L@@K! Photos from Real Estate Listings (see remarks)

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http://i.imgur.com/AiwOUIW.jpg

I know what you're thinking: House like this is going to look like a steak house on the inside, right?

http://i.imgur.com/KwizWJz.jpg

You would be absolutely correct.

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 02:51 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/MJTABtU.jpg

Nothing puts me more in my comfort zone than sitting on this folding chair, working at my awkward desk, breathing in fumes from the clothes dyer on a crisp winter's night.

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 02:52 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/UWQNY8Y.jpg

"Get the fuck out of here, this used to be the garage?"

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 02:57 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/RCL5xL2.jpg

"So hows long it been since you got made? Huh? Oh no..."

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 02:57 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/HzQgMh3.jpg

Now let's see, 'When You Can't See God's Hand, Trust –––" WHA AAAAAHH! HOLY FUCK MY LEG!"

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 02:57 (five years ago) link

I should post some from my area. The latest in Russian tryhard decor.

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 03:48 (five years ago) link

Please do. This is an Open House.

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 04:37 (five years ago) link

Who puts slogans on their wall like that? It looks like a nursing home.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 04:48 (five years ago) link

Also, I love this shit so much. Gotta go find some corkers.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 04:48 (five years ago) link

when we were househunting we looked at a place that was just like that converted garage, it was like there had been a terrible murder & they had just done a fly by night carpet/paint job.

oh and: no acoustics. completely dead sound. creeeeeeeepy as fuck.

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 06:09 (five years ago) link

There were a lot more fish in that barrel than I imagined last night when I started clicking around the local realtors map.

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 14:17 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/lGxucgj.jpg

FOR SALE: The slightly worn set used by the short-lived cooking show "Food Times".

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:34 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/5K1rFTf.jpg

"Oh, don't mind me here, Irvin. You just go ahead and watch your football game."

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:38 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/PGjSjlX.jpg

"I did it! I meditated and travelled back to 1974 to meet my true love!"

sees remote control on coffee table

"Nooooooooooo!!!"

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:40 (five years ago) link

http://photos1.zillowstatic.com/p_f/IS1fcmx9hqs3b81000000000.jpg

After a long day at the office, I like to kick off my flip flops, snuggle up under a sleeping bag in my favorite lawn chair, and listen to a CD."

how's life, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:48 (five years ago) link

Whoops. Don't forget to turn on the spotlights.

pplains, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:49 (five years ago) link

It's hard to reach the light switch when the earth is tilting like that.

how's life, Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:50 (five years ago) link

lol the harp photo

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 15:52 (five years ago) link

I don't know if this goes here or on the your terrible ideas thread.

But browsing through the Memphis listings, decided there really should be an Eggleston Realty Co.

http://i.imgur.com/8em8sM5.jpg

pplains, Thursday, 17 December 2015 15:44 (five years ago) link

"It's a fixer-upper, but you do get free Web access."

http://i.imgur.com/EDyjtXF.jpg

pplains, Thursday, 17 December 2015 15:50 (five years ago) link

"This property's great, I just have to talk to my husband about – wait, is that someone playing a Peter Gabriel song?"

http://i.imgur.com/ki2KezG.jpg

pplains, Thursday, 17 December 2015 15:51 (five years ago) link

"Just picture relaxing in your office, listening to the dryer tumble and smelling its fabric softener scented fumes. Can't picture it? Well, here..."

http://i.imgur.com/voX5sp4.jpg

pplains, Thursday, 17 December 2015 15:53 (five years ago) link

Who puts slogans on their wall like that? It looks like a nursing home.

― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Wednesday, 16 December 2015 04:48 (Yesterday) Permalink

House painters and interior design mags convince people to do all kinds of stupid shit, often because it costs more and/or will seem tired in a few years. Painters convinced us to do a stupid-looking two-tone thing in our eat-in kitchen that I really regret. Walls really don't need to be two colors.

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 17 December 2015 15:56 (five years ago) link

The place in that pic costs $200 a week people. Melbourne is an expensive hell.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Thursday, 17 December 2015 22:44 (five years ago) link

What is that room? And down here, what's going on with the mirrored top in front of the mirror with the ... air hockey puck on it?

http://i.imgur.com/72Mf62F.jpg

pplains, Friday, 18 December 2015 01:26 (five years ago) link

Anyway. Melbourne might be expensive, but blue paint sure ain't.

pplains, Friday, 18 December 2015 01:30 (five years ago) link

Ha, right? I think thats just a living room, with a laundry off it because that makes sense? Actually, tbf the ad was for a bungalow behind a house, so its probably only 2 rooms all told.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 18 December 2015 02:54 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/IV8btMU.png

They'll give you 15, but you'll only need five!

pplains, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 03:04 (five years ago) link

Ugh I fucking hate how narrow OFI windows are. And at such useless times, too, who has time to get off work and make to an opening at 5 if they work til 5.

