worst / most awkward dates

On TMI board because this could get nsfw

This is a thread to catalogue your worst dates. I went to see The Fountain (depressing film about someone dying of cancer) with a girl on the anniversary of the day her mom died of cancer. I hadn't read enough of the plot synopsis, apparently.

that...is possibly the worst date you can have.

"well, you'll be busy trying to suppress this whole experience, best you never hear the sound of my voice again, cheers."

did you realize you were naked halfway through?

Someone suggested to me that Larry Clark's Kids was a "modern day Romeo & Juliet tale"...

I'd be exaggerating if I said she cried the whole way home, but certainly most of it.

one time i watched scenes from a marriage with a relatively newish gf but that was kinda intentional because we pretty much hated each other.

He took me to an apartment, left me in a bedroom waiting with this giant, creepy woman who told me to "get out" while petting several kittens running around her room, he tried to get my last $2.50 (bus fare) from me for just a little more crack. Learning experience! Don't date crackheads!

Yipes!

Never really had an awful date, but I didn't really date all that much in the first place. The worst involved a girl who was really into Dance Dance Revolution and Jack-in-the-Box.

http://ww1.prweb.com/prfiles/2006/08/13/0000424179/ddnsupernova.jpg

http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociety/jack-in-the-box-is-backkkk.jpg

xxp oh it's HER bedroom! i sat here scratching my head for at least a minute wondering why he wouldn't find a better shaggin spot for you two that didn't have a giant cat lady in it.

of course the idea of going 'yeah i'm trying to make a first impression but hold on let's stop by the cat lady's for some crack' is p baffling too

I wd go on the date for burgers and fries and DDR. Dream date tbh.

I don't know what Jack in the Box is (fast food place?) but DDR rules.

Let's go, Em.

Hell yeah!

- lay on my shoulder for the entire duration of 'overboard' and 'phantom of the opera' (both her choice).deadened the entire arm, two horrible movies, fifth or sixth date, still not so much as a kiss wtf.

an excerpt from my worst date ever:

Sara, surely you heard the story about the crazy girl who spit up into our shared large pop at a movie because she was laughing and drinking at the same time and then asked me if I wanted any more of it?

― HI DERE, Friday, November 16, 2007 10:57 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Reader, you married her?

oh dear god is that question directed towards me, because HELL NO

as far as I was concerned, it wasn't even supposed to be a date; we were supposed to be friends going to a movie and then the whole time she would burst into shrieking laughter every time I tried to initiate conversation and then spit up into our shared drink, said "ew my hand smells like vomit, SMELL" *shoves gross puke hand in my face* then attempted to snuggle with me during the movie which I now can't remember but was definitely not a date/snuggle movie (it wasn't "The Fisher King", that was another terrible date which wasn't the movie's fault)

she also used to call me and pine for some dude she went to high school with because she wanted him to take her virginity and started planning the colleges/universities she was going to apply to around where I had offhandedly mentioned I was interested in going

there was another evening when jjj, AP, a dude from Germany staying with my family and I were all hanging out with her in Minneapolis and she made us stop at a pharmacy to get condoms for a hookup with the dude from her high school, who was supposed to be coming back from college the next week, and she made a gigantic production about how embarrassed she was to be a high school girl buying condoms that she drew all of this attention to herself, all the while 4 guys are standing at the end of the register obviously waiting for her as she basically yells to the whole store "OH MY GOD, I AM SO EMBARRASSED, I HOPE NO ONE NOTICES I AM BUYING CONDOMS" etc etc

after she paid for them, AP shouted "Me first!"

And if it's directed at me then no, not yet.

Oh, I guess the most awkward was actually this girl I tried to date right after an enormous break-up. She was this girl I had gotten drunk with and smoked out with at various friends houses. We made out once and scheduled a more "proper" date. But on the date, I guess I talked about gay people a lot? My recent ex had been president of the Gay/Straight Alliance at her high school and so talking about gay rights and stuff was really no big deal to me. Most of my other friends were really into the Eddie Izzard special Dress to Kill at the time, and I remember talking about that a little, because hey, comedy you know? Make em laugh, right? But I got the feeling that the gay stuff kinda put her off. I We ended up spooning while watching the Godfather (her choice), but she wouldn't let me put the moves on her or anything.

