what's happening to our borad TMI

cold sore on Valentine's day, fuck my life.

this was prompted by reading the gawker headline "Why Won't Technology Tell Us When to Fuck?", but why isn't there an app for couples that:

1) lets you indicate when you'd be willing to get it on;
2) lets your partner indicate when they'd be willing to get it on; and
3) sends both of you a message when you're both simultaneously in the mood to get it on

in other words, unless both of you were horny at the same time, nothing would happen. but if you were, it'd be like "hey both of you are horny right now, wtf are you doing"

i realize that this wouldn't be helpful to the kinds of couples that are really open with their sexual desires, 24/7, but for those of us that are sometimes a little more shy it would be awesome

i suppose this could lead to a situation where the couple uses it for a day or two, and then one of them just stops using it for some reason but the other keeps using it, and then the latter is like "why is the other person never in the mood, i'm getting a divorce"

1. when horny, rub your phone on your partner's genitals.
2. open the camera app.
3. direct the lens at your partner's face.
4. await our convenient mood indicator.

you know there also isn't an app for couples that, after they've had sex, automatically tells their parents via text message.

My period tracker app does let me record Intimate Moments but has yet to initiate any.

http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/02/why-dont-we-have-a-monogamy-app.html

Theres an app for twat

Karl do you let this app know a schedule? Because thatd be nonsense ime? Or is it just an update as and when yr horny, cos thats a text, and texts already exist

who are you kidding, you're always horny

Me? Bored of it, man, positively b-o-r-e-d

^^ need a "spice it up" app like mookie's link suggests. How about an app where you place the phone in your bedroom with the camera directed at the coitus locus. if you fail to cum before a preset time limit, the phone snaps a picture and texts it to your contacts.

misread one of Karl's statements as "put it in" instead of "get it on," obviously I need something more blunt than this app

1.) set ringer to vibrate
2.) place phone against your partner's crotch
3.) call

youre doing this with their phone?

I'm out of cigarettes and completely without resources for the first time in many months. Had my last one 24 hours ago and right now is about the time I'd usually be smoking 2 or 3 with cups of tea over the next few hours and then going to bed. So eager to distract myself that I just shaved my legs for the first time in at least 6 weeks. It's still only 9.15pm, I have at least 3 more hours to fill.

i can think of a tmi-worthy distraction

shave entire body, drink four cups of tea

There's really nothing like going to brush a crumb off your lap and then accidentally flicking yourself in the balls.

I read that as licking.

still can't do that.

licking yourself in the balls

as if it could ever happen 'by accident' sure tell it to the judge bucko

i made it through 30 years without getting full blown, coming out both ends food poisoning and paid in full last night.

Mozeltov howd u find it?

Took me a second to reconcile "30 years without getting blown" and "food poisoning".

Oh no! I hope you're feeling better. Also, where from? If it's somewhere local I wanna know so I can avoid appropriately.

well i'm able to keep down fluids now but i got so dried out last night that my whole body aches and my legs cramp up pretty much whenever i move them. i need gatorade, or an iv.

i don't have the slightest idea where i got this from--i did go out for lunch yesterday but symptoms didn't start until midnight or so. L and i had the same (vegetarian) dinner and she's fine.

did you ask for extra fecal matter in your food platter

lunch to midnight sounds about right for food poisoning, IME

I took too many anti-inflammatories and wound up puking through the night and now my back hurts.

on antibiotics for bronchitis, the side effects reads: "diarrhea may occur weeks to months after taking this drug"

fuck. you.

weird!!!

Pretty sure im smelling my neighbour's morning dump

move

He's taking out a re-straining order...

i need pants with wider legs — the jeans i've been wearing have been slowing eroding away the hair on my thighs so i have patches of weird plucked-chicken skin :|

lol I have a visible sock line in the same style

Cool new thing body is doing: a period every three weeks. Aghhhhh

ugh dude that sucks

It's so stupid. Go away uterus, nobody likes you

otm

very otm

Just had to pull out a full toenail.

Gah! I hate it when I rip off half a toenail or something. Can't imagine losing a whole one. Which toe?

I dropped a recycling bin on my foot last May and a month or so later the bruise started working it's way up my big toenail. It took almost a year to slowly climb off. Finally just clipped the last purplish bit off in March.

its

Left foot, the one next to the big toe. I think what happened was I hit it specifically too many times just to frequently (the rest of the toes are ok). I have big feet (size 16) and am far too used to bumping them into things. Yesterday I had my socks off and noticed the nail in question had a stress mark about half way down. Of course I put my socks on and I didn't do anything. Later I get my socks off again and the nail looks completely dead. I decided to do an emergency trim job, but as I begin the cut, I notice the whole nail is loose, so the cut becomes an extraction. The pain was over quickly, and I must confess that it's more disgusting in memory than in execution, which was mostly pure shock. I also fortunately have access to loads of first aid stuff in the house, so I quickly sterilized the wound and now I've got a nifty little elasticized gauze toe sock for the digit.

extraction! sounds intense.

re medication, picking constipation over liquid-shit cure in future

ugh sorry dude