What's the most illegal thing you've ever done

Of course, if it's something you're not comfortable with spilling or would like cause you legal trouble, don't say it, but just curious as to how wild some of you are....me, I'm purdy clean overall...other than a few traffic tickets and pot smoking

Let my lack of response to this question tickle your imagination.

*imagines a scene out of Die Hard*

http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20080616/300.Terminator2.T1000.061608.jpg

Not sure how the law stands on multiple malicious SBage

ilx's sphere of influence is growing to the point where it might become a felony to misrepresent an EXCELSIOR

if that were so we wd need a witness protection board

drunk driving - busted
all manner of drugs, never seriously - not busted
scamming employers - not busted
ex who liked having sex in public (inside vehicles, but nonetheless) - not busted

you got busted for the right thing imo

my list is mysteriously about the same as milo's, and I agree w/sunny. Although I have never really scammed an employer, per se. And not vehicles.

My list is also like milo's, except I've not been busted for any of those.

I WAS busted, however, for stealing an Aerosmith tape from Kmart when I was 13.

i killed kurt cobain

Posted on ILX while pooping.

Johnny Fever I will not judge you harshly.....depending on which Aerosmith album it was.

don't really think I've ever done anything that illegal. so straight and narrow i am lolz

all manner of drugs, never seriously - not busted

this

Never gotten any kind of ticket other than parking and haven't ever stolen anything. Was always too afraid.

only time I've ever been yelled at by a cop was for walking across train tracks

A pal of mine talked me into receiving a big order of fireworks here in MS, then reboxing the whole thing in discreet packaging that didn't say 'CLASS C EXPLOSIVES' all over it and shipping them to him in California, where it's illegal to have them.

I've never even smirked wiid tbrr

when i was a teenager i had this big fear of not being in completely control of myself (poss. related to my queerness and being afraid of revealing anything) and i never did anything, never even drank, then by the time i was an adult i was like why get into drugs now? i'm a fucking adult

ironically, i am druuuunk now

I got pulled for speeding once (34mph in 30 zone) but the traffic cop let me off. Shocking huh

I only got busted for misdemeanor pot and alchohol possession stuff, but when I was into drugs (a long, long, time ago) I helped friends transport some pretty serious weights of pot, acid, and opium that probably would have landed me with a distribution charge. Scary to think about.

The crimes I feel worst about doing were as a middle schooler though. My friends and I would sneak out a lot. At first it started out we'd just skate or ride bikes and play with fireworks and stuff. But within a certain subset of that group, it evolved into vandalizing shit - spray painting, setting trash cans on fire, breaking peoples garden ornaments etc. No reason, just for destruction. I felt bad about it, but I didn't want my friends to think I wasn't cool. Eventually, these guys started stealing car stereos and I went along with them for two of those nights and acted as a lookout. I never broke into anyone's car and I never profited from the sales, but that shit's still on my conscience.

Obviously that's a bit off topic, but whatever.

# What's the most illegal thing you've ever done [Started by Bogart Puff 'n Stuff (Cattle Grind) in April 2010, last updated 10 minutes ago by kingkongvsgodzilla] 23 new answers

# pooping right before showering [Started by I request "Fireflies" (dyao) in March 2010, last updated 2 weeks ago by Convenience Fish (snoball)] POLL results

if pooping before showering is illegal then I don't ever want to be law-abiding

I WAS busted, however, for stealing an Aerosmith tape from Kmart when I was 13.

― Johnny Fever, Saturday, 24 April 2010 07:13 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Also busted, at 13, for thievery. My mate Pete made away with a bunch of games and some records (incl. The Coup's Steal This Album, which bought much juvenile lols) but I got caught taking cds out of their tagged cases and pocketing them :(

Oh and then I spent a decade breaking copyright law on the internet to get free music without the hassle of security guards ringing my drunk mother.

i never got caught doing anything except speeding. have shoplifted a bunch of times but those days are over, i promise. also w33d, underage drinking, trespassing. that's about it. boring.

oh also eating/drinking on public transit which you can get a ticket for! but they'd never ticket little old me

I lifted a sharpie once cause they came in boxes of 12 and I only needed one. have never really felt the need to shoplift though despite realizing just how easy it is

let's see, I also....

Frequently shoplifted pens from the campus bookstore at the first college I went to. I have no idea why I did this. I was also on strange pills at the time.