The next week, I ended up getting a missed call on my cell phone from an unknown number at 2 in the morning while I was driving home from a night out. I called the number back and it was this girl, who had called me from some other guy's parents' house phone. And everybody over there was asleep and she picked up all panicky and "shhhhh! shhhh!" and I never heard from her again.

the gay stuff

and transvestite stuff, obvs

Wait, oh god. There was another girl around the same time who I went on a date with, but I had tried to get a tongue piercing a month or so beforehand. It was part of a desperate effort to impress the girl I had just broken up with, as she had her tongue pierced around the same time. "See, I have a tongue ring too! Just like you! We can still be together!" Anyway, I used too much mouthwash to try to keep the tongue-ring sterile and I ended up with a severe case of oral thrush, which I was under treatment for at the time of the date. The date was going really well until the point in time that we would naturally have started to make out.

I didn't date for years after all these misfires.

Movies I've chosen for dates:

Your Friends & Neighbors
Safe
The Proposition
Hard Candy

I once chose a vhs of The Young Ones for some hanging out with the intention of working my way up to a date. That didn't work.

a few xps - it wasn't our first date but it was our last! The lady who told me to leave was doing so in a motherly way - a "get out while you can" sort of admonishment. I wasn't smart enough/was too terrified to ask her where I was so I had to wait for the dickhead. I got out of the car while he was paying for gas at an intersection I recognized and took the bus home, never answered his calls again. Ugh. Now I always make sure I know where I am!

someone once tried to take me to a funeral as a date

A date took me to a large 24 hr grocery store called Twin Valu to "walk around." It was the most boring thing I could possibly imagine doing.

I have had some pretty spectacular disasters, but the little sad ones are my favorites.

<3

A date took me to a large 24 hr grocery store called Twin Valu to "walk around."

would only be okay if the store's name were pronounced 'twin valoo'

A date took me to a large 24 hr grocery store called Twin Valu to "walk around." It was the most boring thing I could possibly imagine doing.

― this customer is a jerk (La Lechera), Monday, January 28, 2013 7:14 PM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahah this sounds like my ideal date tbh

I forget who my grocery store bros are on ilx tho

does anybody wanna go on a date with me to food bazaar in brooklyn, it is my favorite grocery store atm

so otm, would love to food date. it is almost perfect, i mean think how much there is to talk about. also you can cruise them by the mayo to see if you just need to end it right there.

schlump you're one of my grocery store bros right? the chips section is the real proving ground imo

does anybody wanna go on a date with me to food bazaar in brooklyn, it is my favorite grocery store atm

― 乒乓, Monday, January 28, 2013 6:58 PM (41 minutes ago)

I'm yr huckleberry. Love checking out grocery paradises. Oh wait, I'm in the wrong city.

But you're interesting! He made me look at toys. They were booooooooring. He was boring.

It was 1992 btw.

for sure. something i like doing recently is walking around a grocery store on the phone, it feels really hectic & you're just still there a half hour later, squeezing avocados just for sport. i would probably be p interested what a date made of the bread aisle but that's maybe just my tastes, i don't think it's a women are for tiger loaves and men eat some foccacia thing.

other aisles i imagine rich for dating:

"world foods"
canned goods, pulses, &c
toothpaste, v disorienting aisle
& cereals, obviously

I was definitely the worst date of a half-dozen folks, the better part of a decade ago. On another message board somewhere, I'm sure they're telling stories about me.

