She wanted me to tell her I was in love with her, I would tell her that I didn't know if I was, it was early in the relationship (we were friends with benefits for six months, then actually in a relationship for six months).
I probably will not get the iPhone back. It's worth the $50 I'd get just to never see her again, honestly.
I didn't think about the texts at all, when she lost her phone I just found my old one and took it over.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:28 (fourteen years ago) link
see, that's the first thing i would have thought of - i can't imagine that guys, in general, don't give as much thought to these privacy issues as women do. Or do they?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:30 (fourteen years ago) link
Feeling much better after venting now. Maybe I need a livejournal.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:30 (fourteen years ago) link
it's great that you have friends wanting to set you up and stuff. It seems like you're better off.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:31 (fourteen years ago) link
I'm in a similar situation to yours milo - all I can say is stick to your guns
― 囧 (dyao), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:32 (fourteen years ago) link
john woo style
― like having an eternal kazoo in your underwear (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:33 (fourteen years ago) link
― sarahel, Tuesday, December 15, 2009 9:30 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
also the first thing i would've done. not even out of some paranoid fear, it just seems like good practice
― being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:33 (fourteen years ago) link
you have to admit text messages on an iphone look so pretty it's hard NOT to read them
― 囧 (dyao), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:35 (fourteen years ago) link
she could have deleted them before reading them or ignored them, but the fact she read them seems pretty understandable and a common impulse.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:35 (fourteen years ago) link
I just assumed she'd erase and install with her backup. There wasn't anything private enough on there that I'd be worried about it being lost and someone getting the info, and I just assumed she trusted me as I trusted her. And I was open about how much her drinking bothered me.
If it happened again with another girl, I probably still wouldn't erase. It just seems unnecessary, if I'm giving it to someone I'm in a relationship with.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:38 (fourteen years ago) link
xp - oh, yeah, I wasn't pissed that she pried into them, really. It was her reaction (reading into them info that didn't exist, etc.) that bothered me
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:39 (fourteen years ago) link
if everything you've said to anyone else is something you would feel comfortable saying to her or in front of her, in that particular tone, I could agree. But from my experience, there are always things for which that isn't the case, no matter how much you care for and love your partner.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:41 (fourteen years ago) link
Reading into things is natural - though unfortunate - but yeah, my sympathies.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 03:42 (fourteen years ago) link
it is not reasonable and it is to be expected that you share any genuinely important information as and when it becomes an issue; i am not being idealistic to say that for intelligent folks like yourselves this is the only way it can and should work, and if you can't find a partner who agrees, then that relationship is expendable
― like having an eternal kazoo in your underwear (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:06 (fourteen years ago) link
we're also back to the cheating vs. reading the diary business.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:07 (fourteen years ago) link
is she still reading this thread?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:14 (fourteen years ago) link
hi hoos' ex!
― You are Rebels! You are all yankees (country matters), Thursday, 20 August 2009 21:51 (3 months ago) Bookmark Su
― like having an eternal kazoo in your underwear (acoleuthic), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:15 (fourteen years ago) link
btw - i named a feral cat after LJ.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:16 (fourteen years ago) link
Yeah, totally, it was never an issue with my ex before, and she had a lot of opportunities. My feeling is that she was (consciously or un-) looking for a reason to justify talking with the 23-year old or wanting to see him, and having my backlog of texts was an opportunity to look for a reason.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:22 (fourteen years ago) link
finding a reason not to trust you or evidence of some wrongdoing on your part to justify hers?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:24 (fourteen years ago) link
The latter.
It's the way she sprung that "I want to date other people and you" line then read more old texts (a week after she'd read through them the first time) and came up with a reason to call me an asshole.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:31 (fourteen years ago) link
and presumably mr. 23 year old isn't gonna give her shit about drinking too much?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:33 (fourteen years ago) link
Probably, but I don't know. She's seemed serious about cutting back, particularly as she got arrested for a second DWI the night before Thanksgiving (and was too embarrassed to tell me for a week). But then it sounds like she spent the entire weekend drunk...
