what's happening to our borad TMI

i don't get why porn is so bad, i really dont, like why even bother with a setup?

yah last time i was clicking around porn i - wait for it - came across 1) a video where the setup it that the girl accidentally backs into the guy with her car (amazing acting in this scene) and later he says "i get it, you hit me because you wanted to hit this"; and 2) a video where the guy is a logger and these two hippie girls seduce him in a forest to keep him from cutting down some trees, and the whole time they keep saying "i can't believe we're doing this... but it's for the trees!"

― yolo mostly (sleepingbag), Thursday, October 6, 2016 3:31 AM (five hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok lol

You see in the old days 2/3 of what was filmed was the setup, Stevie. You kids with your instant gratification don't understand the thrill of watching a half hour of some guy pretending to look under a sink while making puns about "cleaning your pipes"

also lol at sleepingbag's anecdote

Just shit and vomited at the same time. Fuckin' sinuses.

what number on the bristol stool chart would you characterize your stool as being?*

* for my ilxor.xlsx

i've had nearly lifelong sinus problems -- lots of uncontrolled respiratory allergies as a kid, sinus infections, doing everything i could to not pop benadryl all the time or become a permanent mass of infected mouth-breathing

adult life has been cool because allergy meds got a lot better and i just said, fuck it, i'm gonna take a 12 hour sudafed every day

until now where i'm like, fuck, this seems to be less of a prob in the colder season, i'm going to see if i can stop taking decongestants all the damn time

cut to this passage on the wiki for sudafed
Pseudoephedrine is also used as a first-line prophylactic for recurrent priapism. Erection is largely a parasympathetic response, so the sympathetic action of pseudoephedrine may serve to relieve this condition.

have i been taking reverse viagra? what happens when i stop?!

well, friend...

mh, i've also had lifelong issues with sinuses. sudafed was rough for me.
i've found a good answer with daily neti pot in the morning (and in the evenings when it's bad)
and for medication: Singulaire, Fexofenadine, Loratadine; all about half a tab a day.
give it a try!

yeah I do all that on the reg

fexofenadine is a pretty good antihistamine w/ few side effects afaik, i take it almost every day from late august through october

you do all that AND sudafed? dang, yo.

I had a sinus infection a couple years ago right before flying to my friend's wedding and I got some antibiotics, and the doctor was like "dude, do all your shit still, and I normally never say afrin since you get rebound congestion but snort that shit before you fly for sure"

I got some generic stuff but it was in a travel size bottle and I couldn't get it to spray and tilted it. Like 1/8th of a bottle of afrin went right up my nostril and let me tell you I was hyped

yeah it's only really bad for a couple weeks spring/fall these days

pseudoephedrine works really well but that shit freaks me out so i only use it if i have a really bad sinus infection or if i know i'll be in a toxically allergenic environment

i was taking full daily tabs of that triad of medications every day of the year for like four years until i started getting notes from my doc saying my liver functions were suspect. trying to go easier these days and just do it whenever the weather changes and the pollen gets nuts.

huh, didn't think those alone would throw off a liver test

taking those, a ssri, and drinking a lot sure will though

don't drink and don't do ssris but the labs were pretty minor i guess.
i cut back on the antihistamines and they said it improved.

I had to shit so bad after lunch I waddled into the grocery store, asked the security guard where the john was, followed his point, shook both of the guys in there who were already shitting in the grocery store men's room, waddled back out, tried to not look like I was about to become a self-pooper, went back in, heard a flush, went over to the urinal to pretend that was why I was there (and to keep it so the past pooper and the future pooper (me) didn't make eye contact - this seems crucial) and then fast-waddled into the handicapped toilet and did my incredibly, life-and-limb, dear god, mission-critical serious business.

There was a stain on my boxers. I finished, cleaned up, GTFO there and caught a cab to my next appointment. I made the cabbie stop at my home (which was on the way, thankfully) so I could change my underwear. A REASON WHY TO WEAR BOOT CUT PANTS: you can take them off without taking your shoes off. A REASON WHY TO WEAR BOXERS: It's the same reason. Went to my next thing. Didn't smell like shit. Didn't tell anybody about the near-disaster I just avoided. But hidden in between the lines of this story are a lot of little good and bad decisions, like what I had for lunch, or how I didn't catch a cab before poop zero hit my guts. I'm lucky. That's all.

