Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

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I know we all love to waste our lives inside the black box but there is only so much you can tolerate. This is a negative thread so please be that.

Youth (Paolo Sorrentino, 2015)
Anomalisa (Charlie Kaufman, 2015) - this looks terrible
Hail, Ceasar! (Coen bros., 2015) - a cast to avoid

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:10 (six years ago) link

I was just thinking this about Anomalisa, like ten minutes ago

Laertiades (imago), Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:13 (six years ago) link

I will not allow myself to watch A Bigger Splash. Not that trailers are remotely an indication of how good a film is going to be, but the trailer for this is so pervasively nauseating that it would be a triumph of editing were it somehow to not reflect accurately.

tangenttangent, Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:24 (six years ago) link

Now that awards season is over, I no longer feel like my avoidance of The Revenant, The Big Short, Mad Max: Fury Road, Room and The Martian is that big of a deal, so I'll just continue quietly avoiding them now.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 14:20 (six years ago) link

Youth is the worst Sorrention, and the first he's made in a long time that doesn't at least have that wonderful Sorrentinoesque editing, but it's still fine. Looking forward to A Bigger Splash!

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:08 (six years ago) link

teh danish girl
steve jobs
hateful 8

johnny crunch, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:13 (six years ago) link

o yea room also def

johnny crunch, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:17 (six years ago) link

Brooklyn

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:19 (six years ago) link

A War! Fuck that propagandistic crap.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:19 (six years ago) link

Youth was a shade less revolting than The Danish Girl; both movies you can point and laugh at.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:24 (six years ago) link

will avoid:
Oliver Stone's Snowden thing
X-Men XVIII or whatever
Independence Day 2
Star Trek XXXVIII or whatever
Eastwood/Sully
Magnificent Seven remake
Harry Potter spinoff
Star Wars spinoff

will wait for streaming:
Zootopia
Deadpool, maybe
Finding Another Fish

WilliamC, Sunday, 6 March 2016 16:33 (six years ago) link

I thought I was pretty positive & unpicky about films but pretty much everything listed so far I am either avoiding or wish I had avoided

I think the sole exception is Independence Day which I will proooobably see one day even though it looks extremely terrible

anglos with derpy phasis (wins), Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:07 (six years ago) link

Anything Terrence Malick puts out. I have come to accept the fact I find his films shallow and boring, and can no longer be bothered to try.

(I mean, I rarely go to the cinema to catch new films anyway but I don't really see that as actively avoiding films, just... failing to go to the cinema.)

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:27 (six years ago) link

Oh right, now that Oscarbait season is done, Deadpool is thing I give the least shit about.

Might only watch Stone's Snowden thing because of JGL, but still a big maybe.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:41 (six years ago) link

emil.y, I'm with you on Malick (after Thin Red Line).

WilliamC, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:23 (six years ago) link

what movies have you willingly watched recently that would make you reconsider the actively avoid list by comparison?
(my having watched zoolander2 means I can't really have an actively avoid list anymore)

Philip Nunez, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:44 (six years ago) link

how is malick "shallow"? of all the ways to go at the guy...

circa1916, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:58 (six years ago) link

I don't think he's shallow, more like he's got these few things to say and repeats them ad nauseum. I will avoid the new one.

stanley krubrick (rip van wanko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:04 (six years ago) link

This is supposed to be a solely negative thread, so no defending! Though I guess to me 'shallow' = I appreciate the look of his films but the underlying messages and themes completely fail to resonate with me. I just get nothing deeper than 'oh, I guess that's quite pretty'. You might get something more, but I find myself unmoved.

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:04 (six years ago) link

all of them

mookieproof, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:49 (six years ago) link

Thirding the Malick disdain. Tree of Life felt achingly empty to me. I cannot gel with his very measured, almost clinically literary tone, and don't understand his emotional palette at all. I keep falling for the hype that surrounds him, but I don't think it will happen again.

tangenttangent, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:54 (six years ago) link

As usual, you put it much better than I can. I often love "achingly empty" films, but that's normally when the emptiness is intentional. Whereas Malick seems to be desperately trying to impart something, but when I look I find nothing.

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:01 (six years ago) link

Youth is the worst Sorrention, and the first he's made in a long time that doesn't at least have that wonderful Sorrentinoesque editing, but it's still fine. Looking forward to A Bigger Splash!

― Frederik B, Sunday, March 6, 2016 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The reason for this thread is that a friend & I were going to see it and then got there and it was sold out. We were both dreading it, knowing it was going to be complete and utter shit but liking some of his previous work.

Another friend dragged me to A Bigger Splash! and it was so banal - this barely disguised ad for the Italian tourist industry (even if good things don't happen) so you should avoid it if you can.

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:14 (six years ago) link

The even bigger reason is that 2016 has been terrible for films. Rams by Grímur Hákonarson looks like this quirky Icelandic film I just don't care for. The Revenant is a complete fkn joke.