Stole a men's bathroom sign from Disney that I still have

it's really exhilarating, shoplifting

took a porsche up to about 80 mph+ once, was in my friend's jetta when he took it up to 110+. busted for speeding once, and I wasn't even trying! the speed limit sign was obstructed.

have had nearly uniformly bad reactions to all drugs I've ever tried so I just stick with the alcohol.

lol harbl are you a hoarder

no not at all, i mean like i can see how people get to be addicted to it

despite my introvertedness I was very influential on my friends in high school. I used to start 'stealing contests' when we were on field trips that mandated hotel stays in high school. It'd be one room vs. another, and the caveat was you had to steal shit that nobody in their right mind would ever take. (ie, ash trays from the lobby, traffic cones, etc).

when I was clearing old belongings out of my parents' old house after they moved, I found a lot of this crap...

i also have one memory that to this date I can't remember if it really happened, but I swear I remember in 2004, after being heavily drunk on Tanqueray and tonic, relieving myself on a hallway carpet at the hotel I was in. I was so drunk that to this day I don't know if it really happened. I had to be helped up the stairs later that night.

hah that reminds me I urinated in a college library once. into the fireplace.

despite my introvertedness I was very influential on my friends in high school. I used to start 'stealing contests' when we were on field trips that mandated hotel stays in high school. It'd be one room vs. another, and the caveat was you had to steal shit that nobody in their right mind would ever take. (ie, ash trays from the lobby, traffic cones, etc).

when I was clearing old belongings out of my parents' old house after they moved, I found a lot of this crap...

― Bogart Puff 'n Stuff (Cattle Grind), Saturday, 24 April 2010 15:27 (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol our uni halls and the ridiculous amount of shit we ended up w/

probably illegal downloading. :/

& cussing at a music conference

zounds

A friend and I got arrested and spent two days in jail for having a really small amount of w33d. This happened right as the Beastie Boys started playing at Lollapalooza in 1994, how we got singled out of the massive crowd of people is still a mystery to me.

I never really did anything all that illegal because I was afraid of getting busted and my parents were kind of hardasses. I had a bunch of friends who were really into stupid shit - stealing hood ornaments and license plates, breaking into cars, stealing fire extinguishers, and so on but I always kind of excused myself when this stuff started to happen. One of these dudes ended up torching an abandoned car (which he got away with) and then breaking thirty grand worth of windows at our old high school, which earned him 30 days in jail. He's a lawyer now.

when i was a teenager someone called the cops on a friend & i for putting bottle rockets in mailboxes -- i guess other stuff i did as a kid like egging houses & cars probably fits in there too -- also we once went into the screened in patio of our friends' grandmother's house at night & stole alcohol

My brother has been such a criminal all his life that I've kind of walked the straight and narrow to spare my mother anymore heartache. Which is too bad, because I'd really kind of like to find a local w33d supply, but oh well. I'm sure I'll become one of those decrepit ancient dopers after my parents pass on and smoke gets legalized.

I got arrested when I was 17 for illegal entry. I was walking around in July & saw an elementary school with a window open. Remembering that the toilets used to be smaller for the littler kids, I went in through the window to test my memory. When I left the school out the window again, I got asked by an old man if I'd just been in the school. This is the stupid part: the stupid part is I answered honestly. I got arrested, and went through the world's easiest "diversions program." The old man in charge of rehabilitating me wasn't very impressed by my crime, as my punishment was to write a book report, draw him a picture, and "no slumber parties for two weeks."

No way am I talking about illegal things I've done as an adult.

wait, the only reason you entered the school was to see if the toilets were smaller?

Yes...I can't think of any other reason to enter an elementary school I didn't attend. The only reason I got off so easy is I didn't touch/steal/fuck up anything.

hmm. the worst school related thing I did was go into the catwalk and smash things with a 2x4. I had a very angsty senior year. and for my band's only performance ever at a showcase of the bands, we warmed up by destroying folding chairs and other things up there.

Johnny Fever I will not judge you harshly.....depending on which Aerosmith album it was.

It was Done With Mirrors. I am not proud.

which is apparently illegal in my home state (god, I think they were taking the piss when writing these laws)

I am skeptical that is actually a law.

i like to fart and i am lawzy

I WAS busted, however, for stealing an Aerosmith tape from Kmart when I was 13.

I was 15, and I was busted stealing a tape of The Smithereens 11 from KMart.

I always loved the police report section of the local paper, esp. because half the crimes listed happened at 2100 E. 17th Street, aka the mall. The best thing was they'd always list what the person stole. "Arrested for shoplifting four 'fashion rings.'" "Arrested for shoplifting a Snoop Doggy Dogg cassette." "Arrested for stealing an Insane Clown Posse CD."

that's why you gotta steal good stuff.

nobody wants TheSmokingGun to report that you were "Arrested for shoplifting Pat Boone's In a Metal Mood"...

I am skeptical that is actually a law.

http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/florida

It could well be an urban legend, I like to believe it is true so that I can for once in my life be a badass outlaw.

No way am I talking about illegal things I've done as an adult.

