your most important local news story the world must know about

I don’t see the problem

i just got a blow job and rinsed off with coke, officer, i won't come back for two hours.

not a minute less, mind

A commuter who received a criminal conviction and a $700 fine after receiving oral sex on the train wants to know 'how can you be so lucky and unlucky in the one day?'

Sh4ne Brennan, from Wollongong, south of Sydney, pleaded guilty to willful and obscene exposure and behaving in an offensive manner in court on Tuesday.

Mr Brennan said he started speaking to the woman - who had a 'mad body' - on the train platform when she said, 'I'm horny, will you fuck me?'

He now regrets his actions that followed after he received a 'bollocking' from a magistrate, his encounter was written up in the regional newspaper and his partner may find out.

Mr Brennan said he had explained to his partner that 'it is what it is'

The man (pictured) who received a criminal conviction and a $700 fine after receiving oral sex on a train says he would not do it again

'She was pretty horny and ready to go. Toey as,' Mr Brennan said on Wednesday.

He declined to have sex with her - but when the woman started masturbating on the otherwise 'empty' train carriage they shared he decided he would let her perform oral sex instead.

No one was in the carriage during the late-morning service, he claimed, and the sexual encounter was over in a matter of minutes. 'As soon as the deed was done I was out of there and off.'

But the crime was all captured on train CCTV and staff were waiting on the platform when the train pulled in, the court reportedly heard.

'I didn't know they had cameras all throughout the train,' he said.

The woman was a bit younger than him, he said, but 'wasn't a good sort'. It's unclear whether she ever got in trouble for her lewd behaviour, something he finds outrageous. 'She was the one masturbating. If she didn't offer me nothing I wouldn't have fucking done it.'

Meantime, the magistrate 'wasn't happy' with him in court this week.

'He said I well and truly crossed the line. And that sort of behaviour can't be tolerated, which is understandable.'

Mr Brennan pointed out there was no one in the carriage at the time and 'you'd think the train guard would've said "good on ya, mate".'

He would not do it again- and has been placed on a 12 month good behaviour bond - but asked: 'How many f***ing men would have knocked it back?'

So when is he flying out to South Africa to join the rest of the Australian cricket team?

shane really just tells it like it is

UK wife-carrying contest takes place in Dorking

"In other words, at least a dozen birds binged on alcoholic berries believed to be from a nearby bush. It caused them to crash into buildings and cars, or fall out of trees and die."

http://katv.com/news/local/several-birds-found-dead-after-consuming-alcoholic-berries

http://theprovince.com/news/local-news/woman-detained-after-feces-flinging-incident-at-langley-tim-hortons

https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/may/18/dutch-locals-crowdfund-25ft-penis-fountain-in-protest-against-modern-art-project-leeuwarden-european-capital-of-culture-2018-cornelia-parker

hell yeah dick fountains

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/may/21/danish-politician-inger-stjberg-muslims-ramadan

It's not really local news if it's in the Guardian and not just the Aalborg Bugle.

One assailant put on a shirt belonging to the victim that said "Show me your taco" before the two fled across the Junction Bridge to North Little Rock, according to a police report.

Police: Killings of 2 found dead in Arkansas ordered by woman pretending to be member of carnival mafia

You'd think this would be a fun story to read, but it's not.

Lord

Well, ok. There's this:

Under questioning by detectives, Fowler said he was ordered through text messages from Zaitchik to kill the Carpenters as an initiation into the carnival mafia...Before the interview with Fowler, detectives had discovered from examining Younger's cellphone that she had a Facebook page in the name of Frank Zaitchik, according to reports.

The kicker to this? Here is the Facebook page set up for ''Franklin Zaitchik''.

And here is a screenshot of the Facebook page for Frank Zaitshik, owner-operator of Wade Shows.

https://i.imgur.com/N6V1Ise.png

Wow, that is grim stuff. None of the articles I could find mentioned any sort of motive on Fowler's part for killing these two great-grandparents.

Sorry, on Younger's part.

Mississippi's getting a lottery, because poor people need to be the ones to pay for all that road/bridge repair.
http://www.djournal.com/news/nation-world/mississippi-lawmakers-approve-bill-to-create-a-state-lottery/article_15561adb-fede-5fd1-a9a6-cec3b8e499db.html

How are they going to play the lottery when they're already spending their money at the casino?

