"Land Of Confusion" - A unique S&M product that cause immense please 80% of the time you use it, and intense pain the other 20%. It's a stimulating game of chance, much like a sexual version of Russian Roulette.
― chairfuckers union (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 9 May 2011 21:04 (thirteen years ago) link
"Tonight, Tonight, Tonight" (DO NOT USE IN THE VICINITY OF HOSPITALS) - A small vibrator with three stages of operation. In its first stage(Tonight), it emits small, but powerful, non-nuclear electromagnetic pulses once inserted into the orifice of the user's choice, disabling all non-gas powered lights (and electronic devices, such as ipads, life support machines) in the general vicinity. Once the electromagnetic pulses have begun, and the user has enjoyed the darkness, which has spread across the city, for a proper amount of time, the second phase (Tonight, Tonight) begins, and the vibrator introduces a small, but powerful, non-lethal gaseous soporific throughout a limited area. Once all in the city are asleep the third stage(Tonight, Tonight, Tonight)* begins, and the vibrator begins to play a sensually delightful version (midi) of the Smashing Pumpkins hit (Tonight, Tonight).
* Some users have complained that this stage should really be the second stage, for the sake of logic, but such users have also conceded that it is more delightful to not be awake when the song plays.
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 9 May 2011 21:32 (thirteen years ago) link
"Throwing It All Away" - a fake incinerator, for people who have just started a relationship with someone who is anti-porn. You can make a big show of "throwing it all away" into the realistic looking flames, but really the "Throwing It All Away" contains a secret hidden compartment from which you can retrieve your porn stash later (eg, for storage at a friend's house).
― got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Monday, 9 May 2011 21:45 (thirteen years ago) link