Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

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The Sound and the Fury

My retarded brother's castration may have had something to do with my bastard daughter, another brother's suicide, or another brother's general assholishness. Or maybe not.

― DanielTheHead, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

The Jungle

Jurgis immigrates with family,
marries,
job
kids
kids die
wife cheats
Jurgis beats
prison
wife dies
son dies
runs away
returns
prison
turns socialist

― saline, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Generation X

Yuppies whine about how tough their lives are.

― August (August), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Regeneration

War is hell, but we can't shoot soldiers who go crazy anymore, so let them write poems instead.

― August (August), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Oddly opportune parental death leaves North Shore boy money, freedom, little brother. San Francisco beckons; carnival of irony ensues. Hey, lets move to Brooklyn!

― rotten shark meat, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, that's too easy. But I've got an easier one than even Dave "Paint a bull's-eye on my angst" Eggers...

Posh dandy tries matchmaking, wins enemies; beatings loom. Thank goodness for the fish-eating servant!

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

An old lady, a coven of witches, a pack of wolves and some bees steal the holy grail. Pole shift. Civilization ends. Happy old lady.

~The Hearing Trumpet, by Leonora Carrington

― Jorge, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It's hard to compete with a boulevardier such as I. But this fellow has me looking over my shoulder! Ah, well, thank heaven for little girls ...

― ccccccc, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Sloth or entropy

I just realized this is an anagram of Tyrone Slothrop.

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen

Disgruntled children misunderstanding their senile parents. Oh yeah, talking turds.

― learned, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"You Shall Know Our Velocity"

Asshole, Come to africa where i can purge cash and make factual mistakes before i drown at some point, i haven't worked this out properly.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The Crying of Lot 49:

Conspiracy theories are a load of bollocks. Or are they?

― SRH (Skrik), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Call of the Wild:

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

― SRH (Skrik), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Great Gatsby This is a story about the effects of money. They are not good.

― Ike Stephenson (Ike Stephenson), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

The Crimson Petal and the White, by Michel Faber

Upwardly mobile whore inspires man to get job. Wife leaves, dies; brother dies; kid leaves with whore. Man breaks leg.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

New York Trilogy, Paul Auster

"Are you the detective Paul Auster?" No, but I'll pretend I am. Actually I write detective novels, and now I'm pretending to be a detective! Later I get to meet the real Auster, who isn't a detective at all but the author of this post.

― Paul Auster, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien

Little guys go to a lot of trouble to get rid of stolen jewelry.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy

Three men infatuated with one beautiful woman. Guy she ends up with is too good for her.

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The Collector by John Fowles

Boy meets girl, boy imprisons girl, girl withers away. Boy meets girl...

― Chris Hill (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason

Apocalypse Now but with Brahms instead of The Doors.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Madame Bovary

"Is the grass greener on the other side? It must be. Oh, it isn't. Time to die."

― Chris Hill (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Slaughterhouse Five by Vonnegut

"Being in World War II was so bad that now I hallucinate about aliens and time travel."

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Tess of the D'Urbervilles

Rural tart gets mixed up with local bounder. Dad is constantly pissed. Too upbeat? OK, I'll add a dead baby and a murder. Stonehenge. Hanging.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Man/Woman uncovers dark secret from law firm/corporation. Spends a lot of time xeroxing things.

Ok - I'm cheating. That's every John Grisham novel.

― BabyBuddha (BabyBuddha), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Robinson Crusoe:
Being a second son stinks, but so does being stuck on a desert island, building lots of things, and teaching a local to speak English.

― SRH (Skrik), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Our Bodies, Ourselves"
Touching now and proud of it.

― Cupie (Cupie), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

whoops, not a novel ;)

― Cupie (Cupie), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

It's alright, I did the bible.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth: Pass me that sock, will you? Thanks.

― chillythekid, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Portrait of a Lady

Boy loves girl. "I'm too original for you," sniffs girl. Girl proves originality by marrying gold-digging asshole. First boy stalks girl.

― Phil Christman, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The Idiot by Dostoevsky

"You're an idiot," says Rogozhin. "Yes," smiles Myshkin. "I'm going to mistreat a woman now," says Rogozhin. "Unhand her, you beast!" says Myshkin. His brain fries.

