would you feel the same way if a petite chick slapped you in the face for being a cad?
well i'm sure it would never arise, but no, i'm talking full on punch type stuff to be specific
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:17 (thirteen years ago) link
no. i am not okay with face punching at all, as a general rule. my main point was that i've been punched in the face twice, it didn't hurt, and my friends each time had a right to be angry, so i shrugged it off. and i think that under the circumstances, that's totally reasonable---cutting off contact, getting wildly angry, calling the cops, etc., would have been grossly disproportionate to the offense. and i think it's a little strange that anyone would a) think that that means that i am advocating/okay with violence and b) assume that all instances of friend-on-friend violence is this totally unacceptable thing that we should have hard and fast rules about. obv ppl from different backgrounds/circumstances will have different feelings on the matter of violence/abuse, but getting decked for saying something boorish just doesn't register to me as something worth getting upset about. we were laughing about it fifteen minutes later, we laugh about it now.
― kanellos (gbx), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:17 (thirteen years ago) link
tl;dr: you had to be there
― kanellos (gbx), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:18 (thirteen years ago) link
how did this even come up again? tabes punched a dude or something?
i am broadly agreeing with you with not breaking friendships, calling cops, etc, i think- but i'd have a hard time not losing it in the moment
ps i say plenty boorish shit, but i dunno, maybe i'm just naturally fuckin charmin in person or somethin
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:22 (thirteen years ago) link
oh i was angry for a split second like "wtf was that for? you can't jsut punch ppl!" but then we both cooled down and agreed that the whole situation was ridiculous, bff
anyway the funniest thing to me has always been that it was twin sisters on two separate occasions
― kanellos (gbx), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:24 (thirteen years ago) link
not trolling here, am genuinely interested: would you be ok with (you or a male friend) punching a female friend if she said something totally offensive/out of line?
I know someone who has this as her stance, with her being the punched one. What with gender equality, the relative OK-ness of a one-off punch being a not-insane thing in some circumstances, etc.
I was taken aback, but it's one of those "it'd have to be a fucking awful offense to compensate for the physical disparity" things. Thinking about it, it still seems very, very wrong. Frankly, ever resorting to violence seems really wrong.
― mh, Friday, 24 December 2010 22:25 (thirteen years ago) link
had a girl kick my fkn ass once, tho tbf she was a green belt in kyokushinkai karate. we are, indeed, bff so there you are. and we were like 14.
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Friday, 24 December 2010 22:29 (thirteen years ago) link
Thread to get over a punchup
― Strange Crüt (Trayce), Friday, 24 December 2010 23:14 (thirteen years ago) link
the friend/lover i punched is a notorious sociopath. he's the sort of guy who once snuck up behind me with cocaine-covered hands and rubbed that shit in my eyes.
― a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Sunday, 26 December 2010 22:19 (thirteen years ago) link
haven't seen or talked to him in more than a year, tbh.
― a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Sunday, 26 December 2010 22:20 (thirteen years ago) link
This changes things quite a bit--violence toward someone who has been violent toward you is quite forgivable.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Monday, 27 December 2010 00:17 (thirteen years ago) link
Debating just how much of a disaster one night of (probably drunk) ex-sex would be. On a 1-10 scale it might be an 8. Might also be worth it.
― boots get knocked from here to czechoslovakier (milo z), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:21 (thirteen years ago) link
if y'all both single then get to it imo
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 17:50 (thirteen years ago) link
I've done ex-sex. generally rule is, do it long after you became exes to ensure any buried feelings are just that, very buried or nonexistent.
having sex with an ex weeks afterward=mistake I'll never make again.
― Bitch, it cold outside!!! BURR (San Te), Monday, 27 December 2010 18:08 (thirteen years ago) link
btw is it weird for my ex to show up in my dreams? and by this, I don't mean my most recent ex, I mean the one before this one.
I wasn't barely thinking about her at all, especially when I was dating new girl, and now she invades my subconscious every other night.
nah it's not weird. or if it is, i'm gonna need to get advice on why my teacher from when i was 6 makes regular appearances.
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 18:12 (thirteen years ago) link
xp - not weird at all, esp. if you were together for a significant period of time
― sarahel, Monday, 27 December 2010 19:09 (thirteen years ago) link
significant for me, not significant for most, so I guess that counts.
it's partially my most recent ex's fault for planting some of it in my brain
― Bitch, it cold outside!!! BURR (San Te), Monday, 27 December 2010 19:12 (thirteen years ago) link
in ur case she'll make an inception
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 19:17 (thirteen years ago) link
It would be even weirder if your teacher was your ex.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Monday, 27 December 2010 19:21 (thirteen years ago) link
you got all the detail you need already
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 19:25 (thirteen years ago) link
wait darrag what if she incepted the whole relationship and i never really went out with her
― Bitch, it cold outside!!! BURR (San Te), Monday, 27 December 2010 20:59 (thirteen years ago) link
not impossible, i've definitely spent long periods of my life in what turned out to be imaginary relationships
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 21:01 (thirteen years ago) link
^^^^^^^^ ouch but yes.
― Bitch, it cold outside!!! BURR (San Te), Monday, 27 December 2010 21:04 (thirteen years ago) link
tho none of them were as hot or terrifying as cotillard
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Monday, 27 December 2010 21:22 (thirteen years ago) link
I have about 5 different imaginary relationships going on right now.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Monday, 27 December 2010 21:52 (thirteen years ago) link
ughhhh holiday text
could be worse i spose but still
― ☜(⌒▽⌒)☞ (jeff), Tuesday, 28 December 2010 06:21 (thirteen years ago) link
apparently i need to be more assholish, because less so isn't working
― mookieproof, Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:06 (thirteen years ago) link
I've tried to be an asshole, but I'm a bad actor and they see through it.
