The etiquette of the tamale

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This must be pursued.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 7 May 2005 16:33 (nineteen years ago) link

tam ale is the beer brewed by Brazilian Airways from the post-waxing hairy bits collected from beauty salons the world over. It's dark and has a good body, a bit like Vin Diesel.

C J (C J), Saturday, 7 May 2005 17:10 (nineteen years ago) link

This was meant for I Love Cooking, wasn't it? Perfectly fine here though.

On one hand I've got myself to blame (Lynskey), Saturday, 7 May 2005 20:03 (nineteen years ago) link

It is meant for nowhere but wherein it is placed, by me. Anyway, who's the drunk around here? (Actually, at present, it is not me.)

CJ's answer I find inspiring, and worthy of contemplation. Yet the brew itself sounds suspicious.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 7 May 2005 22:53 (nineteen years ago) link

The Tamale is a reclusive, fawnlike creature, resident in the deeper rainforests (though increasingly foraging for young resurgent shoots and clearings created by cyclical strip-farming in the Amazon basin). It is best known for it's "etiquette", or complex mating rituals, wherein the male assaults the female, then drags her back to his cave to play Dungeons and Dragons for six hours until she agrees to coitus simply to get out of there. A bit like Vin Diesel.

Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 May 2005 09:05 (nineteen years ago) link

I believe Mr. Baguette was referring to the tamale as a foodstuff, rather than these other, less-familiar manifestations.

I cannot claim to be an expert in tamale etiquette. All I can do is pass along what I have been told by others. If I recall correctly, first one must stick one's tongue out and hold it there with a look of beatific anticipation, if one knows how to do it. Keep your tongue protruded at maximum length and mantain this position patiently. When the tamale comes to rest on your tongue, you must withdraw your tongue demurely, thus pulling the tamale into one's mouth. Close your lips. Now comes the difficult part.

As I understand it, the primary faux pas in tamale consumption is chewing. Do not even let your teeth near it, lest you give it an inadvertant nip! Simply let it rest on your tongue, bathing it in your saliva for as long as is required for it to dissolve of its own accord.

An ample supply of saliva is recommended for this operation, as it will wash the softened bits of dissolved tamale down your throat, little by little, until it is gone. At this point, a wave of relief fills your soul, as you have successfully negotiated the jaws of Hell itself and escaped unscathed.

Goodness me! Disregard all the foregoing. I may have become confused with the proper etiquette for eating a tortilla with the image of Christ scorched on its surface. Tamales are those fat little thumbs of steamed corn meal and such, wrapped in leaves, are they not? Why! Nothing could be easier to eat, my dear Neddikins. You can even use your teeth!

Afterward, it is customary to daub at the corners of one's mouth with a napkin and express one's delight with their toothsomeness. This goes over better if you learn to smile.

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 8 May 2005 17:49 (nineteen years ago) link

I hate to confuse this probably intelligent discussion but...

According to "Matilda's Guide to Wild and Domestic Latin-American Edibles", the wild tamale is hunted on horseback using trained dogs.
Of course a tamale is no match for horsemen and dogs so when the tamale submits, exhausted, all participants stop, catch their collective breaths, shake hands and look forward to the next hunt.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is "etiquette".

Note: No tamales or other lifeforms were harmed in this scenerio.

Jose, Sunday, 8 May 2005 20:29 (nineteen years ago) link

But the dogs are still hungry, Jose!?!

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Someone always has a saddlebag full of Alpo. For the dogs and Vin Diesel.

Jose (Zen Clown), Thursday, 12 May 2005 00:35 (nineteen years ago) link

Vin Diesel is a Ta Male (as in "his time is past")

MSW (MSW), Thursday, 12 May 2005 13:36 (nineteen years ago) link

Perhaps, but Riddick lives on.

Like Timmy and Lassie, like Rusty and Rin Tin Tin, he will live in our hearts forever.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 12 May 2005 14:08 (nineteen years ago) link

That explains the weird angina pains I've been having recently.

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 12 May 2005 14:25 (nineteen years ago) link

I fear for your state of health.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 May 2005 16:53 (nineteen years ago) link

There's not room enough for 4 in my ventricles, alas.

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 12 May 2005 16:56 (nineteen years ago) link

Perhaps if you didn't reach so far for a joke, there would be less strain.

(Zen! Stop that smart-ass shit! Lynskey is the one you want. Mikey is our friend!)

Yes, yes, I know. It's the rabies. I missed my shot this morning.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 12 May 2005 20:58 (nineteen years ago) link

Do I understand correctly there are normal angina pains to be enjoyed also?

MSW (MSW), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 13:22 (nineteen years ago) link

one year passes...
I am not a pain!

Anne Gina (C J), Monday, 11 September 2006 12:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Tu n'es pas un pain?

M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 11 September 2006 13:15 (seventeen years ago) link


C J (C J), Monday, 11 September 2006 13:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Still better than asking after your sister, Va, though.

M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 11 September 2006 14:19 (seventeen years ago) link

My sister's fine------ £60, and points on her driving licence!!

Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Thursday, 14 September 2006 10:40 (seventeen years ago) link

That's ambiguous at best, Geoffrey. £60 for what? And talking about points unknown, but why should I care to visit her driving license?

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 14 September 2006 17:05 (seventeen years ago) link

His sister's name is Va Va Voom.

C J (C J), Thursday, 14 September 2006 18:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Sounds suspiciously like a nom de guerre. She's not in HR, is she?

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 14 September 2006 19:56 (seventeen years ago) link

six months pass...
Is Ned still pursuing the aforementioned tamale?

C J, Thursday, 15 March 2007 08:50 (seventeen years ago) link

thirteen years pass...

made these over the weekend. Came out so good!

(•̪●) (carne asada), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 15:05 (three years ago) link

lol didn't realize this thread was in AAD

(•̪●) (carne asada), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 15:06 (three years ago) link

even as the existential horror of participation in an Ask A Drunk thread slowly dawns upon carne asada, tiny particles of dusty death descend gently, covering their post and preparing it for further fossilization in the lower depths of ilx's dark past

Respectfully Yours, (Aimless), Tuesday, 22 December 2020 18:05 (three years ago) link

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