In parallel the BFI has been running a Godard season and his work from the 70s onwards (never mind the 60s) has been putting everybody to shame.

Dreading the end of this (next week is the last of it). If I am able to I always like going to the cinema.

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:23 (six years ago) link

I know we aren't suppose to defend film, but Rams is delightful... If you all didn't see Of Horses and Men by Benedikt Erlingsson, you need to do that as well, and they're kinda the same film.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:33 (six years ago) link

dunno if something can be both quirky and viscerally crushing but this is a thread of hatred so on we go. obv i am never watching The Revenant ever

Laertiades (imago), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:34 (six years ago) link

Even though I set-up the thread no one needs to follow all the rules (not that there are any hard-and-fast rules) so yeah defend if you happen to watch and like it. Obviously I'm saying 'no way' on the basis of a trailer or a review of it or what I hear about it. xp

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:37 (six years ago) link

The rams trailer made it look like quirky deadpan comedy but it's like straight tragedy. I liked it, probably in large part because it wasn't the former - as we were leaving my friend said "imagine if that had been a British film" and we both shuddered at the thought of the fucking michael gambon rhys ifans bullshit that would be

anglos with derpy phasis (wins), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:42 (six years ago) link

youth really was pretty bad -- glacial male-artist sorrow (certainly the end of something or other, one would sort of have to think), that one guy who only plays quivering bureaucrats as a quivering bureaucrat, all dialogue clearly written but not spoken in esl which gave the whole movie such a stilted uncanny feeling i almost liked it. liked the giant marx tattoo i guess.

anomalisa was perfect on its own extremely limited and unpleasant terms.

the coens have been at the top of their career since burn after reading so i am very excited for this obviously slight one.

anyway, deadpool.

denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:52 (six years ago) link

The Revenant, The Danish Girl, the Dakota Fanning trans boy movie, most of the foreseeable superhero movies, Zoolander 2

one way street, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:56 (six years ago) link

all of them

― mookieproof, Sunday, March 6, 2016 12:49 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm.

I am the Joey Chestnut of avoiding movies

lute bro (brimstead), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:58 (six years ago) link

had no idea stone was making a snowden movie; that's unnecessary. idk if there's a scene in oliver stone's whole oeuvre better than the fire alarm sequence in citizenfour unless it's the one where joe pesci's wig comes off.

denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:01 (six years ago) link

Rams should be seen just for the awesome images of Iceland :) They have this whole boom of cheap films filmed around the countryside, using the landscape and many amateur actors. All of the films have names like Rams, Sparrows, Volcano, Virgin Mountain, Of Horses and Men. It's a style, kinda.

Yeah, Youth is pretty bad. Sorrentino has only made 'big-male-sorrow' films. His last three films were male-artist-sorrow, but before that it was politician and mafiosi. It's definitely the biggest failing of his filmography, and Youth is really doubling down on it. The guy is still just 45, why are all his films about men growing old and irrelevant? But he is a good picture-maker, and Youth has good pictures.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:42 (six years ago) link

When Tree of Life came out the local alt-weekly ran two reviews: "I Saw The Tree of Life, and I Loved It" and "I Didn't See The Tree of Life, and I Hated It." I'll always love Badlands and should get around to watching The Thin Red Line but nothing after that has had much appeal.

JoeStork, Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:51 (six years ago) link

The only 'my god what rubbish' reaction I've had to a trailer recently was for The BFG, but after the disaster of Tintin I was unlikely to see another Spielberg kids' movie anyway.

The trailer for Hail, Caesar pretty much gives the entire movie away - and does so in a far snappier fashion than the film itself. Ralph Fiennes is the standout turn in H,C but even that wasn't enough to make me see A Bigger Splash, especially after I read a really arsey interview w/ the director in Sight and Sound.

And yes, Youth was unrecoverable in any coherent critical way as a 'good' movie, but it's not an especially interesting bad movie either. The corollary of its male-artist-sorrow is a gross sexism and general disregard for any of the female characters (Rachel Weisz and Jane Fonda probably give the best performances in the film, but they're marginalised and trivialised when set against mouldy Michael Caine and mumbling Harvey Keitel). Also thought This Must Be The Place was a turd, so yeah, it def feels like Sorrentino loses something quite crucial when working with an English Language script.

Chicamaw (Ward Fowler), Sunday, 6 March 2016 23:06 (six years ago) link

The Big Fucken Giant. Never saw Tintin but I will do my duty and watch it as part of the big Spielberg project. But I get to stop at Bridge Of Spies, then my commitment ends, so the BFG can G the F O.
Never watched Avatar, Titanic, Independence Day, any Jurassic Park sequels, I watch a hella lit of bad ibdies but I can't be bothered with that shit.
Still Alice, my mother keeps trying to show me and I am "no thank you"

Jonathan Hellion Mumble, Sunday, 6 March 2016 23:58 (six years ago) link

Fast/Furious films, Saw films, TV spinoffs...