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:37 (fourteen years ago) link
it's hard when your partner has a serious problem and you need to confront them and tell them they need to fix it, because people expect/want romantic relationships to be more or less unconditional love, it almost flies in the face of that expectation to have your partner tell you that "there is something wrong with you that I can't deal with." This happened to a friend of mine recently, who also ended up breaking up w/his girlfriend as a result of it.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:39 (fourteen years ago) link
get your iphone back first though
― 囧 (dyao), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:53 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 7:19 PM
― tehresa, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:55 (fourteen years ago) link
i would not be shocked if she registered and lurked
― what u think i steen for to push a crawfish? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:57 (fourteen years ago) link
would you be shocked if she sb'd you tho
― stop grieving, it's only a chicken (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:58 (fourteen years ago) link
no I think he'd feel sb'd
― 囧 (dyao), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 04:59 (fourteen years ago) link
shock banned???
― being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 05:00 (fourteen years ago) link
sometime boyfriend
― stop grieving, it's only a chicken (darraghmac), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 05:01 (fourteen years ago) link
The ex I posted about back months ago is pretty much out of sight, out of mind. The funny thing is that friends will occasionally ask me questions about things they've recently heard about or seen her do and it's all so clear how nonsensical it all is. Life makes so much sense now!
― mh, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:02 (fourteen years ago) link
it's great when that happens.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:08 (fourteen years ago) link
otm
― what u think i steen for to push a crawfish? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:11 (fourteen years ago) link
have had quite a few things totally make sense now moments recently, but I'm not going to go into it here.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:13 (fourteen years ago) link
― tehresa, Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark
― you are wrong I'm bone thugs in harmon (omar little), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:18 (fourteen years ago) link
Things I'm enjoying:
Not having to be nice when she talks about the brilliance of Dean Koontz or her historical romance novelsNot having to be nice when she talks about the telephone medium who totally knew impossible things about her dead brotherNot having to bite my tongue when she criticized people for smoking pot and/or getting overly drunkNot having to hear that a 3-year old could have painted that Miro/Pollock/etc.
Not to give the picture that it was constant misery (we did get along, obv) but all of the above stick out as having occurred multiple times.
― smashing aspirant (milo z), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link
Not having to hear that a 3-year old could have painted that Miro/Pollock/etc
ex gf otm tho
― stop grieving, it's only a chicken (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 December 2009 11:39 (fourteen years ago) link
the only 3-year-old whose art I admire more than pollock's is Hunter Age 3
― southern dads get tuckered out, totally (Curt1s Stephens), Thursday, 17 December 2009 11:45 (fourteen years ago) link
oh dude, ZZZZZZ
― stop grieving, it's only a challops (stevie), Thursday, 17 December 2009 12:03 (fourteen years ago) link
:)
― stop grieving, it's only a chicken (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 December 2009 12:26 (fourteen years ago) link
^ self portrait, est. €7m
stfu
― plaxico (I know, right?), Sunday, 20 December 2009 01:08 (fourteen years ago) link
He's finally moving out. Looking forward to living alone for the first time ever.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:21 (fourteen years ago) link
good luck!
― velko, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:27 (fourteen years ago) link
i'm getting tough!
― sarahel, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:27 (fourteen years ago) link
question for everyone: is it reasonable or unreasonable to ask that your ex's new partner with whom said ex was cheating on you not be allowed into your place to help the ex move, even if you aren't there? I've gotten conflicting opinions on this.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:31 (fourteen years ago) link
nah she can go fuck herself imo
― plaxico (I know, right?), Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:32 (fourteen years ago) link
i think if you are not there it is fine
― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:34 (fourteen years ago) link
it is maybe a bit unreasonable but it's your place now so he has to deal. she can carry the boxes from the front door to the truck imo
― velko, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:35 (fourteen years ago) link
say ok then shoot her, isn't that safe in the US?
― Not a reactionary git, just an idiot. (darraghmac), Wednesday, 30 December 2009 01:36 (fourteen years ago) link