Remake/Remodel: DC Rebirth so you don't have to

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DC Rebirth

DC REBIRTH

The third, or maybe fourth, reboot/soft reboot by DC in under 5 years. And not including the two reboots in the years preceding.

It can't be good, right? Well of course it won't be but I'm clearly mentally defective when it comes to the Distinguished Competition so of course I'm going to jump right in.

The first thing to note is that it looks like not all the books are being Rebirthed - Cyborg and Deathstroke spring to mind, and both inexplicable because they're irredeemably dreadful - so either there are going to be two DCUs or it isn't going to be all-embracing after all; shooting yourself in the foot before you start, it's the DC way.

Secondly there's a Superman crossover which is supposed to be required reading as a prequel but is being published AFTER Rebirth #1 and perhaps more importantly OUT OF SEQUENCE.So part 3 comes out before part 2, and part 4 is the last of the 8 to be published.

Thirdly, Justice League #50 is supposed to be required reading. This is flagged nowhere except on the final page.

With all this in mind, let's boogie.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 10:32 (two years ago) Permalink

So, JL #50. The conclusion of he near year-long Darkseid War that literally nobody has been reading and has taken place completely out of continuity. Unless it's always been in Rebirth continuity, which may or may not be the same continuity as all, or some, or none of the other books.

To summarise the plot Darkseid turns up, then his daughter does, then all the JL become actual versions of the New Gods (who don't exist because there's only Apokolips and not New Genesis in the Johnsiverse - yes, I know Orion was in Wonder Woman...) and then the Crime Syndicate turn up and Superwoman has her baby with her leggings on. There's more standing round talking than anything else, and none of it has lodged in my head as much as Superwoman giving birth through her clothes.

Now we're caught up, know that it is still not as dumb as the JRJr variant cover to this issue:

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7381/27072519930_6ee6a298bb_z.jpg

So, in this issue Superwoman's baby gets used as a weapon that attracts inverse Shazam energy and electrocutes people, except when Darkseid's Daughter (oh yeah, that was the whole point of this series - I mean Joker's Daughter went so well it started a trend. Seriously. Sinestro had one too.) gets hold of it and it turns into Darkseid instead because plot. Then the power of talking makes the Anti-Life equation sentient and it decides it doesn't like Darkseid very much and makes him an ACTUAL baby who will be brought up in a cave by his daughter.

Batman had been using Metron's chair until he decides not to, because it has already shared the ultimate answer to everything with him. Which isn't 42 after all, but that there are 3 Jokers. Owlman starts using it but he gets destroyed in a puff of maguffin which looks curiously like the residue Doctor Manhattan leaves behind in Watchmen. OH WAIT.

The Black Rider out of the New Gods wants to kill the Flash who is the Black Rider out of the New Gods but Power Ring from the Crime Syndicate deliberately gets in the way and accidentally gets turned into a good guy during the process and is now yet another GL of Earth.

Since someone has to rule Apokolips someone has to step into the breach and it's Luthor in a power suit. Presumably this is because his power escalation in this makes him too much of a threat to remain in the DCU, I mean he can take out pretty much everyone.

So Wonder Woman doesn't feel left out that she hasn't really played much of a part in this series other than to try and make Darkseid's Daughter renounce evil by talking to her about hair and boys and shit she too gets a closing revelation. A twin brother. This can't end well.

And that's it. It's all kind of left hanging. It's been poorly plotted all the way through and the conclusion is no different. Never change.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 11:17 (two years ago) Permalink

I bless you, aldo

This makes some sense of my reading of rebirth 1. It doesnt make it better, just mildly more meaningful.

🐸a hairy howling toad torments a man whose wife is deathly ill (James Morrison), Monday, 30 May 2016 11:40 (two years ago) Permalink

I know that this is treating the whole thing much more seriously than it deserves, but the whole point of the residue Doctor Manhattan left was that he exploded Rorshach and made his guts look like a Rorschach painting. It says it all that Johns and DC would go 'oh, kewl, let's have him do that to a bunch of other characters'

Frederik B, Monday, 30 May 2016 11:50 (two years ago) Permalink

Rorschach's remains don't look like a Rorscach blot, they look like that visual motif that repeats throughout Watchmen in various forms, first seen as the blood splatter on the smiley button in the very beginning. It's not symmetrical like a Roschach pattern; in fact, the "blood on the smiley" version of it represents broken symmetry (because the blood ruins the symmetrical form of the smiley button), which is a major motif (both visual and thematical) in the comic.

