Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

Hesse, the glass bead game; sometimes also called Magister Ludi.

Genius kid passes out on floor; inside joke. Family members (?) are weird. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Zzzz.

Humanity vs Entropy. Entropy wins, mostly.

Dirty old man is murdered; it's one of his three sons! Hoorah, Aloysha!

While logging, a man’s younger, college-educated, pot-smoking half-brother sleeps with his wife. It sure rains a lot in Oregon.

No, Dad, I don't want to join the family business.
Oh no, Dad's dead. Think I'll kill everyone who ever fucked with the family buisness.

Hal, tennis prodigy, tries to speak; gibberish emerges. And but so what happened? No clue. Something to do with a lethally entertaining movie. And drugs.

I have no sense of humor. My ceaseless self-pity causes me to orchestrate my own death. Trick ending available for despairing fans.

Little evil man and portly elite man are one and the same.

Help girl. Get sucked into mysterious underworld of London. Meet insane angel. Kill it. Earn ability go home. Home sucks, go underground again.

Honest young sailor betrayed and abandoned. Finds treasure, becomes rich and powerful. Plots ingenious ways to avenge his misfortune, succeeds. Finds love, contentment and happiness.

Nothing happens. Twice.

About a guy whose's really a girl and has killed three family members before age of eight. Some comic interludes.

Slothrop's erections presages rocket arrivals, Germans love S&M, assorted other subplots.

The world, power, wealth, land, women are maayaa. A war for them is idiocy. Only a fool doesn't realise this. The wise do. I do.

Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown
and
Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown
and
probably his other books, if he only uses this same template.

Academic consults on bizarre crime. Meets cutie. Uncovers huge conspiracy. Minor good guy is actually bad guy, and insane. No conspiracy after all. Ending fizzles.

Local boy actually chosen one. Must harness powers (while going schizophrenic) before battle with ultimate evil. All women are grouchy. Only 10 books to go.

Man walks five hundred miles for a roll in the hay.

Crazy man brings weird message to publishers. Publishers invent a conspiracy to explain it, but everything is already a conspiracy. Blame everything on Knight's Templar.

2004

Orphan finds that life is magical, but not all fun and games. In fact, it’s a downright pain at times. And sometimes quite terrifying.

Leopold Bloom wanders around Dublin, reminisces, frets about Molly's adultery, eats, tries to make a buck, masturbates. Crosses paths with Stephen Dedalus. Molly masturbates. Yes!

Young man damaged by war, hangs out with coal miners, farmers, prostitutes, yogis. Enlightenment ensues. Ex-girlfriend still pissed.

Self-conscious med student falls for waitress. Everyone knows she's going to use him, which she does. Repeatedly. He ends up happy, despite never going to Spain.

I'm Jean-Baptiste. Modern man: fornicates and reads the paper. I did too, now I'm conceited. Did I mention I let a woman drown? My bad.

Think rebellious thoughts, drink, hide from TV, drink, snog [more dumb than revolutionary] redhead, drink, hate BB, drink, get rats on face, love BB, drink.

I am the boss. Do exactly as I say. Don’t think. Be good until I tell you to kill, then act like it didn’t happen.

I just don't get the doppelganger thing at all ...

:::?
human experiment subject / concentration camp escapee singlehandedly challenges british dystopia; conscientiously objecting intuitive cop takes LSD to track him down; vi veri veniversum vivus vici.

Dad SUUUUUCKS! Grandpa sucks. These weird eater people suck. Being a resident sucks. My kid sucks. Thinks I suck. Acid sucks. This ending sucks.

Witches covenent decides to kill all English children with cursed sweets that turn them into mice and kill them in mousetraps. Cursed mouse-boy recalls tale.

mouse-boy is one, hyphenated word. shut up. shut-up.

"Life is many days. This will end"

A Native Angeleno drives LA's freeways, experiences the City, recalls his past, finds true love (and himself), and reveals the metropolis's true nature.

Thomas More blueskies a creepy, sixteenth-century Singapore, radically re-inventing society. (Later executed for conservative views.)

Buggery by numbers

Winston Smith does his job. Listens to Will Young in the pub.
Then appears on pilot for 'I'm a celebrity' doesn't get out.
Gets very depresssed, can't trust anyone again. Julia was a bitch.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/webwatch/

Scott, scroll down for the top referrals ever bit (Metafilter, basically).

Woah, too many characters! Best make poem 1500 pages long. Stab, charge, slaughter! Rivers of blood ensue.

(or: Dynasty for the Renaissance)

Northerner, Southerner, draw territorial line across America, slaves, talking dogs, robot ducks, murderous intentions, hissy fits, and then they all die. It is sad.

Simple concept becomes popular. Loads of new people contribute. 300 posts and still going strong. Mention in the Guardian. Guardian Readers contribute. Thread dies.

Man hunts androids, illegally on earth to lengthen their pre-programmed short, doomed lives. Kills three, falls in love with the fourth. Short-lived.