I miss the days when you could just walk into an agents, pick up the keys for a bunch of properties and leave a fiddy for each one in deposit.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 03:15 (five years ago) link

I've tried to understand what's going on with Australian real estate, but it's hopeless.

For example, in the States, you hold an auction only if it's a foreclosure or it's a shitty property that no one wants. Apparently down there, it's the opposite - you take the photos and show your home, then wait for the big auction day where you'll likely get more than you asked for.

(Well, in Sydney, at least.)

pplains, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 03:22 (five years ago) link

Yeah sale by auction is something that crept in maybe 15-20 years back and seems ubiquitous now. And its precisely so they can make as much money as possible (a la ebay auctions I guess). I've been priced completely out of home ownership because I need $80k just for the *downpayment* and I just cannot get that sort of money together. Its insane.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 05:07 (five years ago) link

yes they listed with swastika graffiti intact http://www.movoto.com/quilcene-wa/411-sea-home-rd-quilcene-wa-98376-501_320196/
http://501.mlsimages.movoto.com/096/320196_14.jpg

alomar lines, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 05:15 (five years ago) link

Geez.

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 05:17 (five years ago) link

I was thinking thats a lot of money for a shitshack but its on 7 acres of waterfront, that'd go for like 3 jillion here :(

I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 05:18 (five years ago) link

"Yah, you can look at it that way, but didja know that in some cultures, it's a symbol of luck?"

pplains, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 05:32 (five years ago) link

its a banksy

am0n, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 16:13 (five years ago) link

three months pass...

I feel IA at the shape of the living room in this luxury condo in my neighborhood that also sells for nearly 3x the price of a nearly equivalent co-op apartment.

https://ssl.cdn-redfin.com/photo/79/mbpadded/207/genMid.2841207_2_0.jpg
https://ssl.cdn-redfin.com/photo/79/mbpadded/207/genMid.2841207_3_0.jpg

human life won't become a cat (man alive), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 15:34 (five years ago) link

You don't like that it ends at a point?

Look! You get that nifty little reading nook because of it. If it was flat, the nook would directly face the rest of the room.

pplains, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 16:06 (five years ago) link

IDK why it annoys me so much, partly just because it's so narrow compared to typical apartments in my neighborhood, which are mostly very spacious due to having been built in the 40s/50s. The point is awkward to me though, like it doesn't really look comfy as a nook, but it also doesn't interact with the rest of the room.

human life won't become a cat (man alive), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 16:09 (five years ago) link

but it also doesn't interact with the rest of the room.

http://i.imgur.com/MobN7iy.jpg

Could that be the point?

http://i.imgur.com/btS0Gny.jpg

It does look narrow, but hey, isn't that life in the big city?

pplains, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 16:27 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/IZM4caY.jpg

"Can I get you anything? Perhaps some Pringles?"

pplains, Tuesday, 5 April 2016 16:32 (five years ago) link

xp, IDK it just looks like an awkward layout resulting from an awkwardly shaped building resulting from an effort to put the maximum # of apartments on an awkwardly shaped lot to me. And it's absurdly expensive for the area, although the terrace has a "bar pergola."

human life won't become a cat (man alive), Tuesday, 5 April 2016 16:33 (five years ago) link

three weeks pass...

http://i.imgur.com/NmT5hLR.jpg

pplains, Friday, 29 April 2016 02:36 (five years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/bqI3ItM.jpg

"You may think that sign is corny, but you should've read what the original one said."

http://i.imgur.com/o65F4TB.jpg

- "Hey, Judy! Can you get me another beer?"

- "Sorry! I can't hear you! I'm in the kitchen!"

http://i.imgur.com/NJlddBA.jpg

- "I can't see very well in here. Does that say 'Haunted'?"

- "No, of course not. That would be silly. It says 'Wanted'."

http://i.imgur.com/fdjQJbr.jpg

"Well let me ask you something else: Are you a fan of Duke basketball? How about Israel?"

http://i.imgur.com/DtShLKV.jpg

Hmm. Maybe there's good reason why it's the loneliest number.

pplains, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 15:04 (five years ago) link

http://photos2.zillowstatic.com/p_f/ISphukilm6juxw1000000000.jpg

"Pressure-washer gathering dust? Have we got the house for you!"

how's life, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 15:11 (five years ago) link

That one hits a little too close to home.

pplains, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 15:21 (five years ago) link

As in, that is my home - how did you find it.

