Should giving head be generally reciprocal?

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I like giving and receiving oral sex, and I've always sorta assumed it should be done reciprocally: I do it to you and you do it to me. Of course sometimes it might be one-sided for various reasoms, and that's perfectly fine. But what if you're always the one giving it and never receive it? I can understand it if the other person simply finds giving oral sex disgusting, but what if it's more of a question of the other person being to lazy to do it? Is it selfish to assume that if you give it you also get it back?

Tuomas, Monday, 6 October 2008 12:59 (ten years ago) Permalink

Depends on the partners' predilections. I don't think you can *expect* anything to be automatically reciprocated. If there is something that you specifically want that a partner never does, you can ask. It sounds like a communication problem as much as a laziness problem.

Personally, I actually really enjoy giving, but really dislike receiving. And various lovers have always persisted "oh, but you'll LIKE it the way I do it..." which is just not true. It's one of those things that I will kind of *let* a partner do occasionally if it makes them really happy, but I don't particularly enjoy.

Which leads to these absurd situations where I suspect they're doing it out of a false sense of obligation for reciprocation under the delusion that they are going to *make* me enjoy it, when really it's something I'm suffering for their sake. You know, if you want to send me into orbit, sexually, there's several other distinct things you could be doing, but there's this delusion among post-feminist men that somehow cunnilingus is *the* way to be "Good In Bed"... (cue Julie Burchill)

I know, I know, getting in Jagger territory, there may well be men who enjoy eating pussy for the sheer joy of the taste/sensation/whatever. But it's always felt like they were doing it because they thought that's what it takes to satisfy a woman - and it just doesn't satisfy me.

COOL in ze POOL, HOTT in ze DANCING SPOT (Masonic Boom), Monday, 6 October 2008 18:42 (ten years ago) Permalink

I see your point, but in my experience for many women getting good cunnilingus is something they enjoy and something that makes them come more easily, which is why I generally tend to do it in bed. I do find it perfectly enjoyable though, so it's not like I'm only doing it out of some feminist sense of obligation. I have, however, learned that if my partner says she doesn't really enjoy cunnilingus, even my superior skills are unlikely to change that... :)

Tuomas, Monday, 6 October 2008 18:57 (ten years ago) Permalink

Head = (1/Head)

??

Abbott, Monday, 6 October 2008 21:43 (ten years ago) Permalink

Is it selfish to assume that if you give it you also get it back?

I think it's silly to assume, which is why you discuss these things at some point between or previous to head-giving sessions. These things needn't be a mystery between one and their partner.

Abbott, Monday, 6 October 2008 21:44 (ten years ago) Permalink

I have ticklish knees and often if I'm being given head, her boobs will stroke them and put me off. That's the only reason I don't like receiving.

trazomhs trazorg (unregistered), Monday, 6 October 2008 21:57 (ten years ago) Permalink

must have some long boobs or high knees

○◙i shine cuz i genital grind◙○ (roxymuzak), Monday, 6 October 2008 21:59 (ten years ago) Permalink

or a short dick

/autozing

trazomhs trazorg (unregistered), Monday, 6 October 2008 23:57 (ten years ago) Permalink

actually i think itd have to be a long dick

○◙i shine cuz i genital grind◙○ (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 7 October 2008 03:40 (ten years ago) Permalink

I have ticklish boobs and often if I'm giving head, his knees will stroke them and put me off. That's the only reason I don't like giving.

wolbon (unregistered), Tuesday, 7 October 2008 06:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

Pussy eaters do my head in; discuss

abusive comments (PappaWheelie V), Wednesday, 8 October 2008 03:56 (ten years ago) Permalink

I guess they're more comfortable with an innie and are a little rough with an outie.

I'm the wire monkey, not the soft monkey (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 8 October 2008 04:00 (ten years ago) Permalink

If you think in terms of should, then yr sex life will suffer commensurately.

Behead Gramm (libcrypt), Wednesday, 8 October 2008 04:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

I.e., Sex isn't a democracy, Tuomas.