^^ reading that made me feel so alive, even if it was in your stead

a useful reminder that we're all just a short string of unfortunate events away from shitting ourselves - all day, every day. and then you die and your corpse can release the contents of its bowels free from mortal shame

and to keep it so the past pooper and the future pooper (me) didn't make eye contact - this seems crucial)

this is 100% right and correct - absolutely the last thing you want, just before you squat in the brown cloud left by the previous occupant of a stall, is to get the measure of his soul by looking him in the eye

theres a five step process to shitting at work

enter room. enter stall if free.

wait for anyone who saw you entering stall to leave

shit to your hearts content regardless of new entrants. disguise any grunts you might make to avoid detection.

wait for anyone who heard you shit to leave

exit with the confidence of a man who has not just shit

disguise any grunts you might make to avoid detection.

best way to do this is to blast dubstep from your phone's speaker while you're taking care of business ime

i am lucky enough to have access at work to a single toilet behind not just one but two lockable doors, which has basically ensured that i'll be working here until retirement or death

Same. It's digustingly luxurious but private bathroom ftw.

when I worked at the grocery store back in high school, a coworker would regularly steal a sandwich from the deli and a magazine from the racks, then sit in the shitter for the next hour eating and reading. Since we baggers were also the bathroom cleaners, we could ensure that the stalls were clean enough to support that.

when I worked in one of the largest buildings in the USA (3/4 mile long), when I needed to hit the can, I'd walk to a toilet on the other end of the building. bathroom breaks were a luxurious 30 minutes a pop. at least when I wasn't about to pop.

poppage is a long-standing issue for ilxors

It's beyond my control, sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens in this lifetime
I didn't smell like shit
Poop zero changed my life

I feel so alive for the very first time
I can't deny you
I feel so alive
I feel so alive for the very first time
And I think I can fly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSiq58grKsY

truth

"a useful reminder that we're all just a short string of unfortunate events away from shitting ourselves - all day, every day. and then you die and your corpse can release the contents of its bowels free from mortal shame"

1) Thread got dark, man.

2) Guys really like to talk about shitting.

ts: spoken turd vs. urine luck

There was a stain on my boxers. I finished, cleaned up, GTFO there and caught a cab to my next appointment. I made the cabbie stop at my home (which was on the way, thankfully) so I could change my underwear. A REASON WHY TO WEAR BOOT CUT PANTS: you can take them off without taking your shoes off. A REASON WHY TO WEAR BOXERS: It's the same reason. Went to my next thing. Didn't smell like shit. Didn't tell anybody about the near-disaster I just avoided. But hidden in between the lines of this story are a lot of little good and bad decisions, like what I had for lunch, or how I didn't catch a cab before poop zero hit my guts. I'm lucky. That's all.

― El Tomboto, Wednesday, October 26, 2016 10:34 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

vs.

Taking advantage of sitting
by myself in the cab
I found a quarter full
anti-freeze bottle
Unscrewed the cap
and thrust in my cock

And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight

I ain't missing you at all

― Neanderthal, Tuesday, October 25, 2016 7:52 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most of the shitting that I have read outside of this thread is by women, specifically English women, which I immediately realise makes it sound like a sex thing.

i have weird lower intestinal shit happening this week and i know that all the coffee i drink is making this worse but bc i have a caffeine addiction i have to continue drinking coffee

But that is largely in the context of Q: When is it acceptable to shit outside of your own home? A: Never! So, tips and tricks...

There's a lot of ways to get caffeine that are better for your intestines than coffee though?

this shit got old fast

anticipate, constipate, love your mate, celebate

defecate

don't suffocate/on your own make

have cake

eat it too

for yer sake

and in the end / the food you take / is equal to the poops you make

An hour or so into the new year I took the most massive dump I've taken in recent memory. Goodbye 2016.

new year, new poo

just another New Year on my favorite board, I Love Taking A Shit

I love tormenting my intestines?

Out with the old
In with the new

Poo: POO

general question, based off of the assumption that as people get older, they fart more frequently and flagrantly. that may not be true for you. as i observe my farting developments, i notice two trends that lead to the same end. first, the involuntary incidents are popping up more than they once did. it's still relatively rare, but the emblematic "bend down to pick up a coin off the floor" fart is rising up the power rankings, as well as others of its nature. these involuntary incidents have siblings that are also growing - the decision point farts. the decision is presented to me, and where i once resisted, i now say "yes", sometimes in unforgivable contexts. where i once flatly refused, i now, sometimes, permit. where i once permitted with regret, i now simply permit without a second thought. an occasion that once resulted in what george carlin called "test farts" now lead to full-on farts. i still care about norms and adhere to them in most situations, but less so than before. and i know that in the future, i will care even less.

just wondering which one wins out over time - the physical involuntariness of it all, or caring less and less.

i'll take my answer off the fart air fart
fart

Does the body rule the mind
Or does the mind rule plbbhhhhhhhhhhh

the unanticipated fart is definitely something that happens with age, this I confirm

coincidentally, "The Unanticipated Fart" is also the name of the new terrence malick film

oh god, just remembered

a few weeks ago I went to a new bbq place with a friend for lunch and had way too much food. delicious ribs, pulled pork, and cole slaw. having no real need for dinner, I went to a late evening concert with friends and was sipping a tall boy of cheap beer, as one does, and let loose what I thought would be an unnoticed fart -- silent, but that wouldn't have mattered, as it was loud and I was in a crowd

dear reader, it smelled as if a sulpherous cloud of death had descended in that venue. a virtual portal to some sort of vision of hell, with fire and nauseating brimstone. I don't think anyone suspected me, and I tried to move away as to deflect blame, but my god...