There's really nothing like going to brush a crumb off your lap and then accidentally flicking yourself in the balls.
― how's life, Tuesday, 25 March 2014 13:00 (ten years ago) link
I read that as licking.
― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, 25 March 2014 13:06 (ten years ago) link
still can't do that.
― how's life, Tuesday, 25 March 2014 13:07 (ten years ago) link
licking yourself in the balls
― "Jiggle It" - 2 in a Zoo (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 25 March 2014 13:27 (ten years ago) link
as if it could ever happen 'by accident' sure tell it to the judge bucko
― treeship's assailing (darraghmac), Tuesday, 25 March 2014 13:38 (ten years ago) link
i made it through 30 years without getting full blown, coming out both ends food poisoning and paid in full last night.
― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 2 April 2014 11:02 (ten years ago) link
Mozeltov howd u find it?
― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Wednesday, 2 April 2014 11:05 (ten years ago) link
Took me a second to reconcile "30 years without getting blown" and "food poisoning".
― how's life, Wednesday, 2 April 2014 11:27 (ten years ago) link
Oh no! I hope you're feeling better. Also, where from? If it's somewhere local I wanna know so I can avoid appropriately.
― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Wednesday, 2 April 2014 12:42 (ten years ago) link
well i'm able to keep down fluids now but i got so dried out last night that my whole body aches and my legs cramp up pretty much whenever i move them. i need gatorade, or an iv.
i don't have the slightest idea where i got this from--i did go out for lunch yesterday but symptoms didn't start until midnight or so. L and i had the same (vegetarian) dinner and she's fine.
― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 2 April 2014 13:39 (ten years ago) link
did you ask for extra fecal matter in your food platter
― have a nice blood/orange bitters cocktail (mh), Wednesday, 2 April 2014 14:00 (ten years ago) link
lunch to midnight sounds about right for food poisoning, IME
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Friday, 4 April 2014 04:35 (ten years ago) link
I took too many anti-inflammatories and wound up puking through the night and now my back hurts.
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Friday, 4 April 2014 04:36 (ten years ago) link
on antibiotics for bronchitis, the side effects reads: "diarrhea may occur weeks to months after taking this drug"
fuck. you.
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 9 April 2014 01:33 (ten years ago) link
weird!!!
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Friday, 11 April 2014 22:31 (ten years ago) link
Pretty sure im smelling my neighbour's morning dump
― recommend me a new bagman (darraghmac), Friday, 18 April 2014 09:02 (ten years ago) link
move
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 13:37 (ten years ago) link
He's taking out a re-straining order...
― an office job is as secure as a Weetabix padlock (snoball), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 17:30 (ten years ago) link
i need pants with wider legs — the jeans i've been wearing have been slowing eroding away the hair on my thighs so i have patches of weird plucked-chicken skin :|
― clouds, Friday, 25 April 2014 13:26 (ten years ago) link
lol I have a visible sock line in the same style
― a strange man (mh), Friday, 25 April 2014 14:17 (ten years ago) link
Cool new thing body is doing: a period every three weeks. Aghhhhh
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 28 April 2014 02:19 (ten years ago) link
ugh dude that sucks
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 28 April 2014 02:23 (ten years ago) link
It's so stupid. Go away uterus, nobody likes you
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Monday, 28 April 2014 02:25 (ten years ago) link
otm
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 28 April 2014 02:42 (ten years ago) link
very otm
― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 15:08 (ten years ago) link
Just had to pull out a full toenail.
― Damnit Janet Weiss & The Riot Grrriel (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 1 May 2014 07:53 (ten years ago) link
Gah! I hate it when I rip off half a toenail or something. Can't imagine losing a whole one. Which toe?
I dropped a recycling bin on my foot last May and a month or so later the bruise started working it's way up my big toenail. It took almost a year to slowly climb off. Finally just clipped the last purplish bit off in March.