Behead Gramm (libcrypt), Wednesday, 8 October 2008 04:31 (ten years ago) Permalink

how would you calculate the majority vote for a start

jonty alouette (electricsound), Wednesday, 8 October 2008 04:32 (ten years ago) Permalink

Sex isn't a democracy, Tuomas

This really should be the board description.

its cool bro i'm a rugby league player (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 9 October 2008 21:06 (ten years ago) Permalink

I know no one "should" do anything in sex or that isn't a democracy, but don't don't you think there should be a certain reciprocity in sex in general, at least if you're having a longer sexual relationship with someone? "I give you pleasure and you give me pleasure". At least that's been the case with almost all of my relationships. Wouldn't it bother you if it was always one-sided?

Tuomas, Friday, 10 October 2008 07:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

sometimes people just like giving.

Surmounter, Friday, 10 October 2008 07:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

i'm actually not a huge fan of getting. i mean it's fine. the right person is great. but whatever. i know WEIRD.

Surmounter, Friday, 10 October 2008 07:39 (ten years ago) Permalink

it is better to give than to receive. or so i've heard...

"I'ma lose my religion and go secular on you, boy" (Ioannis), Friday, 10 October 2008 10:09 (ten years ago) Permalink

what do Christians know?

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Friday, 10 October 2008 13:45 (ten years ago) Permalink

Sometimes there's an equal exchange of pleasurings. Sometime's there's not, and the imbalance isn't necessarily in favor of one particular gender. You just have to navigate things and figure out what makes sex work in the context of whatever kind of relationship is in play at the moment. There's no universal should or shouldn't here. For a dude as sexually experienced as you, Tuomas, I'm surprised that you don't realize this.

NJ Sucks (libcrypt), Friday, 10 October 2008 14:47 (ten years ago) Permalink

I used to date a chick who got pissed off if she didn't have five orgasms during one sexual escapade (to my one). That really wasn't so fair and balanced, now was it? It worked out fine in our relationship until one day I decided to skip 3 or 4 and she dumped me like a couple days later. Moral of the story? Always take one of those counting clicker things to bed.

NJ Sucks (libcrypt), Friday, 10 October 2008 14:51 (ten years ago) Permalink

What?! That's absurd in so many ways.

Zangelbert Bingledack (ENBB), Friday, 10 October 2008 14:53 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wouldn't it bother you if it was always one-sided?

no, not if ur on the receiving side my dude

cankles, Friday, 10 October 2008 15:01 (ten years ago) Permalink

I'm a bit glib about it, but that's basically the truth. She wanted someone more focused on her sexual needs, which is fine. I just wasn't that dude. In all fairness to me, though, she was really incredibly sexually demanding, and I think a lot of guys wouldn't have been able to keep up.

NJ Sucks (libcrypt), Friday, 10 October 2008 15:03 (ten years ago) Permalink

Anyone who needs to have five orgasms during each sexual encounter is probably a little off.

Zangelbert Bingledack (ENBB), Friday, 10 October 2008 15:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

Anyone who goes to math grad school is also probably a little off, not entirely coincidentally.

NJ Sucks (libcrypt), Friday, 10 October 2008 15:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

six years pass...

not necessarily but if not then at least make the tea after ffs

deejerk reactions (darraghmac), Monday, 24 August 2015 23:35 (three years ago) Permalink

orig q oddly myopic imo. sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

tremendous crime wave and killing wave (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Tuesday, 25 August 2015 00:21 (three years ago) Permalink

Myopic to assume reciprocal oral is focused on a nut imo

let no-one live rent free in your butt (sic), Tuesday, 25 August 2015 01:53 (three years ago) Permalink

yr right of course i just liked my joek :(

tremendous crime wave and killing wave (Joan Crawford Loves Chachi), Tuesday, 25 August 2015 02:08 (three years ago) Permalink

I used to date a chick who got pissed off if she didn't have five orgasms during one sexual escapade (to my one). That really wasn't so fair and balanced, now was it? It worked out fine in our relationship until one day I decided to skip 3 or 4 and she dumped me like a couple days later. Moral of the story? Always take one of those counting clicker things to bed.

― NJ Sucks (libcrypt), Friday, October 10, 2008 10:51 AM (6 years ago)

http://replygif.net/i/440.gif

usic ally (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 25 August 2015 02:16 (three years ago) Permalink

i think that dude is married fwiw

sarahell, Tuesday, 25 August 2015 03:38 (three years ago) Permalink

had one ex who very much reciprocated in terms of one for one but the amount of time I was expected to stay down there was insane some nights.

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Tuesday, 25 August 2015 03:42 (three years ago) Permalink


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