Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

>>Hackworth renegs on deal; girl learns from nanobook; many >>technologies are explained; Judge Fang, Dr. X help orphan girls; >>and as war comes, book ends.
Diamond Age, kicks ass

>>any of Michael Crichton's non-medical books:
>>Isn't cutting-edge technology wonderful?! Wait, that shouldn't be happening ... FUCK!
>>I'm sure glad I survived - If only we'd respected nature.

So true, so very, very true

Brighton Rock:

Man is dead. Whodunnit? Him! Oh, damn. So, nice weather we've been having then? Horse races, razor blades, being poor sucks, oh look a cliff.

The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown

American historian and French babe break secret codes, hustle through Europe, search for Holy Grail. Did you know that Jesus and Mary Magdalene got hitched?

I am a witty newspaper man asked to commit murder while investigating drugs on the beach. I get very rich. Much better than the movie.

Any given Robert Langdon novel by Dan Brown:

World reknowned smart guy is killed, hero called. Langdon wakes up, runs around with smart EuroBabe, visits tourist attractions, is betrayed, then resolves ancient conspiracy.

Girl is transported to a surreal world where she kills the first person she encounters then joins a group of strangers to kill again.

The Wizard of OZ

Death of a Salesman

Willy: My boys are great.
Biff: No pop, we are dime a dozen.
Willy kills himself.

The Man Who Fell to Earth -Walter Tevis

Alien comes to earth, becomes a drunk, gets blinded.

Good Omens - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett:

We lost the Antichrist. He's a normal boy. Agents from Hell and Heaven are friends. Subtle message: society sucks.

1984- Orwell

There's an annoying government, but apart from that nothing important happens at all.

The Productive members of society get tired of supporting everyone and getting shit on for it. They split. The rest of America goes to shit.

The ghosts are real. Or they're not real. One kid goes nuts. Other kid dies. I love that governess.

Of Mice And Men

retarded guy named George and normal guy named Lenny make friends and get jobs, retarded guy kills someone normal guy kills retarded guy. good stuff.

His Dark Materials trilogy - Philip Pullman.

Girl and embodied soul flee "Lady Macbeth" Mum, meet parallel boy. Help ambitious Dad defeat God. Fall in love, much symbolism, split up, many tears.

"Round The Bend", by Nevil Shute

Brit meets weird foreign guy at airshow. Brit hires foreign guy to fix aeroplane engines. Turns out he's Jesus. Planes work great. Everybody dies celibate.

On the Road - Kerouac

In a car with a redneck with ADHD, smoke reefer, go to mexico, find sluts, go home.

Junky - William S. Borroughs

Herion is good, no wait, it's bad. Wait. It's good, or maybe it's a lifestyle choice. No wait, young boys are better.

Howards End

Boy, Victorian and Edwardian society is strict. A Cottage and cradle robbing are thrown into the mix, and rich mingle with the poor a little.

Exodus, Leon Uris

Holocaust, nurse, ship, Palestine, Jews, Arabs suck, British suck. Hero gets girl.

The Haj, Leon Uris

Arabs suck, Muslims suck, and suck and suck and suck. Hero goes nuts.

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas

Gambling, sex, and Johnny Depp are cool. But drugs are better.

Revolutionary Road

"Honey, wouldn't life be easier if you were more intelligent, if I actually wanted kids, if we had a modicum of courage and if Ike wasn't ruling the country?"

The entire Tom Wolfe catalogue

"I am clearly smarter than you. Eat my dust."

B. Traven - The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

Three guys seek Mexican gold. Hardship, privation and bandits. There is much mutual suspicion. In the end greed brings about robbery and betrayal. Protagonist dies.

J. D. Salinger - Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters

Seymour skips own wedding. Disgruntled family of bride wind up at best man's apartment. Lots of alcohol served. While they recover, Seymour and bride elope.

