The Interview

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First I'd like to apologize for how long it has taken me to respond to your
questions. As I figure that none of you actually care, this probably hasn't
been too difficult of a time.

I'll be watching AAD from now on, so if you'd like to know more just post to
the forum and the original drunk will be will you in his own sweet time.

AAD: It's now two years since we started infesting your forum. We've
been publicly taking your name in vain since September 2001. Some of us
had little better to do. But what about you? How have things been going
from a career point of view?

JPB: My career pretty much sucks. What with a wonderful US economy, and
my lack of any formal education, I don't exactly have the pick of crop when
it comes to jobs. Whatever came by, that paid the bills, and was slightly more
interesting than watching C-Span all day (Canadian Parliament is hilarious), I

Tired of being a corporate-drone whore I have decided to return to college to
become a corporate-middle-management whore. Seriously, I'm at
UWM to get my degree in Software Engineering and
a minor in business.

AAD: Why and when did you create Ask A Drunk?

JPB: I created AAD shortly after leaving college in 1998. I was influenced by
my friend who created the "Ask Jesus" forum on LUSENET (It seems that that forum
has been over taken by actual Christians. It was so much better when it
was blasphemous). Of course, drinking was involved as well as it being entirely
too late that night. So, pretty much, I started AAD because...

AAD: A couple of your own postings on LUSENET were signed 'sir
jakersley, or the drunk guy who hath no pants'. Is there a story here?

JPB: Before I started using the nickname spoon00, I made attempts
to be funny. Since they failed, I knew I was not funny and I now rely on
being self-deprecating. Also, I may have watched/listened to too much Monty
Python at the time.

AAD: Your original email address and your current one both begin with
the word 'spoon'. Why is this? (It has been suggested that you invented
spoons, and/or get a percentage of the profit from every spoon sold,
everywhere in the world.)

JPB: Spoon was from "The Tick". I used it enough for it to stick.

AAD: Why did you take down your personal web site? Any chance of it

JPB: Very technical reasons for this. I moved.

I had a Linux box on a DSL connection severing my old site. I moved to a place
that promised to also have DSL but they forgot to tell me that I'd have to
wait a year. So all I had was one telephone line and dial-up.

I've moved again and I have DSL once more. At some point I'll have a web-server
running again, but until then you can experience the trills at my
uwm homepage.

AAD: An email has arrived from a man called Flood (tempting to say we've
been 'inundated' with emails from him, but in fact it was just the one)
who describes you as a 'part time Canadian'. How do you plead in
response to this grave charge?

JPB: Yes, this is a friend of mine and he is correct in his charge
that I am a part time Canadian. The thing is, my father owns a fishing
resort in Ontario, and the only way that I could work there in the summer
was by becoming a Canadian resident. I am currently a landed immigrant,
but I have yet to get my SIN and Health card.

AAD: To borrow a formula from 'I Love Everything': beards, classic or

JPB Beards are pretty classic, if done right. Can I do it right? No.

AAD: A question for you in your professional capacity, from one of the
AAD veterans, Zen Clown: 'I'd like to ask about Linux applications as
they apply to PCs. Seemingly, most hardware and software is dedicated to
Macroshaft. The average user has a hard row to hoe getting away from MS.
Will Linux evolve in the near future so that shitheads like me can use
it? I installed Lycoris and it wouldn't recognize my modem, scanner or
printer thereby rendering it virtually useless. And could I perhaps slip
in a "furthermore"? Any recommendations regarding Linux OS for home

JPB: If you want *nix on the desktop, get a Mac.
I've been a loyal Mac fan for many years and have run MacOS X since it was in beta. A few
driver issues where around early on, but it is very much mainstream now and very few problems
arise, except maybe for extremely old peripherals.

I still have Linux around and use it for a few desktop applications. I think that Linux has
the ability to be a good desktop OS as long as some group is willing to make the commitment like
that of Apple in getting BSD Unix ready for the masses.

For now I don't suggest Linux unless you are willing to make the commitment
necessary to follow through in making it work for you (learn to compile, etc...).
Linux, right now, is very good and I suggest that it be put to use in the following; corporate
desktop kiosks, most/all server uses, cheap clusters, internet kiosks, school desktop kiosks,
firewalls, use for vertical applications, embedded devices, etc...

AAD: What do you prefer to do in your spare time?

JPB: Not that I have too much spare time now that I'm in school, but I do enjoy quite
a few things.

I enjoy swimming and bicycling in an attempt to keep in better shape. It's going pretty
well, if only I would stop eating so much.

I try to culture my self a bit by reading and participating in a school choir. I'm actually
very good as singing and have quite a bit of fun as long as I don't have to solo. I've been
reading a lot of Harry Turtledove, but I'm getting some more political and historical readings
done as well.

Big fan of the Internet and I visit a few sites everyday;,,,, and
web zen.

I'll also do some programming or learn a new programming language every so often. No big
personal projects yet, but I am working on a web site for someone right now.

AAD: What do you prefer to do out of your spare time?

JPB: Since I'm in school right now I could tell you the classes that I like. It's the
end of the semester right now, but my philosophy, econ, and computer science classes were all
successful in keeping awake. Math wasn't bad but I'll enjoy that more once I start calculus.
Next semester I'll be finishing up all my required course work so I'll be able to focus on the
math and computer science soon.

