L@@K! Photos from Real Estate Listings (see remarks)

http://i.imgur.com/AiwOUIW.jpg

I know what you're thinking: House like this is going to look like a steak house on the inside, right?

http://i.imgur.com/KwizWJz.jpg

You would be absolutely correct.

http://i.imgur.com/MJTABtU.jpg

Nothing puts me more in my comfort zone than sitting on this folding chair, working at my awkward desk, breathing in fumes from the clothes dyer on a crisp winter's night.

http://i.imgur.com/UWQNY8Y.jpg

"Get the fuck out of here, this used to be the garage?"

http://i.imgur.com/RCL5xL2.jpg

"So hows long it been since you got made? Huh? Oh no..."

http://i.imgur.com/HzQgMh3.jpg

Now let's see, 'When You Can't See God's Hand, Trust –––" WHA AAAAAHH! HOLY FUCK MY LEG!"

I should post some from my area. The latest in Russian tryhard decor.

Please do. This is an Open House.

Who puts slogans on their wall like that? It looks like a nursing home.

Also, I love this shit so much. Gotta go find some corkers.

when we were househunting we looked at a place that was just like that converted garage, it was like there had been a terrible murder & they had just done a fly by night carpet/paint job.

oh and: no acoustics. completely dead sound. creeeeeeeepy as fuck.

There were a lot more fish in that barrel than I imagined last night when I started clicking around the local realtors map.

http://i.imgur.com/lGxucgj.jpg

FOR SALE: The slightly worn set used by the short-lived cooking show "Food Times".

http://i.imgur.com/5K1rFTf.jpg

"Oh, don't mind me here, Irvin. You just go ahead and watch your football game."

http://i.imgur.com/PGjSjlX.jpg

"I did it! I meditated and travelled back to 1974 to meet my true love!"

sees remote control on coffee table

"Nooooooooooo!!!"

http://photos1.zillowstatic.com/p_f/IS1fcmx9hqs3b81000000000.jpg

After a long day at the office, I like to kick off my flip flops, snuggle up under a sleeping bag in my favorite lawn chair, and listen to a CD."

Whoops. Don't forget to turn on the spotlights.

It's hard to reach the light switch when the earth is tilting like that.

lol the harp photo

I don't know if this goes here or on the your terrible ideas thread.

But browsing through the Memphis listings, decided there really should be an Eggleston Realty Co.

http://i.imgur.com/8em8sM5.jpg

"It's a fixer-upper, but you do get free Web access."

http://i.imgur.com/EDyjtXF.jpg

"This property's great, I just have to talk to my husband about – wait, is that someone playing a Peter Gabriel song?"

http://i.imgur.com/ki2KezG.jpg

"Just picture relaxing in your office, listening to the dryer tumble and smelling its fabric softener scented fumes. Can't picture it? Well, here..."

http://i.imgur.com/voX5sp4.jpg

Who puts slogans on their wall like that? It looks like a nursing home.

― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 04:48 (Yesterday) Permalink

House painters and interior design mags convince people to do all kinds of stupid shit, often because it costs more and/or will seem tired in a few years. Painters convinced us to do a stupid-looking two-tone thing in our eat-in kitchen that I really regret. Walls really don't need to be two colors.

http://i3.au.reastatic.net/800x600/536fb89fbb581e49c8faa4924f7db6be6b0d7c2fad95f0eb90057b039be871ac/image3.jpg

Horror House II: the Stalking Sink.

The place in that pic costs $200 a week people. Melbourne is an expensive hell.

What is that room? And down here, what's going on with the mirrored top in front of the mirror with the ... air hockey puck on it?

http://i.imgur.com/72Mf62F.jpg

Anyway. Melbourne might be expensive, but blue paint sure ain't.

Ha, right? I think thats just a living room, with a laundry off it because that makes sense? Actually, tbf the ad was for a bungalow behind a house, so its probably only 2 rooms all told.

Now thats how you sell a bedroom ... ? :|

http://i1.au.reastatic.net/800x600/cac680e2c76c8585c7998bd1abf0a11e11d88499575c3e531f6ed1163234aee2/image5.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/IV8btMU.png

They'll give you 15, but you'll only need five!

Ugh I fucking hate how narrow OFI windows are. And at such useless times, too, who has time to get off work and make to an opening at 5 if they work til 5.

I miss the days when you could just walk into an agents, pick up the keys for a bunch of properties and leave a fiddy for each one in deposit.

I've tried to understand what's going on with Australian real estate, but it's hopeless.

