what's happening to our borad TMI

looooool

accidentally releasing the waistband of one's jockeys when taking a slash is a great recipe for ending up with a streak of piss down the front of one's shirt, i have discovered

I had sex with a mantis-shaped guy who lost steam halfway through and without even saying anything walked into the bathroom (connected to bedroom) and got a shower. That: was a first.

While he was in the shower I looked at a nicely drafted, stippled mantis illustration that was duct taped to his wall. I wondered.

Hang on. He just stopped mid-sex, got up and showered without a word? That is so weird.

Well he lost his erection first but yes
And then he drove me home, it was a half-hour drive. He acted like nothing happened, and I guess I did too. We talked about the bassoon in the car!

Oh wait he did explain the boner loss was due to damage caused by a collision with a semi truck. He did not explain the showering or the abrupt transition to showering.

The boner problem was nbd for me really
I tried to explain women don't come from sex all the time. It did not seem to soothe him.

i don't wanna make fun but i just have to acknowledge that i am imagining the collision being between the truck & the guy's actual penis, like he ran into it.
this was v poignant, btw, particularly the part about the stippled drawing.

We talked about the bassoon in the car!

sounds like an appropriate nickname for it tbh

Protip: if you ever give up coffee, it's probably a good idea to start taking a fiber supplement pretty much immediately.

i don't wanna make fun but i just have to acknowledge that i am imagining the collision being between the truck & the guy's actual penis, like he ran into it.

my man

I'd take that advice from someone named old lunch

when I just take benedryl or something, I'll fall asleep in half an hour and my butt pain worries will be over, but codeine? it was like a magic eraser of butt pain. like, 2 minutes and my ass not only felt relief from the pain, but like it was sleeping on it's own little butt pillow with a smile on its face for like, ten minutes before I actually passed out myself. i would totally keep a bottle of this handy in the future, just for this kind of occasion.

Opiates are the best for guts. My ex had lots of GI problems and his doc gave him various opiates, including, one time, tincture of opium.

Once I had unbearable nausea and he gave me some kind of suppository that took me from praying for death to felling euphorically okay ok no more than 5 minutes. Not high, just normal. One of the amazingest medicines I've ever taken. (Prob not an opiate tho)

thanks to vacation and a boots promo i been tryin out condom variations, turns out my dick cant tell strawberry from mint tho

a few years ago my wife had a severe gall bladder attack and they gave her dilaudid; I believe her exact quote was "oh my god, I now understand why people do drugs"

tonight on fox tmi: when gall bladders attack

did you put those condoms on inside out?

mmmmmmdowners

been taking narcotic to kill bone pain, prob couldn't sleep w/out it

v sorry morbz but ^fnarr

man if I take a narcotic for pain I will lie awake all night thinking about how awesome narcotics are and how I wanna be high all the time

is a thought of a unicorn a real thought? keeps me up at night

do unicorns know what it's like to be this high? these are the questions that have confounded the sages

Serious question - why do guys like to talk about shit so much? I mean, I'm not squeamish at all or anything but have never felt the need to boast about the size of the log I just laid or whatever. It seems like a bizarrely male thing to do and I just don't get it. This is many x-posts, obv.

got a hot log waiting for me in my bed

knowing we'll never get to brag about labor/childbirthing

idk e maybe you've just never had a dump good enough...?

idk, some women do that, too

Maybe because women don't poop?

That's a whole other thing all together. Two of my friends at work have told me they never shit anywhere except in their homes. Don't even get me started on that.

why, are you not at home right now?

ha

Even with all my gastrointestinal issues (gall bladder removed twelve years ago and fucked up IBS-esque symptoms that have followed) I have never shit my pants. I have come very close. But it's never happened.

I am ready to have sex with someone different (different than the same sex partner I've had for the last year and a half). Bring on the dudez.

My pharmacopeia is starting to resemble an octogenarian's, just need the color-coded calendar.

Had to sign a document that I will not have unprotected sex with a woman while I am taking one particular drug. Sorry ladies.

Hypothetical question: attending a lobster boil the day before starting ch**otherapy, good idea?

is lobster boil code for something that I am unaware of?

Maybe those lobsters are fresh, but you may want to get used to having iodine in your system anyway.

I don't know what road you're going down, but it sounds like a path I once went down. Hope you've got a finish date circled on that color-coded calendar.

Always say yes to lobster. I don't even like it that much and I always say yes to lobster.

let me know if youd like to crack one on Sunday

thx pp, finish date not yet certain.

Haha maybe! It's supposed to rain and be shitty, and there is Open House NY but I may or may not be up for that.

a few years ago my wife had a severe gall bladder attack and they gave her dilaudid; I believe her exact quote was "oh my god, I now understand why people do drugs"

― set me on fire RAAAAH (DJP), Monday, October 1, 2012 12:51 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh shit yes. Beautiful stuff.

Two of my friends at work have told me they never shit anywhere except in their homes.

I would never take a shit at work unless the alternative was crapping my pants. It just seems like a good idea only to poop at home. And I totally avoid pooping in public restrooms and especially nightclubs.

I hear you, but I don't get you.

I mean, if I had enough control over where and when, but I'm away from home for about 12 hours a day.

sometimes, when you gotta go, you gotta go

I admittedly have a preferred restroom/toilet at work and walk over to the other building to use it

Yeah. I guess don't really understand that level of control.

I'm one of only two dudes in my department and I kinda hate the other guy, so fuck it. The men's room's mine, you know?

You should move your desk in there.

my ex's aunt refuses to use public bathrooms (unless they're in a five-star hotel or something) to the point where on long trips she won't drink or eat anything

she also will flee any room that has a ceiling fan, will inevitably be willing to eat no more than one entree available in a given restaurant, etc. etc.

she is an amazing piece of work (and quite wealthy and successful)

she crazy