having a doctor of the same or opposite gender?

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Just kinda want to get the temperature on how people feel about this.

At my current doctor's office, I had originally signed up for a male doctor, which I admit was largely due to modesty. He eventually left the practice and when I had to choose a new primary care physician, there were only female doctors at that practice. I mostly just go to this doctor for an annual physical, by the way, because my wife works at an urgent care clinic where it's easier and cheaper for me to get seen for all the little colds and things that come up.

Anyway, I've had a dick issue come up and needed to make an appointment. I saw on their website that they have added male doctors to the practice since my last visit, so I requested to see one. And the receptionist was kinda dragging her feet, like "well, that would be something that you would normally see your primary care physician about..." And I'm like COME THE FUCK ON. I didn't say that. I was really polite about it and she was able to schedule me with one of the dudes. But inside I was pretty surprised that she pushed back on that.

Yes, I know that a woman doctor has been to medical school and could analyze my problem dispassionately and prescribe a course of treatment or whatever. I still feel more comfortable talking to a male doctor about my dick.

So I want to know how y'all feel about choosing your doctors. Would this figure into your choice at all? Am I a total sexist for wanting to discuss dick dilemmas with dude-bro docs?

peace, man, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:10 (one month ago) link

I chose a male doctor for similar reasons

shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:13 (one month ago) link

I think everyone should be entitled to see a doctor of their preferred gender without analysing why tbh.

Dunno how I feel about it. Had to have a prostate exam a few years back and I think I'm happier that my doctor was male but I can't really say why if I think hard about it

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:14 (one month ago) link

don't get this at all. current doctor is a woman, don't even really think about it

Politically homely (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:15 (one month ago) link

I've only had 2 GPs my entire life mind you

Politically homely (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:15 (one month ago) link

have you gone to her with dick issues though?

(•̪●) (carne asada), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:17 (one month ago) link

in the name of peace, man, are we talking about ed or stds or what. i'm afraid i can't answer your question without knowing what your dick issues are.

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:19 (one month ago) link

have you gone to her with dick issues though?

― (•̪●) (carne asada), Tuesday, October 27, 2020 11:17 AM (four minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

no, but I would, and I've gone to her about hemorrhoids and she's looked at my arsehole

Politically homely (jim in vancouver), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:22 (one month ago) link

When I used to work with disabled kids there was always a policy of same gender workers delivering intimate care, and I always used to quibble about the assumptions that this was somehow "safer", especially when it didn't reflect the person's usual experience of care

big man on scampus (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:25 (one month ago) link

I think I have almost always seen a female doctor but I’ve never chosen one. My old practice had a male doctor who took an interest in me (he treated me during a depressive period) and he did check my breasts once, but I don’t think I really cared about that at all. I don’t enjoy getting a smear regardless of who might be doing it.

scampus milne (gyac), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:26 (one month ago) link

it depends on the person but i might trust a female doctor to be better / sharper in my conservative, male-dominated state. having negative experiences with patriarchal interactions growing up might also tilt me toward a female gp. i have a male one right now who i found through a "queer-friendly" resource guide who practices close to where i live.

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:26 (one month ago) link

Like doctors will have experience training on male and female bodies, they aren’t limited to what they’re born with and if you’re a doctor seeing all and sundry’s arseholes or whatever all day, I’d expect you get used to it very very quickly.

scampus milne (gyac), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:28 (one month ago) link

I mean, I know that, but I still have feelings of modesty and comfort for whatever reason and I don't particularly feel like challenging those feelings at the moment while I'm seeking care for something that's embarrassing to me.

Matt, it's ED.

peace, man, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:34 (one month ago) link

it makes sense to me that a straight person would want to see a doctor of the same gender about a sexual issue

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:38 (one month ago) link

Idk I think if you’re most comfortable dealing with a doctor that’s the main thing and if you’re more able to be honest or whatever that’s going to be more effective for your treatment. I actually ended up seeing that male doctor because the only other option one time was a female doctor at the practice that I really didn’t get on with.

scampus milne (gyac), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:39 (one month ago) link

It's so often uncomfortable going to a doctor that I think anything that makes you feel more comfortable is a reasonable request, even if it's not based on anything particularly sensible - I certainly wouldn't read it as thinking a female doctor is less able unless there was extra context to suggest that.