I'm the best liar ever. Frederick Barbarossa adopted me. My pals and I found mythological creatures and the Grail. Did you catch all my references?

Verbminx:
>>Musical prodigy receives all sorts of erudite training growing up, becomes leader of civilized world, plays best game ever, retires, imagines other lives, and dies. <<

Hesse, the glass bead game; sometimes also called Magister Ludi.

Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace

Genius kid passes out on floor; inside joke. Family members (?) are weird. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Drugs. Zzzz.

Timelike Infinity - Stephen Baxter

Humanity vs Entropy. Entropy wins, mostly.

The Brothers Karamazov-

Dirty old man is murdered; it's one of his three sons! Hoorah, Aloysha!

Sometimes a Great Notion-

While logging, a man’s younger, college-educated, pot-smoking half-brother sleeps with his wife. It sure rains a lot in Oregon.

The Godfather -

No, Dad, I don't want to join the family business.
Oh no, Dad's dead. Think I'll kill everyone who ever fucked with the family buisness.

Where's the ring? Hide it from Sauron. Wait a few years. OK, now take the ring to Sauron. You heard me. Take some friends too.

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

Hal, tennis prodigy, tries to speak; gibberish emerges. And but so what happened? No clue. Something to do with a lethally entertaining movie. And drugs.

Sandman issues 1 to 75 - Neil Gaiman

I have no sense of humor. My ceaseless self-pity causes me to orchestrate my own death. Trick ending available for despairing fans.

the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde

Little evil man and portly elite man are one and the same.

Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman

Help girl. Get sucked into mysterious underworld of London. Meet insane angel. Kill it. Earn ability go home. Home sucks, go underground again.

The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas

Honest young sailor betrayed and abandoned. Finds treasure, becomes rich and powerful. Plots ingenious ways to avenge his misfortune, succeeds. Finds love, contentment and happiness.

Waiting for Godot:

Nothing happens. Twice.

The Wasp Factory

About a guy whose's really a girl and has killed three family members before age of eight. Some comic interludes.

Gravity's Rainbow

Slothrop's erections presages rocket arrivals, Germans love S&M, assorted other subplots.

Mahaabhaarathaa: (although not a novel)

The world, power, wealth, land, women are maayaa. A war for them is idiocy. Only a fool doesn't realise this. The wise do. I do.

Crud, somebody beat me to it. Well here's mine anyway.

Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown
and
Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown
and
probably his other books, if he only uses this same template.

Academic consults on bizarre crime. Meets cutie. Uncovers huge conspiracy. Minor good guy is actually bad guy, and insane. No conspiracy after all. Ending fizzles.

Wheel of Time series, by Robert Jordan

Local boy actually chosen one. Must harness powers (while going schizophrenic) before battle with ultimate evil. All women are grouchy. Only 10 books to go.

Cold Mountain, by Charles Frazier

Man walks five hundred miles for a roll in the hay.

Focault's Pendulum, by Umberto Eco

Crazy man brings weird message to publishers. Publishers invent a conspiracy to explain it, but everything is already a conspiracy. Blame everything on Knight's Templar.

I jacked off with the liver, the rest is whining about my mom.

George Orwell - 1984

2004

Harry Potter books

Orphan finds that life is magical, but not all fun and games. In fact, it’s a downright pain at times. And sometimes quite terrifying.

Ullysses by James Joyce

Leopold Bloom wanders around Dublin, reminisces, frets about Molly's adultery, eats, tries to make a buck, masturbates. Crosses paths with Stephen Dedalus. Molly masturbates. Yes!

The reader is repeatedly made aware that the rhythm will get him/her. Monosyllabic jabberings commence, and then the rhythm actually gets him/her. End.
--- Rhythm Is Gonna Get You by Gloria Estefan

The Razor's Edge

Young man damaged by war, hangs out with coal miners, farmers, prostitutes, yogis. Enlightenment ensues. Ex-girlfriend still pissed.