what's happening to our borad TMI

fell asleep mid-whack last night. it was a much-needed whack and i'm feeling all backed up today, like my liver is swimming in frustrated jizz.

Hahaha I do that all the time. I always wonder if my husband comes to bed and sees me with my hand tucked in the pyjama bottoms.

I did that once with a mag still open on the the bed beside me. My parents were not impressed when they woke me up in the morning. It was a copy of Oui, I think.

90% of the dudes i've dated are lanky beanpoles who could change lightbulbs without having to stand on a kitchen chair to do it. even that one time i was a lesbian homegirl weighed, like, fourteen fucking pounds. what is it with skinny dudes and big asses? THAT SHIT IS DANGEROUS, BRO. every time i bang one i have to kick him out right after because i can't afford to stay awake half the night trying to make sure i don't roll over and absorb this little motherfucker into one of my stomach folds. i'm tired, you anorexic sonofabitch! TAKE YOUR SKINNY ASS THE FUCK HOME.

http://bitchesgottaeat.blogspot.com/

o_O

are you quoting this for truth or for comic effect?

I read a few of her posts, kind of half-sold half-offended on her comedic stylings

Little from column A, little from column B....

pssh, if she thinks she has a big ass, and 90% of the people she is dating are lanky dudes, then maybe she likes lanky dudes and not vice versa

I was just talking about Bitches Gotta Eat on another thread! I love her.

(Psst I know where do you think I found it also THANK YOU I am dying over here)

this makes a lot more sense with the Je55e source cited!

don't forget TMI borad, valentine's day is just around the corner

http://www.coco-de-mer.com/products/edible-anus-chocolates/

"Contains traces of nuts"

loool

so... my gf showed up with one of those remote control bullets that fit into panties before we went out to dinner the other night
it's kind of terrible but also really, really fun

she started on Lexapro and there's maybe some issues with anorgasmia so I guess she wanted to try something together other than the We-Vibe (which is cool but requires waaaaaaay too much lube IMO to be comfortable for both parties)
I promised her a Magic Wand for her birthday

Do you remember last week in the shower?

so... my gf showed up with one of those remote control bullets that fit into panties before we went out to dinner the other night
it's kind of terrible but also really, really fun

I have one of those. We saw the second last Batman movie in the theatre the first night which, well, made the movie more interesting for me. But the batteries are dead & it's not something I remember to buy batteries for, so it's laid dormant for a while.

so it goes.

I have a boil on my ass.

That is all.

Oh god, I hate those!

Falling toilet seat scored a solid hit today

i had an erotic dream in which i was dressed as batman. i have the simultaneous desires to tell everybody and to ensure that no one ever knows.

oops.

hahahaha

A couple months ago my co-worker told me that she likes her husband to do her from behind while he's wearing a hockey mask like Jason and the're both looking in a mirror.

I would... have difficulty containing my reaction to that one

dude

lmao that's awesome

hahaha

omg

TBH I could start a whole thread just based on shit she's told me about her sex life.

if this thread isn't started by close of business today I will be cross w/you

The first time her ex saw her vagina (she's black he was not) he told her it looked like a purple canoe.

She thought the average male penis was "What? Something like 8? 9? inches?".

sure, give or take

I'll.. take? :D

See, that's why I married a woman who only knew the metric system.

"McBroom's Wonderful One-Acre Cock"

I am sorry for starting this interruption and I wish for ENBB to please continue

Wait so he's black now?

lol

nah, he's probably still white

Sadly, we don't hang out as much since I've (mostly) stopped smoking so it's been a while since we've had one of these heart to hearts where she just tells me shit I never knew I needed to know. However, we've just made plans to get lunch this week so we'll see.

We once had a security guard who told me, out of the blue as I walked into the building one day after lunch, that her 14-year-old daughter had been internally applying coca-cola "down there" as a contraceptive. I never breathed a word of that to anyone, but she wasn't with us for much longer.

the daughter?

brb snoping 'coke vagina death'

The coke as spermicide/contraceptive thing is/was a common enough myth that actual studies have been done on it. Malta Goys (specifically hot iirc) is another one that has similar myths attached to it in some communities.

http://www.bmj.com/content/337/bmj.a2873

destroys teeth and fetuses

lol malta goys