Are you good at performing oral sex?

The snapping off is metaphorical, the vice-like clenching is literal, and the soiling of the ceiling is curiously unmentioned.

"snapped off" could read like some sort of delicious manual euphemism

It might make her bite down. (xxp)

Yeah, that would NOT be optimal

oh god

Now I've got "everybody loves a little headman" stuck in my head and I've been trying all afternoon to get it out.

I don't think I've ever dated a man who didn't somehow believe he was AMAZING INCREDIBLE A#1 at head. And refused to accept the fact that I didn't like it. They'd be all "oh no, you'll LOVE it the way I do it" and then you have to go through the ignomy of trying to figure out... OK, wow, will they be really upset if I tell them that nope, still don't enjoy it - or should I lie and say it's great, which will save their ego, but it means I'll have to put up with that awful horrible snuffling around down there for the rest of the relationship...

Christ. This makes me so not miss sex at all.

haha I believe you, Kate. Frankly, I don't go crazy for blowjobs myself, even though I've had all kinds, both ineffective and extremely effective. Whatever, I'd rather have more time and more full-body contact than just a blown load and a nap. I understand from what I hear that this puts me in somewhat of a minority.

Wow I am normally not at all shy when it comes to TMI stuff but let's just say I really appreciate the wise poster who logged out before posting on this particular thread.

That doesn't mean I won't keep reading of course.

So will I. Someone else say something. It's not my turn anymore.

Does that mean you appreciate them because you can identify with their position? xp

I only rarely come from oral, fact fans. Normally there has to be a whole lot of manual action augmenting it. Only truly out-of-this-world oral gets me off, but it's worth it when it happens. Otherwise it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth and while this is usually still hot'n'happening for both parties, it's not proper fellatio.

This is probably tmi, too, but even if a girl couldn't come from getting head, I'd probably ask her if I could give her some anyway. No cunnilingus would be a bit of a deal breaker for me.

Louis - ┐('～`；)┌

Mwhite OTM

I don't want to brag

Whereas I totally do.

― Le présent se dégrade, d'abord en histoire, puis en (Michael White)

me too.

Louis, I think "it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth" pretty much describes what a blowjob is. What did you think it was? Was it like, "Look ma, no hands!" and bobbing up and down on your dick like a penguin or something? No, that doesn't work for anyone.

It has actually worked, once. I'm talking about when the hand motions (mine or theirs) are so vigorous they completely outshine the oral aspects. When it's largely the mouth bringing pleasure, a rare delight is discovered.

If you think there's a right and a wrong way to cum... well, what can one say? Stop thinking that.

It's not a right or a wrong way, just that one feels a bit more organic and natural not to mention pleasurable during the actual act rather than the fruition anyway gah I am no longer in the mood, enough

You're full of shit, is the problem here

Louis, I think "it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth" pretty much describes what a blowjob is. What did you think it was? Was it like, "Look ma, no hands!" and bobbing up and down on your dick like a penguin or something? No, that doesn't work for anyone.

Speak for yourself

DUDE I said it was 'still hot'n'happening', and if it's what does it then fine but SERIOUSLY I am no longer in the mood for any of this, please pipe down

Ah ok fair enough

I am probably not very good at all at performing oral sex on men. I'd like to think I would be by default, but without field testing, that's just something I like to think.

Sorry, lj. You're not half as full of shit as I am. I feel bad now.

it's ok dude...you didn't know.

no my last post was out of line, and I take it back, and I mean that.

I got all uppity an' shit.

thanks man :)

lol "pipe down"

Get a room, you two. ;)

haha "Further down!"

Okay, 'bragging', but I went down on a girl who said she couldn't come that way (and hadn't on several previous occasions with me) and, with some additional erotic utensils made her cum. I wasn't so much proud as pleased, though.

"erotic utensils" sounds like you used a spatula

some additional erotic utensils

There's just no possible way not to ask.

Ha ha! Two clues:

Aneth - biche

okay lol

http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/24054.jpg
http://www.cookies-in-motion.com/images/partyhat1.jpg

maracas.jpg will never be the same for me

(I am still back on "with the help of an egg beater and meat tenderizer, I was able to make her cum" tbh)

let us know how that works for you!

What was going on in my mind when I went after lj (which I should not have done) is that there's no right or wrong way to get somebody off, and whatever works ought to be the order of the day.

Of course, Kenan, but it's okay to want to get off one way or another, too.

with the help of an egg beater and meat tenderizer, I was able to make her cum

Worst swinger pick-up line suddenly:

You and the wife want to come by for dinner anytime? ;)

Of course, Kenan, but it's okay to want to get off one way or another, too.

No, of course! I guess I sensed some hierarchy being established, like one way of being blown is more pure or something, and I balked sort of instinctively. It sounded almost like a strange inverse of that weird male thing that's like, "Heh heh you can put the toys away baby, I got allll you need..." which I will campaign against, given the (forgive me) opening.

Cap'n Save a Vibrator

for the record I am completely tolerant of any non-harmful sexual practice, any implement, any method, and indeed I maintain an open and curious mind about experimentation; I was merely discussing the difference between dictionary-definition fellatio and what often happens in practice, and how the former can be more sublime while the latter more functional...I spoke only of a narrow sphere of erotic play and should one wish to involve implements then all's the better to be honest

plus I was just being a jerk.

So this thread dies now? That seems wrong.

Less kenan being a cockmunch, more tales of cock munch.

Maybe they all just suck at sucking

aw man, this thread had to happen in the like only 5 days this summer i've not been here d'oh.

ha, IN THE MILK AISLE!!!!!!

i don't feel like it's that hard to get a girl off fwiw; like, okay here's the clit, toss around a couple tongue/mouth variables etc and before you know it you've got ladyjuice dripping out yr beard

to be fair though i was terrible at it before i went out with a girl who was sort of a bitch about it until i started getting it right

Ha, these results. ILX: cocky and underconfident.

If the "instructional" video I saw the other day is any indication, not anywhere near as good as I'd thought...

wow lou jag KILLED it itt.

Wait, I thought this was about performance art...

"ILX: Cocky and Underconfident" needs to be a board description.

superbowl rings

like a basketball player

As a hitherto exclusively cunnilingual head-giver I feel uncomfortable answering this poll. Certainly my experiences have been good, but I feel I'd need to bite schlong before an accurate self-assessment could form. I shall have to assume my attributes are transferable.

― hello you are very gnocchi i would like taco you in the (country matters), Monday, August 3, 2009 4:11 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

yeah I already FP'd whoever wrote that

i'm pretty good. my boyfriend has a small mouth but as long as he sticks to the tip of my penis (which is massive) he's ok. great butt though.

the sheer quantity of flex itp is almost admirable tbh

I was good at it in the before times when I was having sex.

aka the Obama era

oh this is the thread with the hilarious penguin post

prompted by:

I only rarely come from oral, fact fans. Normally there has to be a whole lot of manual action augmenting it. Only truly out-of-this-world oral gets me off, but it's worth it when it happens. Otherwise it's just like wanking (or being wanked) into their mouth and while this is usually still hot'n'happening for both parties, it's not proper fellatio.

― cockles (country matters), Thursday, August 6, 2009 8:24 AM (eleven years ago)

The sexiest form of oral is a good conversation imo