I mean, there are definitely still people looking for a "traditional" american-style 1950s television-fashioned relationship with those female and male roles, but you know what? It's no longer expected that everyone's relationship be like that, it's not held up as an ideal in society, and a lot of dudes either resent the accusation that it's what men want.
Seriously, I have dated women who pretty obviously are seeking this sort of thing and I have no interest in it. For every person who's young I know who has acted like this, though, I can think of a friend in their 50s+ who definitely doesn't live like that.
― mh, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:04 (thirteen years ago) link
you know that by posting about it here, you are going to break up w/her?
― sarahel, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:07 (thirteen years ago) link
chris is being pessimistic, I'm hoping we can move him to the girl probs thread in the next few months
― mh, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Jesus I wasnt serious!
― Trayce, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:11 (thirteen years ago) link
well tbf some of yr bfs trayce *have* seemed to have expected that of you
― vag vag vag (electricsound), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:13 (thirteen years ago) link
Yes, they have :/
― Trayce, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:14 (thirteen years ago) link
As a dude that has been in the "rocker boyfriend who freaks out the squares and my parents" boyfriend role more than I can count, you have my sympathies Chris. It is supremely frustrating to have that turned against you, esp when you know that it was part of the driving force that got both of you where you are now. I wish you the best, and counseling is worth the time obv in your situation, but barring actual destructive relationship behaviour you have every right to stick to your guns re: the stuff that makes you you.
― O_o-O_0-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:15 (thirteen years ago) link
barring actual destructive relationship behaviour you have every right to stick to your guns re: the stuff that makes you you.― O_o-O_0-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:15 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark
― O_o-O_0-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:15 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark
this is the best advice i have ever heard tbh
― HOOS the master?? STEEN NUFF (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 03:22 (thirteen years ago) link
i am a vegetariani like regular blowjobs
― gr8080, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 04:13 (thirteen years ago) link
[/meat joke]\
― HOOS the master?? STEEN NUFF (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 05:16 (thirteen years ago) link
feel for u Chris, man. Not sure I have anything helpful to say, except do what is in your heart, and don't front.
― VegemiteGrrl, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 08:20 (thirteen years ago) link
thanks all! it does suck and it is pretty hard, i also think my meds dull my feelings too. i have sort of a flat affect around her, or maybe its just her. I think we will probably end up in a "trial" seperation and see how that goes. Just really sucks because of my son.
― OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:06 (thirteen years ago) link
does she genuinely want to be with you, or just some idealized image of you?
― sarahel, Tuesday, February 22, 2011 5:18 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark
i think up until recently she wanted to be with me and now wants an idealized image of me. A lot of her friends from her hometown seem to have it all in her eyes, lots of money, nice big houses, husbands who have high paying jobs....etc...etc. I think she fantasizes about that life sometimes even if she tells me that is not her. She knew I wasn't a college type when we met and hell i had a pretty high paying job in the investment industry for years until i got laid off.
― OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:47 (thirteen years ago) link
Is something in the air these days? Sorry to hear that news, Chris, and I hope you see a clearer way forward soon.
Roxy's opening post to this thread was so inspirational that I made my own list of "Things that are awesome about breaking up" before the break was even final. 1. Never watch the following again: Family Guy, Seinfeld, Frasier, South Park.2. Never change my name for anyone.3. Leave the house whenever I want.4. Not cook for anyone.5. Not launder for anyone.6. Live in Brooklyn.7. Watch Die Hard 2.8. Work late.9. Eat hummus for dinner.10. Cook meat rare.11. Sleep alone and undisturbed.12. Ride my bike everywhere.13. Move the furniture whenever I want.14. Not speak to anyone all day.
― go peddle your bullshit somewhere else sister (Laurel), Friday, 25 February 2011 00:49 (thirteen years ago) link
thing is, if you were some regular straight-laced banker dude she'd probably be bored
i hope things work out, chris
p.s. a lot of my married friends are having the same problem :/ :/
― homosexual II, Friday, 25 February 2011 02:45 (thirteen years ago) link
fuck family guy
― ☠ (roxymuzak), Friday, 25 February 2011 02:59 (thirteen years ago) link
instant breakup
otm
― gnarly gnarlingtons in my life (Trayce), Friday, 25 February 2011 03:01 (thirteen years ago) link
the worst of all shows
― ☠ (roxymuzak), Friday, 25 February 2011 03:01 (thirteen years ago) link
so cheap
― mh, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:30 (thirteen years ago) link
I've been doing almost everything on Laurel's list forever, and I've been married for 18 years.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:34 (thirteen years ago) link
Please tell me about this idyllic experience
― mh, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:36 (thirteen years ago) link
It's not as idyllic as you'd imagine--we pretty much have our own separate lives under the same roof. It gets lonely at times.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:40 (thirteen years ago) link
Actually I was referring to the fact that this is the thread to get over a breakup, you "helpfully" tried to say that it's possible to do those things in a marriage, but you're very often talking about how depressing your life is so these seem like small wins if we're trying to see your life as encouraging.
