laurel otm
― Admins did ILX Haven (crüt), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 15:37 (twelve years ago) link
That was lengua-in-cheek but still...feeling things is hard and that's what vices and vacations are for?
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 17:32 (twelve years ago) link
If it were only that easy. It is not that easy.
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 18:34 (twelve years ago) link
I'm sorry. Don't know what to tell ya. My daily life and the boredome of a desk job have p much numbed a lot of that, I think? But as yesterday reminded me, I do not deal well with emotional disruptions to that humdrum existence.
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 18:57 (twelve years ago) link
It's ok -- I don't expect you to be Fix-it Laurel :)
The other day I was talking with one of my coworkers and she described me as "approachable" and I realized two things:
1) wow, what a nice thing to say. it made me feel like i have a personal quality that goes beyond professional expertise to make me effective at what i do. that is to say that i felt like maybe i am not 100% broken in this regard.
2) still, this problem is not solved because i clearly still do not feel comfortable expressing my own emotions; i can comfortably and easily carry a lot of other people's emotional weight, but when coupled with my own WOW who ever thought I would grow up to be a carriage horse?!?
btw every time i post something to this thread that is more than one sentence long, i am rather deeply embarrassed. why am i even talking about this at all? shouldn't i have irl friends or a therapist or a blog or a fucking notebook or something inanimate to talk to about my stupid ridiculous worthless pointless feelings? <-- meta question: is this type of reaction typical under these circumstances?
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:00 (twelve years ago) link
no I feel like this all the time which is why I rarely post on the what's happening thread or post too much about my personal life. I don't know if that's healthy or not.
― dayo, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:02 (twelve years ago) link
are you embarrassed about posting that post
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:05 (twelve years ago) link
I don't feel that way at all, myself. I'd rather talk to you guys than anyone in RL. (You are the only people a know who offer sympathy, rather than coldly telling me how badly I fucked up.)
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:11 (twelve years ago) link
It strikes me that the embarrassment and anxiety you have about having/showing the feelings might be making them a lot more work?
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:12 (twelve years ago) link
xp to LL
some feelings are more embarrassing to have/show than others
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:12 (twelve years ago) link
my stupid ridiculous worthless pointless feelings
Ahem.
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:13 (twelve years ago) link
a little bit, yes :-/
― dayo, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:13 (twelve years ago) link
i knew it!
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:14 (twelve years ago) link
AMANDAAAAAA
come online
― Juggy Brottleteen (ENBB), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:15 (twelve years ago) link
i clearly still do not feel comfortable expressing my own emotions
it's okay to not, you know! i mean if you're seething about something you should probably let it out, but you needn't be an open book.
if you are 'approachable' then ppl obviously do not perceive you as remote or emotionless.
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:17 (twelve years ago) link
i know!
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:20 (twelve years ago) link
I do not deal well with emotional disruptions to that humdrum existence.
this. which came in the form of a long email from my mom received yesterday after spending the weekend together that was this incredibly distorted picture she has of me from going through my phone/drawers when i wasn't looking. apparently i am a complete mess and failure and also badly need to hit the gym and nobody is ever going to love me "like this".
we had an awful fight about it, and she called me crying at 7 this morning apologizing, but gee, the holidays are going to be a treat.
― bene_gesserit, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:21 (twelve years ago) link
your mother said that to you? that's horrible!
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:25 (twelve years ago) link
omg that is way ott
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:28 (twelve years ago) link
What could she POSSIBLY have found in your drawers that gives her any insight whatsoever? Don't answer that because there IS no answer. Also, THAT IS WHAT SHE GETS FOR GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE/DRAWERS OMG why is she a spy???
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:34 (twelve years ago) link
she saw: condoms, vibrator, psych meds. all of which i had carefully tucked away in the back of a drawer before she visited so she wouldn't see them. never mind that I AM 32 AND ALLOWED TO HAVE ALL OF THESE THINGS.
in her distorted view of the world she thought she was being "helpful". i love her, but she is nuts, and i wish i could stop feeling smothered by her at 32. i am not even doing that badly, and i don't know why she is jumping to these conclusions about me! like for example, she said that i need to stop acting desperate because that scares men away which is like...i don't talk to her about my love life EVER and i don't know where she is getting that i act "desperate" as i am actually extremely laissez-faire in that department and "finding a man" is very low on my list of priorities in life!
i'm just really not looking forward to spending thanksgiving with her for thanksgiving. and also i have to tell my therapist today i can't see her until january because i've run out of visits on my insurance.
