Sex Droughts

wow, my hero!

I think I'm at the 3.5 year mark so I need advice. I am finally going to admit that I might be purposely avoiding relationships. I have been known to only make an effort when I'm drunk. And when I look at online dating profiles I cut off any girl that isn't higher than a 6 (maybe 7) on the looks and personality scale. I rather have a relationship than an one night stand. There was one girl that I dated in college and had even felt like I might be in love with her but I stopped dating her and I don't completely know why. I wouldn't want to procreate with her for one.

Someone upthread mentioned that they felt like they shouldn't be in a relationship until they get their life together. Then someone else mentioned that if everyone did this than 99% of people wouldn't be in relationships. Someone else mentioned that they don't actively seek women because their personality doesn't have them being an active seeker.

I am sort of in the same boat as both these people. I've been hoping to get a job before I actively seek a girlfriend. But it's been 2.5 years since I graduated and I still don't have a job. I don't necessarily have to have my life together to have a girlfriend but I want a job at least.

I don't really want a one night stand. I live with my parents - an one night stand isn't really an option. I don't mind starting a relationship even if I live at my parent's house.

I don't need sex in the slightest. I guess I am one of those people that is an anomaly because lack of sex doesn't make me go insane. But the sudden onset of sex threads all over ILX is sort of making me reevaluate my life and consider not being in a relationship to be a problem. And I guess I would like to be having sex right now.

I don't know what to do any more. It doesn't help that I put lots of weight and am a bit insecure about my body.

you don't have to have your life completely together, but, seriously, get a job

i know

imo if you are feeling unconfident and shitty about a cluster of things, picking up in one area makes you feel not so bad about the others & maybe even improve them. Like I think I started getting fat when I was jobless just bcz I was bummed abt not having a job? Also I was home all day so I just ate a lot to fill time? I think getting my not very great, not very high paying job helped my confidence a lot. Also gave me fewer hours in the day to eat. What I am saying is: goole otm. Don't even worry about if it is a job that requires a college degree.

i don't know, i feel like wage slave jobs just make me more upset with my life. i work a few jobs part time, have lots of fun with friends, run a small label, and exercise regularly. i think that this sort of balance is really key to confidence...and tho i hate to admit it, exercising regularly is a MAJOR MAJOR confidence and general wellness booster.

I don't really believe confidence is my problem

It doesn't help that I put lots of weight and am a bit insecure about my body.

your body is AWESOME no matter what imho, but this sentence betrays a lack of confidence. that's all.

love thyself, and thy body.

part of the reason that there was a notable gap in my dating resume before me resuming the ranks of the normal two years ago was because I was convinced I was ugly. even wore a thick beard and mustache as a subconscious means of hiding my face (no matter how much I hate facial hair). and that kept me from pursuing anything.

took me to accepting myself for what I was to change that...was amazed to find out other people didn't have the opinion of me physically that I feared they did all along.

tbh not dating someone would bother me sooner than not having sex, but i may be an anomaly there

I can be that way sometimes, it just depends on my mood. like atm the idea of a relationship isn't appealing to me, but a year ago the idea of having meaningless sex rather than dating wasn't appealing.

still not sure abt the 'meaningful' qualifier either. Means u just got laid ime.

exercising regularly is a MAJOR MAJOR confidence and general wellness booster.

bigtime. i just went to the climbing gym for the first time since this summer and have been feeling radical all day. and a bud told me there might be night sledding with chix tonight which is something i wouldn't have considered this morning, but am just in a better mood and will go if i can get some work done

deserves a quiet nite imo

man exercising has never really given me the endorphin boost that others talk about. but maybe I should stick with it more, I always stop after like a week. and I hate cardio.

plus, as has been reiterated on many threads here (not that you've read them, necessarily), exercising is among the things you can control when it seems like yr life is out of yr control. the key is to make sure that you choose something that's fun and achievable. don't put on a headband and try to bang out 3 miles if you've never been running before. go shoot hoops or take a walk or play ping pong with a bro or something.

