Last (x) Movies you are going to Avoid

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I know we all love to waste our lives inside the black box but there is only so much you can tolerate. This is a negative thread so please be that.

Youth (Paolo Sorrentino, 2015)
Anomalisa (Charlie Kaufman, 2015) - this looks terrible
Hail, Ceasar! (Coen bros., 2015) - a cast to avoid

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:10 (four years ago) link

I was just thinking this about Anomalisa, like ten minutes ago

Laertiades (imago), Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:13 (four years ago) link

I will not allow myself to watch A Bigger Splash. Not that trailers are remotely an indication of how good a film is going to be, but the trailer for this is so pervasively nauseating that it would be a triumph of editing were it somehow to not reflect accurately.

tangenttangent, Sunday, 6 March 2016 13:24 (four years ago) link

Now that awards season is over, I no longer feel like my avoidance of The Revenant, The Big Short, Mad Max: Fury Road, Room and The Martian is that big of a deal, so I'll just continue quietly avoiding them now.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 14:20 (four years ago) link

Youth is the worst Sorrention, and the first he's made in a long time that doesn't at least have that wonderful Sorrentinoesque editing, but it's still fine. Looking forward to A Bigger Splash!

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:08 (four years ago) link

teh danish girl
steve jobs
hateful 8

johnny crunch, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:13 (four years ago) link

o yea room also def

johnny crunch, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:17 (four years ago) link

Brooklyn

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:19 (four years ago) link

A War! Fuck that propagandistic crap.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:19 (four years ago) link

Youth was a shade less revolting than The Danish Girl; both movies you can point and laugh at.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 6 March 2016 15:24 (four years ago) link

will avoid:
Oliver Stone's Snowden thing
X-Men XVIII or whatever
Independence Day 2
Star Trek XXXVIII or whatever
Eastwood/Sully
Magnificent Seven remake
Harry Potter spinoff
Star Wars spinoff

will wait for streaming:
Zootopia
Deadpool, maybe
Finding Another Fish

WilliamC, Sunday, 6 March 2016 16:33 (four years ago) link

I thought I was pretty positive & unpicky about films but pretty much everything listed so far I am either avoiding or wish I had avoided

I think the sole exception is Independence Day which I will proooobably see one day even though it looks extremely terrible

anglos with derpy phasis (wins), Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:07 (four years ago) link

Anything Terrence Malick puts out. I have come to accept the fact I find his films shallow and boring, and can no longer be bothered to try.

(I mean, I rarely go to the cinema to catch new films anyway but I don't really see that as actively avoiding films, just... failing to go to the cinema.)

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:27 (four years ago) link

Oh right, now that Oscarbait season is done, Deadpool is thing I give the least shit about.

Might only watch Stone's Snowden thing because of JGL, but still a big maybe.

rhymes with "blondie blast" (cryptosicko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 17:41 (four years ago) link

emil.y, I'm with you on Malick (after Thin Red Line).

WilliamC, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:23 (four years ago) link

what movies have you willingly watched recently that would make you reconsider the actively avoid list by comparison?
(my having watched zoolander2 means I can't really have an actively avoid list anymore)

Philip Nunez, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:44 (four years ago) link

how is malick "shallow"? of all the ways to go at the guy...

circa1916, Sunday, 6 March 2016 19:58 (four years ago) link

I don't think he's shallow, more like he's got these few things to say and repeats them ad nauseum. I will avoid the new one.

stanley krubrick (rip van wanko), Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:04 (four years ago) link

This is supposed to be a solely negative thread, so no defending! Though I guess to me 'shallow' = I appreciate the look of his films but the underlying messages and themes completely fail to resonate with me. I just get nothing deeper than 'oh, I guess that's quite pretty'. You might get something more, but I find myself unmoved.

