Ask A Drunk has Exploded

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Bang! Kaboom! Whoosh! etc . . . .

Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 2 November 2003 20:11 (twenty years ago) link


Matt (Matt), Sunday, 2 November 2003 21:36 (twenty years ago) link


Amazing Randy, Sunday, 2 November 2003 22:02 (twenty years ago) link

Linkey, this thread makes no sense whatsoever.

If you continue to disreguard reason, logic, syntax and the color "puche" among other things such as those little animals twitching on the side of the road who aren't quite dead yet but you choose to ignore them when you know you night be able to help them and actually watch for them on the way back so you can finish them off and that old, homeless drunken man who was so starved for contact with another person that he begged you to pee on his shoes and you refused and I could go on and on but you know what I mean...

If you continue in this manner I will deem it necessary to paddle (Don't discount me, Sir, I have a canoe!) over there to that England place you live in and slap you with a fish.

A "puche" colored fish...

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 2 November 2003 23:16 (twenty years ago) link

Ka-pow! Boom! Etc.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 3 November 2003 01:59 (twenty years ago) link


Those were my favorites for the fight scenes on Batman!

еdë §téè£, Monday, 3 November 2003 03:05 (twenty years ago) link

puche it real good

the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 3 November 2003 03:32 (twenty years ago) link


Try, try to make some sense of things...

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 3 November 2003 03:45 (twenty years ago) link

First, it must be clarified that Ask A Drunk is an extension of the Ineffable Mind of Lynskey(tm) just as height and depth are extensions of space. He is the moderator, much as graphite moderates the fluctuations of an atomic pile. We who inhabit this place do so at Lynskey's sufferance and must be glad of his forebearance, as we are all to some degree insufferable (excluding Rex, of course, who is insuperable).

For that reason, it is only understandable that, when Mr. Lynskey's mind exploded sometime early in the morning of Sunday, November 2, 2003, he believed that this explosion involved us all in the general disaster (a word that puts me in mind of an particularly funny aeronautical joke I must share with you all someday).

Lynskey did not realize then, nor does he now, that the shattered shards of his Ineffable Mind were discovered by Jarlr'mai on the kitchen floor and thereupon swept together into a small pile and deposited into the dustbin. His body, much abused but still intact, has been converted into a hat tree in the front hall. Initially, Matt offered to buy Lynskey's body for conversion into a cat scratching post, but hastily withdrew his offer when he discovered Jarlr'mai was asking 2 quid.

We may expect similar noises (Kaboom! Whoosh! and their ilk) to issue from the remains of Lynskey's Ineffable Mind in the next few days, as the trashman doesn't collect until Thursday.

Aimless, Monday, 3 November 2003 05:56 (twenty years ago) link

Whoosh! Thwack!

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:29 (twenty years ago) link


Weebleman (StillSimon), Sunday, 9 November 2003 15:42 (twenty years ago) link

That's the spirit?

Lynskey (Lynskey), Sunday, 9 November 2003 23:50 (twenty years ago) link

Naw, that's the sound of the starting pistol for the Special Olympics dyslexic relay race.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:17 (twenty years ago) link

That's completely correct?

Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:38 (twenty years ago) link

Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 15:12 (twenty years ago) link

I hated that song

Weebleman (StillSimon), Tuesday, 11 November 2003 22:12 (twenty years ago) link

three weeks pass...
Me too.


Daniel Jaffe

Arizona DUI Defense Lawyer

Studnicki, Jaffe & Woods, PLLC, Attorneys At Law

Scottsdale, Arizona


Daniel Jaffe, Wednesday, 3 December 2003 05:10 (twenty years ago) link

Best post ever.

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 09:16 (twenty years ago) link

It occurs to me that, if Ask A Drunk has exploded, then perhaps there should be a new button next to 'Blog View', called 'Exploded View'.

Aimless, Thursday, 4 December 2003 19:08 (twenty years ago) link

Bang! Kapow! Whoosh! etc.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 5 December 2003 16:25 (twenty years ago) link


latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

Kring! Schwow! Bazzinnnnnng!

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 17 December 2003 18:35 (twenty years ago) link

"Hegel is one of those thinkers just about all educated people think they know something about. His philosophy was the forerunner to Karl Marx's theory of history, but unlike Marx, who was a materialist, Hegel was an idealist in the sense that he thought that reality was ultimately spiritual, and that it developed according to the process of thesis/antithesis/synthesis. Hegel also glorified the Prussian state, claiming that it was God's work, was perfect, and was the culmination of all human history.