― how's life, Thursday, 1 May 2014 10:27 (ten years ago) link
its
Left foot, the one next to the big toe. I think what happened was I hit it specifically too many times just to frequently (the rest of the toes are ok). I have big feet (size 16) and am far too used to bumping them into things. Yesterday I had my socks off and noticed the nail in question had a stress mark about half way down. Of course I put my socks on and I didn't do anything. Later I get my socks off again and the nail looks completely dead. I decided to do an emergency trim job, but as I begin the cut, I notice the whole nail is loose, so the cut becomes an extraction. The pain was over quickly, and I must confess that it's more disgusting in memory than in execution, which was mostly pure shock. I also fortunately have access to loads of first aid stuff in the house, so I quickly sterilized the wound and now I've got a nifty little elasticized gauze toe sock for the digit.
― Damnit Janet Weiss & The Riot Grrriel (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 1 May 2014 19:31 (ten years ago) link
extraction! sounds intense.
― how's life, Thursday, 1 May 2014 19:45 (ten years ago) link
re medication, picking constipation over liquid-shit cure in future
― images of war violence and historical smoking (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 May 2014 19:48 (ten years ago) link
ugh sorry dude
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 2 May 2014 04:59 (ten years ago) link
aww Morbs I'm sorry; hopefully it is one of those side affects that goes away over time? Meanwhile: fluids!
― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Friday, 2 May 2014 11:29 (ten years ago) link
haha effects not affects
i just went to take a piss at work and somebody's pube was on the rim of the toilet. i was able to guide the pube into the toilet by carefully aiming my piss stream.
― marcos, Friday, 2 May 2014 16:27 (ten years ago) link
I just went to take a piss at work and somebody's piss was all over the rim of the toilet.
― popchips: the next snapple? (seandalai), Friday, 2 May 2014 17:14 (ten years ago) link
yah morbs stay hydrated out there
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 2 May 2014 18:42 (ten years ago) link
I just went to the restroom at work an there was piss all over the room. I was able to guide it into the toilet by soaking it up with my poop and then pushing the poop/piss into the water with a follow-up standup piss
― Karl Malone, Friday, 2 May 2014 19:28 (ten years ago) link
lol hydration is not the problem... the drugs also put dried blood in my nose, so there's that
― images of war violence and historical smoking (Dr Morbius), Friday, 2 May 2014 19:29 (ten years ago) link
nice work karl!
― marcos, Friday, 2 May 2014 19:30 (ten years ago) link
If you eat a lot of fibrous vegetables, you can have quilted poop for superior absorption.
― the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 2 May 2014 20:56 (ten years ago) link
But good job nonetheless
it took me abt 8 days to get regular after an insane bout of jetlag last week, appears all is well now
― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Friday, 2 May 2014 23:55 (ten years ago) link
during my bout with bronchitis I was once again visited by the ghost of hemorrhoids past because of the antibiotics. like, my mission in healthy life is to keep those fuckers away at all costs but then you have to take these whatever drugs and all your work just goes right out the door and uuuugh all the weird gadgets and creepy ointments in the old people aisle at the drugstore? not a mystery to me anymoreI was legit shopping for butt pillows at one pointreal talk: fiber is my best friend for life also do not overlook the wonders of a simple sitz bath
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 3 May 2014 00:35 (ten years ago) link
It was only v recently that I learned that hemorrhoids are, like, what, sores INSIDE your butthole?!?!!??
― funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Saturday, 3 May 2014 02:45 (ten years ago) link
How do you get fucked in the ass??!!
I usually just get tired and have a sinus infection post-air travel
Ain't had the 'rhoids since a surgery some years back.
Stevie I think u need to talk to ppl because those are way common
― a strange man (mh), Saturday, 3 May 2014 02:51 (ten years ago) link
xp my favorite use of the royal you in awhile
― Cronk's Not Cronk (Eric H.), Saturday, 3 May 2014 02:52 (ten years ago) link
anything going in or coming out of your ass is literally a pain in the ass as far as h'roids go
and to cure them way more things have to go in than you would ever want or think possible
they SUCK
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 3 May 2014 03:17 (ten years ago) link
posts out of context thread just exploded
― mookieproof, Saturday, 3 May 2014 04:05 (ten years ago) link