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:04 (four years ago) link

all of them

mookieproof, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:49 (four years ago) link

Thirding the Malick disdain. Tree of Life felt achingly empty to me. I cannot gel with his very measured, almost clinically literary tone, and don't understand his emotional palette at all. I keep falling for the hype that surrounds him, but I don't think it will happen again.

tangenttangent, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:54 (four years ago) link

As usual, you put it much better than I can. I often love "achingly empty" films, but that's normally when the emptiness is intentional. Whereas Malick seems to be desperately trying to impart something, but when I look I find nothing.

emil.y, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:01 (four years ago) link

Youth is the worst Sorrention, and the first he's made in a long time that doesn't at least have that wonderful Sorrentinoesque editing, but it's still fine. Looking forward to A Bigger Splash!

― Frederik B, Sunday, March 6, 2016 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The reason for this thread is that a friend & I were going to see it and then got there and it was sold out. We were both dreading it, knowing it was going to be complete and utter shit but liking some of his previous work.

Another friend dragged me to A Bigger Splash! and it was so banal - this barely disguised ad for the Italian tourist industry (even if good things don't happen) so you should avoid it if you can.

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:14 (four years ago) link

The even bigger reason is that 2016 has been terrible for films. Rams by Grímur Hákonarson looks like this quirky Icelandic film I just don't care for. The Revenant is a complete fkn joke.

In parallel the BFI has been running a Godard season and his work from the 70s onwards (never mind the 60s) has been putting everybody to shame.

Dreading the end of this (next week is the last of it). If I am able to I always like going to the cinema.

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:23 (four years ago) link

I know we aren't suppose to defend film, but Rams is delightful... If you all didn't see Of Horses and Men by Benedikt Erlingsson, you need to do that as well, and they're kinda the same film.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:33 (four years ago) link

dunno if something can be both quirky and viscerally crushing but this is a thread of hatred so on we go. obv i am never watching The Revenant ever

Laertiades (imago), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:34 (four years ago) link

Even though I set-up the thread no one needs to follow all the rules (not that there are any hard-and-fast rules) so yeah defend if you happen to watch and like it. Obviously I'm saying 'no way' on the basis of a trailer or a review of it or what I hear about it. xp

xyzzzz__, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:37 (four years ago) link

The rams trailer made it look like quirky deadpan comedy but it's like straight tragedy. I liked it, probably in large part because it wasn't the former - as we were leaving my friend said "imagine if that had been a British film" and we both shuddered at the thought of the fucking michael gambon rhys ifans bullshit that would be

anglos with derpy phasis (wins), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:42 (four years ago) link

youth really was pretty bad -- glacial male-artist sorrow (certainly the end of something or other, one would sort of have to think), that one guy who only plays quivering bureaucrats as a quivering bureaucrat, all dialogue clearly written but not spoken in esl which gave the whole movie such a stilted uncanny feeling i almost liked it. liked the giant marx tattoo i guess.

anomalisa was perfect on its own extremely limited and unpleasant terms.

the coens have been at the top of their career since burn after reading so i am very excited for this obviously slight one.

anyway, deadpool.

denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:52 (four years ago) link

The Revenant, The Danish Girl, the Dakota Fanning trans boy movie, most of the foreseeable superhero movies, Zoolander 2

one way street, Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:56 (four years ago) link

all of them

― mookieproof, Sunday, March 6, 2016 12:49 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm.

I am the Joey Chestnut of avoiding movies

lute bro (brimstead), Sunday, 6 March 2016 21:58 (four years ago) link

had no idea stone was making a snowden movie; that's unnecessary. idk if there's a scene in oliver stone's whole oeuvre better than the fire alarm sequence in citizenfour unless it's the one where joe pesci's wig comes off.

denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:01 (four years ago) link

Rams should be seen just for the awesome images of Iceland :) They have this whole boom of cheap films filmed around the countryside, using the landscape and many amateur actors. All of the films have names like Rams, Sparrows, Volcano, Virgin Mountain, Of Horses and Men. It's a style, kinda.

Yeah, Youth is pretty bad. Sorrentino has only made 'big-male-sorrow' films. His last three films were male-artist-sorrow, but before that it was politician and mafiosi. It's definitely the biggest failing of his filmography, and Youth is really doubling down on it. The guy is still just 45, why are all his films about men growing old and irrelevant? But he is a good picture-maker, and Youth has good pictures.

