your most important local news story the world must know about

lol

A BLUE-MOUTHED Greenock blade carrier was doped up on diazepam when police caught him in the street armed with a pair of scissors.
Brazen Shawn Gallacher grinned in the dock of the town’s sheriff court after being given a 10-month prison term for the offence.
The 23-year-old pleaded guilty on indictment to having the cutters in a jumper pocket.
He was caught with them by chance in Greenock’s Gael Street after police had arrived in response to another call, the sheriff court heard.
Prosecutor Pamela Brady told how Gallacher was arrested shortly after 2.45pm on 11 February.
The fiscal depute said: “Police were called to the street on another matter.
“They saw the scissor blades sticking out of the pocket of the accused’s jumper.
“His mouth was blue and he appeared to be under the influence.”
Defence lawyer Ellen Macdonald said: “By his own admission he wishes that he hadn’t taken valium that day.
“He went out and had the scissors in a pocket.”
Sheriff Ian Fleming backdated Gallacher’s sentence to 12 February, when he was first remanded in custody on the matter.
The lawman said: “There is no choice other than a custodial sentence.”

Does valium make your mouth turn blue?

maybe the valium gave him a powerful urge for blue jujubes

It wasn't until the second sentence that I completely understood he was a person.

A BLUE-MOUTHED Greenock blade carrier

could be some type of truck or marine vessel I suppose

http://www.siemens.com/press/pool/de/feature/energy/feature-2010-07-Helwan.jpg
The picture shows a guide blade carrier as ordered by Helwan Fertilizer Company.

what is the mating call of the blue-mouthed greenock blade carrier

http://hawaiianforest.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Fairy-Tern-Eye-Beak-Closeup-Sml.jpg

what is the mating call of the blue-mouthed greenock blade carrier

i believe it's 'HAW CUNTO YER GAUNAE GET CHIBBED'

i king of love my governor, guys

https://www.minnpost.com/political-agenda/2015/04/put-umlauts-back-lindstr-m-sign-dayton-demands

this story made the nyt this morning, but i need to give some shine to the jimcookesque artwork on this one

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/tisdale-sask-rethinks-its-land-of-rape-and-honey-slogan-1.3042212

http://monroecountyjournal.com/2015/04/22/amory-main-street-hosting-touch-a-truck-event/

“I learned about this at a Mississippi Main Street training conference and other towns have had huge success with it. This is the first fundraiser of this kind, and all of the proceeds will go toward the beatification process downtown,” said Amory Main Street Director Carol Knight.

"Touch my truck and I'm one step closer to sainthood."

Rape in the slogan refers to rapeseed, which has a number of varieties, including canola.

"No, dear. It refers to varieties of canola, don't get so upset."

WMC, if they have a livecam of the touch-a-truck, you will have entertainment for at least 52 hours.

Wait, Tisdale is local to you?

http://i.cbc.ca/1.3044202.1429733244!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_620/smiling-poop-header.jpg

Canadians top the world in smiling poop emoji use, report finds

Canadian emoji users found to be twice as raunchy and violent as the rest of the world

http://i.cbc.ca/1.3044081.1429723123!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/poop-emoji-graph-swiftkey.jpg

url says it all really:

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/12919205.Burglar_lost_his_iPhone_on_raid_so_set_home_on_fire_only_for_mobile_to_survive_blaze_and_lead_police_to_him/

story also contains a great name (tony bytheway)

i can't deal with that name

other factors obv but this is as clear a case of name -> childhood bullying -> crime as i can think of

must have ended up hating the red hot chili peppers for sure

mind you join the club eh mate

"…because he always said everything twice. And then there was Tony Bytheway, a guy most of us didn't even think to say hello to until we were already walking out the door."

