Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda:

Dude, I am so f**ked up -- I have this imaginary friend who gives me great advice.

May 8: Saw boat. Aug 6: Saw ghost. Sept 10: Killed ghost, killed servants.

All Quite on the Western Front - Erich Maria Remarque

Young man goes west with schoolchums; his death is nothing to write home about.

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

Drawn-out chase through churches and museums; every twenty pages a bad history lecture breaks out.

War of the Worlds - H. G. Wells

Aliens prove life exists on Mars by coming to Earth to try and wipe it out here; they discover they should have started small.

The Constant Gardener by John Le Carre

Man thinks evil international pharmaceutical company have killed his wife. They did. They kill him too. He also fails to do any gardening.

Hitler: My Part in his Downfall - Spike Milligan

I'm mad, I am.

Puckoon - Spike Milligan

The whole of Ireland's mad.

Soldier Freddy - Spike Milligan

Still crazy after all these years. And I told you I was ill.

Berlin - the Downfall by Anthony Beevor:

The Russians win.

'Pale Fire' - Nabokov

Literature scholar loses the plot (with commentary).

"L'arrache-coeur"- Boris Vian

Freaky psychologist runs into obsessed mother. Kids locked in cage. Horse gets crucified. Guy swimming among corpses for gold. Exactly HOW far can one get?

Jerzy Lukaszewski- "Jalons d'Europe"
clever nice guys drink lots of brandy, go to jail and then set up europe

Don DeLillo- "Underworld"

He speaks in your voice, American. Soon you'll wish I did.

"Ethan Frome"-Edith Wharton

In the bleak New England winter. Sledding crash scarred me and my girl for life! Now we're trapped with crazy wife and her pickle dish.

Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood (Oliver Sacks)

I was so enthusiast about Mendeleev table, that I became a psychiatrist.

[spero suoni bene, in inglese ;o)]

James Ellroy "American Tabloid"

Or of the bramosia.

Kafka's Metamorphosis: i feel sick..everybody is an assholes and my sister has nice body.

The sun is high and I'm killing an arab. I don't know why. Like ever.

The etranger. Albert Camus

"Fermat's last theorem"- Simon Singh
Three centuries to solve the enigma

A CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charles Dickens:

No. No. No. Oh, yes alright then.

THE CANTERBURY TALES, by Geoffrey Chaucer

Lots of people fail to get to Canterbury because they spend too much time talking.

THE INVISIBLE MAN, by H G Wells

Decadent aesthete thinks that if he creates the ultimate escapist fantasy he can fight "against Nature". He's wrong.

(vide supra ;-) )

DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS by John Wyndham

Giant Walking Deadly Poisonous Plants are a Disaster, don't you know!

Dracula - Bram Stoker:

Angry customer tries to get revenge on bloodsucking parasitic Real Estate agents, fails.

Moby Dick - Herman Melville:

Bad idea. Turn back now - certain death ahead. Fine, ignore me. Splash. Aargh! Told you so.

Moby Dick:

Sail Tale
Frail man fails
pale wale prevails

Wuthering Heights - again

Oh Catherine... Oh Heathcliff. Oh Catherine... Oh Heathcliff! Oh Catherine!! OH HEATHCLIFF!!! OH CATHERINE... you get the idea.

all books by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Emancipated, intelligent woman loves a man but is hindered by religion or stupid men!

Lord of the Flies

Kids are gruesome. Fat kids are losers.

Franz Kafka - The Metamorphosis

Son wakes up, finds himself transformed into a bug, makes family life a hell, than dies. Life goes on.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

My name is Robert Jordan. I am noble. Spaniards are cool even though they curse a lot . Cowardice, though, is bad. I mean *real* bad. But -- damn! -- even noble men have to die. So I'll shag that Maria one last time.

All Terry Pratchett Rincewind Books

If you are in danger, run, it doesn't matter where you are running to. And what the hell does this luggage with feet do?

ANIMAL FARM - Orwell
Pigs smell. Badly.

THE FIRM - Grisham
Young stud goes mafia. Outsmarts everyone. Happy end.

A TIME TO KILL - Grisham
Pisshead wins courtcase.

