your most important local news story the world must know about

Huh. Usually the snakes are kept in the plumbing section.

Not local to me but jeez http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/education/2015/01/27/elementary-students-in-gustine-texas-forced-to-lower-their-pants-for-inspection-after-feces-found-on-floor/22435367/

Two semis – one carrying frozen chicken, the other hauling crates of bees – collided on the 10 Freeway in Coachella on Monday and caught fire, creating all kinds of complications for morning commuters.

“Some of the bee crates have broken open and bees everywhere,” an entry in the California Highway Patrol’s incident log says.

The crash occurred on the westbound 10 just after 7 a.m. near the Dillon Road exit in Coachella, CHP officials said. When the big rigs collided, the one carrying chicken burst into flames, scorching its poultry cargo.

CHP logs show the other vehicle’s tires caught fire and the bees were released, forcing authorities to reroute drivers around the crash. The CHP doesn’t have special equipment to gather the bees, but officials said the smoke from the fire kept the bees relatively calm. A beekeeper from Bakersfield was en route and expected to arrive around noon, according to the logs.

Most of the lanes were reopened a couple of hours after the crash, the CHP said. One driver suffered cuts to his face; the other driver was uninjured, authorities said.

http://www.maxistentialism.com/bees/oprahbees.gif

Cambridge music shop targeted by drunken men dressed in stolen Mario and Luigi costumes

my god

http://bringmethenews.com/11913940/

Sounds like Marilyn Haggerty will need to make a roadie in the near future.

We had a line around the block and local cops directing traffic the day Krispy Kreme came to town.

http://www.independent.com/news/2015/feb/11/dildo-wielded-during-city-council-meeting/

*wields furiously*

racist donuts

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/krispy-kremes-kkk-wednesday-is-the-most-racist-way-to-enjoy-doughnuts-this-half-term-10051027.html

the glib fuckboy who wrote that managed to find the smarmiest person on twitter to explain what the kkk is

http://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20150302/rogers-park/creepy-severed-deer-head-display-baffles-visitors-north-side-beach

<3 rogers park weirdos!

not really local to me but close enough so i'm sharing this anyway:

Albany city leaders tired of waiting on Waffle House

You could do a Ctrl+F for "White County" on this thread if you'd like, but:

White County district judge injured in zebra attack

SEARCY, Ark. (AP) - White County District Judge Mark Derrick is hospitalized in serious condition after being attacked by a zebra.

Searcy police Sgt. Steve Hernandez told The Daily Citizen that police were called to Derrick's home Sunday after the judge was attacked by the animal. Hernandez did not immediately return a phone call to The Associated Press on Tuesday.

Court clerk Misty Perkins said the judge suffered eye and arm injuries.

lol.

oh my god.

Too Much Iced Tea Caused Arkansas Man's Kidney Problems

MIKE STOBBE
AP Medical Writer

NEW YORK (AP) - Doctors traced an Arkansas man's kidney failure to an unusual cause - his habit of drinking a gallon of iced tea each day.

They ruled out several potential causes before stumbling on a reason for the 56-year-old man's kidney problems. He said he drank about 16 8-ounce cups of iced tea every day. Black tea has a chemical known to cause kidney stones or even kidney failure in excessive amounts.

The unidentified man went to the hospital last May with nausea, weakness, fatigue and body aches. Doctors determined his kidneys were badly clogged and inflamed by the food chemical called oxalate. The man is on dialysis, perhaps for the rest of his life...

Besides black tea, oxalate is found in spinach, rhubarb, nuts, wheat bran and chocolate. In rare cases, too much oxalate can lead to kidney trouble, but often there's also a contributing intestinal problem. That didn't seem to be the case for the Arkansas man, and he had no family or personal history of kidney disease.

At 16 cups of iced black tea each day, he was taking in three to 10 times more oxalate than the average American.

The Arkansas case appears to be very unusual, said Dr. Randy Luciano, a Yale School of Medicine kidney specialist who has treated people with kidney damage from too much oxalate.

"I wouldn't tell people to stop drinking tea," said Luciano, who was not involved in the research. What the man drank "is a lot of tea."

he is not insisting everyone should become a teatotaller.