Frederik B, Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:42 (four years ago) link

When Tree of Life came out the local alt-weekly ran two reviews: "I Saw The Tree of Life, and I Loved It" and "I Didn't See The Tree of Life, and I Hated It." I'll always love Badlands and should get around to watching The Thin Red Line but nothing after that has had much appeal.

JoeStork, Sunday, 6 March 2016 22:51 (four years ago) link

The only 'my god what rubbish' reaction I've had to a trailer recently was for The BFG, but after the disaster of Tintin I was unlikely to see another Spielberg kids' movie anyway.

The trailer for Hail, Caesar pretty much gives the entire movie away - and does so in a far snappier fashion than the film itself. Ralph Fiennes is the standout turn in H,C but even that wasn't enough to make me see A Bigger Splash, especially after I read a really arsey interview w/ the director in Sight and Sound.

And yes, Youth was unrecoverable in any coherent critical way as a 'good' movie, but it's not an especially interesting bad movie either. The corollary of its male-artist-sorrow is a gross sexism and general disregard for any of the female characters (Rachel Weisz and Jane Fonda probably give the best performances in the film, but they're marginalised and trivialised when set against mouldy Michael Caine and mumbling Harvey Keitel). Also thought This Must Be The Place was a turd, so yeah, it def feels like Sorrentino loses something quite crucial when working with an English Language script.

Chicamaw (Ward Fowler), Sunday, 6 March 2016 23:06 (four years ago) link

The Big Fucken Giant. Never saw Tintin but I will do my duty and watch it as part of the big Spielberg project. But I get to stop at Bridge Of Spies, then my commitment ends, so the BFG can G the F O.
Never watched Avatar, Titanic, Independence Day, any Jurassic Park sequels, I watch a hella lit of bad ibdies but I can't be bothered with that shit.
Still Alice, my mother keeps trying to show me and I am "no thank you"

Jonathan Hellion Mumble, Sunday, 6 March 2016 23:58 (four years ago) link

Fast/Furious films, Saw films, TV spinoffs...

Jonathan Hellion Mumble, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:01 (four years ago) link

The director of A Bigger Splash is Luca Guadagnino who made the quite good I Am Love, so def seeing A Bigger Splash.

I watched Synecdoche New York two days back and decided to give Anomalisa a pass.

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:06 (four years ago) link

guys if you're not hating on days of heaven you're hating malick wrong

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:27 (four years ago) link

its like if you're really going to hate oasis you can't just start hating with 'be here now'. you have to commit to your hate. it's like hating only the late u2: fuck that.

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:28 (four years ago) link

i am love is a garbage movie for garbage people

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:28 (four years ago) link

oh my god rain on a statues face it looks like the statue is crying fuck me did your 5yo cowrite this thing

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:29 (four years ago) link

anomalisa is a great title for a mediocre mid-90s indie record

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:29 (four years ago) link

dlh's thing on youth and esl kinda makes me want to see it, or at least make a movie that uses the same trick to some effect

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 00:30 (four years ago) link

Non-english speaking people has been doing this for decades.

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:54 (four years ago) link

'Oh look at this stupid director, he isn't even a native English speaker, and he still thinks he can make a global film! lol, what a weirdo.'

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:55 (four years ago) link

'Meanwhile, isn't Eddie Redmayne amazing as a Dane, let's give him all the oscars!'

Frederik B, Monday, 7 March 2016 00:55 (four years ago) link

i think there was more to dlh's claim than that tbh

carly rae jetson (thomp), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:19 (four years ago) link

Anything with "today's comedy superstars" US version - people I generally find unfunny (Louis CK, Tina Fey, The Amy's Schumer and Poehler) ---everything I've seen them in up to now a resounding dud so no thanks.
Anything by Lanthimos
"Anomalisa" was a real chore.

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:48 (four years ago) link

Also - no more Baumbach. Or Ben Stiller ( he just seems fed up in everything).