― Lightning Is For Babies (Johnny Fever), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:08 (thirteen years ago) link
the asshole angle only works for genuine assholes. when you're a nice guy they can tell you're just acting and they see through it.
sad but tr00
― yelawolfenstein (San Te), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:10 (thirteen years ago) link
we need some asshole girls that go for nice guys
― gravity explodes (CaptainLorax), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:11 (thirteen years ago) link
http://www3.pictures.gi.zimbio.com/500+Days+Summer+2009+Sundance+Portrait+Session+NfxKBZ9MsQRl.jpg
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:16 (thirteen years ago) link
is he gluing his pubes to his face
― yelawolfenstein (San Te), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:17 (thirteen years ago) link
is she an asshole?
― gravity explodes (CaptainLorax), Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:18 (thirteen years ago) link
working in what way?
― sarahel, Thursday, 30 December 2010 03:58 (thirteen years ago) link
that pic made me irrationally angry
― kanellos (gbx), Thursday, 30 December 2010 04:52 (thirteen years ago) link
hands up who needs a drink
― aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Thursday, 30 December 2010 05:16 (thirteen years ago) link
well it's 8am here but sure why not
― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Thursday, 30 December 2010 08:04 (thirteen years ago) link
okay, so, i've written about this plenty of places on ilx.
but my most recent ex has become my best friend, in this weird way. we spend a lot of time together. we really enjoy each other's company. we even occasionally have sex.
my problem is that i can't get over the 'relationship' aspect of it. the ilx gays know this, but yesterday, he shot a porno with one of his favorite lovers. since his parents were in town and bought him a hotel room, he went out to dinner with this lover and his parents, then i met them and we went for a drink, then they went back to the hotel. and i was alone. and when i finally got home, all i could do was cry. i wanted to meet his parents. i wanted to sleep in that hotel room. i wanted to be near him and share that sort of intimacy with him.
to make matters worse, he is shooting another porno today on his last day off for a week, and seems like he might be giving up on this project of the past couple months of building a house for himself, which is nearly completed, and which i've been helping him with. like, i have a feeling he's going to move down to santacruz with this boy, who is really that: a 21yearold porn star who gets flown all over the country to shoot porn and have sex with men. they don't share that much about their lives with each other (in my ex's own words), they just fuck and hang out.
it isn't even the sex, for while it was fucking amazing sex, it's more that i'm like: you're falling for HIM? what the fuck happened to us? i still don't get it, and i still am really upset about it, and i really dislike him right now. like, i love him more than anyone in the world. and we have a very real connection. but like... FUCK.
i need therapy. i really do.
― a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, 30 December 2010 16:20 (thirteen years ago) link
i feel ya dude.
― peacocks, Thursday, 30 December 2010 17:12 (thirteen years ago) link
In short, you haven't actually broken up with him. The jealousy you're feeling over his new man kind of confirms this. Maybe some time spent thinking of him as an ex rather than a friend might help.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:05 (thirteen years ago) link
And let me express sympathy for your troubles.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:07 (thirteen years ago) link
^
it's hard in some situations. i was in a relationship w/ someone i played music with and it was really hard to move on, in fact in toto it probably took 2 or 3 years to fully get over it, just because we were in each others face all the time. also i was in love with him and he was my best friend. also he dumped me and immediately started dating someone new and i had to have her in my face all the time. it was impossible, also she was stupid.
― ilx get on my lvl (roxymuzak), Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:08 (thirteen years ago) link
And it's going to be extra difficult for Tabes, because the porno movie industry is very, very close knit.
― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:13 (thirteen years ago) link
xp - yeah, i think the key thing to realize -- at least for me -- is "he WAS my best friend" - past tense. If he has fucked you over, or hurt you, then, really, he is no longer your best friend, and you need to put more distance between you and him. I mean, it's hard enough trying not to dwell/obsess/feel like shit about the situation in general, but when it's physically in your face on a regular basis -- well, I couldn't deal anymore, so I ended up quitting something that was a major part of my life.
― sarahel, Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:55 (thirteen years ago) link
also she was stupid.
HAHAH - *sigh* ... yeah
― sarahel, Thursday, 30 December 2010 19:59 (thirteen years ago) link
yeah it was really hard for me to recognize that he *had* screwed me over until a long time after, because we were such good friends and i at the time just tended to take the blame and guilt for everything that happened in my life. i eventually, from talking to others about it etc, started viewing him as behaving crappily in the situation, which he had, and at that point i confronted him about it and we finally talked at length about it - this was like a year and a half later. after that weird period of time i could finally start getting over it. we are still v close friends today
― ilx get on my lvl (roxymuzak), Thursday, 30 December 2010 20:08 (thirteen years ago) link
friend of mine is going thru a similar sitch, and just can't bring himself to get angry at his gf despite the fact that she clearly wronged him, and in a way that a partner/best friend just shouldn't.
anyway tabes, i know yr obv a pro at casual sex and all, but i think you should probably just decide that yr ex is a) not your best friend, at least not right now and b) someone you should never sleep with again (unless, you know, its in a professional capacity).
― kanellos (gbx), Thursday, 30 December 2010 20:12 (thirteen years ago) link
the hardest thing for me was the avoiding/distance part, because i felt like that was weak, and i was "not a weak person" - like, i felt that i should be able to take it, and that was the "strong" way to deal with it.
― sarahel, Thursday, 30 December 2010 20:13 (thirteen years ago) link