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 12:10 (two years ago) Permalink

But yeah, without having even read Rebirth, I can guess that Johns doesn't get what Moore & Gibbon's purpose for using that motif was.

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 12:11 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh, wow, so you're doing this, huh? Well, I salute you and I hope you have a physician at your side to check your vitals as DC slowly saps your lifeforce once again.

I Have A Hot Dog Stuck To My Neck (Old Lunch), Monday, 30 May 2016 14:37 (two years ago) Permalink

You are the real hero, aldo.

Frederik B, Monday, 30 May 2016 14:59 (two years ago) Permalink

i think there's a case to be made that ilx has a moral responsibility to stage an intervention for the benefit of Aldo's wellbeing

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 16:04 (two years ago) Permalink

Final Days of Superman by Peter Tomasi

You know what? When I referred to the Superman crossover in the opening post, I didn't realise Superman #52 was actually part 8. That's right, true belevers, I had been reading all the parts to date WITHOUT AT ANY POINT REALISING I WAS READING A CROSSOVER OR THAT IT WAS A THING I SHOULD BE PAYING PARTICULAR ATTENTION TO.

In actual fact, having got to the final issue becomes clear that you have to have been reading not just the four titles they suggest but also Superman: Lois and Clark, and not just the two issues in question but probably about a year of continuity. So, since you haven't I'll try and get you up to speed.

80s Superman escaped the end of Convergence and is living on a farm with Lois and their son. Because he has given up being Superman he has a beard and a black costume.
Superman developed some new powers, the main one of which is being able to blow up like an atom bomb. He has to do this in space because so much energy is given out and the second (third?) time he does it he ends up depowered. He eventually cures this by finding the world's stockpile of kryptonite and lying in it. This has given him kryptonite poisoning and will kill him.
Part of the energy given off during one of his explosions has become sentient and possessed another guy who is now convinced he's Superman even though he's on fire. To prove he's one of the good guys he is going to kill Superman because then he'll get to join the Justice League (who, as we've established, don't seem to be in continuity).

All clear? Good.

So, in the final issue Supes distracts Fire Superman by burning him with his heat vision. Because, as we all know, you literally fight literal fire with literal fire. This allows Supergirl to try to beat Fire Superman before he bitchslaps her away, although luckily this allows Batman to fly a plane into Fire Superman while Wonder Woman stands and watches (her entire contribution). Superman realises Fire Superman is gonna 'splode so flies him into space. 80s Supes tries to help but Supes ego gets in the way and he punches him to another planet, then Supes realises that if he blows up at the exact same time then the explosions will cancel each other out and he will be able to absorb both.

There is a giant explosion.

80s Supes catches Supes to stop him hitting himself when he hits the ground (because he's survived whereas the one literally made out of fire hasn't) but Everything's Gone Green and the kryptonite makes him implode and turn to dust - but not before an interminable sequence of goodbyes that just goes on and on and on. Think LotR ending or David Tennant Doctor Says Goodbye To The World. The Steel photobomb is the best bit, he literally turns up in the background of a scene and does nothing else,

Anyway, 80s Supes can't cope and runs away, two pages of villains looking sadface that Supes is dead and Lois writes the front page. But which Lois, HMMM? The Johnsiverse one or the 80s one? Because both are in continuity now.

A real mess.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 16:07 (two years ago) Permalink

this is at least in theory supposed to be a jumping-on point for new readers right? not sure how two lois lanes (two! lois! lanes! ffs) is going to help with that

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 16:19 (two years ago) Permalink

It's a shame that some decent writers have wasted the best years of their lives on sub-sub-prime DC. I liked Tomasi's pre-Nu 52 stuff.

I Have A Hot Dog Stuck To My Neck (Old Lunch), Monday, 30 May 2016 18:06 (two years ago) Permalink

i think there's a case to be made that ilx has a moral responsibility to stage an intervention for the benefit of Aldo's wellbeing

― benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 17:04 (2 hours ago) Bookmark

I have faith in anyone who made it through Minds and Latter Days (and FOR PLEASURE) to boot. Anything's gotta be a cakewalk after that, right? Er, right?

Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 30 May 2016 18:33 (two years ago) Permalink

Haha yes, these are just shit comics. You're not reading pages and pages of mental breakdown (except here, obv).

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 18:36 (two years ago) Permalink

xpost That was just wrestling with one man's madness. This is like booking a cruise with Sea Org.

I Have A Hot Dog Stuck To My Neck (Old Lunch), Monday, 30 May 2016 18:38 (two years ago) Permalink

https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7381/27072519930_6ee6a298bb_z.jpg

"Guys, I swear if we just carry this cardboard cut-out of Superman around with us, no-one will ever know the difference..."

Pheeel, Monday, 30 May 2016 18:44 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh Aldo, thank you, blessings, but are you up for it?

H in Addis, Monday, 30 May 2016 19:06 (two years ago) Permalink

i guess one of the underappreciated benefits of being invulnerable is that you don't have to bother looking where you're going: you can just blithely fly along sideways staring into the middle distance, consequences be damned

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 19:22 (two years ago) Permalink

also, since when can aquaman fly?

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 19:26 (two years ago) Permalink

I'd like to see a super who flies in an upright standing pose because the usual horizontal thing gives them a crick in the neck.

pleas to Nietzsche (WilliamC), Monday, 30 May 2016 19:29 (two years ago) Permalink

pretty sure there's some upright flying in jrjr-drawn issues of star brand, ironically enough

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:08 (two years ago) Permalink

DC Universe Rebirth
By: Far too many people for output this low quality.

Page 1 is the most homage-y Watchmen homage since whenever. 9 box grid, really? And it's about a watch, man. GEDDIT?! One broken cog has ruined the watch and it's broken. CLANG goes a plot point I reckon.
The narrator then looks at the world and zooms in on Batman, who he knows is Bruce Wayne. Maybe I slept through something in Batman but I'm sure it's still pretty much a secret identity at the moment so this is either Luthor or a mega powered deus ex machina. Either way, a panel helps us out by telling us Supes is missing at the end of Superman #52 (which saves those of us that aren't me from reading it). Then Bats explains what Metron's chair told him about The Joker (ditto) and very strangely we see on the Bat-computer that Batman has a photo of the Joker taking the picture of Barbara Gordon during the Killing Joke.

This totally confuses me. Did Batman always have a camera in there to spy on Babs, and if so just did nothing while it happened? Did Babs have a webcam or something going while it happened and either Bats hacked it off her computer or Babs shared it with him? Or Joker had a henchman take photos of him taking photos and Joker put it on Instagram and Bats had to thumb it to save it? Seriously, ZERO SENSE.

Aaaaaaand it turns out the narrator is Wally West, the ginger Kid Flash version. Darkseid dying has let him use the speed force to change dimensions/times/Earths/something (wherever the parts of the DCU that Flashpoint broke are, basically) to give plot spoilers to Batman. As ever, however, he doesn't just do the straightforward thing and tell Bats; he makes an oblique reference to a letter from Thomas Wayne. Seriously dude, those sorts of clues are worse than useless. You've told the World's Greatest Detective and he looks more confused and ashamed than anyone who paid actual money to see Dawn of Justice. And if you thought you didn't have time, why didn't you go straight to him rather than deliver your big eulogy? Piss poor decision making Wally. I'm glad you're dead.

So Wally summarises CoIE and Flashpoint then tells us that a magic hand stole 10 years during Flashpoint and that he's the Psycho Pirate of Flashpoint. The hand changed everything by not letting the completely different world be completely different by making it completely completely different different. Somehow. In a way he doesn't understand.

Wally then tries Johnny Quick but he's kind of vague there too and Johnny is NOT A WORLD'S GREATEST DETECTIVE so it doesn't exactly pan out well at all and Wally gets sucked off by the Speed Force. Result.

One of LoSH has come back to tell the police that Superman either is or isn't dead. It doesn't seem to add anything to the plot at the moment but early days I guess.