They're just not losing fast enough.
https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/2018/01/21/casino-revenues-fall-2-percent-mississippi-2017/1052316001/

State Revenue Department figures released this week show statewide revenue fell 2 percent for the year (2017) to .08 billion, down more than $40 million from 2016. December was better, with gamblers losing 76 million statewide, up 3 percent from 71 million in December 2016.

maybe you've heard local-to-me story of a cop who enters what she thought was her own apartment, then is confronted by the real tenant, then shoots him dead. nightmare stuff
https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/09/us/amber-guyger-arrest-botham-shem-jean/index.html

so less than an hour from me, about a week ago, this lady is teaching her 15-year old how to drive, and being new to driving, she is slow to back out of the space, so this 57-year old asshole lays on the horn, so they both get out of the car. she's pregnant, and he gets in her face and is threatening to hit her after she calls him a dummy. then an armed cab driver comes up to protect her and the guy tries to play victim real fast.

and the one who gets threatening phone calls and their house vandalized after this video...is the mother?! That's probably the point where I should mention the aggressor was white, and the mother is Black, and this is Florida - and then it makes sense.

https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=aPm4c_1536365329

https://www.wesh.com/article/neighbors-upset-about-florida-man-doing-yard-work-in-the-nude/23324488

I came out Sunday night to put the trash out, and I look over and he is bent over, winding up his hose...

My local bar: https://www.channel3000.com/news/crime/mpd-man-who-caused-scene-exposed-himself-at-mickey-s-bar-attempts-to-swim-away-from-police/802533767

The wet man was not happy

Plainclothes police enter a shopping centre in a rural town, shoot a bird, and leave.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahryan/police-shooting-magpies-lismore

Sometimes there is a presentation of some sort of news, that is so beautiful, and so odd, that you don’t even want to find out any more information than you’ve been given. For me, this was one of those moments.

"When you’re going down the pendulous breasts fly up like wings," said one organizer of the Skywhale hot air balloon's newest journey. "It's really got a life to itself." https://t.co/JchEHcCp3V
— The New York Times (@nytimes) October 18, 2018

What I see and what I know is that there’s a hot air balloon, shaped like a whale—and for some reason, a reason I will must never find out—the whale has a toupee of skinny breasts dangling off either side, that apparently float upwards as the balloon descends. Australia, thank you for this gift.

Woman gives it some classic "stand next to it and point at it for the photo" in this "wild ducks terrorise (and shit all over the sidewalk of) residential area" story: https://www.gva.be/cnt/dmf20190124_04129619/wilde-eenden-terroriseren-woonwijk

Is she a local councillor?

No, she lives in the area and complains about having to clean it up (and blames the council for feeding the wild ducks)

It's a classic local councillor pose, as immortalized in the fine Local councillors thread.

https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/crime/tim-eyman-under-investigation-in-theft-of-70-chair-from-office-depot/

yaaay fuck this guy

Police arrested a 38-year-old man for DUI for the second time in a week after he picked up his car from an impound lot, promptly crashed it into another vehicle, fled from police when they showed up at his house a short time later, and then sat in his truck outside his parents’ home in the gated Broadmoor community for several hours doing whippets as he ignored SPD negotiators.

Ah, is it springtime in the Ozarks already?

https://i.imgur.com/ook25Ml.jpg

*star-spangled banner plays, eagle cries in the distance*

They took turns donning the vest, btw, not both at once.

What were they arrested for?

Aggravated Assault - https://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2019/apr/03/affidavit-2-men-don-vest-shoot-20190403/?news-arkansas

They took turns donning the vest, btw, not both at once.

― pplains, Wednesday, April 3, 2019 7:12 AM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Don’t these things only work once

at least twice, seems like

Or six times.

*stuffs air bag back into steering column*

"OK! Your turn!"

Ferris told the deputy he had been shot six times, once in the chest and five times in the back, while protecting a man he called his "asset," according to the affidavit.

He went to the hospital after accidentally shooting himself in the penis, the report says. While a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound, a balloon of marijuana allegedly slipped out of his anus. And his troubles didn't end there. https://t.co/1MFA2mHz47

— KTVU (@KTVU) May 24, 2019

Editor's Note: This story initially reported the man accidentally shot himself in the penis. He actually accidentally shot himself in the testicles.

lock thread, that story will never be eclipsed