On one of these nights, I went out with an incredibly attractive and sweet-natured lady, who was in town to shoot the lead role in a longshot sitcom pilot. It was to be her big break, and we both thought it unlikely to succeed. We knew each as friends-of-friends, and I'd been talked up something wicked among our (very slight) mutual acquaintances. At the time, I was in a weird mystical-meditative phase (read: dabbling, eek, in Transcendental Meditation). The mutual friends had asked me to show the actress around my neighborhood in case, eventually, she might want to move to LA, in case, eventually, the sitcom got picked up.

Although this wannabe-sitcom lady was super fun, smart, good-hearted, apparently into me, forgiving of my social weirdnesses, etc., I decided early in the night that (1) hooking up was not cool with my TM goals, (2) I would like to remain friends with her (3) I needed to exorcise some romantic demons, and she seemed like a kindred spirit. I don't really know why. I proceeded to bring her to a bar so we could get drunk – truthfully, I thought she was getting drunk too - and tell her past relationship woes and horror tales as a way to scare her from romantic interest to friendzone. I learned later that she was a teetotaler. Oops. And my boozy friendzoning wasn't even deftly managed: the too-graceful lady just walked home with me and, at the bottom of the steps, asked if she'd be able to come in. No, I said, because I was a drunk mewling idiot. I'd rather remain friends.

Very embarrassed, she explained that she didn't have a place to stay for the night – she hadn't booked a hotel for the evening, because she'd assumed I'd invite her in. Would I mind if she came up, so we could give this date another try? It could be fun, she said. Implications and all. I agreed. So when we got upstairs I pulled out two sleeping bags I'd used during camping trips with friends. We slept more or less as Boy Scouts do, on the floor. Couldn't've been more platonic. When I woke the next morning, would-be starlet was gone. I didn't see her for six months, until we ran into each other on the street. Quite literally, on the street. Another very good friend (female) and I were walking around my neighborhood, and a brand spankin' new Dodge Viper accelerated in my direction. My friend and I leaped to the side of the road – as the Viper's window rolled down, and the incredibly attractive and heretofore sweet-natured lady screamed from the driver's seat "YOU PIG JACKOFF, I KNEW THERE WAS ANOTHER WOMAN" at me. Turns out the sitcom pilot had been picked up, and she'd moved into my neighborhood.

Thats a sitcom pilot right there

A date took me to a large 24 hr grocery store called Twin Valu to "walk around." It was the most boring thing I could possibly imagine doing.

― this customer is a jerk (La Lechera), Monday, January 28, 2013 7:14 PM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahah this sounds like my ideal date tbh

― 乒乓, Monday, January 28, 2013 7:55 PM (1 hour ago)

lol YES

basically if i go on a date with someone and we don't go to a grocery store i'm disappointed

First date with the dull vegan I wasted last year on: we meet up in a public spot in a mall in the city. As we walk on, I say "lets go get a drink somewhere maybe?". Without a shred of irony or awareness, he says "theres a 7-11 over there you could get a soft drink from".

I should have known at that very moment he was not the one for me.

(apparently after me he went on an OKC date with a lady who claimed sudden awful illness, ended the date and went home. He saw her later that night checked in on FB at a karaoke bar, with accompanying pics. heh)

I went on a date with a girl I had a pretty serious crush on, only to find out halfway through dinner that she went on the date so she could grill me about my best friend. She apparently had a thing for him and wanted any tips and info I had, including questions about any sexual experiences he had told me about. She kept asking me if he went down on his prior girlfriends and whether or not he was good at it.

She also over shared about sex with her prior boyfriend (who I also knew), including telling me his cum tasted really smoky.

At the end of the night she offered me a handjob if I would talk her up to my best friend. I politely declined.

About a month later she started dating my best friend, but he broke up with her after a few weeks. We never spoke about her before or after they dated.

lmao my god man

his cum tasted really smoky

pretty much the only reason i ever want to get into long-term relationships is to go grocery shopping

"theres a 7-11 over there you could get a soft drink from"

haha

most awkward date was a lunch date w/ a really cute 20 yo pakistani guy w/ whom i'd thought i'd built up a rapport by talking for a few hours — at the end of it i gave him a hug (which might have been weird, but it seemed natural) and he froze up and stood w/ his hands by his side and said "uhhh i don't know how i feel about that". we ended up shaking hands and walking in opposite directions down the street.

just looked this one up -- from a thread entitled "style & romantic partners" or sthg like that

also i once avoided calls from a guy because he had a vanity license plate that said "SKA GUY" but i felt bad about that later because he was a nice person.

