thread to get over a breakup

Kinda feel like you need to get really mad at this guy

― May be half naked, but knows a good headline when he sees it (darraghmac), Friday, June 4, 2010 1:57 AM (12 hours ago)

give her time

well hello

i've just started thinking about dealing with breakups of ltr's like dealing with being sick. It's hard because i'm a horrible invalid - i get too impatient about wanting to get "well" already, and then i end up being sicker longer because i try and go about my life as if i'm perfectly healthy.

thread to get over a breakup (with ILX)

oops I need to change my DN

Trayce just out of curiosity when this happened with you and N and R did N want to slap a ho? Were they friends beforehand and then stop being friends? Seriously not being all YOU DID THE SAME THING (because ive done it myself yo) just curious how guys react.

and by Ho I dont mean you, I mean R

Heheh no its a fair question - but it shuld be pointed out N and I didnt break up because of R, it was because of someone else, and I have to be honest the reason that didnt turn into a massive drama is entirely N's doing. He just accepted our time was done, ended things, moved out and we remained friends. He never begrudged me gettin' with R, even though he could have (its complicated and I wont go into it on here).

Its easy to say that makes me a hypocrite. but its more that I now realise how much I put N through, and tbh that just made me feel even worse :/

And yeah N and R get on fine. And frankly. I dont know how N does it. Esp now - he could be dancing with schadenfreude about all this gleefully in my face. Instead, he offers to move back in with me.

Guy is damn Ghandi.

Ugh sorry if that was a muddled explanation, I'm all post-hangover and car prang fogbrain.

So I caught up with a random acquaintace last week at said lost-beret clubbing and since then he's added me to LJ and FB, and has been emailing me heaps and we're having a ball, and now we're planning drinks on friday and he's burning a DVD of Millenium to watch at my place after.

Guy is interested in me Y/N?

Y

(ffs)!

Friday night drinks and an excuse to go to your place afterwards? Have you discussed plans for who's cooking breakfast Saturday morning?

LOL oh gawd.

All my close friends are like ITS TOO SOON FFS DONT DO ThIS YOU MORON YOU HAVE A SHIT TRACK RECORD WITH SHAGS.

:(

Just wanna have some confidence back!

If shagging is mandatory after a movie then I've been missing out on my due for a looooong time

f yr close friends, shag the dude for fun or other reasons (then wake up and post to the hcwib thread obv)

trufax.

Heck, I dont care either way I just want to grab back some of the fun that bastard's had since he left me and I've been left with none of, fuck his shorty ass.

Yeah, getting laid has been a vital part of the recovery process, ime.

Not gonna put too much weight on this, but must quietly confess am looking fwd to friday, its a good distraction.

man, people who renounce stuff cos the timing's wrong are idiots

I guess it depends on what your attitude to sex is... Some people just can't fathom that others might have sex for fun, or at least have sex without a huge emotional baggage being included, so they think rebound sex is always wrong. Personally I think rebound sex can be pretty important since breakups tend to come with that "no one will ever want me again" feeling, and as long as the person you're shagging with knows what the deal is, I can't see what's the big problem?

Yeah, getting laid has been a vital part of the recovery process, ime.

― Fetchboy, Wednesday, June 9, 2010 12:10 PM

I thought this was the case with me after G and I broke up last year, but it turned out that it didn't help and actually made things worse. I only started feeling better when I got out and did stuff I could really be proud of: hiking a mountain, hosting a fundraiser for a friend with cancer, white water rafting, baking cakes - whatever.

not trying to be a prude and i think i may have sounded like one.

have sex with someone if you think it will help you. and enjoy the hell out of it.

Yeah, I wasn't saying it's a cure-all. Being productive and doing things you're proud of are definitely equally if not more important. And having meaningless sex wasn't just for confidence. It really sparked the excitement of sex again (after sleeping with the same person for a long time, no matter how good the sex, some element of it is still just always the same) and helped me remember how much fun new stuff life has to offer.

yeah having sex with someone knew after the extremely oppressive year-long relationship i started this thread about was really liberating and healing tbh

"knew" lol

I think rebound sex can be pretty important since breakups tend to come with that "no one will ever want me again" feeling,

exactly - though probably what your friends are warning you about (and i've gotten these warnings myself) is getting into a serious relationship so soon, though it can be really hard to separate the desires/needs for physical intimacy and desirability and emotional ones.

nothing wrong with getting a serious relationship again, if it's the right serious relationship tbh

i dunno if "the right serious relationship" is possible that soon after a major breakup

working for me tbh

good for you then!

just sayin that the timing (as NV said upthread) isn't anything to do with it imo.

i agree. when you meet someone you really click with, you have to go for it.

well, i think timing has a lot to do with it - and maybe you just got over your previous relationship a lot sooner than other people tend to do. i just question the functionality/health of a relationship when at least one of the parties is still contending with the damage from a previous one.

i did unfavourably compare my new gf with the old one for the first few years, it's true

Lol Nijoli - I met someone i clicked with and didn't go for it.

i just question the functionality/health of a relationship when at least one of the parties is still contending with the damage from a previous one.

eh i dunno that's something you have to work through yourself and obviously YMMV, but really that's btwn you and yourself, not between you and another person that's right for you.

eh my last post was a joek btw pls dont sb me or anything

i mean "right" is totally contextual - someone can be totally "right" for you when you're both drunk and maudlin at the bar, but when you're both sober, not so right.

nah that's not 'right' that's 'you'll do c'mere'

right.

all i'm saying is don't confuse "you'll do c'mere" with "right"

and a lot of rebound situations are really just about "you'll do c'mere"

yeah we're allowing for that in fairness.

just that you have to allow that they're not always 'you'll do c'mere's' either

well, it's often a bit of both, and i think that taints the "rightness" - can it be overcome? Maybe. I don't know.

gf is watching 'the breakup' fyi

Hahah well this thread went in an interesting direction while I was asleep =)

I'm not sure I even wanna sleep with anyone right now tbh, just lookin fwd to fun times finding out stuff about a new(ish) person. There's totally other guys Id'd crack onto/sleep with as well if I could but I'm not sure they are/would be interested (if I could dare ever let on I was! Thats the bit I hate...sigh).

...sometimes, in my bleaker moments, I wonder if R settled with me because I was there for him, and he couldnt have the person/type he really wanted. I wasnt quite it, but I was good enough, and we were good friends.

The minute someone came along who fitted his needs/wants to a tee, he basically didnt hesitate to drop everything and run to her.

Sure makes me feel special :(

just lookin fwd to fun times finding out stuff about a new(ish) person.

that's a good attitude to have - you're an awesome person, and there are a lot of other awesome, interesting, fun people out there, and your ex-bf is a statistically insignificant percentage of that number.