― kissogram powers (Abbott), Saturday, April 24, 2010 1:09 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

stole £20 from the petty cash in the school reception office when left alone in there at 14. fucking stupid looking back on it. but i was never caught, and as far as i knew, nobody found out.

is smoking weed more illegal than that?

otherwise i have been a good boy.

tell us what jail was like

Food sucked. Company ranged from not terrible to horrible. The library cart was well stocked with Patricia Cornwell and Stephen King. Wound up playing a lot of spades with wannabe gangsters (and a few real ones).

I smoked weed exactly one time in 1997.

I was once in a room where white people were smoking weed while listening to a Bob Marley compilation album. That kind of self conscious early 90's proto hipsterism should have been illegal.

taking class a drugs on a plane to spain.

they dont mind in spain

http://www.footballandmusic.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/krankies_single.jpg

yeah they don't mind once you're in spain but not so sure how british customs would take to it.

well i am sure. i would have spent a horrific few years in shotts and probably wrote a "child called it" style suffering memoir about it and tried to sell it to publishers once i got out.

<3 spain

I've just done the "basics": (non-hard) drugs, minor drunken vandalism, a few occasions of painting graffiti, shoplifting, streaking, public sex, illegal entry, attending illegal demonstrations, squatting. Most of these were years ago, and I don't think I've ever done anything that would've resulted in more than a fine. Shoplifting was the only thing I actually got busted for, and got fined for it.

Actually, I'm not sure what would've happened if we'd got caught for the illegal entry thing. You see, during the last year in high school some friends and I decided to see if it was possible to hide inside our school after it was closed in the evening, and stay there overnight. So we choose a room behind the assembly hall that wasn't used that often, and stayed there with some sleeping bags, food, playing cards, etc. It was actually kinda scary, as we assumed the school caretaker wouldn't check this room before he closed the doors and went home, but we couldn't be sure. Also, we knew that the school had some motion detectors, but we assumed they hadn't be installed into every room, though of course we couldn't really know. I still remember the nervous excitement we felt when the closing time came and we could hear the janitor walking through the halls, whistling and tinkling his keys while he was closing the doors. And after that there was still an hour or so of more nervousness, as we waited to see whether or not the room had motion detectors and whether some security guards would come to bust us. But nothing happened. We slept in the sleeping bags, had an alarm clock to wake us up, and exited the room early in the morning when the school had opened up but the pupils hadn't yet arrived. No one noticed us.

I'm not sure what would've happened if we'd been busted though. We'd all just turned 18 so we weren't minors anymore... But we hadn't actually broken in or broken anything, and I think the sleeping bags might've been enough proof to back up our story and prove we weren't there to steal anything. So we probably would've gotten off with a fine. We might've been expelled from the school though, which would've kinda sucked, as we were only a few months away from graduation. But these are the sort of things you do as a teen, I'm sure my life would've been duller if I hadn't gotten into them.

I've never done anything that could have gotten me into much more trouble than the things I have been caught doing.

I've probably told this story on ILX before, but I was once caught peeing in a bush on the lawn of the Texas State Capital building. I was drunkenstein, and the cops knew it right off. Fortunately the judge was willing to wipe it from my record if I paid the fine (which was damn steep), because if he'd wanted to, he could have charged me with indecent exposure -- a sex crime. If I hadn't have been able to get a quick loan from a friend, I might be one of those dudes you see on that "sex criminals in your neighborhood" online map. For taking a leak in a shrub.

I spent a night in jail once, but I was innocent of the charge. I was pulled over for a broken tail light (or was it a headlght? Can't recall) while moving to a new apartment. It was the last load of stuff, so my car was full of al my most random crap -- boxes of cassette tapes, VHS tapes, pillows, small lamps, etc etc. When the cops ran my license, they found a two-year-old hot check for $22 that I didn't even know about (never got the notice -- I moved around a lot back in those days). That was a warrant for my arrest right there, but they asked me if, before they searched the car (good luck) if I wanted to declare anything. Stupidly, I showed them the little vial of ginseng-caffeine snuff that I had bought at the tobacco store, and had been using to stay awake through my nutty 4am shifts at the bakery. They took it to their trunk, tested it in their little cop test kit, and came back and told me that it had come back positive for cocaine. They charged me with possession and hauled me to County for the night. I have a theory about this -- I think they knew it wasn't cocaine, or anything else illegal, but they wanted to scare me straight. They knew I'd be out in the morning once the real lab sent the results back. And so I was.

tell us what jail was like

The first night we were in a big holding cell with maybe eight other dudes - petty drug arrests, drunk driving, soliciting prostitution, a group of guys who didn't really want to talk, and so on. I was totally fine but my friend wasn't cause he ate his second tab rather than let the cops find it. Spent some time handcuffed to a table in an interview room, didn't sleep much. This was in the Milwaukee city jail.

