your most important local news story the world must know about

yikes

sea lino invasion in Astoria, Oregon:

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2015/04/sea_lion_boom_causing_big_prob.html

maybe this fake orca will scare them away, apparently it is more realistic than the last one they tried:

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2015/05/man_will_bring_giant_fake_orca.html

oops "sea lion"

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/d22ac40bfbfc49d8aec7679c7b5fcfc8/illinois-man-backs-suv-through-garage-door-longtime-wish

important sea lion update:

http://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/fake-orca-nearly-drowns-before-it-can-scare-ore-sea-lions/

http://gawker.com/philadelpihia-city-councilman-attends-white-lives-matt-1709105642

i can finally contribute this happened a block away from where i grew up

in case you missed it, fizzles: https://www.facebook.com/TandridgePolice/posts/1064321006914645?fref=nf🔗

thanks, yes! tho sorry to hear Horace won't be returning to his field, am hoping he has a decent retirement down in Cornwall.

Local to my hometown: Mayor since Jan 1987 has resigned from office before the end of his term. Adios Mayor Don.

― Florianne Fracke (La Lechera), Friday, May 8, 2015 4:44 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark

story has gotten much worse since this post. events will be listed in chronological order.

Because there were no deputy mayors, a guy named Moneypenny (forget his position, something in city council?) was inaugurated at the end of May
Five or six days later, he confessed to having touched a colleague "inappropriately" during the time between the long-term mayor's unexpected resignation and his inauguration (lots of speculation about this, too much to note)
A week or so after that, he straight up resigned, making him the shortest term-serving mayor
The president of city council, who has no idea how to be mayor, is now the mayor for the remainder of the long-term mayor's term
Long term mayor is MIA and has been seen wearing a neck brace for no publicized reason
Petitions to run for the office are due at 4pm today, field of candidates is growing like a pervasive fungus, including some guy who calls himself Hunk@ Kaboom

meanwhile, ppl are going bananas over hometown basketball hero (understandably) and no one seems too concerned about the state of the city
:(

LL:

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/local-news/akron-canton-news/odd-walking-stick-belonging-to-natural-hunka-kaboom-causes-stir-at-akron-city-hall

http://www.ohio.com/news/break-news/explosion-ignites-vacant-home-in-north-akron-1.415926

!

"If you've got a pipe that says Kaboom on it, I'd be nervous too," one neighbor said.

this kaboom guy is amazing

god how depressing
that's the neighborhood where i grew up

Little Rock Police Chief Kenton Buckner loses gun

After Little Rock Police Chief Kenton Buckner reported his department-issued handgun missing, he was issued a written reprimanded from City Manager Bruce Moore, KARK reports.

Buckner said he realized the gun was missing after a Memorial Day move from an apartment to a newly purchased home.

Buckner called the missing gun "regrettable." He reimbursed the department for the gun's value, according to KARK.

Naked man goes on rampage at Grantchester tea garden near Cambridge, jumps in river and barks at dog

attn: how's life
http://www.capitalgazette.com/news/ph-ac-cn-confederate-flag-0628-20150628-story.html

Yes, both the Edgewater guys quoted at the end of the article are from my neighborhood.

Starting today, Oregon gets legal weed, but Mississippi gets concealed carry with no permit needed.

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/13366085.Magnet_man_attempts_to_outwit_10p_machine_on_Palace_Pier/

that story had me checking up on this:

The ten pence coin was originally minted from cupro-nickel (75% Cu, 25% Ni), but since 2012 it has been minted in nickel-plated steel due to the increasing price of metal. From January 2013 the Royal Mint began a programme to gradually remove the previous cupro-nickel coins from circulation with replacement by the nickel-plated steel versions.

'Vicious' fox traps eight people in Cambridgeshire sports club

Panic reigned, with a woman being bitten, a man falling off his bicycle as he was chased and a pest controller being pursued back to his car.

Club chairman Bruce Staines, who was chased around the car park, said he had "never seen anything like it".

Mr Staines admitted he "tweaked his groin" trying to get away from the marauding animal and back to the safety of the club.

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/courts/district-court/court-hears-very-attractive-bachelor-struggled-to-clear-bar-1.2273032

great bantz from the judge too

gang members here renting Car2Go for drivebys now 🎆🎉2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣5️⃣🎊🎈

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_28434018/police-denver-drive-by-shooting-suspects-rode-car2go

http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/Police-hunt-man-left-baby-platform-urinated-seats/story-26876666-detail/story.html

"CCTV enquiries show a man entering the station with a baby in a pushchair. A short time later, he urinates on the seats in the waiting shelter before proceeding to rip a bicycle free of its lock.

"While stealing the bike, the child was left unattended in the pushchair, just a few feet away from the track.

"He then finishes a drink he had with him and throws the empty can on the floor before leaving the station with the stolen bike."

