dick wishes

church hardon
The Mary Whitehouse Experience - "The Library Experience" (0:50 onwards)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrlFDhVn_PY

I always thought it was sitting over the motor -> vibrations that did that.

Actually I was just on a bus about ten minutes ago, and although I sat in one of the seats just behind the back wheel - theoretically the seats with the maximum vibration - absolutely nada. Except a vaguely numb sensation after about half an hour. Cue David Gilmour solo. So my informal study indicates that YMMV...
If I was a scientist I would be getting a government grant to study this phenomenon.

kenan "dick-shaped" isn't very specific imo -- are we talking bulbous mushrooms or wide bloated hoagies or narrow-headed torpedoes etc

Clearly I am straight. The only real reference point I have for other men's dicks is in porn. Those look mostly like mine, except FREAKIN' HUGE. I refuse to compare sizes with those guys. That would be like worrying about your height when the only other men you have ever seen were while watching pro basketball.

dicks come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and colors, it's true

I've seen a variety of dick shapes in porno, including some wide-wide-o thing that looked like 3 cocks in one sheath with this teeny tiny silly gumdrop for a glans. Somehow my mind thought, "Ah, that must be what Greek men('s penises) look like." I don't even remember the guy attached to the damn thing.

I think this is the classic thing where your sexual behavior (or organs) are 'normal' and everyone else is the exception (barring phimosis, Gonzo-nose cock, two-incher or something else that's a pretty clear outlier). I got this when I first watched/saw porn: "Whoa, all these ladies' pussies are TOTALLY WEIRD." weird meaning abnormal meaning not like mine.

Like even 'dick-shaped dicks,' and I think I have the same idea as Kenan on what this means, can look v different from one another: veiny or smooth, lots of pubes at the base or very few, red or purpley or pale glans, different shaft colors – and I'm just talking abt circumsized white dudes here. Let's all ponder kenan's penis.

ha elmo you did the cliff's notes of my post

kenan's penis, I think, is the most normal thing about him.

I think the trouble comes from my penis being the only one I ponder at all. So yeah, like you said.

I assume that dicks shaped literally like a toadstool are outliers, and discount them. Likewise with many of the shapes and colors that Abbot lists. Point well taken.

snoball, I have no reference whatsofuckingever for that clip. Libraries? Really? Is this a British thing?

(Insert "microfiche" joke here.)

"Ah, that must be what Greek men('s penises) look like."

Like the statue of David, you mean? That's just uncircumcised, so it wouldn't be that shape anymore at full mast. (I imagine that many uncircumcised men have gone through an early trauma when an insensitive and inexperienced partner, never having seen an uncut one before, said all too frankly, "Your dick looks weird.") Also the Greeks valued small penises, and thought that a large penis was a sign of being animalistic, primal, too close to a state of nature, what have you. So the Greek statue penis is exaggerated in its smallness.

the gonzo-nose shaped dicks abbott mentions are all kinds of scary. only seen on screen, myself, but i have true sympathy for any horribly bent pecker. they must require very specific positions in order to provide mutual pleasure.

I'm going to resist my temptation to link to weird penis disorders.

I'll also take requests, though!

no, post links! if any thread deserved such, it's this

(xxxxxpost) I guess it's a particular kind of British sexual guilt/oppression/frustration. Not one that I share myself though.

(that was an xpost to kenan, BTW)

(I tried to come up with a "card index" gag, but failed miserably)

that would be great if you were still hanging out in boys locker rooms or were perhaps a talented and handsomely paid underwear model, but what would be the point otherwise?

Another straight guy heard from. :)

An image of different degrees of the unfortunate 'lol where's my urethra' condition hypospadias

it can be very, uh, beneficial to once confidence to be seen "pushing a basket" imo

that's why jesus invented cockrings iirc

once = one's

My skinny-dude physical ideal: http://www.yuppiepunk.org/images/X-iggypop.jpg

See, that's a show-er.

hypospadias oh nooooooo :((((

xp He's a great showman, many have said so.

Gonzo-nose dick facing heavenward is Peyronie's disease. According to Wikipedia: Peyronie's Disease is also formally known as "penile induration" or "Induratio Penis Plastica (IPP)" and colloquially as "bent nail syndrome".

South-bound Gonzo-nose goes by the very cute name of chordee.

A photo of a surgery Cronenberg himself could not imagine

NB IT'S TERRIFYING

imo this picture of a penis with phimosis is kind of dear in comparison

I had a cousin who had surgery for phimosis when he was about 10 (though not as severe as Abbot posted, and I know because our parents used to put us in the bath together when we were young, and I remember his dick looking weird). All the other 10-yr-old boys were very, VERY concerned about it, worrying that it might happen to them, too. In retrospect, he was amazingly calm and cool at explaining it to us. Like he had rehearsed.

BTW: take Abbot's Cronenberg warning v seriously.

one of my first boyfriends had phimosis! he functioned just fine but i think it could be pretty painful for him

bahaha kenan I bet most of you were circumsized anyway!

Of course we were! Most all boy babies were circumcised then. His parents were trailblazers, it seems. Only with exactly the baby that least benefited.

So you were all terrified of being able to not retract you non-existent foreskins?

No no, we wouldn't know what the word "foreskin" meant. It was just that our friend's thingie was all weird, and we didn't know if it was contagious or what.

When there's no sex education in schools whatsoever, and your parents won't tell you anything at all about the basics, or if they do (like my dad tried to when I was about 6) the discussion is so brief and cryptic as to only give the impression that this is a thing you should be extremely interested in knowing more about but with no useful information, well... all thingies are weird.

I remember my dad saying to me, "the seed enters the woman..." and imagining for a long time that he was talking about something like an acorn that had legs walking across the bed and jumping into the woman's butthole. Dads: don't try to get this out of the way when they're six.

oh man that is all kinds of hilarious

http://www.pokemondb.co.uk/images/artwork/seedot.png

I don't want to do a Tuomas here, but is sex education really bad in US schools? It's patchy in the UK, dependant on when you grew up rather than which part of the country, but I remember that when I was eight our class were shown a series of films which went into conception, pregnancy, and childbirth in full detail.

If you happen to live in a redder state, and especially if you had the misfortune to have lived eight key sex education years under Bush -- it's really shamefully bad. It's basically Jesus education.

It's nonexistent. (xp)

Under the Bush administration sex-ed was largely Abistinence Only curricula.

It's patchy in the UK, dependant on when you grew up rather than which part of the country, but I remember that when I was eight our class were shown a series of films which went into conception, pregnancy, and childbirth in full detail.

yeah that doesn't happen here

Basically, there's a girls-only sex-ed bit that talks about periods and how you aren't dying when you get yours that gets shown around 6th grade (age 11-12) and then in high school there's "oh look, STDs!"-style sex ed; the actual mechanics of reproduction are either taught to you by your parents or you learn it as a side-effect of taking life sciences in junior high.

My sex-ed class was just a bunch of anti-abortion scare slides of scrambled fetuses.

Well and when I was ten we had a very special girls-only thing where they explained vaginal discharge, menstruation, and how tampons won't make you lose your virginity.

Oh and there was this big emphasis on not calling a pad a "rag" bcz that was trashy & disrespectful (I thought she meant of pads, but later I think she meant women's reproductive systems in general).

Yeah, because that's the big issue at hand.