― La Lechera, Thursday, June 26, 2008 1:36 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark

I met him on Halloween and I was dressed as a blackbird, he was a computer game programmer or something. He seemed ok. When he came to pick me up, I saw his license plate and knew things were going nowhere. We went out for ice cream and it was extreeeeemely dull and then I avoided his calls :-/

this thread has some gold in it style & your romantic partners

http://akcdn.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/1x1/425x1000/0x0/0x0/0/13623765205155352296.jpeg

i had a date with a guy who had gout and D.T.s - he was only 30.

Found a script around UT in 1990, read it, liked it, and called the number on the script. Ended up being the guy who wrote it. He had a good voice and we had cool conversations all week leading up to a date that Saturday night. He ended up without a car and called me early Saturday morning, so we did lunch instead of dinner.

I was at a college on the other side of town so he bussed it to my dorm. We then bussed it to an Italian restaurant that went out of business. So I suggested an Indian restaurant not in the area though. We bussed it to an Indian restaurant that also ended up going out of business and was gone.

Over the course of the day, it began at noonish, I just started hating this guy, his political views... but what was most crushing was that he looked nothing like his voice. His voice didn't even sound the same. I just bussed it back to my dorm, alone, starving, around sixish, feet achy, and threw the script away feeling disappointed that a weeks worth of romantic scenarios turned out to be bus stops and a lot of walking. We didn't even stop at a coffee house. Had to catch all those darn busses on a Saturday, so slow.

basically if i go on a date with someone and we don't go to a grocery store i'm disappointed

This was so true when I was dating, don't know why.....

http://internetpoetry.tumblr.com/post/42122618759

does anybody wanna go on a date with me to food bazaar in brooklyn, it is my favorite grocery store atm

The one on Broadway? Omgggggg that used to be my grocery store when I lived on Lorimer! How much do you love the walk-in meet section where everything is freezing and you just walk around giant coolers?

Lemongrass, tamarind, fresh seafood, palm sugar, they have pretty much everything there as far as I could ever tell. SO MANY KINDS OF JERK SPICE and every weird vegetable imaginable.

* meat. Meat section. Although if you're on a date I guess it could be a meet section.

when I moved to San Diego 8 years ago, I spend the first year accepting ANY date. there were LOADS of losers. I didn't really date before - being somewhat a serial monogamist - so I didn't have a good set of rules like "don't have them meet you at your house" or "don't take them to your favorite place until you know you want them around".

Many, nah most of these dates were dudes who randomly found me on myspace. So this dude wants to go to dinner and show. I can't remember what band was playing at the casbah that night but seemed like a friendly thing to do and if we liked the same music we'd get along.

I tell him to meet me at my favorite cook-your-own-damn-steak place and we sit at the bar since there's an hour wait for a table. He had quit his job that day to be a "freelance consultant" and the dude didn't shut up for a single minute, even while chewing food, talking about himself. Even the bartender felt bad for me and gave me a few free madrises. My phone keeps blowing up with the same number from Michigan but not one I know. On the 6th in a row call, I excuse myself and call the # back outside. It's my new step dad. My mom is in the emergency room after collapsing from an irregular heart beat. She is only 54 and no heart trouble previously. There's nothing to do, she's ok, but she wanted me to know he tells me. I'm pretty stunned. I walk back in and take my seat. I'm so pale the bartender asks me if I'm ok while the douchebag just picks up where he left off talking about himself. I tell the bartender that I just got a call my mom was in the hospital. The douche shuts up for a second to stuff more steak in his mouth and while he chews says "Ha! Girls don't like their mom anyways, right?" and then resumes his monologue. I tell him I'm going to the show solo. He think that means just driving separate cars so when he gets to show, he puts his arm around my shoulder - not out of caring but seemingly to claim me (if peeing on me was acceptable, he may have tried that). I told him in no uncertain language we were not there together and he said "why are you really upset about your mom?" Then he tried to kiss me.