Little Rock Zoo officials and others have taken oral swabs from the zebra to help determine what caused the attack. Shannon Derrick said her father-in-law plans to sell the zebra at an auction in Missouri.

- "I got this attack zebra I need to get rid of. Do you know of–"

- "MISSOURI!"

lol

A BLUE-MOUTHED Greenock blade carrier was doped up on diazepam when police caught him in the street armed with a pair of scissors.
Brazen Shawn Gallacher grinned in the dock of the town’s sheriff court after being given a 10-month prison term for the offence.
The 23-year-old pleaded guilty on indictment to having the cutters in a jumper pocket.
He was caught with them by chance in Greenock’s Gael Street after police had arrived in response to another call, the sheriff court heard.
Prosecutor Pamela Brady told how Gallacher was arrested shortly after 2.45pm on 11 February.
The fiscal depute said: “Police were called to the street on another matter.
“They saw the scissor blades sticking out of the pocket of the accused’s jumper.
“His mouth was blue and he appeared to be under the influence.”
Defence lawyer Ellen Macdonald said: “By his own admission he wishes that he hadn’t taken valium that day.
“He went out and had the scissors in a pocket.”
Sheriff Ian Fleming backdated Gallacher’s sentence to 12 February, when he was first remanded in custody on the matter.
The lawman said: “There is no choice other than a custodial sentence.”

Does valium make your mouth turn blue?

maybe the valium gave him a powerful urge for blue jujubes

It wasn't until the second sentence that I completely understood he was a person.

A BLUE-MOUTHED Greenock blade carrier

could be some type of truck or marine vessel I suppose

http://www.siemens.com/press/pool/de/feature/energy/feature-2010-07-Helwan.jpg
The picture shows a guide blade carrier as ordered by Helwan Fertilizer Company.

what is the mating call of the blue-mouthed greenock blade carrier

http://hawaiianforest.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Fairy-Tern-Eye-Beak-Closeup-Sml.jpg

what is the mating call of the blue-mouthed greenock blade carrier

i believe it's 'HAW CUNTO YER GAUNAE GET CHIBBED'

i king of love my governor, guys

https://www.minnpost.com/political-agenda/2015/04/put-umlauts-back-lindstr-m-sign-dayton-demands

this story made the nyt this morning, but i need to give some shine to the jimcookesque artwork on this one

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/tisdale-sask-rethinks-its-land-of-rape-and-honey-slogan-1.3042212

http://monroecountyjournal.com/2015/04/22/amory-main-street-hosting-touch-a-truck-event/

“I learned about this at a Mississippi Main Street training conference and other towns have had huge success with it. This is the first fundraiser of this kind, and all of the proceeds will go toward the beatification process downtown,” said Amory Main Street Director Carol Knight.

"Touch my truck and I'm one step closer to sainthood."

Rape in the slogan refers to rapeseed, which has a number of varieties, including canola.

"No, dear. It refers to varieties of canola, don't get so upset."

WMC, if they have a livecam of the touch-a-truck, you will have entertainment for at least 52 hours.

Wait, Tisdale is local to you?

http://i.cbc.ca/1.3044202.1429733244!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_620/smiling-poop-header.jpg

Canadians top the world in smiling poop emoji use, report finds

Canadian emoji users found to be twice as raunchy and violent as the rest of the world

http://i.cbc.ca/1.3044081.1429723123!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/original_620/poop-emoji-graph-swiftkey.jpg

url says it all really:

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/12919205.Burglar_lost_his_iPhone_on_raid_so_set_home_on_fire_only_for_mobile_to_survive_blaze_and_lead_police_to_him/

story also contains a great name (tony bytheway)

i can't deal with that name

other factors obv but this is as clear a case of name -> childhood bullying -> crime as i can think of

must have ended up hating the red hot chili peppers for sure

mind you join the club eh mate

"…because he always said everything twice. And then there was Tony Bytheway, a guy most of us didn't even think to say hello to until we were already walking out the door."

@SeattlePD: Officers working to retrieve shirtless man with hammer from Cal Anderson basketball hoop. #MayDaySea

:D :D :D

http://www.sltrib.com/news/2465692-155/jury-san-juan-county-commissioner-phil

http://nypost.com/2015/05/04/mta-removes-operators-pee-bottles-near-train-station/