Next day we got processed into a smaller holding cells waiting to go to court. I got a little crazy as the cell was tiny, freezing cold and there were like 12 dudes (some of whom were really intense gang member scary motherfuckers) packed in for like 8 hours. The computers had crashed at some point so we never got to court, and they moved us to the long term county jail room for the night, the kind with a bunch of cells in a circle with a desk full of cameras and guys with shotguns in the middle. We were repeatedly laughed at for being young white boys who only had a small possession charge - everyone was jealous and saying we were lucky and would be let go, wondering why were still in, and so on. Met a twitchy guy with a huge mullet who had been busted with like a pound of coke, a teacher from Omaha who had been driving drunk, and a young guy who told us how real life isn't like TV, and he thought he'd have time to pull his gun out when the cops busted the store where he was selling crack but apparently they were too fast and he was unable to do so which greatly angered him.

There were a bunch of Mexican gang members who for whatever reason adopted us - we sat and ate with them, watched nature shows, played checkers, scared off people who might have fucked with us, and called us ese all the time. They were cool, at least in terms of people you want to meet in jail. Another cool guy was the fifty year old dude who told us about when he got busted for drugs at an Alice Cooper show in the 70s - this guy came in during the middle of the night wearing an orange jumpsuit cause he had gotten pepper sprayed when he resisted arrest. I'm guessing that they beat the shit out of him too based on how he looked.

Eventually we saw the judge, he realized how stupid it was to hold us for this long, asked us if we were going to come to his town and be stupid again, then let us out. Took a cab to my car which was alone in the middle of a giant parking lot, then drove six hours home. Good times.

Nobody fucked with me in the holding cell, because I was bespectacled, nerdy, tiny, and visibly not at all nervous, because I knew I didn't do anything. I should have been a lot more nervous, in retrospect.

The 50-ish dude I spent the night in the cell with was terrified, and kept commenting on how cool I was acting. "You seem like you've done this before." "No, first time." Poor bastard had a blood-soaked bandage on his ear, way up high on it, where his ex wife had taken a bite out of it, Tyson-style. Apparently there was a domestic disturbance call, and they arrested the guy covered in blood and let the biter go. Granted, I only heard his side of the story.

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

It involved the Poll Tax.

1) Attended 'that' Poll Tax protest - Not Arrested.
2) Did not pay the poll tax *until* the day it was announced that it was to be abolished - £50 fine.

For some time after, all official forms that had the section "Prior Convictions" would specifically exclude Parking Violations and PollTax files.

POTP.

Tuomas, that's awesome.

but my friend wasn't cause he ate his second tab rather than let the cops find it.

:-O

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

― Jack Human (kenan), Monday, April 26, 2010 2:53 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes, police get incriminating evidence before they arrest you, then they read you your rights

God, Tuomas reminded me that I camped out in my college library one night, with a few other people. Somehow we had found a boiler room that no one ever locked, so we packed bags with pillows and some food and cards, and hid in the utility room until it sounded like the janitors, etc, had gone. We didn't turn on any lights cos the whole place was windowed, ended up sleeping really uncomfortably on little reading couches and etc. Fun, though.

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

― Jack Human (kenan), Monday, April 26, 2010 2:53 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

amen

i asked rahni what jail was like, i don't care about any of you other losers

Don't be harbl.

does public sex count?

If you get caught by the police I'm sure they'd arrest you, so I'd say it does count.

I was once in a room where white people were smoking weed while listening to a Bob Marley compilation album. That kind of self conscious early 90's proto hipsterism should have been illegal.

I hate to bear this news but this didn't die in the 90s

Arrested and charged with a felony after fighting with a cop and injuring him on the street in the aftermath of a bar brawl. Spent a little time in the cooler, but ultimately plead down to a misdemeanor. This was 15 years ago, and it still pops up on background checks. Ive had some serious explaining to do to potential employers.

broke into three or four different schools as a teen. don't know why.
sex with a minor, i'm guessing most people have done this though? (16 yo gf when i was 17)
couple of acts of accidental/careless vandalism while drunk (broken windows, falling through fences, etc)
drunk driven home from a nightclub once with 15 people in the car- #1 fucking stupid thing i've ever done. iirc killed a sheep.
drunken fistfights.

i don't drink as much as i used to, tbh.

Oh god, I totally forgot that I had a 17-year-old girlfriend when I was 21. I wonder how illegal that was?

depends on what state you were in

.....horny?

Now that I think about it, I have driven drunk on two occasions; I don't know if that's more illegal than shipping fireworks to CA, but it's less defensible.

Nothing much--just some soft drug use and oral sex on men and women (illegal in Florida at the time).

^^^^ new ILTMI board descrip????

Do it.

ripping the tag off a mattress

Took 10 ecstasy pills to Spain

...and now oral sex and medical marijuana are both legal here. So now I'm stumped. Fudging my time sheets at work, maybe?

christine!!

Good to have you back Christine!

I had a phase where making rent was tough so I stole quite a lot of groceries. And also a bottle of jack once. Never ever caught, white privilege.

:-)