At what age did you lose your virginity?

I won't rest until I get that CD now

As a matter of record, I always have to state that the girl I drove to the other time zone with was my first, but man. I went out with a girl the summer before and we did everything but. We frequently went so far to do it... parallel? Like no penetration, but I would kinda scoop it between? Like a hot dog through a bun but not really?

Enough to make a mess, but we were both Catholics in name only and it seemed almost even more perverted to go that far and not do it.

Needless to say, we both laid other people within 90 days of breaking up.

My first boyfriend I dated for two and a half years without ever putting his dick in me. Sometimes I think back on it and feel like 'wow', and almost kind of guilty – because it was all me holding back – but we had tons of fun? and orgasms? so who cares. One time he tried to claim blue balls was an actual medical condition and I thought he was just uninformed. (TBH he thought ejaculate had only one solitary sperm swimming around in it.)

Never understood blue balls. Some dude would talk about it in the locker room and I would just think inside my head, "Then just go home and masturbate, what's the problem here?"

I remember sexual frustration post-virginity being a very different thing to sexual frustration mid-virginity, but blue balls was obv a joke phrase and if anyone took it seriously they were an idiot

I met some dude on an AOL chat room who was 34 and a waiter and lived in Denver, and he was extremely influential in my development as a thinking adult person. I know that age difference is supremely creepy, but hey, I guess it happens. It's odd to look back fondly on such a creep. In the latter half of my senior year, I started talking with this guy on the phone and stuff and then he started getting all moony and mushy and professed his love for me

^ start as you mean to go on

Like no penetration, but I would kinda scoop it between? Like a hot dog through a bun but not really?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercrural_sex

Replace "thighs" with "labia minora", and yeah, that's it.

blue balls = a way of pressuring girls to put out

I wish they actually turned blue, like that Coors can that tells you it's cold when the mountains turn blue.

Then you could know...this man is about to die.

hahahah

blue balls = a way of pressuring girls to put out

― Je55e, Thursday, 19 July 2012 05:17 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so otm. it's manufacturing an ailment that has an antidote, like snake bites & sucking out venom.

yeah who ever heard of snake bites

snakes, but they just call them bites

my ans to this q: age 20 to the woman who would become my wife

read that as "my anus"

no you didn't, get yr reading glasses checked

actually, I lost my glasses last night.

shoot! sry dude.

20/20 behindsight

is it possible to lose virginity incrementally? because i'm pretty sure i did. there was no single moment – just a succession of rash and confused decisions that lead to me saying, eventually, that i was Not a Virgin. many of the sad weird fumbling things i did before PIV cost and required more psychologically and emotionally than the Actual Moment, which came a few years after i first fooled around. An actual Moment i can, truthfully, barely remember.

traditional PIV was kind of 'oh, we did that' whereas when i answered the poll – and thought about the question of losing virginit – i picked the moment in which i, err, grew up and sort of lost the starry-eyed teenaged love thing and connected sex to real life.

not trying to be difficult, but isn't that the case with most people? that the actual sex is a secondary virginity loss to some other edenic fall that can be either precedent or antecedent by many years?

so otm. it's manufacturing an ailment that has an antidote, like snake bites & sucking out venom.

Honey, you have to help me quick. A snake bit my penis.

that seems like it would be a foolproof ploy until she whips out the pocket knife

http://i.imgur.com/0RAh6.gif

I remember sitting on the stage during the commencement ceremony in my snow white dress (all-girls Catholic school thing) and just praying over and over again that I wasn't pregnant.
Ummmm....ENBB, I actually took on a Novena once because i didn't want to be pregnant. It was a most horrible two weeks. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint my grandparents. My parents I didn't really care about because I imagined they'd be so mega-pissed at me.