For example, in the States, you hold an auction only if it's a foreclosure or it's a shitty property that no one wants. Apparently down there, it's the opposite - you take the photos and show your home, then wait for the big auction day where you'll likely get more than you asked for.

(Well, in Sydney, at least.)

Yeah sale by auction is something that crept in maybe 15-20 years back and seems ubiquitous now. And its precisely so they can make as much money as possible (a la ebay auctions I guess). I've been priced completely out of home ownership because I need $80k just for the *downpayment* and I just cannot get that sort of money together. Its insane.

yes they listed with swastika graffiti intact http://www.movoto.com/quilcene-wa/411-sea-home-rd-quilcene-wa-98376-501_320196/
http://501.mlsimages.movoto.com/096/320196_14.jpg

Geez.

I was thinking thats a lot of money for a shitshack but its on 7 acres of waterfront, that'd go for like 3 jillion here :(

"Yah, you can look at it that way, but didja know that in some cultures, it's a symbol of luck?"

its a banksy

I feel IA at the shape of the living room in this luxury condo in my neighborhood that also sells for nearly 3x the price of a nearly equivalent co-op apartment.

https://ssl.cdn-redfin.com/photo/79/mbpadded/207/genMid.2841207_2_0.jpg
https://ssl.cdn-redfin.com/photo/79/mbpadded/207/genMid.2841207_3_0.jpg

You don't like that it ends at a point?

Look! You get that nifty little reading nook because of it. If it was flat, the nook would directly face the rest of the room.

IDK why it annoys me so much, partly just because it's so narrow compared to typical apartments in my neighborhood, which are mostly very spacious due to having been built in the 40s/50s. The point is awkward to me though, like it doesn't really look comfy as a nook, but it also doesn't interact with the rest of the room.

but it also doesn't interact with the rest of the room.

http://i.imgur.com/MobN7iy.jpg

Could that be the point?

http://i.imgur.com/btS0Gny.jpg

It does look narrow, but hey, isn't that life in the big city?

http://i.imgur.com/IZM4caY.jpg

"Can I get you anything? Perhaps some Pringles?"

xp, IDK it just looks like an awkward layout resulting from an awkwardly shaped building resulting from an effort to put the maximum # of apartments on an awkwardly shaped lot to me. And it's absurdly expensive for the area, although the terrace has a "bar pergola."

http://i.imgur.com/NmT5hLR.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/bqI3ItM.jpg

"You may think that sign is corny, but you should've read what the original one said."

http://i.imgur.com/o65F4TB.jpg

- "Hey, Judy! Can you get me another beer?"

- "Sorry! I can't hear you! I'm in the kitchen!"

http://i.imgur.com/NJlddBA.jpg

- "I can't see very well in here. Does that say 'Haunted'?"

- "No, of course not. That would be silly. It says 'Wanted'."

http://i.imgur.com/fdjQJbr.jpg

"Well let me ask you something else: Are you a fan of Duke basketball? How about Israel?"

http://i.imgur.com/DtShLKV.jpg

Hmm. Maybe there's good reason why it's the loneliest number.

http://photos2.zillowstatic.com/p_f/ISphukilm6juxw1000000000.jpg

"Pressure-washer gathering dust? Have we got the house for you!"

That one hits a little too close to home.

As in, that is my home - how did you find it.

i am truley sorry for your lots

Amazing level of aesthetic commitment

Schindler's Listing

omfg no

oh, ok, a decorative carving

i need mcmansionhell to do larry hogan's ugly new house https://www.bizjournals.com/baltimore/news/2021/04/26/hogan-estate-purchase-11m-davidsonville.html

I’m going to dig the fuck in https://t.co/ldCc5fZ8LI

— wout van aerchitecture (@mcmansionhell) April 27, 2021

Well, yeah, it's ugly AF, but not out of character for the area. Price is actually pretty reasonable. In my neighborhood, $1.1 M is a four-bedroom townhouse with a slate patio.

so you're saying we need to carpet bomb the whole area? makes sense.

Totally read that as Barry Hogan at first and was like, "is this where all the ATP band fees went????"

so you're saying we need to carpet bomb the whole area? makes sense.

I'm on board with that plan, but can we wait till he moves there?

Jesus will still got almost two more years of the Hoog.

Boss Hoog

https://i.imgur.com/EdJExa6.jpg

One lesson I've learned is if your first reaction to a feature is "Ooh, the cats will love this!" it will become one of the most useless areas of the house.

he got it for like 250k below asking, i'm sure for very innocent reasons (no i won't give him the benefit of the doubt because i fucking hate him). there are more photos here. so many carpets! https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3415-Timberlake-Farm-Rd-Davidsonville-MD-21035/117513358_zpid/?

