your most important local news story the world must know about

more common in the US than you would think: http://tinyurl.com/odxwcma
and when "fixed", not generally a lot better: https://tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/rbd17

Thelonius Monk, 28, was shot and killed Wednesday in the 500 block of S. Catherine St.

This is really controversial in my neighborhood and a lot of people are really upset about it:
http://queenscourier.com/target-to-take-over-forest-hills-barnes-noble-site/

Gosh, the memories the neighborhood must have of sitting at the soda counter, Mr. Barnes letting Ma buy on credit, Mr. Noble slipping a free magazine into Pa's burlap case... All gone because heartless Target doesn't know its boundaries.

http://www.twincities.com/statefair/ci_28734408/bill-cosby-portrait-rapeseed-pulled-from-state-fair

and an army of fluorescent tabard-clad 'enforcement officers' and police have started to dismantle The Ark, manchester's best-branded mini shanty town - http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/live-scuffles-break-out-homeless-10081495 - http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/the-ark-manchester-homeless-camp-585

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/22/nyregion/cherry-factory-to-plea-guilty-over-pollution-and-marijuana.html

Seven months after its owner committed suicide as investigators closed in on the secret marijuana farm he had kept in the basement of his factory, Dell’s Maraschino Cherries, based in Brooklyn will plead guilty on Tuesday to possessing marijuana and illegally dumping acidic wastewater into the sewer system, prosecutors said on Monday.

Sometimes, all you need is the headline:

Dover man says injury from Taser, not spider

Yale launches amazing database of Depression-era Oregon photos

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Norwegians-Use-Texas-as-Slang-for-Crazy-335356991.html

This one teeters close to "lol but sad" - - -

http://www.komu.com/news/arkansas-family-attacked-by-deer/

i saw this on the newsstand out here and for reasons that i hope are nerdily self-evident, it blew my mind
http://i.imgur.com/2peoF58.jpg

Satanic Temple of Seattle wants to join football coach's postgame prayer circle

This what it sounds like when you call in a plane crash to Pope County 911.

https://soundcloud.com/arkansasonline/pope-county-plane-crash-911-call

(Not NSFW or traumatizing or anything.)

wow

I think you mean "ohhh CRAP", forks.

http://gothamist.com/2015/11/28/police_this_guy_is_suspected_in_fou.php

This is in my immediate vicinity. I could smell a couple of the fires.

Update. As I suspected, the "riddler" arsonist schtick was a ruse, person identified by the note is fake. This is all happening in Bukharian Jewish mobland and the fires were all in under construction McPalaces. Story is getting better and better.

http://gothamist.com/2015/12/02/arsonist_cryptic.php

http://static.ijreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/pearlharborattackhonolulustar.jpg

had an artificially yellowed replica of this issue when i was a kid. i thought of it as ancient, which it wouldn't have been even if it had been real.

Made the Times:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/07/nyregion/sunday-fire-is-fifth-to-demolish-bukharian-home-sites-in-queens.html?&moduleDetail=section-news-1&action=click&contentCollection=N.Y.%20%2F%20Region®ion=Footer&module=MoreInSection&version=WhatsNext&contentID=WhatsNext&pgtype=article

FORT SMITH, Ark. (AP) - A hiker is facing long-term recovery after falling 25 to 30 feet through a hole in a rock formation in north-central Arkansas.

Deanna Jones says her son, 22-year-old Brandon Jones, slipped off the edge of the Glory Hole rock formation in the Ozark National Forest on Dec. 22 while hiking with a friend.

https://twitter.com/jseattle/status/703071541165096960

http://49.media.tumblr.com/43398eb425c6e0e2b1aa2c911018933d/tumblr_ngpo0ughiU1u5f8joo1_500.gif

lmao

http://www.twincities.com/2016/03/10/st-pauls-british-bandit-suspect-arrested-not-actually-british/

At the time of the robbery, law enforcement said the robber was also suspected of robbing a TCF Bank in Minneapolis and four St. Paul gas stations between Feb. 3 and 10. In those cases, the suspect also spoke with a British accent and wielded a gun, telling one cashier to “keep calm” and “hand over the money.”

After St. Paul police arrested Hess last week, they interviewed him and noticed he did not have a British accent, said Sgt. Mike Ernster, a police spokesman. Police found out Hess is from the Twin Cities and he told them he speaks with a British accent periodically, Ernster said.

note to locals: the story mentions "He was arrested last week at a University Avenue motel in St. Paul." which means it was either the days inn attached to tracks bar and grill or that creepo flophouse next to the dubliner

ow the mighty ave fallen eh enry iggins

Angry people in local newspapers

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cYyTG3IxQrg/VwO4JLT2mGI/AAAAAAAAve0/-1frwHQbg844lugVb-_JeKMuHR_H35LGQ/s640/000000.jpg

<3 identical disgruntled facial expression on both man and dog

that photo in hd: http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/resources/images/4913470/

So much great stuff there.

