Summarise a Novel in 25 Words

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Moby Dick:

Whacked out Captain Ahab chases a white whale, observed by a closet homosexual called Ishmael.

― SRH (Skrik), Monday, 23 February 2004 19:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Vermont, you love this game, I can tell.

― All Bunged Up. (Jake Proudlock), Monday, 23 February 2004 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Chamberlain, Maine (Reuters - August 19th) - Rain of stones reported: Carrie White, a reportedly unpopular telekinetic fundamentalist highschooler burns down the town because of practical joke.

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Monday, 23 February 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread is priceless. god bless each and every one of you..

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 23 February 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Catcher In The Rye:

He's a phoney.
She's a phoney too.
Play a song, stop showing off on the piano, phoney!
I wish I could catch the playing children.

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Monday, 23 February 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

we should do it without the titles and thus it becomes a game!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 23 February 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, we risk ending up describing 500 books in one sweoop though ("he's a modest, poor country boy; he must travel with an esoteric person; he discovers POWERS; he beats up someone. Ten follow-ups are written. Slowly.")

Anyhoo, let's see... I'll start with an easy-peasy one, since I'm a panda:

These book things are no good!
What do you mean read them?
Hmm, these are actually pretty cool.
I'd better run off to someplace secret!

― Øystein H-O (Øystein H-O), Monday, 23 February 2004 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I love my mate's wife. She loves me too. Wahay! But she sort of loves God.... then God takes her. I hate him! Bastard!

― David Nolan (David N.), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

the dram shop - zola

working-class woman takes charge of life. finds noble husband and opens shop. long, drawn-out, torturous descent into alcoholism, misery, gluttony, prostitution, insanity & death.

― j c (j c), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

many people live in a paris apartment. some of their lives are related. a dude makes a puzzle. there are inside jokes. life's a joke.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

crap that should have been "a paris apartment building" but then it's too many words. I'm drunk on beer.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

American Psycho

Money-obsessed snob rapes and tortures hookers with hamsters and acid, writes reviews of Whitney Houston before revealing mental instability and unreliability of book's narrative.

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Little people find jewellery that belongs to big people and travel miles to burn them.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

precocious child returns from college. says jesus prayer and collapses. precocious brother has nice back, ulcer, tries to help. turns out, god is chicken soup.

(franny & zooey)

― j c (j c), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Captain Correlli's Mandolin

Wartime love story set on Greek Island. Beautifully told as war rages in the background. Nicholas Cage with a cod Italian accent. No, fuck off.

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 13:50 (twenty-two years ago)

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

I'm fat and think, no, I know I'm better than everyone else.

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Big Chief Tablets!

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

À la recherche du temps perdu - Marcel Proust

Guy wakes up, eats a cake, thinks about stuff, becomes a writer.

― BabyBuddha (BabyBuddha), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Absalom, Absalom - William Faulkner

Incest destroys the South.

― Phastbuck, Tuesday, 24 February 2004 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Native Son

Black Chicago kid beats off to film image of white debutante, scores, coincidentally, limo job in debutante's home, accidentally kills her, gets hunted down. Then there's this trial.

― otto, Tuesday, 24 February 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Take George Eliot's bourgeois pastoral, transplant confusingly to Renaissance Florence. Compromise, apolocalypse (unrelated). Ending spookily identical to 'Crying Of Lot 49'. Best victorian novel evah.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(Romola)

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

young thug gets conk, goes to jail, finds Allah, becomes a great man, goes to Mecca, rethinks seperatist dogma, gets crushed by powers that be.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

pamela:

virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue. virtue.
virtue. virture. virtue. virtue. virtue.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

oh damn these are supposed to be novels! sorry.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 19:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I have to re-do my Flowers for Algernon one. I didn't seem to remember the ending correctly.

I'm stupid, I'm smart, I'm wicked smart, I'm wicked wicked smart, I'm stupid again. And I have a mouse called Algernon.

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Finnegans Wake:

Eh...

― SRH (Skrik), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Gravity's Rainbow

Sloth or entropy? Who can tell, really?

― otto, Tuesday, 24 February 2004 22:43 (twenty-two years ago)

DING DING DING!!! I think we have a winner!

Otto - that is the most brilliant thing I've read today.