Ray Palmer/Ryan Choi and Jaime Wossname/Ted Kord make little pre/post Johnsiverse couples laying plot seeds along with some other Johnsiverse heroes (including the new Power Ring GL, presumably to prove JL #52 happened) before Pandora (the one Johns made out was a really, REALLY big thing in the Johnsiverse before she turned out to be nothing) gets exploded EXACTLY like Rorschach at the end of Watchmen. OH SNAP DING DING DING

Darkseid's Daughter summarises the remainder of JL #52 before Wally watches everyone being sad at Dead Supes. 80s Supes is confused he's alive and a Spooky Dude In A Cloak tells him he's right to be confused because Johns is involved in this so it's a natural state.

Disembodied Wally perves on Linda Park for a bit. Maybe he took the photo of the Joker and gave it to Bats. That seems like the sort of dick thing he'd do, he could call it a clue and it would clear his conscience without ACTUALLY HELPING. He then exposes himself to Linda who has no idea who he is, which makes him sad until he gets sucked off again.

Wally then fails to speak to anyone else he knows until he sees Johnsiverse Wally who it turns out is his cousin. He sees Johnsiverse Wally be the Flash so decides to give up. But not before he sees Barry one last time and after delivering the Bat-Clue again Barry remembers who he is and pulls him out of the Speed Force. Now they are both Psycho Pirates. As they discuss which Flash villain is behind it, Bats digs out a smiley face badge from the walls of the Batcave. It appears to be actual badge that the Comedian wears when he hits the tarmac at the beginning of Watchmen, which only exists for a very short period of time as we see Nite Owl chip the blood off while Rorschach makes the 'human bean juice' joke. But surely MASTERS OF CONTINUITY DC would know that.

The epilogue mends the watch from the beginning and monologues about Veidt's plan to destroy the world then ends with a clock/blood stain image which is all too obvious.

Controversially, I'm going to stick my neck out and proclaim this NOT AWFUL. Things which come next will no doubt make me choke on those words but this isn't any worse than bits of 52 and is probably most like Final Crisis. I very nearly enjoyed bits of it.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:08 (two years ago) Permalink

oh god aldo's broken already ;_;

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:16 (two years ago) Permalink

wait, so now there are two lois lanes and two wally wests in the same universe? jesus h christ

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:22 (two years ago) Permalink

Glad you guys liked the JRJr cover as much as me. Horizontal Superman will never not make me laugh and might even be a new DN.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:22 (two years ago) Permalink

There might even be more other things, it's not clear who else might still around Post-convergence. As a basic example, the Green Arrow and Black Canary that we briefly see are not the Johnsiverse ones so they may well be duplicates too (or lol continuity).

I've just realised I forgot to mention the Aquamarine segment. Nothing happens in it really but forgetting about Aquaman feels like one of the most DC things I can do.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:27 (two years ago) Permalink

*Aquaman* Fkn autocorrect

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:28 (two years ago) Permalink

does aquaman demonstrate the ability to fly at any point?

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:30 (two years ago) Permalink

No, he just wants to marry Mera but has no idea why.

Couldn't Blue Suit Aquaman fly?

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:36 (two years ago) Permalink

i dunno, but in googling to find out i discovered i'd overlooked the fact that there was recently a series called aquaman and the others, which might be the limpest-sounding title in history

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:48 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh it was dreadful, an attempt to gritty up Aquaman with a team book whose remit was 'be a less epic Aquaman'.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 20:54 (two years ago) Permalink

JRJR Supes reminded me of

http://i.imgur.com/JypSYAO.jpg

Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:14 (two years ago) Permalink

Out of curiosity I read Rebirth #1, and as I predicted, Johns doesn't seem to get Watchmen's symbology at all... The comic ends with an image of a yellow clock, where big hand is pointing at fifteen to midnight on the left side, while the Comedian blood stain is on the right side of the clock... This completely misses the point of the original comic, where the blood stain on the smiley was in the same position as the big hand of the Doomsday Clock in the beginning of the story, i.e. twelve to midnight. So the Comedian's death and the resulting bloodstain symbolize the beginning of the countdown towards the end of the world, but apparently in Rebirth the world already ended 12 minutes ago? Or maybe that's exactly what Johns wants to say, and he's being more clever than I thought? The bloodstain on the smiley Batman finds is in the same position as in Watchmen though.