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Monday, 7 March 2016 01:49 (four years ago) link

i kind of secretly hate every film and television show and play he's ever done

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 3 December 2019 23:19 (nine months ago) link

Otm. Incredible to me that he has done Skyfall and basically nothing else worth seeing.

Frederik B, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 23:20 (nine months ago) link

Skyfall is "impressive" but i think where he falls flat is he makes these very beautiful images which are cinematically inert, even in his two big budget action movies. Skyfall looks amazing but seems worse over time, and Spectre didn't even have the beautiful look.

omar little, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 23:36 (nine months ago) link

i gotta say i got suddenly more interested in Midway when i realized it was a Roland Emmerich destruction schlockfest and not another oscar-bait mournful war film. not enough to actually go see it, mind you.

Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 3 December 2019 23:47 (nine months ago) link

Richard Jewell

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 20:43 (nine months ago) link

Trying to think: has there been a mainstream film with a rote '(first name) + (last name)' title that wasn't cinematic bullshit?

the perfect equilibrium of dipability and fun (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 20:51 (nine months ago) link

barry lyndon and... toni erdmann

karl...arlk...rlka...lkar..., Wednesday, 4 December 2019 20:57 (nine months ago) link

Truck Turner

The Mandymoorian (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 20:58 (nine months ago) link

Jackie Brown

insecurity bear (sic), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 21:03 (nine months ago) link

daniel blake (i am,)

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 4 December 2019 21:11 (nine months ago) link

Irma Vep. Simon H liked Martin Eden. Andrej Rublev.

Frederik B, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 21:46 (nine months ago) link

Charley Varrick
Ed Wood
Donnie Brasco
Elmer Gantry
Air Bud

omar little, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 21:52 (nine months ago) link

Marie Antoinette, Effi Briest, Brewster McCloud, Cluny Brown...

flappy bird, Wednesday, 4 December 2019 23:12 (nine months ago) link

Action Jackson

Brad C., Wednesday, 4 December 2019 23:15 (nine months ago) link

Brewster McCloud
Norma Rae
Hudson Hawk

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 5 December 2019 13:13 (nine months ago) link

oh wait B.McC was posted

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 5 December 2019 13:14 (nine months ago) link

just saw marie antoinette the other night, it ruled

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 5 December 2019 13:14 (nine months ago) link

and I hear good things about John Wick

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 5 December 2019 13:15 (nine months ago) link

Ha, I knew I was setting myself up with that post. Although I should've clarified that I meant biographical films using that title format. Under the new, tightened restrictions, I'd say the only exceptions mentioned that prove the rule are Ed Wood and Air Bud.

A Lifeless Ordinary (Old Lunch), Thursday, 5 December 2019 13:17 (nine months ago) link

Erin Brockovitch?

For how much longer do we tolerate trashed purdah? (wins), Thursday, 5 December 2019 15:32 (nine months ago) link

Marie Antoinette doesn’t fit firstname + lastname formula y’all

insecurity bear (sic), Thursday, 5 December 2019 16:29 (nine months ago) link

Definitely one that sucked was Steve Jobs

flappy bird, Thursday, 5 December 2019 17:37 (nine months ago) link

Probably doesn’t need to be stated, but: Cats

Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Saturday, 14 December 2019 00:38 (nine months ago) link

I totally forgot Cats was even happening until I saw some fancy new edition of the Eliot book today. And then I remembered and I died. I died, guys. I died.

Welcome to the Sandwich Trough (Old Lunch), Saturday, 14 December 2019 02:43 (nine months ago) link

two weeks pass...

Most of the movies represented during the pre-Star Wars trailer suite looked like steamy refuse but the only one that stood out enough to really get my goat was the one that, sight unseen, I would've found the least objectionable.

Why. The fuck. Is the dog in the new Call of the Wild 100% bad CGI. What could possibly justify not using an actual dog in a live action movie about a dog. Did Harrison Ford only agree to star if they were willing to hang a green screen hung in his living room so he never had to leave his easy chair?