THE HOBBIT - Tolkien
Diary of a Duke of Edinburgh Award Trip. PS: Little man finds ring

FELLOWSHIP - Tolkien
Another diary of a Duke of Edinburgh Award Trip. More Walking. PS: Little man wants to get rid of ring

TWO TOWERS - Tolkien
Wizard's condo gets flooded.

RETURN OF THE KING - Tolkien
Nutter jumps to death.

JURRASIC PARC - Crichton
Science backfires, badly.

PREY - Crichton
Science backfires, badly, again.

TIMELINE - Crichton
Don't timetravel!

BACK TO THE FUTURE 1-3
You stupid. I told you. Don't timetravel!

PARADISE AND POWER - Kagan
They are nuts, we are nuts. Yippee, let's beat up some Iraqis.

ROMEO AND JULIET - Shakespeare
Two lovers. Lots of crazy shit. Everyone dies. The End.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Girls gets stoned. Lots of smoke.

MATRIX
Sequel to Alice in Wonderland.

SHOGUN - James Clavell

Japan 1600. Englishman to learn japanese - else villagepeople ordered dead. Intriguenet between great emperors. Love. Everyone addicted by selfmurder and obedience.

"der spiegel" runs a story about this thread! (in german)
http://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/0,1518,294618,00.html

hi,
i just want to tell, that u got mentioned in zhe german "spiegel" (the mirrorw), one of the biggest german magazins.

http://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/0,1518,294618,00.html

thats a great idea to summarise novels in 25 words, also very funny.

thx to all of u who have found the time and the effort to contribute some summarasetion to this page.

cu

Claudio

yep... but those dimwits forgot to post a link, so i had to find it via google

BTW.. is there a "summarize a movie in 25 words" franchise? if not, it would certainly be great...

******* Science Fiction Summary ***********

William Gibson: Neuromancer

Case gets his brain repaired by AI to screw his dead girl inside the Matrix. His new girl enjoys killing people in a stylish way.
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Isaac Asimov: I, Robot

Computers are wonderful because the do what they're told. Humans not so.
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Frank Herbert: Dune

Guy goes into the desert to find he is the messiah everybody is waiting for but discovers he is unable to change anything.

Dune II: He still can't, though he is emperor of the Galaxy
Dune III: Neither can his Children, although they are superhuman.
Dune IV: His son still fails despite becoming a god.
Dune V: Sex doesn't help solving the problem.
Dune IV: Best sex in the universe, neither.

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The Collected Works of Robert A. Heinlein

Real Guys kick sissys around and get the chicks laid, all times ,all universes, except USA, Terra, middle of 20th century.
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Robert Zelazny: The Lord of Light

On a remote planet, Buddha destroys oligarchy of indian gods by allying with alien natives, freeing mankind.
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Larry Niven & Jerry Purnelle: Footfall

Aliens arrive in giant spaceship to conquer Earth but are beaten back by NASA-Shuttles and patriotic americans that support manned space flight.

W. Golding: Lord of the Flies

Everyone has bad thoughts, even kids. Having this emotions under control becomes important.

Erich von Däniken: Chariots of the Gods

We evolved from apes, but they were the first who flew to space.

"Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy:

She's married with the wrong man. She loves the wrong one too. She chooses the train.

Ken Follett - Eye of the Needle

I killed her. Ooops, I did it again.

"The Physicists" by Friedrich Duerrenmatt

Three physicists pretend to be nuts, who pretend to be another great physicists. They murder hospital's stuff to prove their madness. The plan fails.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Jose Arcadio Buendia, Colonel Aureliano Buendia,Ursula Iguaran, Amaranta, Remedios, Renata Remedios, Amaranta Ursula, Jose Arcadio Segundo, Aurelianox17,loads of shagging, killing, amnesia, and pigtails.

Fahrenheit 451

Man burns books, reads one, changes mind

The Heart of a dog

Dog turned into man-dog by professer,causes chaos, then turned back into dog again. Parody of Russian Revolution, and how commies are such bastards.

The Merchant of Venice

Jewish merchant makes deal, loses deal due to a bit of unfairness. oy! what a world!

Blood Hunt

Man murdered, murderer murdered by murderer's murdered man's brother. All this set in the beautiful Scottish Highlands.

All Novels by Philip K. Dick:

"Reality sucks. The 50´ies suck. I suck. They suck. We all suck."