Also, when the tattooed lady ("Pandora", according to Aldo) is blown to pieces, unlike Gibbons the artist for this section does not bother to draw the resulting stain of blood in the same shape as the smiley blood stain, so the recurring motif is lost. So lazy.

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:21 (two years ago) Permalink

But yeah, I agree with Aldo that some parts of it were quite okay, especially the scene where Barry helps Wally come back. And it wasn't as incomprehensible as I feared, given that I haven't really read any DC comics at all after Flashpoint, save for Multiversity.

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:24 (two years ago) Permalink

Would also agree with Aldo that, while it is an essentially worthless comic, a product of the problem it purports to be a solution to, exhibits a dunce understanding of Watchmen, and I won't pay for a DC comic until Berg4nza is fired... I enjoyed reading DC Rebirth more than any other 52 comic I've read - low bar indeed, but still.

Perhaps they should just go the whole hog, pulp all existing copies of Watchmen and relabel it BEFORE DC REBIRTH

Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:25 (two years ago) Permalink

It's just that the inclusion of the Watchmen themes and characters feels utterly gratuitous, their role coul've been replaced by any number of DC universe cosmic players that would feel less out of place in a story like this.

(xpost)

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:27 (two years ago) Permalink

Also, the funniest bit by far in the comic was Johns' sad attempt at writing Constantine's Britishisms:

Constantine: "Your missus is long gone, chief. Abby Arcane is lost to the dark side and whatnot."

Swamp Thing: "You asked for my help against the capes, Constantine... That is my price."

Constantine: "You've always been a pain in the arse, you bloody turnip."

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:31 (two years ago) Permalink

I half expected Constantine to call him guv'nor and ask for some blood sausage...

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:32 (two years ago) Permalink

If it came from literally any other creator than Didio or Johns or Berganza, stealing the Watchmen characters might have been, at the very least, endearingly cheeky. But this is pretty gross. I mean, Moore has been kind of a dullard lately, but it's still gross.

Chuck_Tatum, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:33 (two years ago) Permalink

I found Morrison's Watchmen pastiches in Superman Beyond 3D and Multiversity to be quite clever and intriguing, but of course Morrison A) actually understood what Watchmen is about, and B) was sensible enough to just homage Watchmen instead of trying to integrate it to another universe where it just doesn't fit.

Tuomas, Monday, 30 May 2016 21:37 (two years ago) Permalink

Especially since the JT Krul version of Captain Atom actually did end up being Doctor Manhattan, out of time and space and all powerful. See? Reading those comics was SOME use.

Weirder though was the Ted Kord stuff and some of the angles used looking down on him and the beetle ship...

Guys, I've had a horrible idea.

10 years missing due to an unseen force. There's a line which is misdirected to Oldie and Dinah but says something about "alliances not made" and "teams unformed".

What if we've got it wrong and this isn't about incorporating Watchmen into the DCU. What if this is the story of how it didn't happen to the Charlton heroes but another universe.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Monday, 30 May 2016 21:43 (two years ago) Permalink

bookmarked this thread, munching on imaginary popcorn

Nhex, Monday, 30 May 2016 22:49 (two years ago) Permalink

bookmarked this thread, praying for u, aldo.

Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 31 May 2016 10:07 (two years ago) Permalink

Is there going to be a ReBirth issue two, or will the storyline now just continue across all the DC titles (I'm morbidly interested in how they will develop the Batman scene at the end of issue one)?

Chicamaw (Ward Fowler), Tuesday, 31 May 2016 10:37 (two years ago) Permalink

I thought there would a separate Rebirth miniseries, like there is with most of these crossover events, but apparently Rebirth #1 is all we're going to get? And AFAIK there isn't any info on where this whole Watchmen/Dr. Manhattan is gonna continue? Presumably in Batman at least, but there are like a kazillion different Bat-titles nowadays. I guess it's no suprise, but seems like DC doesn't really care at all about casual readers (like myself) who might just want to read this one story arc and not every one of the 50+ titles they produce.