Just about everything in the previous paragraph is false except for the first sentence. What is even more striking is that it is all clearly and demonstrably wrong, has been known to be wrong in scholarly circles for a long time now, and still appears in almost all short histories of thought or brief encyclopedia entries about Hegel."

(Terry Pinkard: "Hegel: A Biography", Cambridge University Press 2000.)

Matt (Matt), Friday, 19 December 2003 02:12 (twenty years ago) link

Shwap! Kergronk! AckAckAck!

Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 19 December 2003 10:20 (twenty years ago) link

one month passes...
Psssfft! Blug. Waaaaaaaaawwww. nuh. brrrffffg. Oh look, a puppy!

Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 23:50 (twenty years ago) link

Fuck Hegel.

Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 01:33 (twenty years ago) link

Whoosh! Bang! etc.

Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 03:22 (twenty years ago) link

sex all night long

toby richard terry (toby richard terry), Wednesday, 18 February 2004 04:14 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...
I fucking love that email address.


Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 23:50 (eighteen years ago) link

It's the sparseness of Arizona that fascinates me.


Zen Clown, Wednesday, 9 November 2005 00:09 (eighteen years ago) link


Zen Clown, Wednesday, 9 November 2005 00:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Fffffft uuuh.

Aimless (Aimless), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 01:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Has everyone heard the big bang theory?

MSW (MSW), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 22:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Is that when Aimless forgot to put the cap back on the whiskey bottle, stuck it back in the bag upsidedown with the other liquor where it soaked the bottom of the bag and everything fell through? Those were grim and trying times.

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 23:05 (eighteen years ago) link

Whoosh! Klang! etc.

On one hand I've got myself to blame (Lynskey), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 23:17 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm so old, I heard the big bang. It scared the hell out of me and Satan hasn't bothered me since.

God, shamefaced, claims it was a lab experiment that went awry.

Zen Clown, Thursday, 10 November 2005 01:12 (eighteen years ago) link

and all this time I thought it was a theory based on '101 reasons why one doesn't put beer in the freezer'

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Thursday, 10 November 2005 04:14 (eighteen years ago) link

I keep peppermint Schnaps in my freezer. Num, num.

Zen Clown, Thursday, 10 November 2005 10:48 (eighteen years ago) link

I am glad you asked about the theory ...

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind rattled the shutters till they threatened to break the window panes. A loud thumping sent Matilda waltzing over to the front door in anticipated glee, dropping her knitting as she ran, allowing the Siamese-twin ferrets to pounce on the ball of yarn. Blanch thought it strange to see Matilda run to the front door, her threadbare wings flapping as hard as they could. Normally nothing aroused Matilda from her web where she sat most evenings spinning her yarn, deaf to the sounds around her. Edmond too noticed the unusual flap and removed his cowl to get a better look. As Matilda reached the door and opened it, she was sucked out of the cottage with such force it made the duelling ferrets drop the ball with alarm. The door slammed shut behind Matilda. Blanch looked at Edmond who returned the look of pure wonder and fear. Neither of them moved. The ball of yarn hit the floor and smashed to pieces, bathing the room is a lovely amber glow.

On the stove, the lid on the pot of boiling placentas was flung off as the entrails removed themselves from the pot and returned to the pantry, grumbling, as they coiled their umbilical cords around themselves. Quite obviously no one would be eating dinner tonight and there was no point continuing the process. The bay leaves and pepper corns too returned themselves to their respective spice jars. This caused a mini riot in the pepper corn jar as the returning kernels demanded their original positions back. Salt, always the difficult one, looked about the room for a wound to rub into, just to show their displeasure with the aborted dinner.

Yes, this is how it all began.

MSW (MSW), Thursday, 10 November 2005 20:20 (eighteen years ago) link

So I'm to assume that the ball of yarn had been soaked in liquid nitrogen?

Matt (Matt), Friday, 11 November 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

and in the centre a small bubble of radium

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 11 November 2005 04:29 (eighteen years ago) link

kerrrr plop!

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 11 November 2005 04:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Edmond, quite disgruntled that the dinner had decided no one was eating tonight, gruffly pulled his cowl on and stormed over to the box in the corner. Fear and wonder promptly exited the scene.

As Edmond heaved open the wooden box lid Blanch stared despondantly.

How is it, Blanch wondered, that she was never allowed near Pandora's box. It didn't look that complicated .....

