what's happening to our borad TMI

Actually a fair sized chink of earwax just came out of my left ear, so never mind.

I wonder if it's different for people in the southern hemisphere.

"Wax forms in the ear canal like water draining down a plughole in slow motion. The Coriolis Effect causes it to be counterclockwise in the Northern Hemisphere, and clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere."
http://i757.photobucket.com/albums/xx217/CLEE_F/stephenfry_qi_gal.jpg

redefining the meaning of TMI

I just went to an ENT doc to remove a buildup of earwax this week too. Always my right ear, happens every few years like clockwork.

Also have fungus growing under some of my toenails that isn't painful so I've left it be for awhile, but it's starting to scratch holes open in my socks because i can't cut the nails short enough

oh I've had that last goin' on for years....

surely some over-the-counter oil/acid should take care of that?

acid's over the counter now? THANKS U OBAMACARE 4 MORE YEARS

sometimes, unconsciously, without meaning to, when i'm sitting at my desk and really need to poop, i find myself humming the first couple of lines of semisonic's closing time over and over again, except it's "pooping time, time for you to go out, go out into the world".

no lie

Markers? Is that you?

nooo.

I shit my pants today.

I had kind of a shizzard last night, even though I felt fine. Ate lunch, went to drive back to my shop and just shit myself out of nowhere. Wasn't even trying to fart. Ugh.

I haven't pissed myself since the Carter administration, and yet, the other thing you mention happens to me like every five years or so.

You'd think No. 1 would be harder to control than No. 2….

while we're on butts, I had an episode of proctalgia fugax last night, and while I was downstairs loping around trying to figure out a way to kill the excruciating pain, i remembered that I had leftover codeine cough syrup from my bout with pneumonia this summer. when I just take benedryl or something, I'll fall asleep in half an hour and my butt pain worries will be over, but codeine? it was like a magic eraser of butt pain. like, 2 minutes and my ass not only felt relief from the pain, but like it was sleeping on it's own little butt pillow with a smile on its face for like, ten minutes before I actually passed out myself. i would totally keep a bottle of this handy in the future, just for this kind of occasion.

Just had to take two separate dumps, one little, the other big. In the latter it felt like I dropped a Happy Meal I had in '88., amongst other things.

looooool

accidentally releasing the waistband of one's jockeys when taking a slash is a great recipe for ending up with a streak of piss down the front of one's shirt, i have discovered

I had sex with a mantis-shaped guy who lost steam halfway through and without even saying anything walked into the bathroom (connected to bedroom) and got a shower. That: was a first.

While he was in the shower I looked at a nicely drafted, stippled mantis illustration that was duct taped to his wall. I wondered.

Hang on. He just stopped mid-sex, got up and showered without a word? That is so weird.

Well he lost his erection first but yes
And then he drove me home, it was a half-hour drive. He acted like nothing happened, and I guess I did too. We talked about the bassoon in the car!

Oh wait he did explain the boner loss was due to damage caused by a collision with a semi truck. He did not explain the showering or the abrupt transition to showering.

The boner problem was nbd for me really
I tried to explain women don't come from sex all the time. It did not seem to soothe him.

i don't wanna make fun but i just have to acknowledge that i am imagining the collision being between the truck & the guy's actual penis, like he ran into it.
this was v poignant, btw, particularly the part about the stippled drawing.

We talked about the bassoon in the car!

sounds like an appropriate nickname for it tbh

Protip: if you ever give up coffee, it's probably a good idea to start taking a fiber supplement pretty much immediately.

i don't wanna make fun but i just have to acknowledge that i am imagining the collision being between the truck & the guy's actual penis, like he ran into it.

my man

I'd take that advice from someone named old lunch

when I just take benedryl or something, I'll fall asleep in half an hour and my butt pain worries will be over, but codeine? it was like a magic eraser of butt pain. like, 2 minutes and my ass not only felt relief from the pain, but like it was sleeping on it's own little butt pillow with a smile on its face for like, ten minutes before I actually passed out myself. i would totally keep a bottle of this handy in the future, just for this kind of occasion.

Opiates are the best for guts. My ex had lots of GI problems and his doc gave him various opiates, including, one time, tincture of opium.

Once I had unbearable nausea and he gave me some kind of suppository that took me from praying for death to felling euphorically okay ok no more than 5 minutes. Not high, just normal. One of the amazingest medicines I've ever taken. (Prob not an opiate tho)

thanks to vacation and a boots promo i been tryin out condom variations, turns out my dick cant tell strawberry from mint tho

a few years ago my wife had a severe gall bladder attack and they gave her dilaudid; I believe her exact quote was "oh my god, I now understand why people do drugs"

tonight on fox tmi: when gall bladders attack

did you put those condoms on inside out?

mmmmmmdowners

been taking narcotic to kill bone pain, prob couldn't sleep w/out it

v sorry morbz but ^fnarr

man if I take a narcotic for pain I will lie awake all night thinking about how awesome narcotics are and how I wanna be high all the time

is a thought of a unicorn a real thought? keeps me up at night

do unicorns know what it's like to be this high? these are the questions that have confounded the sages

Serious question - why do guys like to talk about shit so much? I mean, I'm not squeamish at all or anything but have never felt the need to boast about the size of the log I just laid or whatever. It seems like a bizarrely male thing to do and I just don't get it. This is many x-posts, obv.

got a hot log waiting for me in my bed

knowing we'll never get to brag about labor/childbirthing

idk e maybe you've just never had a dump good enough...?

idk, some women do that, too

Maybe because women don't poop?

That's a whole other thing all together. Two of my friends at work have told me they never shit anywhere except in their homes. Don't even get me started on that.

why, are you not at home right now?

ha

Even with all my gastrointestinal issues (gall bladder removed twelve years ago and fucked up IBS-esque symptoms that have followed) I have never shit my pants. I have come very close. But it's never happened.

I am ready to have sex with someone different (different than the same sex partner I've had for the last year and a half). Bring on the dudez.

My pharmacopeia is starting to resemble an octogenarian's, just need the color-coded calendar.

Had to sign a document that I will not have unprotected sex with a woman while I am taking one particular drug. Sorry ladies.

Hypothetical question: attending a lobster boil the day before starting ch**otherapy, good idea?