When I say I'm a bit insecure it doesn't mean that I'm so insecure that I wouldn't hit on girls or get naked. My looks really aren't an issue actually

Exercising is great and I should get on top of that. But honestly, reading "love thy body" makes me cringe

xp dayo, that's just it. i've been struggling to stay with a fitness program lately because i'm basically working from home (no biking), so i was like ok i guess i'll just get on that bodyweight ish. but it's ~boring~. but then i went climbing today and was like 'oh right duh this is my favoritest whee i'm having fun oh shit how'd i get so tired'. no one will ever stick to exercise when it sucks, nor should they.

ring up O, we shoot hoop

yeah, forget about the body issue part of it, it just makes it less fun. pull up one of those lists of "calories burned per hour" that litter the internet, and find something that sounds like something you'd want to do ~anyway~ and then go do it

haha I used to shoot hoops pretty regularly last year...dunno if it made me feel ~good~, but yeah it's one of the few activities I like doing.

it's hard to find good hooping partners here, also there are no hoop places close to me, also I need to stop making excuses

hate your body and listen to The Swans' "Mother, My Body Disgusts Me" while not exercising
has worked for me for the past ten years
(just kidding abt the part abt hating my body, mostly)

having this Swans song on repeat for the past 10 years has been pretty brutal, tho

anyway yookeroo I prob align pretty close w/ you insofar as yeah, I look for LTRs much moreso than brief flings, to my detriment, and I'm almost pathologically passive

I do feel if you make too much of a 'thing' out of it you're just gonna put more anxiety on yourself and the anxiety is gonna prevent you from finding what you want and vicious circle etc.

Have just realised its been such a while since I last hooked up w/someone that I've kind of gone past annoyance and into some kind of zen "wtf ever" about the whole thing. Its weird. I'm worried I'll turn into a cat lady.

well bear in mind that my feeling ~good~ was underwritten at least 60% by being a guy who's turning 30 in a couple weeks, thinking "...still got it" when he pulls a ~sweet move~ in front of an admiring 20yo girl, str8 shaming the pimply teens, winning the vocal adoration of the 8yo peanut gallery and the lustful thoughts of their momz

(bouldering caves midweek during the holidays are a multigenerational affair)

^post of the day

plenty of people get laid while still living with their parents

some get laid by their parents

~went there~

I mean, not me personally. it was a joke. you know.

squee!

i did it on my parents' bed once

obv not while they were there, while they was out of town. but my bed was a single, it woulda been impossible!

wait, what would've been impossible on a single bed?

snogging. the bed barely fit me, and my girl wasn't exactly small, so trying to do it on that thing involved a lot of climbing over each other and inadvertently elbows to the face

i dont know how you do sex but...

seriously - one of the universal skills learned at U.S. colleges is how to have sex on a single bed.

part of the adventure imo xp

i mean, if people can have sex in toilet stalls ...

generally I do sex where I'm not falling onto the floor every 2 minutes, but ya know that's just me.

yea but in a bed it isn't supposed to be uncomfortable like that.

like I've done it in the back seat of a compact car too where it's cramped and for sure it's fun but you go in knowing things are going to be more strategic, and the setting is part of the thrill. if I'm gonna do it on a bed might as well do it on one where I'm not physically uncomfortable!

i mean i guess if you have the option, sure

and I did!

if y'all saw my bed, you'd know what I was talking about. it was ridiculously small.

and if y'all saw my bed, well, I can explain some of the stains....

dude

*looks at name of board*

carry on

haaaaaaa

now that LJ is here, maybe he can offer tips on getting laid while living with parents.

it's easy, just stay at theirs, next qn

para uds que se leen español, RIP casita blanca (hotel in barcelona for lovers who may or may not live with their parents)

http://www.elmundo.es/elmundo/2010/12/25/barcelona/1293274459.html