Also, apparently this'll be the last DC comic Geoff Johns will write for a while, as he's gonna focus on the live-action adaptations. So I guess there's a good chance this whole thing will never be resolved, and it'll be swiped away in the next inevitable reboot.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 31 May 2016 10:50 (two years ago) Permalink

I think they've said something something this is a story that will last two years, all over dc titles, we will see it again, don't know how, don't know when, but we know that we will see it agin.

Frederik B, Tuesday, 31 May 2016 10:52 (two years ago) Permalink

Well I'm not gonna start randomly reading their books just in case some of them they might follow this plot, so I guess it's back to Marvel for me. Great job at attracting new readers, DC!

Tuomas, Tuesday, 31 May 2016 10:59 (two years ago) Permalink

apparently this'll be the last DC comic Geoff Johns will write for a while

yay!

as he's gonna focus on the live-action adaptations

https://m.popkey.co/603e36/Ow0kL_f-maxage-0.gif

benzarro ghazarri (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 31 May 2016 11:00 (two years ago) Permalink

I *think* the initial plot/premise concludes at the end of the Rebirth issues before the numbering changes/reverts/restarts, so just the 22 books to read. Of course, these are spaced out across 4 months so some books will be nearly 6 issues into their regular continuity run before Rebirth gets resolved or explained.

I should have realised earlier of course, that Titans Hunt has also been required reading. As a basic and confusing plot summary, the 60s Teen Titans (Robin, Speedy, Kid Flash etc) were removed from history to protect them from Mr Twister which means all the versions of those characters since are effectively different ones - i.e. the Dick Grayson from the Titans never goes on to be Nightwang etc, making them kind of like the JSA I'd guess. Anyway, they come back into continuity as their own preserved in aspic versions during Titans Hunt except Wally, because everyone forgot about him. Which has now been retconned (already, less than one year on) as being kept by the Speed Force.

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Tuesday, 31 May 2016 11:05 (two years ago) Permalink

Which just proves my point. Case closed. You're welcome.

the smartest persin in the room (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 00:12 (ten months ago) Permalink

Sorry: you were right, sic, and I was wrong.

the smartest persin in the room (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 00:12 (ten months ago) Permalink

😀👍

Haribo Hancock (sic), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 00:59 (ten months ago) Permalink

The third issue of Doomsday Clock was so bad, Aldo should do a thread about it

I enjoyed the first two, in a mostly guilty way

The third issue was the "everything you were afraid of, but worse" issue

Obviously I will carry on reading it

Chuck_Tatum, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:38 (ten months ago) Permalink

spoilers pls!

your skeleton is ready to hatch (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:39 (ten months ago) Permalink

I paged through the first one and thought it was horrible, is there at least blatant shitting on Watchmen instead of the faux-reverence?

mh, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:46 (ten months ago) Permalink

Highlights include

* Clowns with invisible guns

* Clowns with knives for hands

* Old man Johnny Thunder stares out of a window for 8 pages

* Ozymandias and The Comedian's salute to Kirk Douglas's action scenes in The Fury

* Your ol' pal Geoff Johns reprises his greatest hits of limb dismemberment

* Comedian Stewart Lee guest stars

Chuck_Tatum, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:54 (ten months ago) Permalink

it's so bad

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:55 (ten months ago) Permalink

Oh, and it's going bi-monthly so the whole thing will last TWO YEARS

Chuck_Tatum, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:55 (ten months ago) Permalink

not even entertainingly bad, unfortunate

mh, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:56 (ten months ago) Permalink

Oh, right, and The Comedian didn't die, he fell into a time wormhole that took him to the modern-day DC universe

Chuck_Tatum, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:58 (ten months ago) Permalink

there it is

mh, Thursday, 25 January 2018 22:02 (ten months ago) Permalink

lol @ the chutzpah

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Thursday, 25 January 2018 22:41 (ten months ago) Permalink

* Old man Johnny Thunder stares out of a window for 8 pages
gooood i hate this shit

Nhex, Thursday, 25 January 2018 23:01 (ten months ago) Permalink

Rorschach pulls off his 'real' face to reveal that his ACTUAL real face looks like the mask that he wears over what we all thought was his real face. It's possible that this is, in fact, a third mask with a real human face underneath but we'll have to wait and see.

Oh, and he wasn't actually killed by Ozymandias because, um, Earth Prime...?

