Does anyone know anything about blubbleblubbleblubble [*gasp*] blubble?

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Severe weather conditions have caused flooding in many areas, and the small, sleepy community of Ask A Drunk has been entirely cut off from the outside world, as usual.

* shot of several arms protruding from flood water, each hand clasping an empty beer bottle. Pull back to reveal miles of uninterrupted flooding on every side *

Emergency services say there is nothing they can do, without breaking their Solemn Oath never to help the Unworthy.

* shot of fire and ambulance crews sitting round a table, playing cards and laughing uproariously *

With no sign of a let-up in the torrential downpour –

* cut to reporter talking to camera in luxurious jacuzzi, surrounded by bottles of champagne and girls from Sunday Sport *

it’s hard to see how any human beings can survive in the isolated, tragic community known as Ask A Drunk.

* Shot of Lynskey in pouring rain and darkness, clinging grimly to a fence post as the waters lap around his armpits *

Heeheeheeheeheeheehee!!! [sounds of watery sexual congress]

Rex (Rex), Saturday, 16 November 2002 13:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Winnie the Pooh strategy should work. First you sit on a branch with Piglet ( new poster)and watch the waters rise. Then you use a honey pot as a flotation aid- this will clearly need to be refined so that we use empty bottles; on this forum in particular we should have sufficient empty bottles to float the most Falstaffian (thank you Rex) form. In fact, alcohol will be our salvation ( again).

Weebleman (StillSimon), Saturday, 16 November 2002 14:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Am I the only person in the world who thinks that Piglet falling on his Eeyore-party-gift-balloon is both the funniest and the saddest thing that was ever countenanced? I mean, I know it was a fictitious happening, but it just makes me laugh and makes me cry at the same time.

Pooster (pooster), Friday, 22 November 2002 01:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

No, Mr. Pooster, you are without a doubt no alone in your feelings. But then, with the world awash with humanity to the tune of 6,000,000,000 souls (give or take) what are the chances that a doppelganger exists for our each and every thought, feeling, twitch or stammer?

Why, look at how many people embrace the bagpipes, figuratively and literally. With the likes of them running loose in the streets, feeling touched by the pathos of Piglet and Eeyore puts you positively among the common ruck.

Aimless, Friday, 22 November 2002 05:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Never mention bagpipes around me, or Robin, Jimmy or Porl. We're all far too severely traumatised from our encounter with the real-life forum "Ask a Piper".

Matt (Matt), Monday, 25 November 2002 01:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

four months pass...
I don't think it's half as funny as the baby flying horse in Fantasia trying to keep up with it's much larger flying horse mum in the buffeting wind. That's the funniest thing I have ever seen. Sad, isn't it?

Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Friday, 11 April 2003 11:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

I maintain that the funniest thing in the world is seeing a clown run over by an ambulance; what, I ask, would be your idea of the saddest sight in the world?

Pooster (pooster), Saturday, 12 April 2003 09:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh, God, what have I done????? To unleash the combined intellects of Mattster, Zenster, Rexster Lynsksdunnohowyoumightspellthatster et al on an essay on the human psyche! If my dead arm turns out to be fatal, I hope posterity won't be too harsh on me. Coming soon in a threadular way: I fucking hate Macs, they are fucking shit, there's no two ways about it, fucking bastard fuck-ups of the digital... oh, you get the idea. But I have amassed my arguments, and shall blow any Mac-loving bugger out of the water. Mac-lovers may well be the unmoveable object, but I intend to prove that the unstoppable object wins in the end. And in less than 19 days.

Pooster (pooster), Saturday, 12 April 2003 09:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Be it known to all present that I, Zen Clown, have nothing to do with this thread.

Water scares me and scarey shit makes me wet.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 12 April 2003 13:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

Although not as funny as why I put an apostrophe in that 'its' above. What the hell was I thinking (was I thinking)? I must stop posting on this forum while at work because I'm clearly not at my prime in the office.

Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Sunday, 13 April 2003 14:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

I have occasionally caught glimpses of the saddest sight in the world.

It’s horrible. I try not to look.

But it lives in my bathroom, in a thing called ‘the mirror’.

Why, I was in there just a moment ago, and – aaarrrgghhh!!

Rex (Rex), Sunday, 13 April 2003 23:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

It killed you?

Weebleman (StillSimon), Monday, 14 April 2003 19:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

* silence *

Rex (Rex), Monday, 14 April 2003 23:27 (twenty-one years ago) link

*quick heart massage, shot of brandy*

Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 01:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

That's all very well Lynskey, but what about Rex?