He was the LAST date I accepted blindly.

"Ha! Girls don't like their mom anyways, right?"

Amazing.

That's like something from a romantic comedy, when they want to convey that the woman is dating a monster and he's not being subtle about his terribleness any more.

I posted this a few years ago but

Oh man, guys, awful date story:

Was talking to this dude on Scruff, he is redheaded and bearish and way cute, and we both seem to be into each other and we're texting back and forth all day, and we make plans to get dinner around 4 and "see where it goes". I text him at 2 just to verify the time/location, and he calls me and asks if I can just meet him at his place at 6 and we can walk to the restaurant (vegetarian soul food!) from there. Okay, no problem, just text me the address. Which he doesn't. So I text him again at like 5 asking where I'm meeting him, and then I call him at like ten of 6, and he doesn't pick up. So I just sort of wander around and then find a park to sit and read in, and finally at 6:45 I call him again. He picks up, he's so sorry, he just got in and he left his phone at home, here's his address, give him a few minutes to straighten up and swing by, also something about his friend coming over to hang out. I go over, it is now 7, he lets me in and it's him and his friend sitting on the couch watching TV (where there's a show that, according, to the DVR, has been paused at the 20 minute mark). Him and I talk for a bit, he seems nice but maybe sort of dumb and juvenile and into his own affectations and bad at being funny (Dylan McDermott's ass was on screen at some point and he felt the need to point and yell "man-butt!", or he would drop an obvious one-liner and then say "but ANYWAY" and then laugh at his own joke). So instead of, like, getting dinner, we sit around with his really boring friend and talk about whatever and then head to a bar to meet some other friends of his. Boring friend at apartment leaves, dude and I chat for a few blocks and meet his friends at the bar (I think it was 3 of them plus one's sister), and all get a table outside. Apparently he keeps the kind of company that thinks it clever and amusing to refer to the black female bartender as Shenaynay. I mean, I knew pretty soon in that this guy sorta sucked, but yeah. Ugh. So we're all sitting around talking, and by "we" I mean him talking to one of his friends and the other people talking to each other and me sort of just sitting there. This went on for about 2-3 hours. I jumped in a few times but I mean this dude was totally and completely ignoring me. Like, I think he looked at me maybe 4 times the whole night, and we had one conversation that maybe lasted 30 seconds and he kept sort of going "uh huh" and glancing away. I even left at one point to go get a slice of pizza because I was so hungry after the dinner that we never fucking had. I was pretty pissed but stubborn enough to endure it on the off-chance anything was going to happen (even though it pretty clearly wasn't). Finally we're all heading out and he somehow has the audacity to give me the big hug and the whole "have fun on your trip! Stay in touch! I'm in Philly a lot, I'll give you a call!".

Like, it's not that I'm pissed that I didn't get any D, because duh sometimes people just don't click. It's something that we were, you know, supposed to have established early on, one-on-one, at a 4pm dinner that would let me go about the rest of my evening. It's not that he was mean spirited, per se; he just seemed incredibly dumb and lacking respect and maybe bad at giving a shit about other people. I sort of really want to send him an angry text.

― (╯° □≗）╯︵ ┻━ןɐıɔǝds━ʇɥbıן━pǝɹ━┻ (Stevie D(eux)), Sunday, October 9, 2011 11:17 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

God, he sucked so much!

I OG read that and "Shenaynay" made me shudder

boring, egoistic and racist — a trifecta of shit

"That's like something from a romantic comedy, when they want to convey that the woman is dating a monster and he's not being subtle about his terribleness any more."

exactly!! I wonder if he ever got his head out of his ass.