Donuts roundly considered

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I think we should all stop what we are doing, take off our shoes, and direct all the energies of our civilization toward donuts. Farmers should only plant donut-related crops, such as wheat, sugar beets or pink or green jimmies. Our schools should become havens of donut lore. Large donut-shaped places of worship should rise in our plains, where a priestly class will serve consecrated donuts.

I really don't see what it could hurt. Later on, when we tire of donuts, we could worship death. Or maybe termites.

Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 3 May 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago) link

In the interests of efficiency, I say we should worship dead termites.

M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 3 May 2005 16:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Efficiency is interesting. It promises to whoosh you to your destination all the quicker, thereby increasing the available time for thumb-twiddling once you arrive. I am more drawn to the idea of starting with the twiddling right off and dispensing with the journey altogether, except as it fits conveniently into the interstices between twiddles.

It occurs to me this instant that, since we are all bound to die sooner or later the most efficient life possible would be the one that ended soonest, thereby producing its end product as rapidly as could be.

Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 3 May 2005 17:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Alternatively, we could fry the dead termites in hot fat, then roll them in powdered sugar and then say a quick little prayer to them before eating them.

Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 3 May 2005 17:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Nutritious and religious!

Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 4 May 2005 17:15 (nineteen years ago) link

If Christianity proves anything, it's that people like their gods to have a bit of crunch when they bite in.

Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 4 May 2005 18:02 (nineteen years ago) link

I'm perfectly happy to be theophagous until I have to pull little wings out from between my teeth.

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 4 May 2005 20:35 (nineteen years ago) link

Nutritious and religious!


M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 4 May 2005 22:44 (nineteen years ago) link

Clearly I have been missing out on a board of love.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 5 May 2005 04:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Mr. Baguette, the 'Random' button exists for those who dare to dare. You are welcome to browse upon us as the beast of the field browses upon the succulent buttercups and produces thereby cream the subtle hue of thoughts. Mind the manure.

Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 5 May 2005 16:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, sorry about that.

Matt (Matt), Thursday, 5 May 2005 19:17 (nineteen years ago) link

Do the drunks celebrate the election or not?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 May 2005 00:12 (nineteen years ago) link

I celebrate each and every erection like it might be the last.

еdë §téè£ (еdë §téè£), Friday, 6 May 2005 01:28 (nineteen years ago) link

I must bow before this awesome display.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 May 2005 13:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh my! Mr Raggett has come to visit! I'd have dressed up a bit if I'd known.

C J (C J), Friday, 6 May 2005 14:58 (nineteen years ago) link

But you are unruly! And besides, being most salacious, I find dressing down to be perfectly acceptable.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 May 2005 15:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Straighten that cravat at once, man. Ths is Ask a Drunk, not Boodles on the Strand.

Matt (Matt), Saturday, 7 May 2005 12:03 (nineteen years ago) link

I will have no fiendish protests against my whims.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 7 May 2005 16:32 (nineteen years ago) link

Pay no attention to Matt, Mr. Raggs. He is a panhandler in a froghouse.

Dunnow, Sunday, 8 May 2005 01:31 (nineteen years ago) link

As was my father before me, and his father after him. And all their cravats were immaculate.

Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 May 2005 09:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Never hunt or fish without one.

Mister Fuss, Sunday, 8 May 2005 12:29 (nineteen years ago) link

I suspect, Sir, that you are an American. Americans "fish".

British sportspersons, engaged in the pursuit of Osteichthyes using line and hook, are "anglers".

Rod Holding, Sunday, 8 May 2005 13:06 (nineteen years ago) link

Perhaps Americans mostly drown.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 8 May 2005 13:07 (nineteen years ago) link

Here in Erewhon, we use them for carp bait.

Sammy, Sunday, 8 May 2005 13:27 (nineteen years ago) link

"As was my father before me, and his father after him."

Is that a koan?

Cousin Hoshi Fallaize, Sunday, 8 May 2005 13:39 (nineteen years ago) link

What is the sound of one donut being powdered with sugar?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 8 May 2005 14:01 (nineteen years ago) link


Hoshi, Sunday, 8 May 2005 15:03 (nineteen years ago) link

Cousin Hoshi? Oh christ, there's another branch of the family I have to feel guilty about not keeping in touch with.

Matt (Matt), Sunday, 8 May 2005 21:16 (nineteen years ago) link

You are forgiven, exonerated, given the nod, ect..

The Asian Fallaize, tend to be quite secretive. The name, written in kanji, translates as "He who fries frogs."

The "Fallaize", aka "frog cookers" are revered in Asian culture.

If you, Matthew, should ever tire of your mundane existence in mundane Ormskirk and go to Asia and learn to milk goats with your distant kin...

Approach the border. Smile. Raise your hands. RUN! SCREAM! "I'M A FALLAIZE!"

You will either be machine-gunned to death or welcomed with open arms.

Hoshi, Sunday, 8 May 2005 22:15 (nineteen years ago) link

Goats are not milked in Asia. The bride's father is milked for all the goats he can offer up as dowry to rid himself of the unpleasent and lazy thing he spawned so many years ago, when releasing milk of a different kind.

MSW (MSW), Thursday, 12 May 2005 13:55 (nineteen years ago) link

two years pass...

i thought this was about j dillas album donuts at first and i was like yea ok im feelin this

sleep, Friday, 4 April 2008 06:26 (sixteen years ago) link

this morning i saw the donut wagon do a u-turn. i was not satisfied.

electricsound, Friday, 4 April 2008 06:27 (sixteen years ago) link

Jim, that's heart-rending.

Michael White, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:43 (sixteen years ago) link

this is a wonderful threadstart from aimless thanking u bro

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:23 (sixteen years ago) link

This is my cue to awkwardky entwine my legs at the ankle, lower my gaze to my shoes and blushingly murmur, "Aw, shucks."

Je refuse. The last time I did this I fell down. Luckily for me I fell flat on my face, so the damage was limited.

Aimless, Saturday, 5 April 2008 18:23 (sixteen years ago) link

That's what you say! We had to re-grade that entire section of the driveway.

Michael White, Monday, 7 April 2008 18:57 (sixteen years ago) link

Which was, of course, the problem, if you hadn't been so relentlessly insistent on paving the driveway with snuff in the first case then the whole thing would have blown over with minimum embarassment.

Matt, Monday, 7 April 2008 20:44 (sixteen years ago) link

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