what's happening to our borad TMI

Shit so hard my ears honest to god pooped

― lorde othering (darraghmac), Sunday, December 22, 2013 3:57 PM (Yesterday) [IP: 176.61.105.219] Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this slightly stale organic lucky charms cereal is really good after alcohol-induced vomiting

are the marshmallows vegan or are they regular gelatin-based ones?

calling to schedule my first-ever colonoscopy today. Has to be in a few weeks so I'm not collecting my pee and caca at the same time.

Yeah, my next checkup is in March and my dr.'s going to say "Hey, you turned 50! Guess what part of you I want explored!"

I wonder if u get a simultaneous endoscopy, they'd click when they meet inside

I wonder if the camera-pill is available in these parts yet.

'south of the Mason-Dixon line'

afaik the pill-cam is no substitute for the real thing

I've had, like, a dozen colonoscopies. They're easy.

The difficult part is the prep. Just make sure your iPad's charged.

I don't have one.

stock the bathroom with good reading material, then

Bring an issue of Pinups so you can make pretend

I am hopeful about salvaging the rest of Christmas Eve; eight hours of sleep and two massive shits will do that for you.

I have made an exciting discovery about the kind of scaly patch of follicles I have on the back of my inner thigh (possibly keratosis pilaris since you didn't ask), which is that if I sit cross-legged the hollow forms a resonant chamber and scratching my bare leg-scales results in a noise not unlike those wooden frogs whose backs make a ribbiting noise

this could be the start of a beautiful new career

whoa! I have recurring bouts of keratosis pilaris also and to date they have not had the value-add of producing acoustic phenomena. kudos!

Maybe you're evolving into a katydid.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stridulation

I ate sooooooo much Ethiopian today (meat combo platter) and my poop was so strange and stinky

being sick "at both ends" for the first 6 days of the year = fucking awesome

I have made an exciting discovery about the kind of scaly patch of follicles I have on the back of my inner thigh (possibly keratosis pilaris since you didn't ask), which is that if I sit cross-legged the hollow forms a resonant chamber and scratching my bare leg-scales results in a noise not unlike those wooden frogs whose backs make a ribbiting noise

this could be the start of a beautiful new career

― not a player-hater i just hate a lot (a passing spacecadet), Sunday, January 5, 2014 11:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Love this. Love you, aps!

I did a lot of dishes over the weekend and appear to have lizard skin on one hand now

oh btw no puking here, just congestion to go with the gastric distress, so not classic SaBE.

i'm stressed to the max, i've got hella PMS, and i'm freezing

What you need is a manicure. But that's what I always say.

Some hot towel wraps, a hand massage, and some glitter.

ehhhh i'd settle for a bath and some loud music

but if someone wanted to give me a glittery manicure while i'm in the bath and talk to me over the loud music i guess that would be ideal

here's a question for the middle-aged men:

when a doctor gives you a prostate exam, is it supposed to feel like he is attempting to use your prostate to frantically buzz in on a game show?

Why don't people hang out in bathrooms more? No scratch that, why are bath tubs in the bathroom and not in someplace you don't put the toilet? Like say the bedroom. Or the library.

http://i.imgur.com/Xb9DMl5.jpg

yeeeeeeeeeeees
man i am dying
get me out of here

Yes, Dan, of course. Were you not privvy to that info, man?!

xxp Perfect. An ashtray, a place to put a wineglass, and either conversation or a book in reach--otherwise I'm going to be very bored in about 10 minutes. Relaxing is not my strong suit.

in orbit, my gf and I used to live in a flat with a separate bathroom and wc. Ideally, you'd have a bathroom and a WC with a sink and a bidet like a truly civilized person but there's little less disobliging than having to malodorously void your bowels while somebody is getting all clean in the shower/bath - kinds harshes their buzz, n'est-ce pas?

Yes, Dan, of course. Were you not privvy to that info, man?!

I was not, it was very surprising.

http://www.fengshuidana.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/062408_bathtubinbed.jpg

at one point the phrase NO WHAMMIES popped into my head and I had to stifle a full-on guffaw

good plan, I think laughing makes you clench

LL, do u get to go home soon? I hope yes.

is it supposed to feel like he is attempting to use your prostate to frantically buzz in on a game show?

In my (one) experience, yes. My PCP said, "This doesn't work, but we do it anyway to torture people."

Five weeks w/o sex and I'm going nuts. I know that it gets easier - pre-last relationship drought was 2 years - but goddamn it's tough to start out.

I've never understood this.

there is a thread for that sort of whining, this is the other thread

I hope pp was talking about getting joybuzzered tho

Last night I had an extended dream where I was having a 3-way w/ a man and a woman and the guy kept giving me pointers and encouragement w/r/t cunnilingus. It was an extremely detailed dream. The woman got bored and wound up having a penis, so I just switched to that.

I'm home doing my colonoscopy prep, and it's everything you've heard.

go lightly my friend

Haven't heard anything, but maybe your neighbors have.

think I will just hole up in the john for the next 5 hours

hole down! hole down!