pplains, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 15:21 (five years ago) link

i am truley sorry for your lots

how's life, Wednesday, 4 May 2016 16:45 (five years ago) link

Amazing level of aesthetic commitment

jmm, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 16:54 (one month ago) link

Schindler's Listing

pplains, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 17:13 (one month ago) link

omfg no

John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Wednesday, 31 March 2021 17:14 (one month ago) link

oh, ok, a decorative carving

koogs, Wednesday, 31 March 2021 18:32 (one month ago) link

three weeks pass...

i need mcmansionhell to do larry hogan's ugly new house https://www.bizjournals.com/baltimore/news/2021/04/26/hogan-estate-purchase-11m-davidsonville.html

superdeep borehole (harbl), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 14:22 (three weeks ago) link

I’m going to dig the fuck in https://t.co/ldCc5fZ8LI

— wout van aerchitecture (@mcmansionhell) April 27, 2021

peace, man, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 14:49 (three weeks ago) link

Well, yeah, it's ugly AF, but not out of character for the area. Price is actually pretty reasonable. In my neighborhood, $1.1 M is a four-bedroom townhouse with a slate patio.

Ezra Kleina Nachtmusik (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 14:55 (three weeks ago) link

so you're saying we need to carpet bomb the whole area? makes sense.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 15:05 (three weeks ago) link

Totally read that as Barry Hogan at first and was like, "is this where all the ATP band fees went????"

emil.y, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 15:12 (three weeks ago) link

so you're saying we need to carpet bomb the whole area? makes sense.

I'm on board with that plan, but can we wait till he moves there?

Ezra Kleina Nachtmusik (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 15:16 (three weeks ago) link

Jesus will still got almost two more years of the Hoog.

Van Halen dot Senate dot flashlight (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 15:50 (three weeks ago) link

Boss Hoog

Ezra Kleina Nachtmusik (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 15:57 (three weeks ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/EdJExa6.jpg

One lesson I've learned is if your first reaction to a feature is "Ooh, the cats will love this!" it will become one of the most useless areas of the house.

pplains, Tuesday, 27 April 2021 16:27 (three weeks ago) link

he got it for like 250k below asking, i'm sure for very innocent reasons (no i won't give him the benefit of the doubt because i fucking hate him). there are more photos here. so many carpets! https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/3415-Timberlake-Farm-Rd-Davidsonville-MD-21035/117513358_zpid/?

superdeep borehole (harbl), Tuesday, 27 April 2021 17:40 (three weeks ago) link

Suddenly realizing how some of these new fangled "McMansions" that should be going out of style at any moment now ... are getting to be about 30-35 years old.

pplains, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 00:13 (two weeks ago) link

They're not going to age well.

Van Halen dot Senate dot flashlight (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 14:50 (two weeks ago) link

The oppressive blandness of that property would make being there at, say, dusk on a gloomy winter day feel unbearably suffocating. Imagine! It has all the sensibilities of a corporate office property (including the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow; a stagnant arbitrarily framed backdrop for one to watch snow slowly accumulate and then melt over endless monotonous days and for nothing else) that was furnished in 2002 mixed with a dentist office waiting room in an middle class suburb (likely even complete with the echoes of never-ending HGTV episodes that follow such a strict template you would swear that a computer is merely randomizing the humanoids each time in an otherwise repeated artificial simulation). That's the general vibe I get from it.

Evan, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 17:29 (two weeks ago) link

I hate those little cocktail sinks that are popping up in the living areas.

pplains, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 17:31 (two weeks ago) link

i think "oppressive blandness 2024" is larry hogan's presidential campaign slogan

superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 17:36 (two weeks ago) link

the uninviting purgatory of a lawn that nobody will venture onto except to periodically mow

They have people for that

Ezra Kleina Nachtmusik (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 20:54 (two weeks ago) link

I was listening to this podcast about the lumber industry/current lumber price spikes, and one of the things I learned is that lumber yards sell homebuilders pre-arranged "framing packages" of the various types of lumber you need to frame a house, and it made me think about how there's probably a strong economic incentive to build mcmansions, because the relative standardization cuts costs and simplifies things for the builders. At the same time, you'd think that these goliath national builders could have paid for better standard designs.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 21:14 (two weeks ago) link

Well yeah.

pplains, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 21:21 (two weeks ago) link

yeah, along the same lines i often think of the sears catalog houses people used to build, they're still standing all over the place and are generally pretty nice looking. but now you need to have at least 8 gables to look successful.

superdeep borehole (harbl), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 22:27 (two weeks ago) link

19000 sq ft????

i was too much listening to your accent (Spottie), Thursday, 6 May 2021 16:58 (one week ago) link

lmao

John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Thursday, 6 May 2021 16:58 (one week ago) link

some times this is the best thread on ilx tbh

John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Thursday, 6 May 2021 16:59 (one week ago) link

Property listing photos recovered from GoPro feed of unknown person's final moments.