Jonathan Hellion Mumble, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:01 (six years ago) link

The director of A Bigger Splash is Luca Guadagnino who made the quite good I Am Love, so def seeing A Bigger Splash.

I watched Synecdoche New York two days back and decided to give Anomalisa a pass.

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:06 (six years ago) link

guys if you're not hating on days of heaven you're hating malick wrong

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:27 (six years ago) link

its like if you're really going to hate oasis you can't just start hating with 'be here now'. you have to commit to your hate. it's like hating only the late u2: fuck that.

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:28 (six years ago) link

i am love is a garbage movie for garbage people

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:28 (six years ago) link

oh my god rain on a statues face it looks like the statue is crying fuck me did your 5yo cowrite this thing

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:29 (six years ago) link

anomalisa is a great title for a mediocre mid-90s indie record

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:29 (six years ago) link

dlh's thing on youth and esl kinda makes me want to see it, or at least make a movie that uses the same trick to some effect

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:30 (six years ago) link

Non-english speaking people has been doing this for decades.

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:54 (six years ago) link

'Oh look at this stupid director, he isn't even a native English speaker, and he still thinks he can make a global film! lol, what a weirdo.'

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:55 (six years ago) link

'Meanwhile, isn't Eddie Redmayne amazing as a Dane, let's give him all the oscars!'

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:55 (six years ago) link

i think there was more to dlh's claim than that tbh

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:19 (six years ago) link

Anything with "today's comedy superstars" US version - people I generally find unfunny (Louis CK, Tina Fey, The Amy's Schumer and Poehler) ---everything I've seen them in up to now a resounding dud so no thanks.
Anything by Lanthimos
"Anomalisa" was a real chore.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:48 (six years ago) link

Also - no more Baumbach. Or Ben Stiller ( he just seems fed up in everything).

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:49 (six years ago) link

Really wanna see House of Gooch tbh

let's make lunch and listen to five finger death punch (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 14 December 2021 18:21 (one year ago) link

five months pass...

Elvis

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Saturday, 4 June 2022 01:45 (eight months ago) link

Baz Luhrmann is a tacky vulgarian and should never be allowed to make a film ever again.

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Sunday, 5 June 2022 08:09 (eight months ago) link

two months pass...

Bardo

(Walter Chaw: “Bardo is Jay Sherman’s 8 1/2, and knowing it doesn’t excuse it.”)

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Sunday, 4 September 2022 20:33 (five months ago) link

Despite being wuite capable of impure thoughts about Daisy Edgar-Jones, you could not pay me to see WHERE THE CRAWDADS SING

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 6 September 2022 08:40 (five months ago) link

*quite

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Tuesday, 6 September 2022 08:40 (five months ago) link

That movie title makes me think of some sort of swamp Disney singing animal thing, or Ghost World’s parody Miramax-style art film “The Flower that Drank the Moon”

sweating like Cathy *aaaack* (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 6 September 2022 18:04 (five months ago) link

I thought that was the new Scorsese movie.

Bait Kush (Eric H.), Tuesday, 6 September 2022 20:04 (five months ago) link

two months pass...

is it just me or is The Fabelmans a deeply embarrassing looking film?

It's called THE FABLEMANS

insane oatmeal raisin cookie posse (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 11 November 2022 20:11 (two months ago) link

*FABELMANS

insane oatmeal raisin cookie posse (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 11 November 2022 20:12 (two months ago) link

The Moviesons

insane oatmeal raisin cookie posse (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 11 November 2022 20:12 (two months ago) link

so you're agreeing with me

*i'm not a fabelmans, i'm a fable, maaaaaaaan*

Yeah it looks stupid as shit

insane oatmeal raisin cookie posse (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 11 November 2022 20:17 (two months ago) link

The O’Silverscreensons

insane oatmeal raisin cookie posse (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 11 November 2022 20:21 (two months ago) link

MOM: "You go ahead and make those movies!"
DAD: "There's more to life than movies!"
LIL STEVIE: "Movies: The Movie"
THE ACADEMY: "Give that man 1000 Golden Moviemans, hereafter known as Oscar Fabelmans"

I’m pretty sure I’ll avoid it but I do want to hear from someone who’s seen All Jacked Up And Full of Worms.

JoeStork, Friday, 11 November 2022 21:26 (two months ago) link

I want to see the bit of The Fabelmans where he finally meets John Ford and it's David Lynch, but YouTube will probably sort me out for that if I wait a few months.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 11 November 2022 21:30 (two months ago) link

Morbius would have defended this, miss him.