Is that blunt enough, or did my use of the word "idyllic" not at all sound sarcastic?
― mh, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:43 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm not trying to paint my life as encouraging, not at all. I just have a slightly different perspective on things like this than the average ILXor, and I wanted to share.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 25 February 2011 03:54 (thirteen years ago) link
I fucking hate family guy
― OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Friday, 25 February 2011 12:41 (thirteen years ago) link
NOT FUNNY.
― gr8080, Friday, 25 February 2011 13:17 (thirteen years ago) link
the one thing i like about family guy is he looks exactly like one of my old friends father.
― OLD MAN YELLS AT SHOUT RAP (chrisv2010), Friday, 25 February 2011 17:33 (thirteen years ago) link
so in three weeks things have gotten worse...at this point my son is recognizing it and saying out loud when we are fighting "STOP IT, STOP IT!" Ive just got to get some things in order and I think im leaving. ugh.
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah, TWO! (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 18:32 (thirteen years ago) link
so sorry, chris.
― we can't rule out the supernatural no matter how much I would like to (stevie), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 18:41 (thirteen years ago) link
oh dude...that sucks. (hugs)
― VegemiteGrrl, Wednesday, 23 March 2011 18:50 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm so sorry that things got to that point. *another hug*
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, 23 March 2011 18:51 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah sort of blows...the thought of not being there in the morning to see my son off to daycare is killing me.
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah, TWO! (chrisv2010), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 18:55 (thirteen years ago) link
sorry dude, that sounds deeply unpleasant
― I just want to give a shout-out to Buzzy Beetles (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 22:16 (thirteen years ago) link
Aw shit, Chris :(
― Borads of Candida (Trayce), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 22:31 (thirteen years ago) link
sorry chris.
― the '' key on my keybord is not working (darraghmac), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 22:37 (thirteen years ago) link
Jesus Christ. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry foe your little one.
― i have a hot bagel waiting for me in my bed so ill say this: (kkvgz), Thursday, 24 March 2011 10:54 (thirteen years ago) link
I don't get her...this morning at 5am before leaving for the airport she woke me, kissed me and said she loved me. First time in months. WTF?
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah, TWO! (chrisv2010), Thursday, 24 March 2011 11:52 (thirteen years ago) link
she reads ilx....???
― the '' key on my keybord is not working (darraghmac), Thursday, 24 March 2011 12:07 (thirteen years ago) link
unless you've been lettin her know in other ways how close you are to breaking point?
― the '' key on my keybord is not working (darraghmac), Thursday, 24 March 2011 12:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Maybe even with all the fighting going on and an impending break up, she too will still feel love for you and is pained by the situation. Also, you say she left for the airport, with a (big?) journey ahead she'd want to let you know that?
I don't know. I hope you can both come to a resolution. All the best Chris.
― La descente infernale (Le Bateau Ivre), Thursday, 24 March 2011 12:23 (thirteen years ago) link
she has no clue what ILX is and wouldn't be interested in anything on ILE or ILM so i doubt that one. I think she senses we may be coming to an end and maybe realizing she doesn't want us to end.
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah, TWO! (chrisv2010), Thursday, 24 March 2011 13:54 (thirteen years ago) link
hopefully that can be a positive for you guys?
― the '' key on my keybord is not working (darraghmac), Thursday, 24 March 2011 13:58 (thirteen years ago) link
honestly, i do hope so. i still love her to death but her attitude these days is in the shitter.
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah, TWO! (chrisv2010), Thursday, 24 March 2011 14:01 (thirteen years ago) link
aw Chris this stinks :( I hope you two make it through this.
― homosexual II, Thursday, 24 March 2011 14:44 (thirteen years ago) link
dude take a moment next time you talk to her to just say "when you kissed me and told me you loved me before leaving today, that felt great. i love you too." and just leave it at that w/o adding on the part about how much she sucks lately.
― gr8080, Friday, 25 March 2011 00:57 (thirteen years ago) link
yah gr8080 hugely otm, posi reinforcement can go a million miles relationship ime
― broke my o_O face o_O (jjjusten), Friday, 25 March 2011 00:58 (thirteen years ago) link
Oops, single.
― Confused Turtle (Zora), Saturday, 26 March 2011 18:53 (thirteen years ago) link
what zora? did you leave?
― Get me two meatball sandwiches Utah! TWO! (thebingo), Saturday, 26 March 2011 21:36 (thirteen years ago) link
? !
― the salmon of procrastination (darraghmac), Saturday, 26 March 2011 21:41 (thirteen years ago) link