finding somebody really attractive but you don't want to fuck them, aka lack of pheremone correspondence

do you guys ever get this? where you're like "man this person is so cute " or even "hot" but more on paper and you just don't feel inspired to do stuff. physically. with them

b/c i run into this at an alarming rate and it occasionally gets me worried that i'm just approaching being hopelessly fucked up

but then i realize
1. i'm not the world's most repressed gay evah, b/c i would have taken that leap so long ago, even if only to annoy friends and family
2. yeah, i'm old, but 38 is a little too young to lose one's libido. and i'm not taking any medication or neglecting to eat healthy foods etc.
3. yeah so i dunno.

was there an offer you turned down?

plural, yeah but i am bad at having "casual sex" and overthink everything waaaaay toooo much

sometimes fear of rejection runs so deep you just give up

that probably figures in there somewhere, but even worse is joining that club that would accept you as a member so to speak . ugh i am sounding like a particularly terrible combination of cynical plus batty

just would like to turn off my mind at those crucial moments. but even pitchers of alcohol do not work

do you suffer from self-loathing?

no. i mean, only the majority of the time my clothes are on or off

i also suffer from loathing other people and accompanying phenomena

are there people you do want to get with? positive experiences?

in my mind, yes. too many ppl

in reality, i lust after someone that i guess i will probably end up marrying? it's really that weird. but we have been on hiatus for some time now, and i have been going out on dates with amazing ppl blah blah blah but i don't feel animal attraction towards them like i do towards her. effortless thing. what can you do??

get drunk and listen to "Nothing Compares 2 U" on repeat?

eh, she has alcohol problems so it's not even that fun for me to get drunk anymore. can you see the bind that i'm in??

it sounds like you're still hung up on your ex(?)

yes. we are in the same boat. date other ppl but always end up being pulled into one another's orbit.

she is ridiculously frustrating, but of course i totally love her and think she is the most beautiful person in the world. and being a "single" man at least technically, it's bizarre to hang out with ppl that are so cute and funny and interesting but still be hearkening after someone that, for instance, sometimes seems to not evidence having any cerebral bone in her body to speak of b/c of being dyslexic or whatever. while then there's me who is pathologically addicted to written word. like break into a cold sweat when there's not at least the back of a cereal box nearby. so opposites attract, etc.

we are negotiating stuff, dunno, just feel flummoxed by that sphere of life never making any rational sense whatsoever.

sometimes seems to not evidence having any cerebral bone in her body

agh, does that sound like a fucked-up thing to say about someone? b/c that is part of why i love spending time with her. she approaches the world from an entirely different angle. it's relaxing to be around her. she doesn't have the agendas that i associate with my friends who are still clawing their way out of grad school or whatever.

least pretentious person ever. and devastatingly beautiful. find it tough to argue with those qualities

fyi I wasn't feelin anything over here either

but thanks for the compliment ;)

cerebral bones are overrated. and it's probably not low libido you're worrying about -- just that when you hit your mid 30's, sex is unavoidably meaningful and your body stops you from doing it with people that aren't really your type to save you the grief -- and surprise, it turns out your type is not actually your type

cut to the chase, and meditate on the idea of children with her. might be terrifying, but it's the quickest way to find out if you're wasting your time at this far along point

added bonus: it's sobering

d'oh! didn't realize you made it out to this far-flung corner of ilx

yah, those are interesting points you made, milton. thanks.

d'oh! didn't realize you made it out to this far-flung corner of ilx

in response to dayo, obv

It's fun having beautiful women as friends without the primal instinct to bed them.

sounds like you're either hung up on the ex a little, or you have the age-and-experience thing going where you think you can see where things could lead and you think you're preemptively dodging something.

I think definite good things take effort to get rolling, but not all things you've invested effort in turn out to be good, if that makes any sense. So it's good to try things, even if it's just talking to an attractive woman and getting to know her.