Initiation of El Joyo De Sexo

So who initiates more.

I could count on one hand in 16 years how often the wife has initiated. I walk around with a constant erection, so im the initiator.

I'm inclined to say it's the same for me, but initiation is a weird thing to measure: I put my arm around her, she puts her hand on my knee, next thing you know we're knocking boots. Does that make me the initiator? Or is the one who first kicks things up a notch? That's where I'd say the crucial step is: going from "cuddling" to foreplay in the full sense.

i think its the person who first kicks it up. if her hand is on my thigh, next thing is my tongue on her boob.

Right; first one to get to first base or beyond. This shit is so awkward after being together for 10+ years. I always want to say like you that I'm the only initiator but if I'm being honest I know that's bullshit for us. Basically I think if I want her to initiate things in the moment I need to "plant the seed" verbally earlier that day or the day before, like, "btw DMSR tonight; sound good?" & it's invariably yes, and then it's way less awkward to get things in motion & she takes the lead as often as I do. Getting her to bring it up verbally is really hard, but I can live with the balance this way; it's the awkwardness of turning petting into fucking that I find a strain.

It's pretty much all me doing the heavy lifting.

how heavy is she

sorry I don't know why I was milton berle for a second there

so maybe its just women in general...urgh.

Although i found that before i was with my wife, the girls did more initiating...in college.

sorry I don't know why I was milton berle for a second there

You know what they say about old Uncle Miltie, right?

xp - nah, with my ex-bf (11 year relationship) it was pretty even in terms of initiation -- but for me doing the initiating is a turn-on, so ...

I almost never do the initiating, which may explain why most of my relationships only last a few months. It's not that I don't want sex (because I almost always do), but I fear being a pest.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2N_Dwpkzmuw/0.jpg

You know what they say about old Uncle Miltie, right?

Considering what they say about him, calling him "uncle" gets real creepy real fast.

And around my neck of the woods, the initiation is pretty even, and if not exactly even, I certainly haven't been keeping track.

It's an interesting question, though, because initiation is not a measure of willingness or satisfaction or... anything, really. If you're with someone who EXPECTS you to initiate, but is also hip to the suggestion fairly often, then it's not like initiating is some huge burden on your shoulders. And if you're with someone who INSISTS on initiating, and that doesn't make you uncomfortable, than Bob's yer uncle.

It's all about the power dynamic. It's nice if it's openly spoken and completely equal, but there are all kinds of ways of granting sexual power that still preserve equality in the relationship.

And notice my avoidance of gender-specific nouns and pronouns. It's not about gender.

It's all about the power dynamic. It's nice if it's openly spoken and completely equal, but there are all kinds of ways of granting sexual power that still preserve equality in the relationship.

otm