What I remember most, once I wasn't a virgin anymore, between the ages of 15 and 21 was a constant, deep, pit dwelling feeling in my stomach of my innocence slipping away. I think this is what would lead to night depression. I'd be great all day, world on a string, youthful highs, but nighttime was the opposite. In my bed alone, I would just cry myself to sleep. If I were in bed with someone else, I would just become slightly irritable and moody... post coital.

Eventually this went away and only returned the very few times I did drugs. Once I did mushrooms, smoked pot when I dated a guy who grew it in his closet. I then started to guard whatever innocence I had left.

See, I felt that way after the first time I ever let someone kiss me, at all. I went back to my dorm room and burst into tears and cried myself to sleep for a week or so because I could never have another "first" kiss and what if he wasn't the one? I would have wasted my innocence and it would be all my fault for making a bad choice.

I never kissed him again, and by the time I had another boyfriend, 4 years later, I had moved on a little with my personal drama llama. Thank god because seriously.

He went on to become an undertaker, so I don't feel like I really missed out by not keeping that going.

The first time I kissed someone at age 15, I had a lonnnng confession session to my bishop in which I spent 5-10 minutes crying before I could get the words out. I felt so guilty. It freaked my bishop out a little. He kept trying to reassure me it wasn't that big a deal and I kept making those horrible choking hiccup sobs.

When I confessed to a different bishop at age 19 that I'd done all the sexing except actual sex, he blamed it all on the guy and said I'd been "lead down a primrose path" by a "wolf in sheep's clothing," which I was happy to accept at the time but now it makes me a little cross. I had a say in the matter, too! Sheesh.

I probably spent 15 years of my life reading way too many books that were published in 1920 in which a woman's virtue was compromised if she looked promisingly at a man across the dinner table. It gave me a complex.

I am sad that people had to feel bad about "innocence" and stuff. I wasn't in Catholic school long enough to get that baggage & the secular school where I got sex-ed happened to be during this miraculous window in elementary school education where U of Chicago early-education grads were taking some pretty radical ideas into the schools.* We had a week of sex ed taught by a married couple and it was comprehensive & open. Sex saved my life, honestly; without it high school would have been total Hell for me; my home life was horrible, I was a scrawny different kid ripe for bullying. Sex was the best damn this in life.
* (A year or two after I moved on to junior high, the Reagan revolution came along and the local schoolboard ousted the principal for moving the curriculum in a whole-person-rather-than-test-results way - long story.)

TBH sex with my HS boyfriend was a pretty awesome experience and, weirdly, some of the best I've ever had. I didn't regret it then at all and still don't.

I did feel the loss of innocence thing after the 2nd guy I ever slept with. It wasn't exactly all that consensual and in the morning I was filled with massive amounts of guilt and regret and sadness. He insisted on walking me back to my dorm and I didn't really know what else to do so I let him. Along the way he said "It's always a little awkward the morning after you sleep with someone the first time" to which I shot back "Yeah? I wouldn't really know since I've only ever slept with one other person". When I got back to my dorm I laid on my friend's bed all day and cried until it was time to go out and get drunk again. That night we ran into someone we knew who mentioned that said dude had been boasting in class earlier that day that he'd gotten laid the night before and was all smiles.

My first boy I ever kissed was named Clint. We were in 7th grade and were "going out". Our friends kept pressuring us to kiss but I wasn't sure I wanted to. One day he sent me a note that said "Do you want to make out? Circle one: yes no maybe. I circled maybe and a couple weeks later we kissed in the locker area during a school dance. His tongue felt like a slug.

my Mom got sex-ed at a Catholic school when her (occasional, I think) teacher walked across the classroom, closed the door & told all the kids they needed to know some things. so important.

are there any conservative christians here who did the socratic method to preserve their chastity promise to christ?

My guess is that a lot of women have some experience with coercion in sex, or maybe going along with it for a variety of reasons, the result being that you said "yes" but you didn't want to, or didn't want to then, or with that person, or something, so you end up feeling vaguely violated/aggressed. But also since you ALLOWED it, it's actually your fault, so you turn the feeling of violation on yourself and it shows up as depression or other socially acceptable ways for girls to be unhappy. This is handily branded as "a natural reaction to your LOSS OF INNOCENCE," you slutty slut. It's really destructive and insidious stuff all around.