Suddenly realizing how some of these new fangled "McMansions" that should be going out of style at any moment now ... are getting to be about 30-35 years old.

They're not going to age well.

The oppressive blandness of that property would make being there at, say, dusk on a gloomy winter day feel unbearably suffocating. Imagine! It has all the sensibilities of a corporate office property (including the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow; a stagnant arbitrarily framed backdrop for one to watch snow slowly accumulate and then melt over endless monotonous days and for nothing else) that was furnished in 2002 mixed with a dentist office waiting room in an middle class suburb (likely even complete with the echoes of never-ending HGTV episodes that follow such a strict template you would swear that a computer is merely randomizing the humanoids each time in an otherwise repeated artificial simulation). That's the general vibe I get from it.

I hate those little cocktail sinks that are popping up in the living areas.

i think "oppressive blandness 2024" is larry hogan's presidential campaign slogan

the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow

They have people for that

I was listening to this podcast about the lumber industry/current lumber price spikes, and one of the things I learned is that lumber yards sell homebuilders pre-arranged "framing packages" of the various types of lumber you need to frame a house, and it made me think about how there's probably a strong economic incentive to build mcmansions, because the relative standardization cuts costs and simplifies things for the builders. At the same time, you'd think that these goliath national builders could have paid for better standard designs.

Well yeah.

yeah, along the same lines i often think of the sears catalog houses people used to build, they're still standing all over the place and are generally pretty nice looking. but now you need to have at least 8 gables to look successful.

https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/150-N-74th-St_Kansas-City_KS_66111_M70735-09751#photo3

19000 sq ft????

lmao

some times this is the best thread on ilx tbh

Property listing photos recovered from GoPro feed of unknown person's final moments.

"And that's where it cuts off?"
"Yeah. The last one is right about where we found the camera and the glasses."
"Dammit... who were you running from? Who were you looking for?"
"Sir?"
"Sorry- it's this damn case. Nothing makes sense.
"...What do we do now?"
"Hmm? Err-sweep the perimeter again, I'll check... the house."

now that you mention it, i'm surprised there hasn't been a gimmicky "Internet browser window found-footage" horror movie specifically based around real estate websites.

why is the garage door so tall

Guys...

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1204-S-18th-St-Saint-Louis-MO-63104/2934915_zpid/?fbclid=IwAR2huu7sKv2Nmv8_SlWQEMhBhgzXeA3vHCO6jtixvdTBS2gcioM6cK6Qw_8

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
Read less
Listing courtesy of:

Fritz McAvoy

McAvoy Realty

fbclid=IwAR2huu7sKv2Nmv8_SlWQEMhBhgzXeA3vHCO6jtixvdTBS2gcioM6cK6Qw_8

A child kept calling my name while I was looking through that slideshow, but I was never able to find them.

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

Would be $1.1 million in my neighborhood, just sayin

that kansas city one is just two groverhauses stacked on top of each other

eyes baked solid by caustic HDR images

i know, i couldn't even see what was going on and didn't finish the slideshow

Didn't even notice that the Groverhaus was in KC while the Crowdhouse was in StL.

Never going to ask a realtor to "show me" a listing again.

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

The first few sentences are a legit Lewis Carroll quote, then there are a bunch of misattributed ones scattered throughout the rest of that blurb. That bonkers sentence is a paraphrase of a Johnny Depp line from the Burton Alice in Wonderland movie. (I did some googling)

we are at Johnny Depth

internet says "Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality" is Jules de Gaultier

putting in an offer on the St Louis one

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.

--Bob Marley

"this house, which is clearly shit, is actually good. more mess and gak when we come back!"
- marc summers

lol

that St. Louis one would look like a very intentional architectural essay in historical eclecticism, maximalist postmodernism, or something of the sort.... if not for the godawful real-estate photo lighting and "clarity" settings applied to the images. realistically it's probably the obsessive personal project of some tinkering eccentric/collector/salvage-rummager/bricoleur. which is also pretty cool IMHO but would also benefit tremendously from a different photographic aesthetic.

Looking at those pictures felt like:

https://images.hindustantimes.com/rf/image_size_960x540/HT/p2/2019/04/25/Pictures/_5183fa28-6760-11e9-b8c7-d9ea8f4e8ad0.jpg

just a lil plug

itt stomach-churning hdr photos