@SeattlePD: Officers working to retrieve shirtless man with hammer from Cal Anderson basketball hoop. #MayDaySea

:D :D :D

http://www.sltrib.com/news/2465692-155/jury-san-juan-county-commissioner-phil

http://nypost.com/2015/05/04/mta-removes-operators-pee-bottles-near-train-station/

and another one: http://gothamist.com/2015/05/04/video_garbage_can_on_subway_tracks.php

@SeattlePD: Officers working to retrieve shirtless man with hammer from Cal Anderson basketball hoop. #MayDaySea
― alomar lines, Friday, May 1, 2015 10:14 PM

i enjoyed the aerial video of that

http://www.capitalgazette.com/bs-md-ci-officer-bites-testicles-20150506,0,7839088.story

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u120/kingkonggodzilla/mfpd_zpslaeyg5yz.jpg

i knew that was you posting this article

Yeah, it's made gawker by now though, so not quite the oddball hometown scoop I thought it would be.

this isn't local to me but it came up regionally.

just check these out, in order:

May 21, 2014: http://www.hngnews.com/mcfarland_thistle/news/local/article_a165e52a-e127-11e3-89b8-0017a43b2370.html

August 21, 2014: http://www.hngnews.com/mcfarland_thistle/news/local/image_77ea261e-289b-11e4-83ee-0017a43b2370.html

May 4, 2015: http://www.hngnews.com/mcfarland_thistle/article_b6688056-f2ae-11e4-a761-934906bc4a3a.html

May 7, 2015: http://www.hngnews.com/mcfarland_thistle/article_0a77ce26-f4db-11e4-a3e1-ff782018bac8.html

So what happened with the pergola?

there but for the grace of god go most of the people i went to high school with.
actually, that reminds me of an incident that happened junior year when i was at band camp (yes, lol american pie whatev) and a good friend got in an argument with a woman who had been brought in from a local college to help us better manage on-field spacing. they had been going back and forth all summer and dude had a habit (i think from watching the simpsons?) of lunging at people as if to strangle them while yelling "WHY YOU"... you know, typical dumbfuck highschool stuff. Only in this case he did it and she froze and he somehow ended up grabbing her and she promptly punched him in the nose and he started actually throttling her. he got expelled and thrown into a military school and disappeared out of our lives. He ended up enrolling in the armed forces; I didn't see him until a little over a decade later.

tl, dr: high school kids are all completely insane

Arkansas veterinarian operates on dog that ate 23 bullets

MOUNTAIN HOME, Ark. (AP) - An Arkansas veterinarian has kept a dog from going out with a bang after the animal ate 23 live rifle rounds.

Benno, the 4-year-old Belgian Malinois, had surgery last week to remove the .308 caliber ammunition from his stomach, The Baxter Bulletin reported.

Owner Larry Brassfield said Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles, but he didn't expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his bed. Brassfield and his wife realized Benno needed medical attention after the pet vomited up four rounds.

Veterinarian Sarah Sexton at All Creatures Animal Hospital removed 17 rounds from Benno's stomach but left two in his esophagus, which the dog was allowed to discharge on his own.

"This is something they certainly did not cover in school," Sexton said. "I've had dogs eat things before, mostly stuffed toys. Once I had one swallow a hearing aid, but I think this takes the cake."

Brassfield said he won't leave ammo lying around anymore but isn't optimistic that Benno will stick to dog food.

"You can baby-proof a house," Brassfield said. "But I don't think it's possible to Benno-proof a house. Lord knows, we've tried and failed."

beautiful

oh benno

Local to my hometown: Mayor since Jan 1987 has resigned from office before the end of his term. Adios Mayor Don.

wtf

Horace is very friendly. He probably didn't go with a struggle.

:(

this donkey's braying was a background constant throughout my childhood. i used to go and feed the ducks and take an apple for the donkey as the duck pond went past his field.

http://gawker.com/fbi-and-homeland-security-respond-to-shocking-goatse-bo-1704768347

in case you missed it, fizzles: https://www.facebook.com/TandridgePolice/posts/1064321006914645?fref=nf

https://twitter.com/gravesmeredith/status/601781393157443585

omg

that picture...

(insert trigger warning here)

yeeesh, don't click that

what is it?!?
least graphic description if possible

Brains of several animals littered upon a road. A separate article clarifies that they had at some point been preserved in formaldehyde. It still seems to be up in the air as to whether they were dog or sheep brains.

sorry, I probably fucked that up re: "least graphic".