thread to get over a breakup

i always feel uneasy in the fall but usually in the fall i have some new love interest and this fall all i have is memories.

I'm pretty much in the same situation. And at the moment I'm kinda too tired and bummed out even to go looking for new love interests. So better get used to living with memories.

yeah :-/

im quitting the band because i am turning thirty and the idea of starting over makes me feel tired/i cared more about being good than being successful

they go hand in hand, trust. "starting over" = changing for $ basically

My last three relationships began in the fall, all during October. This October is the first one in.. five years? .. that I'll end the month single. I don't really have any motivation to go out and socialize at the minute, either.

haha my ex (the one that said "cunt") just sent me an email bossing me not to go to his bar when my BF's band plays. tbh i wasn't planning on going, but now i'm going to bring my entire family

lolll do it. whaddajerk.

he sucks afaik

sounds like he's still into you

x-post Yep. This is the first time you've heard from him since that email though, right? I remember you said you knew it would be weird when/if you had to go to his bar but srsy fuck him and just go.

yeah this is the first time since i was like "no rly never speak to me again". here is the email:

Subj: If possible

Emily,
****'s band will be playing here on the 29th and that I have to work that night with sound/bartending. I would appreciate if you would not attend the show. I'd rather not see you --not right now at least.

Thanks.
****

"and that i have to work that night"

the correct response to that is "what part of 'no rly never speak to me again'" was ambiguous?" imo

im not going to respond at all, just show up to the show and and party as heartily as possible

At this point I think that's probably the best way forward.

that's kind of exactly how "what part of 'no rly never speak to me again' was ambiguous?" should be communicated imo

haw!

wow i'm not even sure what the right word for his behavior is.

god this guy reaches new heights by the day

that doucheant imo if u feel me

haha old school

srsly i think i am going to literally wear bells to this show

I can understand where he's coming from - but considering the "cunt" business, with that he pretty much surrendered any right he had for you to be considerate of his sensitive widdul fee-wings.

x-post <3

too bad it isn't Halloween - you could get your friends to ask him, "What are you dressed up as, an asshole?"

I can understand where he's coming from - but considering the "cunt" business, with that he pretty much surrendered any right he had for you to be considerate of his sensitive widdul fee-wings.

― sarahel, Friday, November 6, 2009 6:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

Exactly. I was being super respectful of his space and kind to/considerate of him until that little incident. He does not "get it" (where it = any and everything).

yeah, i'm trying to avoid getting to the "gloves off" stage w/mine. I'm being extremely respectful and nice, but maybe too nice.

Respectful is fine. Nice is overrated.

its tough when you still care about someone who has wronged you

yeah :/

I get that; my advice really revolves around "respectful" having the necessary coldness/impersonableness to create the distance necessary for you both to get to a healthier interaction point (where that may mean never seeing each other again or being good friends).

yesterday we had the talk about "there will soon come a time when we have to sit down and sort our stuff."

that just makes me dread the impending real-deal conversation that will happen between my parents re: stuff

lol c u house i grew up in

the hardest part will be dealing w/stuff we received as a couple as gifts.

take everything you like as a starting position, if he makes hassle let it go. he's not really in a position to make hassle though, so as i said start with everything.

let all the couple shit go unless you love it. it'll depress you later

the only things i wish i'd put up a 'fight' over in my last breakup were the photos. lol pre-digital storage

i wish id taken my kitchen stuff. not that it was a fight, i just left it there. that still pisses me off

the couple shit is mostly dvds, so it's not super sentimental value type things. There are a couple pieces of his artwork that I'd like to keep, but I dunno, maybe I don't want to keep them?

leaving kitchen stuff? outrageous.

the kitchen stuff is almost all mine.
the tv/vcr/dvd player - all mine.
couch - mine.
bookshelves - 60/40 - mine/his
books - 60/40 - mine/his (though a bunch of his really nice art books were things I gave him as gifts cause I have a work discount)
back issues of Art in America magazine dating back to 1992 - his, all his
cds/records - almost entirely mine, one or two things that could be "ours" - he never really listens to music
movies - 40/60 mine/his - though most of the good ones are mine and a lot of his are crappy

keeping an ex's artwork while not desiring "couple-y" things is a vexing personal and somewhat emotionally abstract problem i don't imagine most ppl have to deal with

(not helpful, but still)

yeah, there's a drawing i really like, and a sculpture that i really like that in its way really encapsulates our relationship

these things are his, but i'm trying to decide if i want to ask if i can have them. the sculpture is pretty cumbersome and would be annoying to move/find a place for if he's moving to a smaller place.

see i can understand how this goes with the whole being v angry/upset w/someone that you, in some ways, respect...thing

cf pretty sure my dad was a 'bad actor' (<--lol med speak) in the disintegration of my family, but i still ~like him, you know? he's been my fucking dad for nearly thirty years, and is otherwise the same dude.

VEXING

not that our situations are in any way similar, obv

sorry gbx - that sounds really horrible to deal with - how large a role do you have in this?

lol wait did am i REALLY the reason mom and dad are fighting????

j/k

unclear. i mean, my mom's going blind and sort of relies on others for 80% of her non-home agency, so it's gonna be a lot on my sis and me, eventually.

back issues of Art in America magazine dating back to 1992 - his, all his

lol keep these u can give them to me!

ha! his previous ex-girlfriend complained about these - how much room they took up - and that was in 1997. He's accrued over a decade's worth, since. It's actually a good magazine with some really interesting articles.

yeah i love art in america, dave hickey has been writing a column in it for a while now and the article they had a few months back about "provisional painting" was like porn 2 me

there were actually a couple issues he had that had articles I used for my MA thesis.