Edmond turned to scowl at anyone taking notice, 'I am off to the monastary'
and promptly disappeared in a puff of semi-confused logic that made a slurping sound as he slid into the strange wooden box.

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 11 November 2005 12:26 (eighteen years ago) link

As much as I like the continuation of the story by Linda, especially the part where fear and wonder exit the scene, I must protest the tampering with history. Pandora's box, after all did not appear on the scene till Adam and Eve became ashamed of their genitals.

Not soaked in liquid Nitrogen Matt, but rather loquacious E-matter.

MSW (MSW), Friday, 11 November 2005 19:53 (eighteen years ago) link

that's odd.

I swear I wrote a really interesting response to the above. but it seems to have disappeared.

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 11 November 2005 21:56 (eighteen years ago) link

Ask A Drunk has not exploded. That was Zen Clown burping.

Aimless (Aimless), Thursday, 17 November 2005 06:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Thank god his burps have returned. It had been so long since we last heard one, the sound was easily mistaken for something more catastrophic. Maybe now he will not keep floating away with pent-up gas.

MSW (MSW), Thursday, 17 November 2005 18:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Half of the accounts of UFO sightings in his part of Missouri contain the wadejective 'trouserless'. It must be terrifying to be one of those people.

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 17 November 2005 18:07 (eighteen years ago) link


My good deed for the day.

M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 17 November 2005 18:07 (eighteen years ago) link

Adam and Eve

I love that story. "Who told you you were naked?"

It's a little known fact that sewing was invented at the dawn of mankind because one fig leaf wasn't enough. After being told that she would have pain in childbirth, Eve avoided Adam but she was a heavy sleeper and here we are.

*drops trousers*


Zen Clown, Thursday, 17 November 2005 18:41 (eighteen years ago) link

actually ... I prefer Lilith.

Eve has an automatic disadvantage by being Adam's rib.

I mean REALLY.

StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Thursday, 17 November 2005 20:18 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm not so sure I can go along with that rib business.

Adam may have been a prototype whereas Eve was the finished product.

Lilith has survived through millennia. She lives in my ex-wife, her mother, and my daughter.

Zen Clown, Friday, 18 November 2005 00:29 (eighteen years ago) link

"Your search - 'wadejctive' - did not match any documents." Google

You know, Michael, sometimes I suspect that you make things up.
I think I know why you do it...


I hate you.

Zen Clown, Friday, 18 November 2005 01:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Biff! Whizz! etc.

On one hand I've got myself to blame (Lynskey), Friday, 18 November 2005 03:28 (eighteen years ago) link

Nice to hear from you, Linky.

The Grand Old Man of AAD, Friday, 18 November 2005 10:33 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm feeling Moody Blue and imagining an English Sunset.

Is it true...that in England...the sun sets in the east?

(Don't be silly, Zen, that's just Linkey's perspective.)

Hey, Porl, think you and I could 'hoist a few' perhaps at Matt's frog bar?

(Don't be silly, Zen. No noble Englishman would want to be seen with you. Not in your wildest dreams.)

Isn't life strange.

Zen Clown, Friday, 18 November 2005 11:13 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm just a singer in a rock and roll band.

(No, no you're not...You're an idiot infected by the Moody Blues.)

I'm not a knight in white satin?

(Zen. You are drunk.)

So? Ask me a question.

(Is Timothy Leary dead?)

Not in my mind. Next question.


Zen Clown, Friday, 18 November 2005 11:36 (eighteen years ago) link

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww - BLAMMO!

M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 18 November 2005 15:01 (eighteen years ago) link

Resist the urge to Google BLAMMO Zen - the pickings are slim.

MSW (MSW), Friday, 18 November 2005 19:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh, thanks for telling me TOO LATE!
I did google Blammo and have suffered a barrage of bubble gum spam.
To most people that would be a minor annoyance but to me it is highly insulting because I have no teeth.
The last time I attemped to partake of some gum, it resisted my attemt to 'gum' it.

Isn't life strange.

Zen Clown, Friday, 18 November 2005 22:36 (eighteen years ago) link

seven years pass...

can't believe we missed the 10-year anniversary of HI DERE

Tip from Tae Kwon Do: (crüt), Wednesday, 13 November 2013 14:36 (ten years ago) link

two years pass...


Bartlebooth, Saturday, 15 October 2016 23:54 (seven years ago) link

I ducked, but too late. The shrapnel will be lodged in my body forever.

El Tomboto, Sunday, 16 October 2016 01:30 (seven years ago) link

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