I also had a prof in college who liked to summarize all of Soviet Social Realism this way:
Boy meets tractor. Boy and tractor fall in love. Boy and tractor live happily ever after.

― Phil Christman, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

One last, not a novel:

Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung by Lester Bangs

WHOOP! Benzedrine's great Romilar's cheaper! NGK ZRRRRZSSST Noise is primal actfact of funky/tragic pullulation (cf. Velvets, 1965) ZAP! OK, what was I talking about?

― Phil Christman, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

John Henry Days
"You never know when someone might die, but you can always count on a writer mooching"

― Cali, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

In the Cut.
Blowjob, observed. Hot Cop. Cop's a killer? Screw him. Then, again, again. Wait, student's obsessive. Oh. This is quite bad. I'm dead.

― Art Linkletter, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

The Unnamable

I think therefore I am...but that's it, baby.

― Not That Chuck, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Brave New World

A frenzy of drugs and sex, somewhat like a frat house, only in the near future.

― loveisreal, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Middlesex:

She's a man, baby! Or is s/he?

― tl (tom), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

The Rabbit Series by John Updike

Being young is better than being old. Marriage sucks. Men are assholes.

― Chris Jay, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I will always be alone. I'm so filled with sickness and bitterness that i deliberately sabotaged my one chance at love. Remind you of anyone?

Dostoyevsky "Notes From Underground"

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

[Greek] Daylight...Been a long night and something ain't right...Head games, I don't wanna play the...Head games...[slap!]

The Magus by John Fowles (9/10ths of this, Foreigner)

― Chris Hill (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Please assist me
"i would prefer not to"
tell me why
"i would prefer not to"
you used to sort dead letters...
"I am dead now"

Batleby the Scrivener

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Lolita

Get there before the hair.

― el kabong, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Lolita

If there's grass on the field, then play ball.

― el kabong, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Naked Lunch

What an asshole. No, seriously, what an asshole!

― el kabong, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Religion is a delightful smorgasbord! By the way, I survived crossing the Pacific in a lifeboat with a Bengal Tiger." You gonna believe this guy?

-Life of Pi

― Robomonkey (patronus), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

One part Seinfeld, one part Stephen Wright, three parts Updikean WASP.

The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker

― DanielTheHead, Thursday, 26 February 2004 01:51 (twenty-two years ago)

A spoiled rich southern belle is so obsessed with getting what she can’t have that she looses what she does. There’s the civil war, too.

― Kathryn L., Thursday, 26 February 2004 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son; I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one.

― B. Michael Payne (This Isnt That), Thursday, 26 February 2004 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

hahahahaha

― Sym (shmuel), Thursday, 26 February 2004 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of 99 problems (this isn't book related, sorry)

visit grey tuesday to download the grey album before emi blocks it for good. jay-z's black album mixed with the beatle's white album. v good.

back to the books...

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Thursday, 26 February 2004 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

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Iain M. Banks

Consider Phlebas

Intergalactic Mind-fuck in which main character does a fair bit of lots of things

― David James Cruse (Day In Day out Day In Day Out), Monday, 26 June 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

"Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell

Admiral sails ...
Victorean charlatan composes ...
70's reporter ...
Publisher ...
Future clone escapes ...
postapocalyptic civilization sucks like all
... tolitarian oppression
... is institutionalized
... exposes corporate malfeasance
... music
... pacific

― Camiel (Camiel), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

three months pass...

‘The Bluest Eye’ by Toni Morrison

Young, unattractive black girl wants to have blue eyes in order to look prettier. Prays to God every day. Gets nailed by her father instead.

― Al Harris (Spotter), Friday, 29 September 2006 11:24 (nineteen years ago)

DMT: THE SPIRIT MOLECULE

THOSE WHO DARE...TRIP THEIR BALLS OFF. THOSE WHO DON'T, LIVE WITH ONLY THE ONE REALITY OF CONSCIENCE.

― David James Cruse (Day In Day out Day In Day Out), Friday, 13 October 2006 04:49 (nineteen years ago)

three years pass...

Gremlins(the movie)
RTFM.

― lattegrappa, Sunday, 26 September 2010 09:15 (fifteen years ago)

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