I have a male doctor who I like, I wouldn't be comfortable with him giving me an intimate examination but a) I have a pathological fear of those sorts of interactions anyway, and b) it turns out he knows a load of my friends, so that would be weird.

emil.y, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:40 (one month ago) link

What even *is* this "opposite" gender you people are talking about?

I certainly understand that someone would want to be treated by someone who generally had the same bits as yourself if you are having those specific bits *treated*, but... yeah, you can't always tell what someone's bits are by looking?

first we save the rave (Branwell with an N), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:43 (one month ago) link

good point, bb. lingo slipped there.

peace, man, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:49 (one month ago) link

See, I don't think it is actually about shared bits - as others have said, doctors are very well trained, a doctor of any gender can treat any part of a body. I think it's more a cultural hangover from being socialised to be more comfortable with people who are "of the same gender", and while that's something I might take issue with, medical stuff can be so traumatising that I don't want to say someone should be uncomfortable for the sake of principles.

emil.y, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 18:49 (one month ago) link

Haha, I'm kinda kidding around, peace man. I'm not *that* annoying trans (well, yes I am but not today!) - I do just struggle with the idea of "opposite" gender? There are just different genders, man, and yeah, I guess you're talking about wanting a same sex doctor.

emil.y I guess this is another case where I'm just weird in my thinking. I'm used to that! (But also, like, when I had a male doctor, he never used to warm the speculum, and now I have a female doctor she *always* warms the speculum and sometimes the lube too - haha this is TMI, right? Like, being the owner of a body part doesn't always mean someone will be better treating it, but it often means they know what feels absolutely awful and will try to avoid!)

first we save the rave (Branwell with an N), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:02 (one month ago) link

Actually that does make a lot of sense. As soon as I posted I kept thinking about adding prevarications, I didn't want to dismiss anyone else's experience.

emil.y, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:06 (one month ago) link

I have a hard time trusting other men for, uh, Reasons, so I prefer a non-male doc regardless of the circumstances

it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:18 (one month ago) link

I used to go to a male doc who, granted, was old enough to be my own grandfather, but he was also sexist and condescending and criticized my weight. Sadly, his practice was comfortable and on-time and quiet and nicely decorated, which might seem superficial until you have to pick a doc out of a book at random and you end up in the family clinic of a teaching hospital where your appointment time means nothing, the building is dingy, the equipment is old, and the bathrooms always have used menstrual products lying around.

I had a check up yesterday with a new doc that I picked out of a book. It was the latter kind of place.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:23 (one month ago) link

insurance lists don't make it easy

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:25 (one month ago) link

Anyway I prefer to see women for everything, for privacy/modesty reasons and also to reduce the chances of scattered sexism.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:31 (one month ago) link

reduce the chances of scattered sexism.

geez i didn't even really think of this aspect.

(•̪●) (carne asada), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 19:34 (one month ago) link

nothing seems to bring out sexist/patriarchal interactions with doctors like trying to get sterilized when you're 21.

Lee626, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 21:32 (one month ago) link

Generally speaking, I find doctors patriarchal and condescending! I prefer P.A.s and nurses, who are more focused on care and humans than on diagnosing shit. I have an older woman doctor, and she has been great. I feel like I am not interesting enough in any way to need modesty, because AFAIK nothing about my body is outside of the realm of one standard deviation from mean.

mildew and sanctimony (soda), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 21:48 (one month ago) link

*takes notes*

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 21:50 (one month ago) link

j/k

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 21:50 (one month ago) link

lol. I had to see a doctor about an ugly thing last year. I told the doctor, "I have this gross ugly thing going on" and the doctor told me "I'll determine if its ugly," without a trace of irony. Then, later on, the doctor said "that was pretty ugly," which did not make me feel good.

mildew and sanctimony (soda), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 21:55 (one month ago) link

I prefer P.A.s and nurses, who are more focused on care and humans than on diagnosing shit. I have an older woman doctor, and she has been great.

