Shining, gleaming, golden, flaxen, waxen.

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I am currently engaged in a vital experiment.

Not long ago I shaved my entire body. At intervals of one month I measure each strand of hair from my toes to my topknot and record its length in a laboratory notebook while wearing a white laboratory coat and a stethoscope, thereby making this exercise into a scientific endeavor. At the end of one year, I plan to publish my findings (along with a particularly toothsome set of graphs and charts, I might add) in a leading scientific journal. I have not yet decided which one.

My question is: should I bill the journalists who shall mob me for interviews straight up for "media access fees", or would I be better off itemizing the bill as "parking and refreshments"? I don't want to make a misstep and hurt my reputation.

And, while we're at it, what should I serve for refreshments?

Aimless, Friday, 13 December 2002 19:46 (eighteen years ago) link

Kiwis, obviously.

webcrack (music=crack), Saturday, 14 December 2002 07:41 (eighteen years ago) link

Smoked grebe

Weebleman (StillSimon), Saturday, 14 December 2002 17:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Steam Roasted Canard

JSenlib, Saturday, 14 December 2002 21:11 (eighteen years ago) link

Human Penis.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 15 December 2002 14:20 (eighteen years ago) link

with or without meatballs?

Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 15 December 2002 21:39 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh with! Penises and meatballs can be made into marvelous culinary presentations by the truly gifted queer. (Puts hands on hips and shakes head with mock frown) You people obviously have no notion whatsoever about the esoteric art of gay Italian canibalism.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 15 December 2002 22:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Surely, Meester Clown, you mean the esoteric art of gay 'German' cannibalism...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/2572991.stm

Pooster (pooster), Monday, 16 December 2002 00:52 (eighteen years ago) link

No, no. Not at all! You are thinking of "Kraut and Cocks" which is entirely different.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 16 December 2002 01:07 (eighteen years ago) link

Is it true that the Swiss make "Cuckoo Cock" lederhosen?

On the hour, every hour!

Pete Andrews, Monday, 16 December 2002 10:40 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I've heard of those. Little trap door instead of a fly. Those swiss folks are ace!

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link

I feel a song coming on:
Down at the Old Kraut and Cock! Cock Cock!
Come, let us enjoy a little filet d'Unterstürmbahnführer with a little Spätlese: Ssthsthpsthpsthpthsthsth!

Pooster (pooster), Tuesday, 17 December 2002 00:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Please god don't let my sous-chef read this. Please god don't let my sous-chef read this. Please god don't let my sous-chef read this.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 19 December 2002 14:45 (eighteen years ago) link

Sue Chef?
Is that what happened to Ms Denim?

Pete Andrews, Friday, 20 December 2002 09:57 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue,
I miss you, you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,you,
Oh Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue,Sue, Sue, Sue.

Shakespear,,,eat your heart out.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 20 December 2002 18:43 (eighteen years ago) link

back to the refreshments then

Weebleman (StillSimon), Friday, 20 December 2002 22:42 (eighteen years ago) link

five years pass...

Sauteed Rump of Lakeland Llama

Electronic Bugaloo, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 03:24 (thirteen years ago) link

Too unwieldly. Deep fried sand fly with basil and sage sprinkled with sea salt: umami, aromatic, salt, exoskeleton, what's not to love?

Michael White, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 18:59 (thirteen years ago) link


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