was so relieved when the motormouth blipped back out of existence.

Meanwhile, our gnome rogue Malm idly pulled a card out of a magic deck that she had acquired while I was in The Grey (nb, I coined this term when the DM described what my non-existence was like and everyone immediately glommed onto it) which that did something to her; she immediately hid and ran away from us all, avoiding mirrors and windows. We still have no idea what happened to her.

We eventually ran into Kalem, who was a guitar-playing dragonborn who dresses like Prince. His memories were broken up by decades of blipping in and out of The Grey (M'Lair, who looked to be in her mid-30s, told us that she first began working at the manor over 60 years ago) but he thought he could remember some crucial information that would help us crack the mystery of the house. He then blipped out of existence mid-sentence.

Malm, in her quest to run away and hide, blundered into a room full of imps. We happened to be nearby and heard the commotion and rushed to investigate. The session ended right before combat began.

This is so much fun.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 6 September 2019 13:34 (one week ago) link

(I left out some details, like the magic portal that led back to the labyrinth they explored while I was gone and the revelation that our barbarian was a runaway noble who had gone to barbarian school in defiance of his parents out on his first post-graduation mission)

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 6 September 2019 13:36 (one week ago) link

barbarian school?

Screamin' Jay Gould (The Yellow Kid), Friday, 6 September 2019 13:46 (one week ago) link

Yeah I don't know, I just rolled with it. It's a ridiculous character anyway (he looks and sounds like a buff Ray Romano)

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 6 September 2019 13:55 (one week ago) link

I love the concept of barbarian school, where first week orientation involves learning to eat with your hands and pound the table properly

El Tomboto, Friday, 6 September 2019 14:32 (one week ago) link

yeah that's a great twist

sleeve, Friday, 6 September 2019 14:36 (one week ago) link

Yes, Barbarian school is wonderful. Great update DJP! Sounds like a really fun group. Of course, you’re going to have to circle back to that glass door because there’s definitely treasure hidden behind it

I am also Harl (Karl Malone), Friday, 6 September 2019 14:39 (one week ago) link

We got through the glass door! Basically, our two heavies bounced off of it and it slowly opened, because it was unlocked. It led out to a patio where M'Lair was all "wtf are you manics doing here" and why I took over talking to the NPCs even though all I really wanted to do was contemplate a dead plant on a table in the corner

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 6 September 2019 14:42 (one week ago) link

Apparently I blipped out of existence when we went up the stairs; this is something the house does to people and what we are trying to stop (also it's a genius move on the DM's part to deal with weirdo scheduling issues for a group of 8-9 people with incompatible schedules that will cause them to drop in and out of game sessions)

This is a very good tactic, well done your DM.

emil.y, Friday, 6 September 2019 15:44 (one week ago) link

wait you have a gnome rogue named after IKEA’s most successful line of bedroom furniture?

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Friday, 6 September 2019 17:20 (one week ago) link

haha yes we do

That player names all of her characters after Ikea furniture

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 6 September 2019 17:21 (one week ago) link

lol

change display name (Jordan), Friday, 6 September 2019 17:38 (one week ago) link

genius

Larry Elleison (rogermexico.), Friday, 6 September 2019 19:09 (one week ago) link

I forgot to update this!

The party, while looking for our missing rogue, wandered into an attack of imps as well as a weird birdman monk named Blane who seems to think he's some type of magician (this was a new character joining the campaign). We beat up the imps and discovered our rogue, after pulling a card from her Deck of Certain Things, had been cursed so that she no longer could wear clothes. Oops.

The fight was taking place next to a pit. Every time something fell into the pit, the imps suddenly took a bunch of damage. The rogue tried to throw another card into the pit but it vanished and instead a giant Winnie the Pooh-analogue appeared in the corner mid-fight offering to sell us potions. We decided we'd get back to him after killing the imps, which took a bit of time but we successfully completed.

Our barbarian, meanwhile, had been possessed by the same type of lethargic ghost that had possessed my cleric earlier and decided to peace out on the fight. As he was going down the stairs, he made a saving throw and shook off the possession, right around the time we finished the fight and were ready to buy some potions. He came charging back up the stairs, saw a giant golden bear in front of him, and chopped the fuck out of him. We did not buy any potions.

The next room we explored had several mirrors on the walls and a painting that obviously had held the imps we just fought. There was also a small cupboard with buzzing noises coming out of it. When the rogue stood in front of one of the mirrors, it began to glow. We started arranging ourselves in front of the others and they started lighting up, but the buzzing was distracting so we decided to check it out.

It turned out to be a floating droid that communicated by repurposing the words you said to it as a cryptic answer. Through several attempts of trial and error, we closed the shutters on the windows and then arranged ourselves in front of all the mirrors. Nothing happened. Grinz decided maybe we needed to break one, so he headed over to the one empty mirror to smash it. This triggered teleportation magic that threw us all into different rooms with suits of armor in them that moved when we turned away from them.

And the adventure stopped there. Until next time...

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 13 September 2019 20:21 (two days ago) link


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