Drive Like a Demon From Steakhouse to Steakhouse (Old Lunch), Saturday, 28 December 2019 04:24 (eight months ago) link

EXCLUSIVE: James @mang0ld to direct Timothee Chalamet in Searchlight’s #GoingElectric about Bob Dylan’s move from folk to rock musichttps://t.co/OZnkvp1dVs

— Deadline Hollywood (@DEADLINE) January 6, 2020

devvvine, Monday, 6 January 2020 23:20 (eight months ago) link

Lol good nominee

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Monday, 6 January 2020 23:25 (eight months ago) link

ugggggh Fuckkkk that!

Chalamet is a terrible actor

flappy bird, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 18:41 (eight months ago) link

coming around on it purely for the fact that no on will be more annoyed at its existence than robert himself

devvvine, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 18:52 (eight months ago) link

I thought I read he was executive producing it?

temporarily embarrassed thousandaire (Eric H.), Tuesday, 7 January 2020 18:57 (eight months ago) link

jesus, missed that

devvvine, Tuesday, 7 January 2020 21:47 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

some fuckwit has made a movie about the military wives choir

Todd Phillips, party auteur (Noodle Vague), Friday, 7 February 2020 17:17 (seven months ago) link

We needed calendar girls for gammonettes

wee jim o’conor (wins), Friday, 7 February 2020 17:20 (seven months ago) link

I would watch a Short Cuts style movie about the wall of gammon lads tbh

Todd Phillips, party auteur (Noodle Vague), Friday, 7 February 2020 17:29 (seven months ago) link

I once sent a very offensive and treasonable comment to military wives choir on twitter in response to their xmas single when i was pissed. GCHQ probably have a file on me.

calzino, Friday, 7 February 2020 19:42 (seven months ago) link

ugh, Peter Cattaneo

🚶‍♂️💨 (Eric H.), Friday, 7 February 2020 19:53 (seven months ago) link

as well as all that other parochial garbage he also did the fucking A Word. I nearly assaulted my television with a lump hammer over that shit!

calzino, Friday, 7 February 2020 19:57 (seven months ago) link

jesus what a wasteman

Todd Phillips, party auteur (Noodle Vague), Friday, 7 February 2020 20:08 (seven months ago) link

ffs Sharon Horgan youre better than this

Saxophone Of Futility (Michael B), Tuesday, 11 February 2020 16:30 (seven months ago) link

She was also in that awful Game Night movie, which she was also better than.

Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Friday, 14 February 2020 06:01 (seven months ago) link

six months pass...

I love examples where certain reviews are better than the movie itself

flappy bird, Thursday, 27 August 2020 04:34 (four weeks ago) link

Tenet

xyzzzz__, Thursday, 27 August 2020 11:24 (four weeks ago) link

two weeks pass...

The Painted Bird

A White, White Gay (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 16 September 2020 01:04 (one week ago) link

What if you saved a souvenir from every relationship you've ever been in? THE BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY follows the always unique Lucy (Geraldine Viswanathan), a 20-something art gallery assistant living in New York City, who also happens to be an emotional hoarder. After she gets dumped by her latest boyfriend, Lucy is inspired to create The Broken Heart Gallery, a pop-up space for the items love has left behind. Word of the gallery spreads, encouraging a movement and a fresh start for all the romantics out there, including Lucy herself.

wasdnous (abanana), Thursday, 17 September 2020 21:36 (one week ago) link

it's the last sentence that really suggests "this will be trite and forced and awful"

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 17 September 2020 22:47 (one week ago) link

Pete formerly of this parish had a lot of good things to say about it - it stars the actress who played John Cena's daughter from Blockers!

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 18 September 2020 09:03 (one week ago) link

well, certainly i support her getting more work! the kids in Blockers were all really good iirc.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 18 September 2020 11:31 (one week ago) link

Avoiding it all this year as the 2nd wave comes along :-(

xyzzzz__, Saturday, 19 September 2020 10:30 (six days ago) link

The Painted Bird

― A White, White Gay (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 16 September 2020 01:04 (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

otm times a thousand

calzino, Saturday, 19 September 2020 19:08 (six days ago) link


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