^_^

― BabyBuddha (BabyBuddha), Tuesday, 24 February 2004 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

The Sound and the Fury

My retarded brother's castration may have had something to do with my bastard daughter, another brother's suicide, or another brother's general assholishness. Or maybe not.

― DanielTheHead, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

The Jungle

Jurgis immigrates with family,
marries,
job
kids
kids die
wife cheats
Jurgis beats
prison
wife dies
son dies
runs away
returns
prison
turns socialist

― saline, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Generation X

Yuppies whine about how tough their lives are.

― August (August), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Regeneration

War is hell, but we can't shoot soldiers who go crazy anymore, so let them write poems instead.

― August (August), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Oddly opportune parental death leaves North Shore boy money, freedom, little brother. San Francisco beckons; carnival of irony ensues. Hey, lets move to Brooklyn!

― rotten shark meat, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, that's too easy. But I've got an easier one than even Dave "Paint a bull's-eye on my angst" Eggers...

Posh dandy tries matchmaking, wins enemies; beatings loom. Thank goodness for the fish-eating servant!

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

An old lady, a coven of witches, a pack of wolves and some bees steal the holy grail. Pole shift. Civilization ends. Happy old lady.

~The Hearing Trumpet, by Leonora Carrington

― Jorge, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It's hard to compete with a boulevardier such as I. But this fellow has me looking over my shoulder! Ah, well, thank heaven for little girls ...

― ccccccc, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Sloth or entropy

I just realized this is an anagram of Tyrone Slothrop.

― o. nate (onate), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen

Disgruntled children misunderstanding their senile parents. Oh yeah, talking turds.

― learned, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"You Shall Know Our Velocity"

Asshole, Come to africa where i can purge cash and make factual mistakes before i drown at some point, i haven't worked this out properly.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The Crying of Lot 49:

Conspiracy theories are a load of bollocks. Or are they?

― SRH (Skrik), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Call of the Wild:

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

― SRH (Skrik), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Great Gatsby This is a story about the effects of money. They are not good.

― Ike Stephenson (Ike Stephenson), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

The Crimson Petal and the White, by Michel Faber

Upwardly mobile whore inspires man to get job. Wife leaves, dies; brother dies; kid leaves with whore. Man breaks leg.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

New York Trilogy, Paul Auster

"Are you the detective Paul Auster?" No, but I'll pretend I am. Actually I write detective novels, and now I'm pretending to be a detective! Later I get to meet the real Auster, who isn't a detective at all but the author of this post.

― Paul Auster, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien

Little guys go to a lot of trouble to get rid of stolen jewelry.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy

Three men infatuated with one beautiful woman. Guy she ends up with is too good for her.

― Vermont Girl (Vermont Girl), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The Collector by John Fowles

Boy meets girl, boy imprisons girl, girl withers away. Boy meets girl...

― Chris Hill (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason

Apocalypse Now but with Brahms instead of The Doors.

― BPG, Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Madame Bovary

"Is the grass greener on the other side? It must be. Oh, it isn't. Time to die."

― Chris Hill (Chris Hill), Wednesday, 25 February 2004 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

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Stephen King's "Pet Sematary"

Dad burys dead cat; it comes back scary. Dad burys dead son; he comes back scarier. Dad burys dead wife - really should have known better.

― Jillian Anthony, Thursday, 27 October 2005 22:09 (twenty years ago)

… a guy called Kid(d) has weird sex, writes poetry, joins a bunch of scorpions there's a new moon, 'George' everything in Bellona is broken and a guy called Kid(d) has weird sex, writes poetry, joins a bunch of scorpions there's a new moon, 'George' everything in Bellona is broken and a guy called Kid(d) has weird sex, writes poetry, joins a bunch of scorpions there's a new moon, 'George' everything in Bellona is broken and a guy called Kid(d) has weird sex, writes poetry, joins a bunch of scorpions there's a new moon, 'George' everything in Bellona is broken and …

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 27 October 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

The Go-Between, by L.P. Hartley

Upon discovery of a childhood notebook, a man's memory is jogged, Proust-style, causing him to relive a long-repressed, displaced and class-inflected Oedipal drama.

I posted a version of this last December, but it went missing.