What makes them so sure there was a child in the pushchair? Maybe he stole the pushchair.

i drive past this school every day these people are assholes
http://patch.com/pennsylvania/balacynwyd/main-line-catholic-school-upholds-decision-fire-educator-due-same-sex-marriage

The Tupelo newspaper's publisher/CEO is an asshole...
http://djournal.com/opinion/clay-foster-the-sacredness-of-marriage-and-recent-court-decisions/
...and the paper won't run same-sex wedding announcements...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robbie-ward/mississippi-newspaper-ban_b_7765146.html
...and tells staff at all the papers in the publishing group "don't have a public opinion about this if you know what's good for you"...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robbie-ward/mississippi-newspaper-sil_b_7788212.html

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/story/29587991/kdwb-booty-cruise-prompts-more-police-to-control-drunk-women
http://www.citypages.com/music/kdwbs-booty-cruise-descends-into-fights-harassed-fishermen-7499468

oh my god, that booty cruise.

“They’re over-consuming alcoholic beverages and then they usually end up fighting over some male stripper who probably wouldn't care about them when the night's over anyhow,” Sgt. Jeff Stender said.

sgt stender delivers truth like he delivers justice, cold and hard

the correctional facility my cousin is currently serving time in:
http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20150727_In_Philadelphia__doing_hard_-_and_hot_-_time.html

that's fucked

brave yrselves

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/giant-minion-escapes-to-cause-road-incident-in-dublin-1.2305908

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun

Thrillist is having a "best burger in America" bracket-style competition and a place in Tupelo (Neon Pig) is into the quarterfinals.

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun

i periodically think of this post and smirk, in meetings, on public transport etc. at some point someone's going to ask me what about.

duty bound to point out i wasn't the first to that joke by a long shot

for me it will ever be associated with 'goole'.

http://www.startribune.com/federal-judge-says-rogers-high-school-student-suspended-over-tweet-can-proceed-with-lawsuit/321477261/

In January 2014, Sagehorn was asked on a website titled “Roger confessions” whether he had “made out” with a 28-year-old teacher at the school. Sagehorn, then 17, tweeted, “Actually, yeah,” but later maintained he said it in jest.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/quebec-considers-removing-n-word-from-11-place-names-1.3184317

A stretch of the Gatineau River that has officially been called Nigger Rapids for decades could be renamed — along with 10 other sites in Quebec whose names include the racial slur.

But the provincial body that manages Quebec's place names says there has been little public pressure to rename the sites.

The rapids are located in the municipality of Bouchette about 120 kilometres north of Ottawa. They were named in memory of a black couple who drowned there in the early 1900s, said Jean-Pierre LeBlanc, spokesman for the Quebec Toponymy Commission.

After decades of being known by their informal name by the locals, the commission officially recognized the name in 1983.

"It was meant to describe the people who died," LeBlanc said. "There was no pejorative connotation then as there is now."

LeBlanc said that no formal request by residents has been made to change the name of the rapids but that the commission is considering whether it should rename all 11 sites that include the racial slur.

Claire Hamel, who lives near the rapids, said the official name is not a source of controversy among locals.

"Nobody talks about this," she said. "It's the name, that's it. Like Bouchette, like Maniwaki, like Ottawa."

Bouchette Mayor Réjean Major told Radio-Canada he has no intention of asking the commission to change the name of the rapids.

wtff

more common in the US than you would think: http://tinyurl.com/odxwcma
and when "fixed", not generally a lot better: https://tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/rbd17

Thelonius Monk, 28, was shot and killed Wednesday in the 500 block of S. Catherine St.

This is really controversial in my neighborhood and a lot of people are really upset about it:
http://queenscourier.com/target-to-take-over-forest-hills-barnes-noble-site/

Gosh, the memories the neighborhood must have of sitting at the soda counter, Mr. Barnes letting Ma buy on credit, Mr. Noble slipping a free magazine into Pa's burlap case... All gone because heartless Target doesn't know its boundaries.

http://www.twincities.com/statefair/ci_28734408/bill-cosby-portrait-rapeseed-pulled-from-state-fair

and an army of fluorescent tabard-clad 'enforcement officers' and police have started to dismantle The Ark, manchester's best-branded mini shanty town - http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/live-scuffles-break-out-homeless-10081495 - http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/the-ark-manchester-homeless-camp-585

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/22/nyregion/cherry-factory-to-plea-guilty-over-pollution-and-marijuana.html

Seven months after its owner committed suicide as investigators closed in on the secret marijuana farm he had kept in the basement of his factory, Dell’s Maraschino Cherries, based in Brooklyn will plead guilty on Tuesday to possessing marijuana and illegally dumping acidic wastewater into the sewer system, prosecutors said on Monday.

Sometimes, all you need is the headline:

Dover man says injury from Taser, not spider