Superman is a Dick

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Superman is a dick.

I think I've seen almost every one of these covers on ILC before! (I'd wonder if someone had linked to it before, but there's no way I'd forget the phrase "Superman is a dick," and I'm pretty sure I've never seen King Superman before.)

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 00:39 (nineteen years ago) link

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 00:49 (nineteen years ago) link

o man is that the one where it turns out his heat vision and his glasses combine to accidentally MASS HYPNOTIZE the world? if so there's a great scene where he suspects everyone's just patronizing him by acting like they don't know clark kent's superman, like he's on the bus and someone goes 'hi "clark"'.

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 01:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh man, is that better or worse than John Byrne's "Superman's face vibrates at superspeed so he's always slightly blurry and no one can recognize him but somehow this doesn't vibrate his glasses to dust or CREEP ANYONE OUT" explanation?

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 01:08 (nineteen years ago) link

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 01:15 (nineteen years ago) link


Why Superman doesn't post to ILE, pt xxiv

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 01:42 (nineteen years ago) link

Decisions, decisions...

Huk-L, Tuesday, 22 February 2005 05:22 (nineteen years ago) link

Frankly, I'm pretty disappointed by the captions. "Um, yeah, this is funny." Is this representative of National Lampoon these days? (as opposed to those heady, highbrow glory days I remember when the brand was most closely associated with Chevy Chase)

Huk-L, Tuesday, 22 February 2005 05:49 (nineteen years ago) link

if it was representative of national lampoon these days there would be tits involved

j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 06:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Apparently this started as its own thing on a message board, got its own domain, and then somehow wound up on the National Lampoon site. So I guess it's more representative of message boards.

(We could totally take em.)

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 13:30 (nineteen years ago) link

They're pretty awesome covers though.

Message to DC: Please publish Essential Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane and Essential Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen kthxbi.

aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 15:01 (nineteen years ago) link

There are two collections of Jack Kirby's Jimmy Olsen stuff. Which are ludicrous in their own way, but obv. nothing compares to the out-thereitude of the Mort Weisinger era. (if that's even the right era)

Huk-L, Tuesday, 22 February 2005 15:06 (nineteen years ago) link

For Huck,
Dear God.

jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 16:40 (nineteen years ago) link

Thanks, Jocelyn. You're the gorilla my dreams!

Huk-L, Tuesday, 22 February 2005 16:58 (nineteen years ago) link


Austin (Austin), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

I now vow to write a monkey comic at some point in my life.

You know, a lot of the Superman Is A Dick comics were the first comics I read -- other than a Marvel Team-Up, most of my comics exposure until around Secret Wars or so was through hand-me-down DC comics of that era, almost all of them imaginary stories, transformations (Jimmy or red K), or Lois and Lana fighting over Superman.

I was thinking this morning that it might be part of why I've never really been into contemporary Superman comics, probably the only major character I've never at least gone through a phase for; my expectations set is too fucked up.

Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 19:19 (nineteen years ago) link


aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 23 February 2005 14:39 (nineteen years ago) link


Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Wednesday, 23 February 2005 21:56 (nineteen years ago) link

haha i still can't get over this!

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 25 February 2005 02:38 (nineteen years ago) link

i love that one, tho I had not seen the title before which makes it even more brilliant

H (Heruy), Friday, 25 February 2005 09:15 (nineteen years ago) link

I would pay good $$$ to read that issue!

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 26 February 2005 01:15 (nineteen years ago) link

I thought for sure it'd be collected somewhere (and will still be surprised if it isn't), but can't find anything -- I did find this review of it, though -- which includes some scanned panels, thankfully.

Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 February 2005 01:56 (nineteen years ago) link

I take it back! Here we go, Superman in the Seventies, $14 at Amazon. It apparently also includes the Superman-eats-Kryptonite issue.

Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 February 2005 01:58 (nineteen years ago) link

With Superman's help Lois is placed inside the Plastimold and the Transformoflux Pack invented by Dahr-Nel, Kryptonian Surgeon. Apparently this machine is meant to change white people to black people. You have to wonder if Superman uses this machine often?

Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 February 2005 02:00 (nineteen years ago) link

thanks tep! that's so fucking cool. this is my fav thing ever now.

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 26 February 2005 02:37 (nineteen years ago) link

Sterling Clover (s_clover), Saturday, 26 February 2005 02:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Yes, and you are wearing absurdly different clothes too, Lois! I love the old Superman comics - "yes Lois, as it happens I do have a machine for turning white people into black people."

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 26 February 2005 19:35 (nineteen years ago) link

I have to wonder, what does it do to black people? Turn them purple?

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 27 February 2005 02:27 (nineteen years ago) link

Superman never met any black people back then, so it's never came up. I suspect that the post-Crisis Supes probably doesn't have a Race-Changing Machine, at a guess.

Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 27 February 2005 11:48 (nineteen years ago) link

oh wow.

jermaine, Sunday, 27 February 2005 19:52 (nineteen years ago) link

eight months pass...

Has this site been mentioned specifically on ILC yet?

I do feel guilty for getting any perverse amusement out of it (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 23:49 (eighteen years ago) link

I have to wonder, what does it do to black people? Turn them purple?

Hard to explain. All I know is John Malkovich is somehow involved.

M. V. (M.V.), Thursday, 10 November 2005 05:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Haha, speaking of Superman and dickery (from Ebert's site):

[Nicholas] Cage and his wife, Alice Kim, have a new son, born Oct 3. "His name is Kal-El. Alice and I wanted a name that was exotic and American and stood for something good, because our son is exotic and he's American and we think he's good. And Kal-El was Superman's name when he was born. I just liked the sound of it."

Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 10 November 2005 17:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Kal-El Cage (age 5): Where do babies come from, daddy?
Nic Cage (age 8,003): Dickery.

Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 10 November 2005 17:45 (eighteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...
Comedian Robin Williams named his daughter Zelda because his son was a devoted fan of the series.

GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Which series?

Huk-L (Huk-L), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:53 (eighteen years ago) link


s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Legend of Zelda

GET EQUIPPED WITH BUBBLE LEAD (ex machina), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:03 (eighteen years ago) link

nine years pass...
six years pass...

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