C J (C J), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 03:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Not a clue. Those are just my morning chores

Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 10:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

My morning chores generally involve a cold kebab, a bottle of Fairy Liquid and a bowl of Winalot.

Going back to the saddest sight in the world - this surely has to be a very old person eating ice cream on Shanklin Beach. In the winter. In the rain. Alone. And crying. :(

C J (C J), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Well if a man can't have a bit of privacy on Shanklin Beach in December I don't know what the world is coming to. You ought to be ashamed of yourself CJ, peeking at other people's misfortunes, and as for your unconvincing disguise - the moment I saw that vandalised Speak-Your-Weight machine abandoned on the shingle I knew it was you!

Rex (Rex), Tuesday, 15 April 2003 23:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Where is Shanklin Beach?

Wouldn't you like to know (Amused), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 08:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 08:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Going back to the saddest sight in the world - this surely has to be a very old person eating ice cream on Shanklin Beach. In the winter. In the rain. Alone. And crying. :("

What about an old man alone in the Greyhound, on Christmas day morning, sobbing in his pint of bitter along to "Angels" by Robbie Williams?

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

He's lucky. Our village pub doesn't open on Christmas morning.

I'm in love with Robbie Williams. Have I mentioned that before at all?

C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 09:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

I believe the drunk at the bar was singing "Hero".

Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 13:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

Oh yeah "Hero" by hat boy.

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 16 April 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

He wasn't singing, he was mumbling. It was awful. He'd got all dressed up to go to the pub on his own on christmas day, then when "Hero" came on he mumbled along for a bit before breaking down into stifled sobs.
"I could be your..*sob*..hero baby
I could...*sob*... take away the pain *sob*"

It was HORRIBLE. When Lynskey and Cel got to the pub Robin and I were very grateful for the validation: "SEE? we're out with FRIENDS!"

Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 23 April 2003 02:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

four years pass...

The saddest sight in the world? Any man wearing a girdle.

Aimless, Sunday, 30 September 2007 04:18 (sixteen years ago) link

two years pass...

Not so sad sight = man wearing a griddle.

C J, Tuesday, 20 April 2010 13:35 (fourteen years ago) link

You came all this way to tell us that? God bless you, CJ. You are the sweetness of the world.

Now, about wearing griddles. Clearly, the head is the appropriate placement, as you need to keep it balanced. Duct-taping a griddle to one's heinie is only acceptable in cases of impending attack.

Given this imperative of cranial emplacement, allow me to recommend a much finer alternative: a skillet. It may, in a pinch, serve the same purposes as a griddle (less capaciously, perhaps, but adequately) and, if inverted, is more stylish.

Please note: for the sake of safety, the handle should extend behind one's head, rather than protrude frowardly. I do not know about you folks, but few of my friends or acquaintance are in the habit of wearing goggles, and with the well-known tendencies of Askadrunkites to pitch forward unexpectedly, their eyesight could be imperiled.

Assuming you have any friends or acquaintance. (CJ being excepted here as an obviously well-socialized being.)

Aimless, Tuesday, 20 April 2010 18:00 (fourteen years ago) link

I have a solution to the eye-stabbing handle problem : the wok. Stylish protective headwear, emergency drinking vessel and hard-wearing frisbee all rolled into one.

C J, Wednesday, 21 April 2010 12:22 (fourteen years ago) link

one month passes...

if pushed, I prefer a reasonable stockpot, I'm less inclined to favour unreasonable ones, of course. As you were.

matt, Saturday, 12 June 2010 23:34 (fourteen years ago) link

three weeks pass...

"Does anyone know anything about blubbleblubbleblubble [*gasp*] blubble"

absolutely, I do! I would require an enema first before I could discuss it with you though.

Vicbowling, Thursday, 8 July 2010 22:47 (fourteen years ago) link

three months pass...

who wouldn't? oh, me

matt, Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:15 (thirteen years ago) link

With friends like you, who needs enemas?

A Reclaimer Hewn With (Michael White), Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:20 (thirteen years ago) link

seems only reasonable

matt, Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:28 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm rather fond of the Deschanel lady. Ms Perry should be left in the cold at one of the poles, north or south, I can't remember.

A Reclaimer Hewn With (Michael White), Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:31 (thirteen years ago) link

either's fine

matt, Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:35 (thirteen years ago) link

Where, btw, is the West Pole?

A Reclaimer Hewn With (Michael White), Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:36 (thirteen years ago) link

I believe it's in the west

matt, Thursday, 21 October 2010 22:53 (thirteen years ago) link

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