Senior Soft-Serve Tech at the Froyo Arroyo (Old Lunch), Thursday, 25 January 2018 23:31 (ten months ago) Permalink

(These are not real spoilers, btw, despite being similarly stupid.)

Senior Soft-Serve Tech at the Froyo Arroyo (Old Lunch), Thursday, 25 January 2018 23:32 (ten months ago) Permalink

I can only assume the final issue will feature Ozymandias delivering an issue-length monologue on the virtues of corporately-owned IP while pissing directly into the face of an Alan Moore analogue.

Senior Soft-Serve Tech at the Froyo Arroyo (Old Lunch), Thursday, 25 January 2018 23:35 (ten months ago) Permalink

Without wishing to troll, the Legion is dumb dated bullshit and can fuck off

― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, December 27, 2017 9:04 PM (one month ago)

I now have a more developed response to this post, which is... I (sadly) sort of agree with the sentiment (if not the spirit or expression).

I've been reading The Curse, a collection of prime Levitz-Giffen '80s Legion material (it covers #297-313, plus a few Annuals). Coming on the heels of "The Great Darkness Saga," the plotting is looser and not as virtuosic in as that storyline (how could it be?); but this works in the book's favor in certain ways, making it lighter and more accessible. Issue #308 seems to be a creative high point, featuring the best Giffen artwork that I've ever seen (every page is terrific); though to be fair, Giffen only draws the main story and not the second half of the book (a "Meanwhile..." sidebar that ends on a genuinely funny joke).

But it also makes me realize how tightly my appreciation of the Legion is tied to this particular era/creative team. It's not really about the characters themselves -- as even after reading a fair amount of Legion material, I find I have a hard time remembering who they all are, their powers and backstories, etc. (Maybe because there are so many of them, and each gets so little "screen time," you have to read the series for years to keep track or get invested -- thus the stereotype of the lifelong Legion superfan?)

Also, while I originally got off board after the "Five Years Later" era, I have read reviews, summaries, page scans, etc. of the various reboots and relaunches; and nothing really gets me interested. So while of course it's common for old & "evergreen" properties to be successfully revived for a new era, and anything could always happen, I feel like chances of it happening for the Legion are very remote... at least for me. That "Legion feeling" seems to be a certain kind of geeky lightning in a bottle that probably can't be recaptured, especially by today's DC, even if the "retroboot" team is supposed to be a close analogue of the original.

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Monday, 29 January 2018 01:39 (ten months ago) Permalink

The Abnett & Lanning Legion is the only one I care about after the Five Years Later stories.

EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 January 2018 02:20 (ten months ago) Permalink

They were in the Reboot, right? Is there a collection of their stuff I should check out?

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Monday, 29 January 2018 03:03 (ten months ago) Permalink

They’re first run was around the turn of the century. The reboot stuff wasn’t nearly as good. I think DC just started to collect them but I’m not sure how far they’ve gotten so far. I think they’re publishing them as The Legion by Abnett and Lanning

EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 January 2018 03:37 (ten months ago) Permalink

Their first run. I hate fat thumbs and autocorrect

EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 January 2018 03:37 (ten months ago) Permalink

I've been reading The Curse, a collection of prime Levitz-Giffen '80s Legion material (it covers #297-313, plus a few Annuals).

this was FOUR HUNDRED AND FIVE MONTHS before Rebirth FYI and ffs

Haribo Hancock (sic), Monday, 29 January 2018 09:49 (ten months ago) Permalink

lol

Nhex, Monday, 29 January 2018 10:29 (ten months ago) Permalink

LOL — this is the de facto “active DC thread” (and didn’t seem worth reviving some old thread for). But apologies to the Distinguished Competition....

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Monday, 29 January 2018 15:45 (ten months ago) Permalink

the stupidly titled rolling 2018 thread exists, if you don't want to use the LSH thread for whatever reason

Haribo Hancock (sic), Monday, 29 January 2018 20:58 (ten months ago) Permalink

Mods, please add the subtitle 'aldo's slow-motion nervous breakdown' for the sake of clarity plz.

Senior Soft-Serve Tech at the Froyo Arroyo (Old Lunch), Monday, 29 January 2018 22:30 (ten months ago) Permalink

And then I can adopt the same style when/if I ever do my own 'mental illness as expressed by obsessively reading every title published by Marvel' companion thread.

