thread to get over a breakup

you have to admit text messages on an iphone look so pretty it's hard NOT to read them

she could have deleted them before reading them or ignored them, but the fact she read them seems pretty understandable and a common impulse.

I just assumed she'd erase and install with her backup. There wasn't anything private enough on there that I'd be worried about it being lost and someone getting the info, and I just assumed she trusted me as I trusted her. And I was open about how much her drinking bothered me.

If it happened again with another girl, I probably still wouldn't erase. It just seems unnecessary, if I'm giving it to someone I'm in a relationship with.

xp - oh, yeah, I wasn't pissed that she pried into them, really. It was her reaction (reading into them info that didn't exist, etc.) that bothered me

if everything you've said to anyone else is something you would feel comfortable saying to her or in front of her, in that particular tone, I could agree. But from my experience, there are always things for which that isn't the case, no matter how much you care for and love your partner.

Reading into things is natural - though unfortunate - but yeah, my sympathies.

it is not reasonable and it is to be expected that you share any genuinely important information as and when it becomes an issue; i am not being idealistic to say that for intelligent folks like yourselves this is the only way it can and should work, and if you can't find a partner who agrees, then that relationship is expendable

we're also back to the cheating vs. reading the diary business.

is she still reading this thread?

hi hoos' ex!

― You are Rebels! You are all yankees (country matters), Thursday, 20 August 2009 21:51 (3 months ago) Bookmark Su

btw - i named a feral cat after LJ.

Yeah, totally, it was never an issue with my ex before, and she had a lot of opportunities. My feeling is that she was (consciously or un-) looking for a reason to justify talking with the 23-year old or wanting to see him, and having my backlog of texts was an opportunity to look for a reason.

finding a reason not to trust you or evidence of some wrongdoing on your part to justify hers?

The latter.

It's the way she sprung that "I want to date other people and you" line then read more old texts (a week after she'd read through them the first time) and came up with a reason to call me an asshole.

and presumably mr. 23 year old isn't gonna give her shit about drinking too much?

Probably, but I don't know. She's seemed serious about cutting back, particularly as she got arrested for a second DWI the night before Thanksgiving (and was too embarrassed to tell me for a week). But then it sounds like she spent the entire weekend drunk...

it's hard when your partner has a serious problem and you need to confront them and tell them they need to fix it, because people expect/want romantic relationships to be more or less unconditional love, it almost flies in the face of that expectation to have your partner tell you that "there is something wrong with you that I can't deal with." This happened to a friend of mine recently, who also ended up breaking up w/his girlfriend as a result of it.

get your iphone back first though

― 囧 (dyao), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:53 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 7:19 PM

i would not be shocked if she registered and lurked

would you be shocked if she sb'd you tho

no I think he'd feel sb'd

shock banned???

sometime boyfriend

The ex I posted about back months ago is pretty much out of sight, out of mind. The funny thing is that friends will occasionally ask me questions about things they've recently heard about or seen her do and it's all so clear how nonsensical it all is. Life makes so much sense now!

it's great when that happens.

otm

have had quite a few things totally make sense now moments recently, but I'm not going to go into it here.

get your iphone back first though

― 囧 (dyao), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:53 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― being being kiss-ass fake nice (gbx), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 7:19 PM

― tehresa, Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Things I'm enjoying:

Not having to be nice when she talks about the brilliance of Dean Koontz or her historical romance novels
Not having to be nice when she talks about the telephone medium who totally knew impossible things about her dead brother
Not having to bite my tongue when she criticized people for smoking pot and/or getting overly drunk
Not having to hear that a 3-year old could have painted that Miro/Pollock/etc.

Not to give the picture that it was constant misery (we did get along, obv) but all of the above stick out as having occurred multiple times.

Not having to hear that a 3-year old could have painted that Miro/Pollock/etc

ex gf otm tho

the only 3-year-old whose art I admire more than pollock's is Hunter Age 3

ex gf otm tho

oh dude, ZZZZZZ

:)

^ self portrait, est. €7m

stfu

He's finally moving out. Looking forward to living alone for the first time ever.

good luck!

i'm getting tough!

question for everyone: is it reasonable or unreasonable to ask that your ex's new partner with whom said ex was cheating on you not be allowed into your place to help the ex move, even if you aren't there? I've gotten conflicting opinions on this.

nah she can go fuck herself imo

i think if you are not there it is fine

it is maybe a bit unreasonable but it's your place now so he has to deal. she can carry the boxes from the front door to the truck imo

say ok then shoot her, isn't that safe in the US?

(disclaimer that is not my actual advice 2u)

too late

xp - if I shoot her, then I won't get to enjoy living alone in my awesome apartment.

cmon she can't even have locked and loaded before i rescinded, i'm not takin the rap for this

xp phew

i think it's not at all unreasonable to not want to have her in your home when you're not there.

congratulations to your ex for finding someone so insensitive to share his life with though.

agree that it is not unreasonable. also you have been pretty damn reasonable about everything else, so he should maybe try being a little bit sensitive on this issue.