I also work part time in the UWM Student Union at the information desk. I'm not too sure where
stuff is on campus, so I'm very unhelpful some of the time. I also have the choice of being the
cashier at a local Chinese restaurant when funds are low and I have extra spare time.

Additional Questions:

AAD: Can you spare a dime?

JPB: Ha, was going to ask you the very same thing. I'm in college now, very poor.

Don't make me get Susan Summers out here...

AAD: Counselor Troi. HOT HOT HOT!!! or scary psycho bitch?

JPB: Super HOT psycho bitch. Fond of Hoshi Sato from Enterprise though.

AAD: Got pics?

JPB: pics

AAD: Brie or Low-fat Philadelphia?

JPB: I've been known to have Brie and crackers as my only breakfast. Remember, there's
no F-A-T in B-R-I-E.

AAD: Scotch or Gin?

JPB: Scotch, with Brandy coming in second. Gin is last, or whenever my Grandfather is
making martinis (I can't see!).

Interview Cont'd

AAD: Do you currently have a partner? If not, any one of us would be
honoured to fill the vacancy, even if it meant changing sex - but if you
could actually see most of us you might not be very keen on this

JPB: This may be the most depressing answer for some of you then. I am engaged to be
married to a wonderful girl named
Our current wedding date is set for June 6, 2004. I will be taking her name at
that time, becoming Jacob Wu.

AAD: We think of you as the moral and spiritual leader of Wisconsin,
someone regarded with awe and reverence and devotion by everybody. Is
there any truth in this picture?

JPB: I am the king of "Do as I say, not as I do."

The Founder, Monday, 15 December 2003 20:53 (twenty years ago) link

as i have just broken my second and only spare flail, i will pause from my exertions just long enuff to type my humble thanks to this BEING who has given me everything i value in my miserable life. i would sooner have all my lands, riches, servants, and wives crammed forcibly into my nostrils than live a minute in a JB-less world. i know the exegetes will spend decades unpacking the meaning in HIS strange, humble, earthy words, but to me they are simple soul music that touch me deeply and very very hard.

jacob o jacob, pity us our weakness.

and now to the flail mart.

hurley (hurley), Monday, 15 December 2003 21:54 (twenty years ago) link

First off I feel that I must beg your pardon and apologize for the questions that I submitted as I was stone cold sober at the time that they were constructed.

I have seen the error of my ways.......

Secondly, Thank You! I cannot quite focus on what for but Thank You none the less.

еdë §téè£, Tuesday, 16 December 2003 03:17 (twenty years ago) link

Did someone mention Brie?

C J (C J), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 19:27 (twenty years ago) link

erin go brie. then she gaugin.

hurley (hurley), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 21:30 (twenty years ago) link

Then she Gauteng. Your point being? Is it something to do with nozzles?

Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 23:32 (twenty years ago) link

I think it's about orfices.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Thursday, 18 December 2003 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I work in an orfice!

C J (C J), Thursday, 18 December 2003 15:44 (twenty years ago) link

"Now, now, Mr. Clown. Mind your manners."

But she said...

"Tut, tut, none of that now. It was an innocent slip of the tongue."

Did you hear what YOU said!

"You're a filthy sonofabitch."

My monkey loves me

Zen Clown Critic (Zen Clown), Thursday, 18 December 2003 21:16 (twenty years ago) link

He doesn't, you know. He said you reminded him of the fouteenth century, when I asked him why he shrugged and said "oh, you know..."

Fucking hell, I said, a talking monkey.

The internet has now achieved everything it set out to do, and can stop.

Matt (Matt), Friday, 19 December 2003 02:09 (twenty years ago) link


hurley (hurley), Friday, 19 December 2003 11:33 (twenty years ago) link

Wow that's deep

Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 19 December 2003 14:19 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...
Hey, Jacob? You out there?

If indeed you and Judy have been married for a year now, please accept my heartfelt best wishes. Have you gotten her a gift? If I'm not mistaken, for the first aniversary, it's toothpaste, and as the years go by it gets more expensive.

I think I can speak for everyone on this forum, Jacob, best wishes and may the Force be with you.

If not for you, we might not be.

Martin William Stoetzle, Zen Clown, on behalf of the AAD forum.

(I am seriously assailed by my curiousity here...Are you Jacob Wu?)

Zen Clown, Monday, 6 June 2005 03:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Hey Rex?
I'll bet you've got Jake's addy...give him a poke.

Zen Clown, Monday, 6 June 2005 03:42 (eighteen years ago) link

Yes but is he really Doctor Wu?

George (Matt), Monday, 6 June 2005 08:39 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...
I believe he's studying at the University of Winconsn Milwaukee

Heave Ho, Friday, 30 March 2007 17:57 (seventeen years ago) link

oops he's already said that in the interview

Heave Ho, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:01 (seventeen years ago) link

eight years pass...

I have been invited to a "work focused" interview with ever charming dwp next week, can't wait. My partner is gravely ill and my son is in peak adolescence, which is a nightmare for any parent, but is slightly more challenging when he has classic autism and is tending towards violent behaviour. The worst thing is that I really do miss work and it would actually be an easier option than being a fucking carer. That is the thing that "benefit scum" types always fail to understand.

xelab, Sunday, 22 November 2015 02:32 (eight years ago) link

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