― k/l (Ken L), Friday, 28 October 2005 00:13 (twenty years ago)

Virgina Woolf: ORLANDO

Guy turns inexplicable into a woman. No one seems to notice for 400 years. In the end baby is born. Who's the mother?

― Rux Dum (Rux_Dum), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

Io uccido, di Giorgio Faletti.

Un terribile serial killer è imprendibile, perchè minaccia sempre i potenziali testimoni: se non ci dici niente agli inquirenti, ti regalo un bel giumbotto.

Ma la metropoli è piccola, e la gente MORMORA.

Ok. E' troppo difficile?

― fiorenzo desiderio (morias), Saturday, 5 November 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

City of Glass by Paul Auster

I'm going to get to the bottom of the mystery of ... what was I doing again?

― Hurting (Hurting), Sunday, 6 November 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

Music of Chance by Paul Auster

I'm going on a long road trip so I can ... what was I doing again?

― Hurting (Hurting), Sunday, 6 November 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

fvjh ugy h

― miy wong, Monday, 28 November 2005 22:24 (twenty years ago)

lol women be wanting rights, men don't care - tell funny stories. clerk licks asshole.

-- The Canterbury Tales

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 02:48 (twenty years ago)

who are you? i hate you. o shit this is hell lol. this sux. girl2girl lez sex?

-- No Exit, Sartre

(I don't care if it's not a novel, it's one of my favorite works of literature)

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 29 November 2005 02:52 (twenty years ago)

The Neon Bible - John Kennedy Toole
Kid in small town. Dad goes to war, dies. Mom goes nuts, dies, gets buried in back yard. Preacher comes by to take her to take her to mental ward, gets PWNED. Kid runs off. mookbookhttp://www.jazztimes.com/reviews/concert_reviews/grphx/leroyjenkins.jpg . . .

― ddasd, Wednesday, 7 December 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

100 years of solitude- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

was swamp, teen pregnancy the norm, juntas, pestolence, endless rain, names irrelevant in a latin kind of way, society dissolves into what returns to swamp.

(I only included this review because the other review wasnt 25 words)

― johnson jackson chaffin, Saturday, 14 January 2006 22:35 (twenty years ago)

watchfiends and rack screams // antonin artaud

human phallus, french poop sex, priests = asses, naked, utterly batshit, still french, syphillitic delerium, lots of talk about "god's cunt" still french. dead. still french.

― johnson jackson chaffin, Saturday, 14 January 2006 22:48 (twenty years ago)

dalton trumbo // johnny got his gun

soldier blown up, can't communicate, remembers code, asks to die. too bad its before movies were invented:
in the movie version they help him die.

― johnson jackson chaffin, Saturday, 14 January 2006 23:14 (twenty years ago)

Practically every novel John le Carre has written:

Charming but unbalanced spy/diplomat goes off the rails. Dies, preferably in ironic manner.

― chap who would dare to work for the man (chap), Sunday, 15 January 2006 18:43 (twenty years ago)

muppet movie picture book //

frog seeks stardom in Los Angeles, seduces bilingual pig, befriends studebaker-driving bear, rainbow-centric songs, suck-free cameos, no muppets end up turning tricks on Sunset Boulevard.

― johnson jackson chaffin, Monday, 16 January 2006 21:47 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

I'm in search of the novel called oliver thwist, the somary of it

― agbams ugochukwu, Friday, 10 February 2006 15:31 (twenty years ago)

Brutally honest and emotionally charged, it tells the story of Oliver Twist. Oliver is a boy, raised by his prostitute mother. In an endearingly perverse way to earn his mother’s respect and love, he sets out to join the ‘lot lizards’, selling himself for sex to truckers in the local parking lot. So with curly blonde Shirley Temple curls, Oliver, clad in a short leather skirt, and adopting his mother’s name ‘Sarah’, does just that.

― tom west (thomp), Friday, 10 February 2006 15:53 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

These are all the books we've read so far in my English class. See if you can spot the pattern.

Beloved by Morrison:
Slavery sucked. My sons ran away and I'm haunted by my baby's ghost. HOLY SHIT SHE'S BACK! Wait, where are we? Hey, she killed her daughter!