That's a great point! I often see a nurse practitioner at my GYN and they're all awesome.

Ima Gardener (in orbit), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 22:15 (one month ago) link

My GP is a male and I’m fine with that because check-ups are not that involved or invasive. For a gynecologist I prefer a woman. I’m sure male gynecologists that abuse their patients are the outliers—but I listen to way too many podcasts and read way too many articles to be comfortable with a male gyn personally.

Virginia Plain, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 23:51 (one month ago) link

my PCP seems, through no particular selection of my own, to have become a woman. i had a dude but i think he retired and she answered the call the next time i came in.

she is good and also pretty brutally frank. i'm sure she could handle any potential dick issues easily but i can also see her typing up her notes and absentmindedly remarking 'i dunno dude, do you even really use it that much?'

mookieproof, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:11 (one month ago) link

tbf she doesn't hold a candle to my ex's (beloved) female doctor who once walked in holding mammogram scans muttering 'well *that's* pretty weird'

mookieproof, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:17 (one month ago) link

i have an irrational fear of doctors of all genders

superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:41 (one month ago) link

Just remembering I saw my doctor on bumble and for some reason it perturbed me

Politically homely (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:44 (one month ago) link

Tbh i think yr request is reasonable peace, man.

My PCPs have been female going back 20 years, but honestly I've been uncomfortable getting the weiner or butthole prodded since my long-term GP left the field. After 13 years of her occasionally inspecting both areas as the need arose, we had a rapport that i now have to rebuild with someone else, and i have modesty issues. My records moved to another practice and I started to build a rapport with a new doctor there for a year THEN SHE LEFT.

For me it's not about sex, it's about thinking I'm a hideous hunk of flesh and other things

Neanderthal, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:48 (one month ago) link

*about the sex of the doctor

Neanderthal, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 00:49 (one month ago) link

What's this about choosing your GP? You just get whoever's available in the practice I'm with

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 01:21 (one month ago) link

Most of them are female and very pleasant... and young! I've had some hideous male GPs in the past.

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 01:23 (one month ago) link

My current PCP is a female LNP. We get along well and I wouldn't dream of changing. She succeeded my previous doctor, an actual MD, also female, who made it no-big-deal when it came time to hold my balls and say "cough" and also check my prostate when I turned 50. Frankly, I'd rather have a female doctor deal with my potential dick stuff because I don't want to have any bro-ish interactions when I'm dealing with it.

scampo-phenique (WmC), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 01:25 (one month ago) link

"sick sac, bro. Whadya put on it?"

Neanderthal, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 01:28 (one month ago) link

ugh imna just suffer in silence when/if i have dick problems

(•̪●) (carne asada), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 01:30 (one month ago) link

i have an irrational fear of doctors of all genders

― superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, 28 October 2020

^^^^this

(Once I ended up having to wear a monitor for 24 hours because my blood pressure was so high while I was in the clinic. According to the monitor data, my blood pressure was completely normal, and the doctor told me "it was White Lab Coat Syndrome" which is apparently a thing?)

first we save the rave (Branwell with an N), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 07:22 (one month ago) link

yeah my experience is the same as Tom D's - you make an appointment, you turn up and it's a roulette of which GP you get. When I had my severe depression episode a few years back I saw four different doctors in the space of six weeks at my surgery, which was interesting - two were happy to sign me off for a week quickly, one was ready to sign me off for a month and set up medication and therapy, and one was dismissive and told me to basically get ove myself. You can guess which one of the four was the old white man.

boxedjoy, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 08:50 (one month ago) link

I've had several female doctors, and I've been to one of them w/ a dick problem. Didn't think twice about it, or about preferring a male doc. I personally don't think gender is what I'm responsive to when visiting a doctor; much more important is if I feel comfortable around the person and think them professional.

While I agree everyone should be able to choose a doctor, esp for 'intimate' or sensitive issues like the above, I am at the same time kind of amazed why this would be a reason to switch to a same-gendered doctor. Or that this is a thing for so many people.