― bene_gesserit, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:41 (twelve years ago) link
otoh, you are 32 and are allowed to not have to spend thanksgiving with emotionally damaged family members.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:42 (twelve years ago) link
that's true, but it would also stop me from seeing the family members i DO like, and that is kind of not worth it :/
― bene_gesserit, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:49 (twelve years ago) link
shouldn't i have irl friends . . . to talk to about my stupid ridiculous worthless pointless feelings?
You do, FYI. xoxo
― They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:52 (twelve years ago) link
:/ otm
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:53 (twelve years ago) link
bugger. just saw this thread. hugs to you all, from another person who feels the same damn way.
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:53 (twelve years ago) link
there were several years where almost every significant conversation w/my mom involved her asking me some variant of "when are you going to get a real job?" And eventually it got to the point where I would say, "if we're going to get on that topic again, this conversation is over." or, if it was in person, i would say that i was going to go home. And it took a bit of that (maybe a year's worth) for her to approach the issue in a more respectful manner.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:57 (twelve years ago) link
fuck the holidays
― ah, how quaint (Matt P), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:58 (twelve years ago) link
so glad to not be going anywhere for holidays (force me to make solid plans jenny!)
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:00 (twelve years ago) link
parents can come here if they want to see me
geez, the Occupy movement is a major blessing in the family holiday relations department. We can discuss and argue politics rather than facing embarrassing and vaguely humiliating questions about personal life stuff.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:00 (twelve years ago) link
allowed to not have to spend thanksgiving with emotionally damaged family members
if this were true thanksgiving wouldn't exist
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:00 (twelve years ago) link
nah, my family is pretty un-emotionally damaged ... they are just well-meaningly nosey.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:02 (twelve years ago) link
lol POLITICS is the like the last thing i want to talk about instead of my personal life with family xp
― ah, how quaint (Matt P), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:02 (twelve years ago) link
it's kinda lol actually, because my mom and my cousins' moms will do pre-emptive damage control with the other relatives, like, "don't ask (cousin A) about (personal topic x), it is still a very sensitive subject!"
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:05 (twelve years ago) link
And eventually it got to the point where I would say, "if we're going to get on that topic again, this conversation is over." or, if it was in person, i would say that i was going to go home.
This is what I did about the "Why haven't you found a church to join?/Your life will never work out until you give it to God in prayer" conversation.
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:06 (twelve years ago) link
i've been on the up-and-down rollercoaster pretty much my whole life. (what has been helping me lately with that is running.) anyway, i got emotionally tmi and dramatic with my boyfriend last weekend. then we worked some stuff out. then this morning he got up before me and made me breakfast. <3 ;_; <3
― ah, how quaint (Matt P), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:09 (twelve years ago) link
Hmmmm what did you have in mind? How about Christkindlmarket then ice skating in Millennium Park? (I might just watch you skate.)
― They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:10 (twelve years ago) link
^^^jealous
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:11 (twelve years ago) link
Oh man - Chicago has a Christkindlmarket???
― Juggy Brottleteen (ENBB), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:12 (twelve years ago) link
jenny, we can take this off thread! i would love to go ice skating, though!!!!
what has been helping me lately with that is running.oooootttttmmmmit's like boom boom boom boom step step step step trampling on the bad feelings
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:12 (twelve years ago) link
God yes. My parents are Tea Partiers/53%ers so there is no "discussing" politics. Just right wing talking points shouted at high volume and me getting drunk in self defense.
― They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:17 (twelve years ago) link
my grandfather (RIP) was a politician for 13 years; politics was inescapable.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:20 (twelve years ago) link
i have a lot to say about that ^^ topic but it's not really appropriate to talk about on public forum
― the MMMM cult (La Lechera), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:21 (twelve years ago) link
not to be all cryptic or w/e -- sorry
i have one aunt who is a recent Glenn Beck convert, an uncle who's a lawyer, and another aunt who is a fervent Kucinich/Green Party supporter. it can be quite lively.
― sarahel, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:27 (twelve years ago) link
Oh and 97% of my extended family are racists. So yeah fun times. I'll talk about my personal life all ding dong day.
― They're coming to get you, (Jenny), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:29 (twelve years ago) link
How do you convert to following Glen Beck? Concussion?
― mh, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:32 (twelve years ago) link
Struck by lightning iirc
― It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 20:33 (twelve years ago) link