thread to get over a breakup

what is the difference?

mookie otm...you can feel bad and it fucking sucks, but dont let it be about success/failure. don't do that to yourself.

right implies one. suitable implies 'workable' imo. i dunno... 'suitable' seems like a cop out to me.

nah suitable doesn't limit you to looking for a perfect one that prob doesnt exist

right doesn't have to mean perfect. it could mean best.

"soul mate" is pretty loaded. finding someone "right" sounds perfectly doable.

unless you're me, obv!

anyways - you can get something right without getting it perfect.

re-writing my PoF profile right now.

The whole soul mate concept is total BS imo.

some day my princess will come

lol

right person, right time. just because it is simple doesnt make it easy. it'll come.

i'm also worried that, while i wasn't completely happy with her, that she was the best i could do.

oh dude, no. dont do that

eh

There's a little to be said for that tbph

Issue is, are you bummed out because she has moved on, or are you bummed out because you want her back?

One is you needing to focus on your life and be content and the other is because you may have made a mistake splitting up.

I'd like to know why the feeling of getting over a breakup is like bereavement? Is it the same chemical in the brain that we use for coping? If so it sucks.

it fucking sucks.

It sucks so fucking much.

fuck.

Feeling ya.

It sucks so fucking hard.

It sucks slightly less hard now than it did 3 weeks ago. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck hard now. It just means I'm not trapped under my duvet. But at least something has changed.

i'm over my past exes and have been moving on, had been flirting with this new girl who is just flat out amazing, but yesterday kind of pulled out the "I'm not sure what I want right now" card because of past experiences.

*sigh*. not a death knell I know, but patience is a difficult trait for me in situations like this...however, old dogs must learn new tricks.

she did say she liked me too, so it was more like a 'i want this, but just not sure right now' type thing

I can hardly imagine dating ever again, but I'm so horribly, physically lonely atm I'm having to remind myself not to scare friends and acqaintances with over-hugging.

i can't speak for everyone but as a friend w/ someoen i've cared about i've never felt overhugging was a possibility, even on the receiving end

hugging is the best

I miss hugs

*hug*

would hug all this ilx0rs

*hugs*

aw *hugz* guys!

i'm doing much better today, btw.
got my sorry ass off the couch last night, went out and met/made out with a random cutie!

that'll do it!

excellent work!

on thursday i bumped into the ex who was involved with/responsible for my most traumatic relationship experience. first time i'd seen her in six years but turns out i am not totally over her.

we spoke (eventually, after a series of acknowledging glances) and ended up exchanging phone numbers. not at all sure how i feel about any of this.

if all you've done is exchange phone numbers, you haven't done anything you can't take back yet. Though it's easy for old feelings to resurface for an old flame, that's mostly because memories often get sanitized the farther away you get from them. I had a relationship that was mostly mediocre yet I can only remember the positive stuff now because that's all I chose to remember, yet I'm sure it'd come flying back if I dated her again.

Obv only you know yourself and far be it from me to give advice here, but if it were me, and this person caused my most traumatic relationship experience, the only way I'd even look in their direction is if I had some kind if incontrovertible proof that she wasn't the same person she was six years ago, and generally with people, that tends to be the exception rather than the norm.

if the little voice in your head expresses concern, maybe it's time to take a step back...

absent specifics i think you're pretty much spot on. i don't think she's changed but i'm hoping i have, at least enough to handle her company for a little longer without falling down the rabbit hole again. i don't think there's any danger of us getting back together but unfortunately talking to her at this gig wasn't enough to provide the resolution that is still missing. she was my "first" in a number of ways and contributed significantly (for better or worse) to any definition my personality achieved in my early twenties.

that said, i still think it's 50-50 whether meeting her again would make any difference. i would have regretted not approaching her at all, but not using her phone number feels like a different thing, and not quite so essential.

you are otm imo

i'm hoping i have, at least enough to handle her company for a little longer without falling down the rabbit hole again

i think this is the most important part - knowing that you're ready to have that experience no matter the outcome.

i still have the phone number of my first 'real' breakup (sounds a lot like yours tbh from what you've said above) in my head. i've used it once in 6 years, to congratulate her on her wedding in january.

^ that's heavy shit, man

knowing that you're ready to have that experience no matter the outcome.

― tehresa, Sunday, May 15, 2011 10:21 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

^^ reminding yourself when it gets bumpy that "this is exactly what i signed up for"

xp ah, for a day or two it was, but i've been quite happy with ms mac for eh going on 6 years now so it's not an issue

it happens. and then you end up getting together with them after they get divorced...

well maybe not you. hah.
and ftr i never congratulated him on his wedding.

lol i cant see it but hold the thought

horribly, physically lonely

^^^^^

I don't have a solution to that that you couldn't figure out for yourself: go find a huggy friend, pet a dog, etc. But you're not alone even when it feels like you are.

^^^ Very very otm. I think things are gonna get a big bumpy but I think I'm better equipped to deal with it this time round. Thanks for kind thoughts folks.

yeah, puppy or human love are really important in the situations immediately upthread...

i think i've talk about it before, but i've remained friends with my most recent ex. in fact, we're really incredibly tight— we go to movies together, go to the gym together, walk his dog, make dinner. it's like we're husbands who don't have sex. (the sex was amazing, and sometimes i mourn its loss, but oh well).

tbph, it has become infinitely easier since i stopped being mopey and shitty and just started going for it again. now i'm seeing an awesome person (the ex and this person and i all drank coffee together at a cafe yesterday) and i couldn't be happier with the direction either relationship is going.

went out with one guy for about 3 months (in my 20s)

went out with one guy for about 3 months (in my 30s)

p much everything else I can remember was 4 dates or less.

not even looking the last couple years.

so, there are other ways to live.