Fried egg left at scene of shed break-in

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-c6O7VHlVGiI/VLKh58wVQLI/AAAAAAAAm-0/ksXqk0YIlUE/s1600/00000.jpg

Prince Paul Pony Moonlight Starshine, 70, on trial accused of knife attack

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/images/localworld/ugc-images/276270/Article/images/29250713/14259014-large.jpg

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/14/nyregion/offer-of-free-hugs-turns-violent-in-times-square-police-say.html

a follow up to: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/27/nyregion/the-hugs-are-free-but-are-not-without-a-cost.html

http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/region/ph-ac-cn-harmony-song-0517-20160517-story.html

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Rogue-Cambridge-cow-reported-police-chasing-women/story-29392160-detail/story.html

http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/rain-not-enough-to-dampen-2016-world-pea-shooting-championship-in-witcham/story-29495652-detail/story.html

http://carolinapublicpress.org/25156/nutz-r-us-abandons-name

tl;dr -- a parent company dba "Nutz R Us" operated three separate home care facilities for the mentally ill

jesus christ

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/oakland/badge-of-dishonor-top-oakland-police-department-officials-looked-away-as-east-bay-cops-sexually-exploited-and-trafficked-a-teenagerdepartmen/Content?oid=4832543

lots of cops solicit underage prostitute

Washington Post does a story on a small Danish school, a story that only reached local news recently: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/09/08/a-danish-school-now-separates-children-by-ethnicity/?tid=sm_tw

I saw the headlines yesterday, thought it seemed pretty smart, that they were thinking ethnicity into the process. Thought it was along the lines of busing. But no, they are actually making things more segregated, so that Danish teens don't have too many immigrants around them.

http://i.imgur.com/8WEOuKR.png

this is a fairly standard school uniform story, but what an excellent photo/headline combination

http://i1.liverpoolecho.co.uk/incoming/article11877759.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/JS99420090.jpg

napolis police are asking residents to call 9-1-1 if they spot a clown in an unusual place.

The request came Monday night after multiple children reported seeing a person or persons wearing a clown costume and face paint in Annapolis, the police department said in a statement.

Over the summer, reports of unsettling clown sightings by children in South Carolina and elsewhere made national news.

Children in Greenville County, South Carolina, told police clowns had tried to lure them into the woods, even offering them money to follow, according to a report by The New York Times.

Annapolis police, in their statement Monday, said media attention of those incidents have may have led to the reports in Annapolis.

Police said more than one child on Monday reported seeing a person or persons dressed as a clown in several Annapolis neighborhoods as far back as Thursday.

Incidents were reported in the 700 block of Newtowne Drive, Bens Drive near Victor Parkway and the 1400 block of Tyler Avenue.

The most recent sighting reportedly occurred around 8:30 a.m. Monday on Bens Drive.

Only children have reported seeing the clown or clowns, police said.

Anyone with information on the incidents is asked to call Annapolis detectives at 410-260-3439.

sorry that's ANnapolis, not napolis

I don't live anywhere near Northampton but anyway:
'A man entered the store and allegedly concealed a Venetian blind down one trouser leg and up the back of his jacket. He then left the store making no attempt to pay for the item.'

🗻

UPPER EAST SIDE, Manhattan (WABC) -- The infamous New York City woman known as The Spitting Lady of 77th Street was arrested for previously spitting on a 7-year-old child.

Hilda Delvalle Barrion Neuvo, who is homeless, was arrested on East 78th Street on Manhattan's Upper East Side Thursday morning.

She was charged with stalking and endangering the welfare of a child.

Her son, 44-year-old Gabriel Uno, was charged with menacing, reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon.

He was charged with throwing a table at a pedestrian on March 18.

Weird.

So, how did she get the nickname?

Stork builds nest on the biggest cross at my local cemetery! Woooo! http://www.gva.be/cnt/dmf20170410_02826550/ooievaar-bouwt-nest-op-begraafplaats

I had just taken a picture myself (without bird) when I found out it was in the news already

http://i64.tinypic.com/28jftk9.jpg

Next week:

"He has flown!"

"Um, I think you mean 'He has risen.'"

"No! Look!"