INJURIES OF THE YEAR (SO FAR)
What a week. Hunter Strickland lost a heavyweight-championship bout with a wall. Brandon Morrow’s pants gave him more trouble than the hitters. And it wasn’t even safe to watch baseball’s most beloved mascot perform his customary merriment.
Because all of that happened just this week, what better time to recap The Top Five Injuries of the Year (So Far)? And here’s the best part:
To select this prestigious list, I called on baseball’s preeminent injury authority (non-Dr. James Andrews Division) — former Giants pitcher (and three-time Injury of the Year winner) Jeremy Affeldt.
As a man whose three Injury of the Year honors were all due to mishaps away from the field (separating frozen hamburgers, hugging his son after a road trip, playing with his kids at a lake), Affeldt offers a clear understanding of the most critical factors involved in assessing the creativity and degree of difficulty involved in these calamities:
A) How much abuse would they elicit from teammates?
B) How embarrassing would it be to tell your trainer or general manager what happened?
“With all of my injuries,” he told Useless Info, “I’d think, ‘How am I going to explain this to (GM) Brian Sabean?’ He’d usually just look at me and walk out of the room. And I’d think, ‘Hmmm, he and I probably aren’t going to have dinner any time soon.’”
So … as GMs stomp out of rooms all across our fair land, are you ready for this year’s top five injuries? Let’s announce them now!
FIRST PRIZE – Cubs closer Brandon Morrow attempts to take off his pants in the closet after returning from a road trip, fails to nail the landing, winds up on the disabled list with back spasms.
Affeldt’s take: I put that No. 1 because it was most relatable to me. It felt like something I would have done. Just taking your pants off and you blow out your back? I’m surprised it never happened to me. I don’t know how I missed that one.
SECOND PRIZE – Royals catcher Salvador Pérez squats a thousand times a week and comes out of that feeling just fine. But he takes a funny step while carrying his suitcase up the stairs after arriving home from spring training — and lands on the DL with a torn MCL. Our unprofessional diagnosis: Samsonitis!
Affeldt’s take: It’s a suitcase deal. It’s one of those things you do all the time. The worst part is, you do it at home, and then you have to make the phone call to the trainer. So you call him and he says, “What’s up?”And you say, “I was just carrying my suitcase up the steps and I blew out.” And the trainer’s like, “Whaat?” It’s the most awkward conversation ever….And just the irony of that, for a catcher? I could easily make that No. 1.
THIRD PRIZE – Mariners masher Nelson Cruz hits a home run in the second game of the season and successfully trots around the bases without incident – then unsuccessfully tries to hop down the dugout steps and lands on the DL with a sprained ankle.
Affeldt’s take: My thing is, if I’m a player on that team, I’m probably going to be laughing at that one. I mean, the most un-athletic move you could possibly have is blowing out doing something you do every day — walking down the steps. You ever notice that nobody ever does that after they strike out? When you strike out, you walk down those steps nice and slow. But when you hit a home run, you’ve got so much more energy going. You see guys and they’re out of breath and you say, “You’re out of breath after a home run trot?” But it’s because there’s an adrenaline rush. There’s so much excitement, you almost don’t breathe. So the moral of the story is: Act like you did it before. Take your time. Make it down the steps.
FOURTH PRIZE – Giants third baseman Evan Longoria stands in the batter’s box as Derek Holland throws a side session with no plans to swing – but still somehow turns an ankle and misses a game.
Affeldt’s take: You see hitters do that all the time, standing in, just tracking balls. They’re not standing close. They’re not getting out of the way of any pitches. They’re just standing there because it’s a bullpen session — and you roll your ankle? I put that at No. 4 just because I like the ones with athletes being un-athletic. That’s just funny to me, probably because I’ve done that so much myself. I’ll hit a golf shot sometimes and say, “Seriously? How does a professional athlete hit a shot that bad?” So when you roll your ankle just standing in, I guarantee all the guys in the clubhouse say, “That’s an athletic move.”
FIFTH PRIZE – In order to score the first run of his career, Yankees pitcher Masahiro Tanaka has to run 90 consecutive feet to score on a sacrifice fly at Citi Field. That goes so well, he somehow lands on the DL with two sore hamstrings.
Affeldt’s take: I’m thinking, you run down the line and then you have to tell the trainer, “I tweaked my hamstrings.” And he says, “You mean ‘hamstring.’” And you have to go, “No. Both of them.” I mean, I don’t know how that’s possible, to blow out both of them. I know in our training room, we used to hang these things on the wall. I know because I was on there a lot. If you look bad on the field or do something really dumb and go on the DL, they’d put you up there. I hope they have one (in Yankee Stadium) because this is going on that wall.
NOT IN THE TOP FIVE SHOCKER – Hunter Strickland blows save, punches wall, loses unanimous decision, ends up on DL with broken hand.
Affeldt’s take: Here’s why that’s not in my top five. More people do that than you’d think. I could tell you hundreds of guys I’ve watched who got mad and punched something. They just didn’t break their metacarpal.
MINOR LEAGUE BONUS INJURY – Thanks to the Orange County Register’s Jeff Fletcher for alerting us to this one: Angels prospect Taylor Ward got promoted from double A to triple A last month. Alas, his journey from Mobile to Salt Lake had to be delayed for 10 days — because he cut his finger while packing (and had to wait it out on the DL).
Affeldt’s take: I actually feel bad about this one. Your whole goal is to get called up. And now you cut your finger packing and you can’t get called up? That’s really unlucky — but it is really funny.
BONUS MASCOT INJURY – The Phillie Phanatic aimed his fabled hot-dog launcher toward the seats of Citizens Bank Park on Monday — and launched a duct-taped hot dog directly into the face of poor Kathy McVay. Her glasses went flying. Her eye turned into a black-and-blue puffball. And she wound up in the emergency room. But other than that, her 15 minutes of fame have gone splendidly.
Affeldt’s take: My advice would be: When you’re shooting a cannon, try not to aim at people’s faces. You’re not doing the launch-angle thing to hit a home run. So how ’bout just hitting a little infield pop-up? But all injuries caused by mascots should be on this list — because those are epic.
― mookieproof, Friday, 22 June 2018 15:23 (seven years ago)