The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald:
Friend changes his life for a girl. She's married to a rich racist. I'm in the middle and I don't care. Money will kill you.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Twain:
Slavery sucks. I'm too racist to like this guy. I'm having an adventure to escape my evil dad. Oh crap I've been caught.

Native Son by Wright:
Racism still sucks. African-American kid in Chicago accidentally kills a white girl. That must mean all black people suck! Long speech in trial explains everything.

And now just for fun, two novellas by me. The first one is available at www.cyberheroez.inetgames.com and the second is in progress

Cyber Heroez:
Teenage nerd based on author goes into video game world, uses powers to fight giant glove. Almost dies, and his brother cries. Magically has idea.

The Centaur:
In the future, things are normal. Weird scientist mistakes fantasy for history and changes the world. Centaur finds him, tells him how much life sucks.

― UnknownWarrior33, Saturday, 4 March 2006 02:56 (twenty years ago)

Johnny Tremain:
The revolutionary war had no technology, tanks, or drill seargents. Maybe a deformed guy will make it interesting. No? Well, it was worth a try.

― UnknownWarrior33, Saturday, 4 March 2006 02:59 (twenty years ago)

The Animorphs series:
Kids and aliens turn into animals to fight smaller aliens that crawl into your head and take over your body. Series' end screwed everything up.

― UnknownWarrior33, Saturday, 4 March 2006 03:04 (twenty years ago)

The Elementary Particles by Michel Houellebecq-

One scientist brother, one horny brother. Women they can't love wither and die. Finally men are extinct, cloned women inherit world. Is that an apology?

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 4 March 2006 14:17 (twenty years ago)

The entire history of the human race:

War, hate, disease, famine, poverty, anger, rioting, rape, crime, theft, terrorism, racism, sexism, homophobia, drug addiction, fear and I got laid last night. Thouroghruly worthwhile.

― Rob Wright A.K.A. Ned the viking, Saturday, 18 March 2006 12:27 (twenty years ago)

Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men"

Don't bother reading this, just pinch yourself and chop onions till you cry.

― Rob Wright A.K.A. Ned the viking, Saturday, 18 March 2006 12:45 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

Romeo and Juliet
2 14 year olds meet and marry in three days. They relise what a mistake they have made and kill themselves

― Brita, Tuesday, 4 April 2006 07:16 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

A journey of friendship. The temptation. To destroy the one ring.

― frodo baggins, Tuesday, 25 April 2006 06:22 (twenty years ago)

[spam. registered users only now!]

― hispam, Friday, 28 April 2006 20:37 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

"The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien:

Everything in this book is a total lie, but it's still true for the psychological reasons I say it is. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

― UnknownWarrior33 (unknownwarrior33), Sunday, 14 May 2006 23:01 (twenty years ago)

"Anthem" by Ayn Rand

We fell in love with them and now the two of us want to escape. I'm glad I found her. Society is evil.

― UnknownWarrior33 (unknownwarrior33), Sunday, 14 May 2006 23:14 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Iain M. Banks

Consider Phlebas

Intergalactic Mind-fuck in which main character does a fair bit of lots of things

― David James Cruse (Day In Day out Day In Day Out), Monday, 26 June 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

"Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell

Admiral sails ...
Victorean charlatan composes ...
70's reporter ...
Publisher ...
Future clone escapes ...
postapocalyptic civilization sucks like all
... tolitarian oppression
... is institutionalized
... exposes corporate malfeasance
... music
... pacific

― Camiel (Camiel), Wednesday, 28 June 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

three months pass...

‘The Bluest Eye’ by Toni Morrison

Young, unattractive black girl wants to have blue eyes in order to look prettier. Prays to God every day. Gets nailed by her father instead.

― Al Harris (Spotter), Friday, 29 September 2006 11:24 (nineteen years ago)

DMT: THE SPIRIT MOLECULE

THOSE WHO DARE...TRIP THEIR BALLS OFF. THOSE WHO DON'T, LIVE WITH ONLY THE ONE REALITY OF CONSCIENCE.

― David James Cruse (Day In Day out Day In Day Out), Friday, 13 October 2006 04:49 (nineteen years ago)

three years pass...

Gremlins(the movie)
RTFM.

― lattegrappa, Sunday, 26 September 2010 09:15 (fifteen years ago)

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