Evan, Thursday, 6 May 2021 18:07 (one week ago) link

"And that's where it cuts off?"
"Yeah. The last one is right about where we found the camera and the glasses."
"Dammit... who were you running from? Who were you looking for?"
"Sir?"
"Sorry- it's this damn case. Nothing makes sense.
"...What do we do now?"
"Hmm? Err-sweep the perimeter again, I'll check... the house."

Evan, Thursday, 6 May 2021 18:23 (one week ago) link

now that you mention it, i'm surprised there hasn't been a gimmicky "Internet browser window found-footage" horror movie specifically based around real estate websites.

Bobo Honk, real name, no gimmicks (Doctor Casino), Thursday, 6 May 2021 20:04 (one week ago) link

why is the garage door so tall

bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 6 May 2021 20:33 (one week ago) link

Guys...

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1204-S-18th-St-Saint-Louis-MO-63104/2934915_zpid/?fbclid=IwAR2huu7sKv2Nmv8_SlWQEMhBhgzXeA3vHCO6jtixvdTBS2gcioM6cK6Qw_8

Overview
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
Read less
Listing courtesy of:

Fritz McAvoy

McAvoy Realty

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 6 May 2021 21:52 (one week ago) link

A child kept calling my name while I was looking through that slideshow, but I was never able to find them.

pplains, Thursday, 6 May 2021 22:09 (one week ago) link

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 6 May 2021 22:14 (one week ago) link

Would be $1.1 million in my neighborhood, just sayin

Triumph of the Willa Cather (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 6 May 2021 22:55 (one week ago) link

that kansas city one is just two groverhauses stacked on top of each other

superdeep borehole (harbl), Thursday, 6 May 2021 23:28 (one week ago) link

eyes baked solid by caustic HDR images

assert (MatthewK), Thursday, 6 May 2021 23:35 (one week ago) link

i know, i couldn't even see what was going on and didn't finish the slideshow

superdeep borehole (harbl), Thursday, 6 May 2021 23:41 (one week ago) link

Didn't even notice that the Groverhaus was in KC while the Crowdhouse was in StL.

Never going to ask a realtor to "show me" a listing again.

pplains, Friday, 7 May 2021 01:12 (one week ago) link

The use of the word "bonkers" made me think of a writer -- George Saunders? Pynchon?

The first few sentences are a legit Lewis Carroll quote, then there are a bunch of misattributed ones scattered throughout the rest of that blurb. That bonkers sentence is a paraphrase of a Johnny Depp line from the Burton Alice in Wonderland movie. (I did some googling)

Lavator Shemmelpennick, Friday, 7 May 2021 15:32 (one week ago) link

we are at Johnny Depth

If you value Vox, we have an axe (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 7 May 2021 15:53 (one week ago) link

internet says "Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality" is Jules de Gaultier

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Friday, 7 May 2021 16:11 (one week ago) link

putting in an offer on the St Louis one

Draymond is "Mr Dumpy" (forksclovetofu), Friday, 7 May 2021 18:34 (one week ago) link

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise, what is, it wouldn't be and what it wouldn't be, it would, you see. This is entirely bonkers but I'll tell you a secret, all the best houses are. Sunken conversations rise to incredible heights. Tables that clearly show the wonders of the deep. Waterfalls and rooftop gardens. Outside/inside and angles of peculiar destinations. Mirrors that reflect upside down. Bridges that lead to spaces with no faces. Closed windows with light from unexpected places. Somethings real, somethings created - all things coming together to form an unexpected adventure through the mind of a visionary man. This could be your dream and you could decide where it goes from here. Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.

--Bob Marley

John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Friday, 7 May 2021 18:35 (one week ago) link

"this house, which is clearly shit, is actually good. more mess and gak when we come back!"
- marc summers

If you value Vox, we have an axe (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 7 May 2021 18:43 (one week ago) link

lol

ciderpress, Friday, 7 May 2021 18:47 (one week ago) link

that St. Louis one would look like a very intentional architectural essay in historical eclecticism, maximalist postmodernism, or something of the sort.... if not for the godawful real-estate photo lighting and "clarity" settings applied to the images. realistically it's probably the obsessive personal project of some tinkering eccentric/collector/salvage-rummager/bricoleur. which is also pretty cool IMHO but would also benefit tremendously from a different photographic aesthetic.

Bobo Honk, real name, no gimmicks (Doctor Casino), Friday, 7 May 2021 19:03 (one week ago) link

just a lil plug

itt stomach-churning hdr photos

John Cooper of Christian rock band Skillet (map), Friday, 7 May 2021 19:10 (one week ago) link


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