Sex Droughts

"put a prostiture on it"

Shld read 'prostitute', obv.

im back in the saddle.

xposts to surfingatwork and i guess vegegirl - low sex drive or no sex drive, if your partner has at least one working hand and maybe even a tongue (bonus!) there really is no reason you should be doing without. imo and ime part of a committed relationship is both of you doing things ~for~ each other, without necessarily getting any particular payoff yourself (except the satisfaction that you are making your partner happy).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWhSfln1O4k

mrs. kkvgz went to her 6 week post-pregnancy checkup today.

in: u need 2 pick up my pills at cvs
out: ok
out: what kinda pills they got you on?
in: bcntrl
out: !

lol @ you people complaining about going without for a month.

was in a relationship for years so it definitely feels like a drought. probably more an issue with sleeping alone as opposed to just sex. but yeah, at what point is it an official shameful drought?

Surfing at Work: Perhaps one of the medications he's on for pain management is lowering his libido?

lol @ you people complaining about going without for a month.

― ENBB, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 3:45 AM Bookmark

u ma(rrie)d

god louis is so damn funny

^^^fuckwant

ck

ok lol

'calvin klein reupholstered my pussy'

Posh spice 'ok' magazine headline

Just1n3, Christine, thanks for your thoughts. I agree, there must be ways he could help out viz. my frustrations and I have been pretty angry about it at times, cuz of the distancing effect of going without. He just doesn't want to. Alcohol is lowering his libido imo, but I'm trying not to underestimate the knock-on effects of pain either: lack of sleep, stress, depression (all feeding back into the drinking, in a really charming spiral). OTOH perhaps he just doesn't like sex / me all that much.

He'll be recuperated in a few months. If we're still speaking, perhaps I'll find out.

OTOH perhaps he just doesn't like me all that much

I think this, plus depression, may be the answer.

eeh, i don't know about that? serious illness, serious medication, serious and unfortunate self-medication, they all really play into making a person be not who they really are.

*nods*

did you exactly mean your previous response? because that is pretty wtf

No, I was agreeing with you.

It's not that wtf, tbh. Seems like a real possibility to me.

im back in the saddle.

Somehow we missed this! Congratulations matey.

big ups

wonder if there's a distinction between my desire for sex and my desire for intimacy? does confuse matters a bit.

insomnia can sure bring out the emo tmi in a fella.

tbh i often feel more bad about the lack of the latter than the lack of the former.

well that lasted about a week.

You two are back to no sex again?

I believe that is what he implied, yes, although we can ask him for details in depth.

ILpryingforTMI

thought he might have been braggin bout a mammoth session tbh

I didn't mean to pry.

^^^ haha.

yep back to no sex. sometimes i wonder if she is having an affair.

or im just being paranoid because im insecure. She was very much into sex before we had our kid...oh well. i can still crank one out.

not being into sex after having a kid is pretty normal I think? esp. b/c you know that having sex can mean another kid & now you really get what that would mean. just a theory but I have a bit of experience in the area...

yeah thats my guess...and like i mentioned above or on another thread she tells me she doesn't feel attractive right now or is just too exhausted from work, mothering...etc etc.

Seriously, I would marry someone just to get my back scratched once a day.

― Johnny Fever, Monday, September 20, 2010 6:58 PM

not all its cracked up to be.

actually it is, & you don't have to worry about it making another kid

the trick is to get her to realize that a bj doesn't have to lead to babymaking sex: not that it's a newsflash obv but I think the mighty bj can get judged to be foreplay rather than an end in itself & that's what you gotta combat: "it's just lunch" basically.

Who are you -- Bill Clinton?

the ovum office

You could make a 'no penetration' pledge with her and see if it makes a difference.

the longest i've gone since i was 16 was...five months. i dunno, when yr 22, that's a long time. or at least it seemed like it to me at the time.

anyway, good luck, friends.

the longest i've gone since i was 16 was...five months.

braggin

posting for an ILXOR who emailed to say – anonymously - that:

"I'm in an otherwise happy long-term relationship where I have no say whatsoever in my sex life. My girlfriend is sexually avoidant and doesn't realize it, and masturbates with normal frequency (say once a week using a vibrator she often LEAVES OUT ON MY BUREAU WHEN SHE'S DONE) but turns me down flat whenever I make a move. We probably get around to sex once a month, and it's always when she wants it but won't initiate, so I pretty much have to guess when she's in the mood and risk getting shot down (most of the time) or maybe having sex that is largely for her benefit. She uses everything as an excuse to avoid sex, such as mood, temperature, an itchy knee, tiredness, stomachache, house-guests, problems at work, a dirty bedroom, her period (which has come to represent a whole 10 days of NOSEX). It's an otherwise wonderful relationship that's been going for years, but I'm beginning to wonder how much more of it I can take – especially because she gets super upset with me when I try to talk about it and says "I'm doing the best I can" or mumbles that she'll be more reliable, but then refuses to change anything."

I hate hearing about relationships like that, otherwise happy or not, and generally think they should be ended or at least opened up so the deprived partner can get what they want. Maybe I've listened to too many Savage Love podcasts.

Yeah Dan's #1 advice in situations like that is always "cheat cheat cheat." I was brought up too conservative to follow that advice, I think.

I don't think it's quite "cheat cheat cheat," it's more like "confront confront confront partner, and demand greater sexual satisfaction either inside or outside the partnership." Which I agree with in general, though risking blowing up an LTR is a lot easier said than done.

RIght, but the guy has never been averse to suggesting a guy or gal just sneak around after all that, rather than demanding a formal open relationship.

really? not at all the impression i've gotten. i think the usual sequence involves being up front about it and then if that doesn't work, dumping their ass

His disapproval of, or maybe disdain for, lifelong monogamy has been an interesting work in progress.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=408931

And for the record: I've never "implied" that married people unjustly deprived of sex have a right to seek it elsewhere. I've hammered away at that point, year after lonely year.