Lord Pickles (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 12 November 2022 01:33 (two months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Something about the Violent Night premise is intensely irritating to me.

jmm, Thursday, 1 December 2022 15:23 (two months ago) link

Yeah, that looks like garbage.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Thursday, 1 December 2022 15:28 (two months ago) link

gleefully smug transgressive action movies kinda wearying to me in general, maybe moreso these days. santa claus as a skilled wildcard killer foiling the bad guys' plans almost too dumb to be real. the die hard in a chimney premise almost feels like a simpsons parody.

omar little, Thursday, 1 December 2022 17:54 (two months ago) link

I’ll possibly end up seeing it anyway, but The Whale looks miserable.

Les hommes de bonbons (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 7 December 2022 00:15 (two months ago) link

hard hard avoid from me

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 7 December 2022 02:37 (two months ago) link

Babylon, AMPAS indifference willing

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Wednesday, 7 December 2022 02:45 (two months ago) link

avatar, obvs

I still can’t believe I saw the last one

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Friday, 9 December 2022 03:31 (one month ago) link

Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths

Ward Fowler, Friday, 9 December 2022 09:59 (one month ago) link

The theatrical version of The Whale is an incredibly moving piece of theatre. No idea how the film version will shake out but I'm going to give it a try.

Violent Night ruled. It's a bit weird in that its core, it's really a traditional family Christmas movie, but then eventually bad guys get decapitated.

It's more like Miracle on 34th Street with Santa ruthlessly killing bad guys to protect a little girl from harm.

Fash Gordon (Neanderthal), Friday, 9 December 2022 18:29 (one month ago) link

three weeks pass...

Pretty sure The Whale.

clemenza, Saturday, 31 December 2022 02:17 (one month ago) link

seconded

two weeks pass...

Enys Men, Tar, The Banshees of Inisherin

xyzzzz__, Monday, 16 January 2023 10:15 (three weeks ago) link

Aftersun looks kinda lame tbh.

xyzzzz__, Monday, 16 January 2023 10:24 (three weeks ago) link

It's terrific.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 16 January 2023 13:25 (three weeks ago) link

It gets the Alfred B+ by me

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Monday, 16 January 2023 13:43 (three weeks ago) link

Aftersun rules

jaymc, Monday, 16 January 2023 13:45 (three weeks ago) link

Despite my reservations, Frankie Corio gives the best youth performance I've seen in a very long time

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Monday, 16 January 2023 13:47 (three weeks ago) link

it's a heartwarming, wistful memories of dad movie isn't it? I've seen people praising it but I've not felt very tempted to watch it as yet.

calzino, Monday, 16 January 2023 13:55 (three weeks ago) link

Wistful, sure. Dunno about heartwarming.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 16 January 2023 14:00 (three weeks ago) link

three weeks pass...

Saw a poster for Tar after coming out of a re-screening of Roman Holiday (Wyler, 1953). I can see the value of wanting things like this: light script (with stuff beneath if you wanted to go there), beautiful leads with chemistry, the right length of 90 minutes so no overstaying.

xyzzzz__, Monday, 6 February 2023 09:58 (yesterday) link

Films are absolutely all too long these days. Or rather, they spend too much time in the 2 1/2, 3 hour zone. Give me 80 min or give ne 4 hours.

Daniel_Rf, Monday, 6 February 2023 10:49 (yesterday) link

Very few films justify the length of over two hours.

And the most repetitive but truthful comment is to say that x film was great but 20 mins too long.

xyzzzz__, Monday, 6 February 2023 11:31 (yesterday) link

It's become especially noticeable since 2020, as if COVID killed editors.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 6 February 2023 12:41 (yesterday) link

It's weird because something frivolous, fun, but also nicely made and played, that doesn't speak to anything contemporary and 'short' would be just the ticket after 2/3 years of no cinema.

(I am not looking too closely so I'm sure those things are about, but what dominates attention -- and is sadly on my radar -- is stuff like Tar rn)

xyzzzz__, Monday, 6 February 2023 13:30 (yesterday) link

Length=$ in the streaming era, everyone wants inventory

POLIZISTEN VERSINKEN IM SCHLAMM (forksclovetofu), Monday, 6 February 2023 13:49 (yesterday) link

A nice side effect of this for me personally tho is that Bollywood/Kolywood/Tollywood productions no longer seem daunting. I used to avoid that territory because of lenght issues but now they're just the same size as yet average thing at the cinema.

Daniel_Rf, Monday, 6 February 2023 13:52 (yesterday) link

On my most tinhat days I suspect Hollywood is actively killing off the movie format in order to force people toward prestige TV, where minutes watched is the base metric, not admissions.

عباس کیارستمی (Eric H.), Monday, 6 February 2023 13:56 (yesterday) link

It's like one of the metrics for an app. The 'best' ones are usually judged as the ones you never log away from.

xyzzzz__, Monday, 6 February 2023 14:12 (yesterday) link


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