Ilxor in the streets, Scampo in the sheets (Le Bateau Ivre), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 10:26 (one month ago) link

What about therapists? I have had women therapists and they’ve never been as effective for me, through no fault of theirs. As a man, I find it harder to be candid with women. Subconsciously, I seem to want every woman to think I’m perfectly competent and have everything under control.

treeship., Wednesday, 28 October 2020 10:34 (one month ago) link

I'm the opposite, I find it harder to be candid with men, basically because I don't trust men.

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 10:42 (one month ago) link

I'm a dude with a female GP. At first I was a little timid about it but now I prefer it this way. I have had male doctors try to bond with me over MAN stuff and it weirds me out. There's a strange dance that men often do with each other, especially if there is a power dynamic (doctor=authority). There is none of that with the female GPs I have had.

Cow_Art, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 10:55 (one month ago) link

My current GP is male but the reason I’m with him is that he had an open appointment on the first day I needed a doctor in Australia. I’ve kept on seeing him because he appears to be really good at either remembering who I am or, more likely, both writes good notes and reads them before I come in the room; he gives the impression he know who I am, which has definitely not been the case with other physicians. I haven’t been to him with dick issues though, but I would if I did.

Whenever I’ve been to the STD clinic to get tested, the nurse practitioner administering the swab of the urethra has been female.

American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 11:22 (one month ago) link

As the role of the "Doctor" has changed, from being an expert or a scientist who delivers Treatments, to being a Primary Care Provider, who... provides Care, it's really interesting how the perception of the competence of female doctors has changed.

"It is Women who are the gender who provide care" is one of the central tenets of the Gender Binary - and it's interesting to see how cis male doctors who are now charged with providing *care*, either don't bother and are now seen as bad doctors compared to female counterparts - or their attempts at "care" are totally cack-handed and come across like 'weird man-bonding stuff' or being totally patronising and scattering sexism in their ungainly attempts at "care".

WRT therapists, I've experienced so many *bad* ones of various genders that it's hard to spot a pattern. The two I had the most success with were both women.

But another experience with a male care-giver - about 15 years ago, in a very bad suicidal depression, I went to the doctor to seek antidepressants, even though I'd never had much luck with them before. I was given a prescription, but because I was so suicidal, one of the nurses made a weekly appointment for me to come back for a "medication check-in" (basically to check that I hadn't offed myself) - and that was the *only* time in my life, where antidepressants actually seemed to work, and my mood lifted and my depression improved. The nurse - who was a man, but a very gentle, gay, sensitive, Welsh man with a lovely, melifluous caring voice - he just had this absolutely lovely way with people, I can only really describe it, that his gaze was like a laser beam of care and attention, and when he was talking to you, you felt like, to him, you were the only person who mattered in the entire world? I used to walk out of those check-ins feeling like a million bucks and ready to face life again.

He left the practice after a number of months, and the miraculous antidepressants stopped working within a matter of weeks.

first we save the rave (Branwell with an N), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 12:06 (one month ago) link

I'm guessing the "medication check-ins" with the caring nurse helped lift your mood more than the pills did, which is why they became ineffective after he left the practice - classic placebo effect. My own experience with antidepressants is that they had no noticeable effect whatsoever, except some of them making me a bit nauseous.

Lee626, Wednesday, 28 October 2020 13:05 (one month ago) link

I went off wellbutrin and alcohol recently. Feel great, a little anxious but more alert.

treeship., Wednesday, 28 October 2020 13:08 (one month ago) link

I'm the opposite, I find it harder to be candid with men, basically because I don't trust men.

― Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Wednesday, October 28, 2020 5:42 AM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

same

real muthaphuckkin jeez (crüt), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 14:42 (one month ago) link

i have never cared one way or the other about the gender of my doctor/therapist/teacher/personal trainer/tour guide/waiter/etc

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 6 November 2020 19:10 (three weeks ago) link

I had the doctors appointment and the male doctor was professional, helpful, and non-broey.

He did have an "alt-right haircut" though, so I can't tell if he's into Interpol or Richard Spencer.

peace, man, Friday, 6 November 2020 19:19 (three weeks ago) link

did you ask him about carlos d interpol herpes during your appointment

superdeep borehole (harbl), Friday, 6 November 2020 20:40 (three weeks ago) link


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