Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

this was a good novel

The Virgin Suicides

Suicide is preferable to being stalked by obsessed neighbourhood boys

All of Shakespears tragedies:

Look at me! I'm Royalty! Now I will kill you all! Mwahahaha! I'm not really evil. Shit, I'm dead. Ghosts and witches are total bastards.

THERE'S A NEW NED IN TOWN??????????????

A-AND..... HE'S A VIKING????????????

All of Shakespeare's Comedies:

Look at me! I'm Royalty! Now I will kill you all! Mwahahaha! I'm not really evil. Shit, I'm still alive! Ghosts and witches aren't that bad really.

dfd

Woman has "feeling" for snow. Boy dies. Woman goes to Island.

Thomas Mann: "Death in Venice"

Old city and old man simultaneously sinks into decadent ruin as mysterious plague and angelic boy simultaneously proves fatal.

Any Robert Rankin book:

Rock & Roll is great. Spike Milligan was a god. Lots of jokes. S**T - publisher's deadline approaching! Cobble together implausible ending. Wink to audience.

Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe series:

Sharpe is gritty. Sharpe hates everyone. Women love Sharpe. War is bad but fun. French are evil. So are rich people. Sharpe, trapped, escapes, wins.

Dante Alighieri's "Inferno":

Microsoft Windows Millenium Edition user's manual

The Story About Ping by Marjorie Flack

Replacement manual page for ping(1M) UNIX command and discussion of ICMP ECHO_REQUEST packet.

The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger:

It was a dark and stormy night... The end.

The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe:

Being a test pilot is kinda dangerous, but it would be uncool to say any more.

Holy Blood, Holy Grail by Michael Baigent et al.:

To avoid the paparazzi, he left the talk show circuit and moved to France with his wife where they raised some kids in relative anonymity.

The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco:

I love books. Yum.

The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda:

Dude, I am so f**ked up -- I have this imaginary friend who gives me great advice.

May 8: Saw boat. Aug 6: Saw ghost. Sept 10: Killed ghost, killed servants.

All Quite on the Western Front - Erich Maria Remarque

Young man goes west with schoolchums; his death is nothing to write home about.

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

Drawn-out chase through churches and museums; every twenty pages a bad history lecture breaks out.

War of the Worlds - H. G. Wells

Aliens prove life exists on Mars by coming to Earth to try and wipe it out here; they discover they should have started small.

The Constant Gardener by John Le Carre

Man thinks evil international pharmaceutical company have killed his wife. They did. They kill him too. He also fails to do any gardening.

Hitler: My Part in his Downfall - Spike Milligan

I'm mad, I am.

Puckoon - Spike Milligan

The whole of Ireland's mad.

Soldier Freddy - Spike Milligan

Still crazy after all these years. And I told you I was ill.

Berlin - the Downfall by Anthony Beevor:

The Russians win.

'Pale Fire' - Nabokov

Literature scholar loses the plot (with commentary).

"L'arrache-coeur"- Boris Vian

Freaky psychologist runs into obsessed mother. Kids locked in cage. Horse gets crucified. Guy swimming among corpses for gold. Exactly HOW far can one get?

Jerzy Lukaszewski- "Jalons d'Europe"
clever nice guys drink lots of brandy, go to jail and then set up europe

Don DeLillo- "Underworld"

He speaks in your voice, American. Soon you'll wish I did.

"Ethan Frome"-Edith Wharton

In the bleak New England winter. Sledding crash scarred me and my girl for life! Now we're trapped with crazy wife and her pickle dish.

Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood (Oliver Sacks)

I was so enthusiast about Mendeleev table, that I became a psychiatrist.

[spero suoni bene, in inglese ;o)]

James Ellroy "American Tabloid"

Or of the bramosia.

Kafka's Metamorphosis: i feel sick..everybody is an assholes and my sister has nice body.

The sun is high and I'm killing an arab. I don't know why. Like ever.

The etranger. Albert Camus

"Fermat's last theorem"- Simon Singh
Three centuries to solve the enigma

A CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charles Dickens:

No. No. No. Oh, yes alright then.

THE CANTERBURY TALES, by Geoffrey Chaucer

Lots of people fail to get to Canterbury because they spend too much time talking.

THE INVISIBLE MAN, by H G Wells

Decadent aesthete thinks that if he creates the ultimate escapist fantasy he can fight "against Nature". He's wrong.

(vide supra ;-) )

DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS by John Wyndham

Giant Walking Deadly Poisonous Plants are a Disaster, don't you know!

Dracula - Bram Stoker:

Angry customer tries to get revenge on bloodsucking parasitic Real Estate agents, fails.

Moby Dick - Herman Melville:

Bad idea. Turn back now - certain death ahead. Fine, ignore me. Splash. Aargh! Told you so.

Moby Dick:

Sail Tale
Frail man fails
pale wale prevails

Wuthering Heights - again

Oh Catherine... Oh Heathcliff. Oh Catherine... Oh Heathcliff! Oh Catherine!! OH HEATHCLIFF!!! OH CATHERINE... you get the idea.

all books by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Emancipated, intelligent woman loves a man but is hindered by religion or stupid men!

Lord of the Flies

Kids are gruesome. Fat kids are losers.

Franz Kafka - The Metamorphosis

Son wakes up, finds himself transformed into a bug, makes family life a hell, than dies. Life goes on.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

My name is Robert Jordan. I am noble. Spaniards are cool even though they curse a lot . Cowardice, though, is bad. I mean *real* bad. But -- damn! -- even noble men have to die. So I'll shag that Maria one last time.

All Terry Pratchett Rincewind Books

If you are in danger, run, it doesn't matter where you are running to. And what the hell does this luggage with feet do?

ANIMAL FARM - Orwell
Pigs smell. Badly.

THE FIRM - Grisham
Young stud goes mafia. Outsmarts everyone. Happy end.

A TIME TO KILL - Grisham
Pisshead wins courtcase.

THE HOBBIT - Tolkien
Diary of a Duke of Edinburgh Award Trip. PS: Little man finds ring

FELLOWSHIP - Tolkien
Another diary of a Duke of Edinburgh Award Trip. More Walking. PS: Little man wants to get rid of ring

TWO TOWERS - Tolkien
Wizard's condo gets flooded.

RETURN OF THE KING - Tolkien
Nutter jumps to death.

JURRASIC PARC - Crichton
Science backfires, badly.

PREY - Crichton
Science backfires, badly, again.

TIMELINE - Crichton
Don't timetravel!

BACK TO THE FUTURE 1-3
You stupid. I told you. Don't timetravel!

PARADISE AND POWER - Kagan
They are nuts, we are nuts. Yippee, let's beat up some Iraqis.

ROMEO AND JULIET - Shakespeare
Two lovers. Lots of crazy shit. Everyone dies. The End.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Girls gets stoned. Lots of smoke.

MATRIX
Sequel to Alice in Wonderland.

SHOGUN - James Clavell

Japan 1600. Englishman to learn japanese - else villagepeople ordered dead. Intriguenet between great emperors. Love. Everyone addicted by selfmurder and obedience.