Senior Soft-Serve Tech at the Froyo Arroyo (Old Lunch), Monday, 29 January 2018 22:33 (ten months ago) Permalink

This title followed the format of previous "Aldo Reads" threads iirc

Haribo Hancock (sic), Monday, 29 January 2018 22:53 (ten months ago) Permalink

They can all get modded to mental breakdown titles if you like.

(I am still hate-reading everything btw with the emphasis very much on the hate for the most part.)

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Monday, 29 January 2018 22:57 (ten months ago) Permalink

At least DC has some highpoints now. First time in years.

EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 January 2018 22:58 (ten months ago) Permalink

This has been a doozy of a week.

Nightwang becomes a male stripper.
Bats makes out with Green Lantern.
Bats nearly makes out with Wonder Woman.
The main Green Lantern plot is about Tinder for superheroes.

But most importantly...

Wonder Woman's pet giant kangaroo is back in continuity.

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Monday, 12 February 2018 20:55 (ten months ago) Permalink

"...can't swipe left... on YELLOW"

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Monday, 12 February 2018 21:47 (ten months ago) Permalink

Should I mention the kangaroo is called Jumpa?

Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Monday, 12 February 2018 22:52 (ten months ago) Permalink

Jumpa is featured in the kid-oriented "DC Super-Pets" books, FYI - http://www.capstonekids.com/characters/DC-Super-Pets/index.html

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Monday, 12 February 2018 23:21 (ten months ago) Permalink

lol, the Flash has a turtle sidekick named Whatzit???

Nhex, Tuesday, 13 February 2018 02:27 (ten months ago) Permalink

tbf (and before sic does an ACTUALLY) terrific whatzit is a golden age funny aminal character for dc in the 40's so there's provenance
http://www.cosmicteams.com/cosmic/img/FunnyStuff_01_1944.jpg

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Tuesday, 13 February 2018 03:04 (ten months ago) Permalink

Speaking of Fastback – the Zoo Crew are featured in the big Super Pets “Character Encyclopedia” (it’s a fun book; better than the storybooks); along with tons of other animal characters that I assume all originated somewhere in the DC canon.

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Tuesday, 13 February 2018 03:10 (ten months ago) Permalink

Wow, you guys... were not kidding about how good that Kite Man shit was. Damn!

Nhex, Thursday, 15 February 2018 07:38 (nine months ago) Permalink

hell yeah

mh, Thursday, 15 February 2018 07:56 (nine months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Read this in a bookstore, it's a legit fun Expanse-style take on Green Lantern with no Geoff Johnsisms whatsoever.

https://www.avclub.com/green-lantern-earth-one-spotlights-how-dc-comics-is-lo-1823995385

Chuck_Tatum, Friday, 23 March 2018 17:11 (eight months ago) Permalink

Wow - AV Club does a double whammy of an autoplay video and a pop-up prompt to subscribe to their newsletter!

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Friday, 23 March 2018 17:19 (eight months ago) Permalink

reserved it from my library

Nhex, Friday, 23 March 2018 18:46 (eight months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

OH NO THEY DIDN’T

Back in the present, Rorschach II is freed by "Jane Doe", who is revealed to be the Pre-Zero Hour version of Saturn Girl, the cause of the voices in Rorschach II's head.

absorbed carol channing's powers & psyche (morrisp), Saturday, 7 April 2018 20:03 (eight months ago) Permalink

that’s not real

no, that’s def real

or is it

star wars ep viii: the bay of porgs (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 7 April 2018 20:05 (eight months ago) Permalink

Can't wait to see that twist adapted in Suicide Squad II

Frederik B, Saturday, 7 April 2018 23:21 (eight months ago) Permalink

two months pass...

Geoff Johns exiting his DC President/Chief Creative Officer role.

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Monday, 11 June 2018 19:50 (six months ago) Permalink

so long, fucko

CARL MARKS PRINCIPAL INVESTING AND ADVISORY SERVICES (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 11 June 2018 19:57 (six months ago) Permalink

Sadly, it’s worse for us as it means more Geoff Johns comics

EZ Snappin, Monday, 11 June 2018 20:02 (six months ago) Permalink


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