When I confessed to a different bishop at age 19 that I'd done all the sexing except actual sex, he blamed it all on the guy and said I'd been "lead down a primrose path" by a "wolf in sheep's clothing," which I was happy to accept at the time but now it makes me a little cross. I had a say in the matter, too! Sheesh.

― Team Safeword (Abbbottt), Thursday, July 19, 2012 11:13 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Honestly, you get what you deserve for sexing up a furrie.

My guess is that a lot of women have some experience with coercion in sex, or maybe going along with it for a variety of reasons, the result being that you said "yes" but you didn't want to, or didn't want to then, or with that person, or something, so you end up feeling vaguely violated/aggressed.

very good point. although based on personal experience, i wouldn't describe this as a gender specific phenomenon. there's both a general/cultural/social coercion and a specific/incidental coercion at work in a lot of early sex-experiences. a bad old 'we should do this now!' drive or a 'you want to do this?' 'yes, don't you?' that stems from both developmental differences and particulars of the partners and overrides reason and better judgement.

'i must do this so i'm not left alone at the virgin table' or 'i don't want to seem like i'm not ready' or 'i've come this far and it's easier to just go along' or 'i'm terrified and don't know to do'

I never said that it couldn't also happen to men, of course boys can of course experience violation of their..hmm...personhood? just like girls can. But the pressures and consequences, both physical and social, are not evenly applied in real life dating.

It's not really about virginity or purity or innocence, it's about consent, is all I'm saying. Or I guess, proposing. Of course most sex ed/school systems/parents/etc are trying to crazy to keep kids from having any ability to give educated consent for anything involving their own bodies so I don't know what we expect to happen.

very true! i was meaning to indicate that there are a whole host of common and deep-rooted pressures and drives ('i'm not grown up until i do this thing and act like i like it, even if i don't' or 'yeah, the first time was awesome! it was amazing and so sexy and wrong!' 'whatever i'm a dude it was obviously awesome') that act internally/externally with equivalent nefariousness, if not countervailing force.

There are very few times in my life where I've had sex with someone for the first time and thought that it was during great circumstances. Too many times being drunk, or feeling pressured, or feeling like I was pressuring in some way, although the last is probably more hand-wringing than anything.

On the other hand, that makes the instances where the circumstances were good seem really great.

Awww Laurel, that's sweet though.

We'll have to agree to disagree about that, because I think it's needless self-flagellation.

I meant reading the books from that era part. I thought you were reading them at 15. Went back and re-read the post.

I am actually the one who wanted sex. The guy never even tried to kiss me until I told him too. He was just so weird, looking back at it all. He would sit there and stare at me most of the time. Didn't say much. I was okay with having sex the first time until he dropped me off at school that afternoon and my grandfather was there waiting. I found myself sitting in my grandfather's car as he drove me home wanting very much to just be a kid again. But at school the next day I felt great and was thinking of how we could meet up again. But every time
I was around my paternal grandparents or little sister I just became weird. Christmas that year was depressing, as was my birthday. I think this is what can happen when growing up Catholic and with a mother who couldn't even say sex. She'd spell it out.

Until I was 17 or so I always thought I was a pervert for wanting to do oral. As in, I thought it was a kink? I was worried my partners would think I was kinky. So I never did, even though I wanted to. Whoops and ouch.

ouch

I think yr doing it wrong

And even at 17, nobody told me. I still thought it was something other people'd find disgusting. I gave a "um you might think this is gross but I'd like to do something" speech the first time I went down. And afterward, I worried that I had an oral fixation and stopped chewing gum and toothpicks.

I don't remember when I found out that it was not only normal but considered necessary.